I laid staring up at the ceiling of the all too familiar lounge room.
The lounge room...
My throat felt thick.
I swallowed hard.
It was certainly safe to say mine and the Twins' first week home wasn't what I'd thought and hoped it would be.
Though I hadn't heard a peep from...
Eyes widening, I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my heart just about lurching into my throat when I almost tipped off the edge of the couch, gravity threatening to take over.
The Twin's weren't in their bassinets!
Heart pounding, I pushed myself off the lounge and hurried into the hallway.
The first bedroom on the right was now Luka's room, because we'd made the extension and Tameron's bedroom was now upstairs.
I paused at the ajar door, tempted to check in on my eldest Son.
But there were infants I had to find...
I moved down to the next door, Luka's old bedroom and what was now Brodie and Dale's Nursery.
The door was ajar, a gentle blue night light glowing.
I pushed the door carefully further open and tiptoed into the room with its soft blue glow illuminating the place.
I wondered how they could sleep with a blue glow surrounding them, but apparently it worked.
Across the room, the cot was standing underneath the window with the curtains drawn, keeping out the slowly growing morning light.
I stopped at the edge of the cot and looked down into the depths.
Two perfect, tiny human's laid peacefully on the mattress, their hands joined and peaceful expression's on their faces.
They yet again didn't wake up once throughout the night.
My mind flashed back to last night.
I woke up in time to read Luka his bedtime story at 8:30.
By the time 9PM rolled around, Brodie and Dale wanted a feed and a nappy change, ruining Blayze and I's chance to have some adult time.
The Twin's drifted off to sleep by 9:30.
I didn't remember falling back to sleep on the lounge, but I'd certainly woken up there this morning.
Why didn't Blayze wake me to go to our bed?
Though it wasn't exactly out of the normal.
In the now week that the Twin's and I had been home, Blayze and I had slept in the master bed together once.
And we'd both seemed to have insomnia, even though all three Kid's had slept soundly.
We didn't lay awake talking, but we'd sure notice when the other one would give up on the idea of sleep for a while and get up to take a walk, get a drink or just spend some time out in another area of the house.
Frowning, my mind whirling as it always seemed to these days, I carefully extended my hand into the cot and slipped my finger beneath first Brodie and then Dale's nose's to check their breathing.
Yes, I was paranoid.
Both were breathing soundly.
My heart pounded with relief.
They're fine...
An all too familiar, rippling noise from the direction of the back of the house reached my ear.
Blayze's alarm.
A good Partner/Fiancé would head down to the kitchen and put the kettle on, seeing as none of the Kid's needed attending to.
But a selfish part of Me was irritated at him.
Gary Bentley's word's from last week's gathering made Me believe Blayze was keeping something about the accident from Me.
And he didn't want Me to join him in our bed last night, if I'd woken up on the lounge once again.
Some nights I would wake up in our bed though and I'd come out to get a glass of water during the night and find that he was asleep on the couch.
We certainly hadn't fallen back into any of the pattern's I'd been hoping for.
The alarm's tone shut off.
I snapped my gaze towards the far wall of the bedroom, the one that led on to the main bedroom.
Blayze was awake.
I turned away from the cot and padded my way out of the room, pulling the door to around three quarters of the way closed behind my back, so I would have a better chance at hearing Brodie and Dale when they woke.
Maybe I just need to quit being overly sensitive?
Blayze no doubt didn't even understand how not inviting Me to bed this last week made me feel.
Maybe he even figured I would have woken up through the night at some stage and made my own way down the hallway to our bedroom, on the nights I'd found myself out on the couch.
Or come out to ask him back to our bed when I'd woken up in there alone.
Guilt twisted at my heart.
Maybe I'm the bad person.
He probably thinks I didn't want to share the bed, because I'd once again laid down on the lounge once Brodie and Dale were back to sleep in their bassinets, letting lethargy win.
Was that subconsciously what the case was?
Mentally I slammed the door on that theory.
We just have to get back on the same page, starting with him telling Me the truth about the accident.
And probably me confessing about what my Father had proposed...
I turned into the kitchen and crossed over to the kettle, taking it off the stand and half filling it with water.
I set it back onto the stand and flicked the switch down so it would begin to boil, then crossed over to the cups cupboard to find our Mug's.
A flash of colour out the corner of my eye caught my attention and I turned back to the wire drying rack.
Blayze's new favourite Mug was sitting there, upturned for drainage.
I'd ordered it for him through an online service as a Father's day present.
It had Tameron's picture on one side, Luka's six month old picture on the other side and a picture of an ultrasound of Brodie and Dale between them.
In bright blue writing the words My First Father's Day were scrawled out.
He no longer had coffee or any other hot drink at home that wasn't out of that mug.
My still favourite mug, the lime green one with COWGIRL'S RULE written on it was also in the drying rack.
