"What do you mean I can't go?" I asked half-confused, half-furious.
Luna Alexandra was currently sitting in my living room with Emma.
"The full moon this month, there are rituals and offerings that you'll have to perform. This month, it's not just about the heat dear" Luna tried to explain softly; almost afraid that I'll snap midway "You'll have to do that as the pack's Luna. People ar-"
"I'm not the pack's Luna" I cut her off, trying to keep my tone as civil as possible "you are"
She sighed "You have no idea how hard it was for me to decide to come to you regarding this. We know the complications of your relationship with Liam but..."
I softened at her helplessness "I already talked to the alpha about this last week" I held her hand assuring her "And he gave me permission to leave"
She looked taken aback for a moment "You two talked.....about....this?" she was questioning her own question, like it never occurred to her.
I gave her a small smile and nodded.
"We are not ready for this" I quickly added when her face started to light up in hope.
I have realized that when it comes to Liam and my relationship, I hesitate to give out details. I don't want others to know where we stand.
It's already weird that people have started calling me their Luna. It's not their fault, no, that's how the society works. The fact that I'm not in love with their alpha wouldn't change their outlook. They probably are like 'What? Is that even a real problem? She's our Luna because the moon told us so....duh...'
"I know. I know" Luna nodded sadly "But it's still your job to do. It's a blessing of health and fertility that the goddess endows us with. You will have to pray for the wellbeing of all the pack people"
"Who did it for the last couple of years?" I asked, hoping that would show them reason.
"No one" Luna replied.
"No one? How's that possible?" I was astronished
"It's the duty of the other half of the Alpha. Liam was given the position because he..." she abruptly stopped.
"Because he was about to mark Maya" I finished the sentence for her. She flinched.
"But he hasn't marked me. How can I perform the rituals?"
"Because you are the mate that the goddess chose for him" Emma said "She had to be marked to be his mate and only then could she perform the rituals. But you are his birth mate, you can do that but it would still have been more accurate had he marked you" she almost whispered the last part.
Too tired to argue, I just looked at her. I hope my expressions portrayed what I really want to tell her, 'can you even understand? The words you are throwing at me?'
"This month, all these years" Luna looked tired too "when the homes of every other pack lit up in excitement, ours stayed in darkness. I beg you Eva, please do this for us"
-------
"We need new rules" I told him as I sat next to him on the mountain top.
"Awesome" he grinned in mock excitement "I love rules"
I narrowed my eyes "I didn't know there was a sarcastic bone in you"
"What can I say" humor dancing in his eyes "Your charms are rubbing on me"
I chuckled.
"Rules" I said, coming to the point "I guess you've already heard that my hard earned vacation has been canceled" he nodded "So we both need rules to survive the month unscathed"
He barked out a laugh "Do you even realize how you say things?" he asked, I blinked in confusion "It's cute" he assured.
"Are you flirting with me?" I gave him a pointed look.
"Maybe?" he offered.
"I see" I nodded "You haven't recovered from whatever that rogue hit your head with that day"
He grinned "So what do you want me to do"
"Staying away will be helpful" I said "And what else can you do?" I asked "I know it'll be harder for you than anyone else. How much can you rein your wolf?"
"What if I don't want to put a leash on my wolf?" he questioned, all the playfulness drained out of his eyes.
I gulped.
"Don't do that" I was suddenly at loss. All my plans depend on his support; I can't do anything without him being on the same page as me.
"I was kidding" his eyes softened "I'll not let this month ruin the plans I have for the rest of our future"
"What plan?"
"There isn't one, there are many" he smiled "So, back to the rules, we will both try the hardest we can, let that be the only rule. Okay?"
I nodded "But-"
"I'll stay away. I'll stop picking you up from school. I'll drop Dan off before you reach home. What else?" he recited "I'll stop coming here, so you can come here whenever you feel suffocated without worrying about me. I'll see you at the other end of the month" he said.
"There are rituals we have to perform together. And the pack parties" I reminded him.
"Oh! I guess I didn't keep them in my count. I'll see what I can do about them. The only thing you need to do is try and cover your scent as much as possible" he said
"How?" I asked curiously.
"I don't know" he shrugged "Wear more clothes?" he offered.
"I'll be dying of heat anyways" I replied "Won't even wear as much as I wear on normal days"
"Is that an invitation?" he shut up at my glare "How about perfume? It might help a little" he suggested.
"That might help" I nodded slowly "Okay; I'll bath in litres of those stuffs" he crinkled his nose in disgust "Yep, that's the exact reaction I need" I told him.
______________
The days that followed were hell. I don't know how Liam was doing because he's keeping his part of the deal. I haven't seen him in the past two weeks. But I did hear stories of broken vases and tables being replaced from the alpha's room in the pack house.
Going to work was a nightmare. I don't know if it's the moon goddess' punishment for me, but I seem to have hit the rock harder than the rest of the crowd around me. I couldn't concentrate on my lessons so much that I had to take an extra week's leave before the actual holidays started.
I've been staying home, under the shower for most part of the day. Taking care of Dan's basic needs is getting harder and harder.
My mother gave me medicines to make the heat a little bearable. That she explained was from my father's private stock. It's embarrassing to know that the entire pack knows what's happening or what's not happening in my bedroom. These are the times when you wish you were a human.
Dan's holidays start today so Emma promised to come and take care of him during the day. She's obviously saner because she's providing her wolf with what she needs and mine is acting like a b*tch. There's no one I can give Dan to during the nights. Everyone's busy. I'm the only available person. Sending him to Ray is no longer an option. Since I'm not going on that vacation, keeping Dan near me might actually stop me from doing something I'll regret.
It's finally the first day of the seven day ritual. Luna has been preparing me for the week. I realized how little I know about the actual traditions of our kind. Only the mated wolves are allowed to participate, she explained.
The rituals start somewhere around midnight so I can put Dan to sleep before I leave the house for the temple.
.
"You do realize that he will be here any minute, don't you?" Sara said as we reached the temple.
"Sara, don't scare her" Emily chided.
I'm not scared. If anything, I feel like I'll faint if he doesn't come at a touching distance within the next ten minutes. My pupils are of the same color as my wolf's so they can't see her but she's there, my wolf, near the surface, ready to jump.
I knew it was going to be hard but I assumed it would be as difficult as the night five years ago. Turns out, that night was just a yearning in comparison to the burning desires that I never knew I could possess.
"Plus he's starving" Ruby added her thoughtful bit.
"I'm f*cking starving too" I finally yelled in frustration "I might as well have slept with him had I known that my sex life would be so important to the pack people. Why don't you guys just kill me before you slowly embarrass me to death?"
"Chill" Sara said after she recovered from the shock of my loudness "The elders are almost here. They will hear you. God, you have stayed with the humans so long that you have started behaving like them. There is nothing embarrassing about craving your mate"
"Sara, let it go" Emma finally said "It's your first time" she told me "Don't worry, no one's judging you"
We stood in silence before the elders joined us. The temple was decorated and all the preparation for the ritual began.
I felt him in my bones even before he stepped into the vicinity of the forest. It took a while for me to actually see him. But when I did see him, he was running towards me, his eyes darker than a moonless night.
"That is why you need to be mated before the ritual" I heard someone say.
Before I could take another step, I was pushed against the nearest tree. His mouth descended on me and I eagerly kissed him back, not giving a second thought to the hundreds of wolves surrounding us. Seriously, our plan had major flaws.
His body was pressed flush against mine. It should have been painful, the grip he had on me, but it was only sending jolts of pleasure down my body.
I could hear people say that we needed to stop but it was only when he moved towards my neck and I felt his canines grow longer that I jolted out of my daze. My body was still responding to him but the haze around my mind started to clear. I needed him near me but I also need him to stop.
I could see Evan approaching us; Liam's back was facing the crowd. I gestured Evan to not interfere before concentrating on Liam.
I pulled him away from my neck and brought him back up "I'm sorry" I said between kisses, rubbing the spot above his heart. He growled, tightening his hold on me further in response "I'll be here. I promise". I had to repeatedly whisper his name in his ears for him to take the control back from his wolf.
His eyes were still dark. He rested his forehead against mine and took deep breaths.
"Are you ready" I asked after his breaths evened out.
He nodded.