I'm losing my mind and not even with the excuse of unruly infants keeping Me up all night, if I'm going looking for our cups in the cupboard after a week of my being home!
I set the mugs onto the bench and went about collecting the coffee, sugar and milk and finally putting the morning drink's together.
My traitorous heart picked up a quickened, skipping beat when my ear's registered the swish of jeans coming down the hall.
For a man of nearly six and a half feet tall, Blayze generally managed to move quite surprisingly quietly around our house even though we have mostly wooden floorboards.
It was usually only the swish of his jeans that gave him away, particularly early in the morning or late in the evening.
"Morning."
Because I'd heard him coming, his greeting didn't scare Me, yet my silly heart skipped a beat anyway.
I grabbed his mug, twisted around and reached over to place it down closer to the end of the bench.
"Morning."
I all but whispered.
He wore an almost frown as he glanced at the nearly full mug, then back to my face.
"You didn't have to get up to make me coffee."
Didn't have to get up and make him coffee?
No I probably didn't have to but I was meant to be the Fiancé.
"I hope it tastes okay."
I muttered, picking my own mug up to take a sip.
In the hospital the drink was already made for you, sitting in a little plastic cup with a lid on it.
All you did was rip open a tiny tub of milk if you wanted it, tipped it in and added sugar if that was your flavour.
It never tasted right to Me.
But it was a bit of a challenge getting the blend right again since I'd been home.
"I'm sure it will be fine."
Blayze replied, picking up the Father's Day mug.
"Did my alarm wake ya?"
I swallowed a warm sip of my own surprisingly not too awful instant coffee and set the mug carefully back down on the bench, sending a glance to Blayze and giving my head a shake.
"I woke up all on my own. Checked on Brodie and Dale, but I haven't got around to checking on Luka yet coz I heard your alarm go off and came to put the kettle on."
He too set his mug back onto the bench.
"I checked on all three of 'em on my way through. They're all sleepin' soundly."
Well, I already knew that Brodie and Dale were, but it was good to know Luka was fine as well.
Silence stretched between us and I absolutely hated it.
It felt so foreign.
Blayze Riley didn't generally go around wasting time with small talk, but right now the silence felt thick with tension and awkwardness.
I wrapped both my hands around my mug and lifted the cup to my lips to take a sip.
The tension was swirling in my stomach.
I had questions in my mind and on the tip of my tongue.
Blayze wouldn't offer up any answers.
But how could he when he didn't even know what my questions were?
Unable to tolerate much more, I grabbed my mug off the bench yet again and headed around Blayze and out of the kitchen, going around the back of the lounge to sit on the cushions.
How did we even get here?
Once upon a time, things were so easy between Blayze and I.
I didn't have to second guess every silence, movement, gesture or word.
But now...
Well you're not exactly innocent.
An irritating voice in my head taunted.
"Are you Okay if I go and work for a few hours?"
Blayze asked from somewhere behind Me, probably still in the kitchen.
I propped my elbows on my knees, still clutching the mug between my hands and squeezed my eyes shut.
Are you okay if I go and work for a few hours?
Well it probably wasn't even yet 6AM and he was up, dressed and drinking coffee, which told Me he had every intention of doing it anyway.
But there was some part of Me that wondered that if he'd asked the question, if he would stay if I told him I wasn't okay with him going.
But at some point I was going to have to be left with the three boy's on my own.
The Farm doesn't run by itself and it especially can't in drought conditions.
Stock would starve.
Part's would break down.
"I'll have my phone on Me."
Mentally I rolled my eyes.
What was his phone going to do if I had three kid's under 18 months old screaming all at once?
I guess I'd have to hope Mum had a moment to come and help Me...
"Do what you need to do."
I muttered, leaning forward to place my mug on the coffee table.
"Tell Me if you don't want Me to, Bailey."
Tell him?
What would my telling him do?
He's a grown man who need's to go to work.
"Whatever."
I muttered, my throat feeling thick.
I heard an audible sigh from somewhere behind Me and a moment later the kitchen sink's tap turned on.
I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed in deeply.
Get it together Bailey.
I coached myself.
The swish of jeans and the slight groan of the floorboards indicated that Blayze had rinsed his mug and was back on the move.
I waited with baited breath to see if he would come near Me, or head straight out the door.
The back cushions of the lounge made a puffing sound as Blayze apparently leant into them.
Breathing in deeply, I could catch his smell and his familiarity made my heart skip a beat.
Slowly, I opened my eyes even though I already knew he was standing behind Me.
"I'll break the day up as much as I can."
Blayze explained, his voice quiet and patient.
"And as I said, my phone will be on Me if you want Me to come back at any other point."
"Okay."
I whispered, attempting to at the very least sound amicable.
"I've just got some horses to work and a few other things to do and it kinda can't wait."
Even Blayze's tone sounded regretful.
So maybe he doesn't necessarily want to go yet...
"Yep."