"Let's go then" I nodded my head towards the crowd. He moved away slightly giving me the space to breathe but held onto my hand.
Everyone took relaxed breath.
The rituals went by smoothly with me and Liam sticking next to each other like magnets. I quickly realized that the others weren't paying much attention to us because they too were busy sticking to their own mates.
It was almost dawn by the time we finished.
.
Sara dropped me off to my house. When I turned towards the front door after seeing her off, I got the shock of my life.
Liam was leaning against the door, his jaws clenched, his hands shoved in his pockets.
"We shouldn't do this" I said as my feet moved me towards him. I was in his arms before I finished the sentence.
"I know" he said kissing me fiercely. He held me with one hand and opened the door with another. Shoving us inside, he kicked the door closed with his leg.
My hands flew to the buttons of his white shirt as he carried me to my room. His hand was ready to pull my dress off my shoulder when I yelled with the last bit of resistance within me "Noooooo"
He growled as I pointed towards the bathroom but followed my order nevertheless.
I pulled him into the shower with me and let the water fall free all over us.
"Sit down" I managed to tell him.
"You want me to sit under the shower?" he asked skeptically in between labored breaths.
I nodded before pulling him down with me.
"I don't think it's working" he said after a while, pulling me closer with new found fierceness.
His closeness is comforting my wolf but is creating havoc inside me.
"We have to try. We don't want another Dan happening" I said leaning into him "I mean.... No I don't regret Dan at all. I would have died without him. He...."
"I understand" He said, resting his forehead against mine, pulling me even closer. My body is heating up more instead of cooling down. His face is now shielding my face from the water overhead.
"You do?" I said looking into his eyes. God, how close are we? Our eyelashes are touching.
He nodded, causing my head to move along "Yes" he closed his eyes, a content smile lingering around his mouth "I too want her to be here only when you are ready for her"
"Her?" I said confused.
His eyes opened instantly, a flash of nervousness crossed his face. He's embarrassed.
Laughter bubbled inside me as I pushed his face lightly to have a better look at him "You want a daughter" I said grinning at the new information.
"And you find it funny" he accused, the back of his hand now caressing the skin on my neck.
"Since when" I was suddenly more interested than I should be.
"Since forever I suppose" he whispered, his eyes fixed on me. I could see desire clouding them
I stretched my arm to turn off the shower for a bit "Tell me more about her" it was more of an order. I suddenly want to know him. I want to know what's going on in that perfect head of his. The fact that I am enquiring him about his future babies under the shower half-naked isn't even bothering me. I'm just filled with the irresistible desire to know the man in front of me.
"She is beautiful" he said, smiling softly "She has those big charcoal black eyes, a cute button nose and the perfect baby pout. Her chubby cheeks will have dimples digging deep in them when she smiles the most beautiful smile anyone has ever seen" he looked at me and I gasped. His eyes were painting the dream that his lips just revealed. It was engraved in his soul. He placed his hand at the side of my face bringing me out of my daze "We'll watch her bounce around our front yard..."
"Liam" my voice came out in hoarse whisper
"hmmmm" he hummed, not taking his eyes away from his thumb that was now rubbing my bottom lip.
"How long" I was afraid to let those words leave my throat "That dream, how long have you had that dream"
"I don't know" he said "I thought she was mine. But she wasn't, they took her home with them. I hated it. This time, I want to take her home, right under their nose...."
All those things that I didn't understand, they were suddenly falling into place.
A part of me, the little sane bit that remained was begging me not to pry any further.
I was unable to take in so much of new information but I still wanted to see an end to this, I wanted to know all there is to know.
"Why didn't you ever tell me? You never talked to me" I said
"You never wanted me to. You avoided me like a plague. You were close to everyone but me. You didn't want me" he replied.
"That's because...." I was perplexed "Because I thought you hated me. You used to glare at me every time I went with Evaaa......aaan.... Oh!" I just had a eureka moment. It made me feel stupid.
He chuckled "Don't flatter yourself" he laughed leaning against the glass wall "I wasn't in love with you. Not the way I'm right now at least..." The silence that followed was deafening, with only the crazy beats of our hearts ringing in our ears.
The shock in my eyes was mirrored by the horror in his as we both realized the meaning of his words.
**********