I agreed.
Though it surprised Me he'd taken on Horses to train while the Twin's and I had been in Hospital...
"I'll be back soon."
Blayze told Me.
"Okay."
I agreed.
The floorboards squeaked, Blayze's jeans swished and soon I caught his form in my peripheral vision just before he reached the door.
One step forward... six steps backward.
"Knock, Knock."
Luka pushed himself from his hands and knee's, onto his feet and ran towards the front door.
I turned my head as Mum walked through the front door, closing the door behind her before Luka might decide to escape.
"Gamma!"
Luka exclaimed, throwing his arm's into the air.
"Hello my Darling!"
Mum exclaimed, leaning down to scoop my eldest Son off the floor.
She propped him onto her hip, wrapping her arms around his body and she dropped a round of energised kisses on his adorable little face.
Luka giggled merrily, throwing his head back in glee.
I couldn't help but smile.
Luka is so blessed to have Mum in his life.
Brodie and Dale will be too.
"Where's Brodie and Dale?"
Mum asked Luka after their exaggerated greeting wound down.
Luka twisted around in Mum's arm to point across the room to where Brodie and Dale were laying peacefully, but awake in their bassinet's.
"Shall Grandma go and say hello?"
Mum asked, smiling at Luka.
Luka nodded his head quickly.
Naww!
My heart practically swelled.
Mum shot me a smile and a wink and began to make her way across the room, Luka propped on her hip still.
"How are ya Baby?"
She asked Me, pausing in her travels to lean down and kiss the side of my head.
I slipped a smile into place.
"I'm good."
Mum offered Me a smile and turned around to go the couple of steps to squat down in front of the Babies' bassinets.
"Hello Brodie and Dale..."
She crooned.
Luka had taken off to find a few toy's he wanted to show Mum and Mum was now sitting beside Me on the couch, Me holding Brodie and her holding Dale, because the Twin's had grown grizzly sitting in their bassinet's.
It was like they knew there was two people on standby so they decided to play on it.
"They're just gorgeous."
Mum crooned, lifting Dale in her arms so she could kiss his sweet little face.
I slipped a smile into place.
"So how are thing's?"
Mum asked, settling Dale more comfortably into her arm's again and twisting around to face Me.
It was a loaded question.
She could mean how were the Twin's settling in?
How was Luka adjusting to the Twin's being here?
How was I coping?
Or she could even be asking how Blayze and I were doing.
I definitely didn't want to talk about the latter.
I'd probably just cry.
Before the accident we were just about arguing more than talking.
While I'd been in Hospital it had been obvious he cared, but things were noticeably different.
I was fairly certain even everybody else on the Farm had by now noticed the shift within the last six months or so.
I'd seen it in Grandpa's lengthy glances.
In Grandma's sad smiles.
In Troy's avoidance and in Heath's comments.
I just didn't know how to fix any of it.
I feel so sad.
So helpless.
So lost.
And it's probably what's created Blayze being distant.
"The twin's didn't wake up until seven thirty this morning."
I told Mum.
"I managed to get them both fed and changed before Luka woke up at eight thirty."
Mum shook her head, offering both the infant's a fond smile.
"It's amazing they already sleep so well. Here's to hoping they keep it up now that they're home!"
"I hope so."
I agreed.
"I don't know what I'd do if they started waking up every few hours..."
Mum rolled her eyes.
"You'd deal. But let's hope they keep having long sleeps."
It would definitely be the preferred option.
"Gamma look!"
We both looked at Luka as he ran into the lounge room, a small bunch of random toy's gathered in his arms.
Mum smiled welcomingly at Luka as he approached.
But, my eldest Son's actions apparently soon weren't all that thoughtful.
He stopped when he bumped into Mum's knee's and he unleashed his armload of matchbox car's and figurine's onto Mum's lap, apparently forgetting all about his Baby Brother who was laying in Mum's arm's.
"Luka no!"
I exclaimed, eyes widening, but it was too late.
Dale jumped in Mum's arm's in surprise when a few of his Big Brother's toy's rained down on him.
Brodie jumped in my arm's due to my shout.
Luka looked up at me with wide blue eyes which basically mirrored my own.
"Careful of your Brother honey."
Mum cautioned, pushing the small toy's off Dale's legs and belly.
Luka dropped his curious gaze down to the Baby that laid across his Grandma's lap.
"Luka you have to be careful around the Babies!"
I insisted, rocking Brodie gently in my arm's in an effort to settle him again.
Luka turned his gaze back up to Me, his lower lip wobbling slightly.
"He's okay."
Mum whispered, reaching out a hand to slide it over Luka's unruly inky hair.
She offered Me a small smile.
"How about you get changed and go for a walk in the fresh Farm air?"
She suggested.
I looked at the three children, then back up to Mum's face.
"I can't."
I could hardly leave her with the three of them.
I shouldn't be leaving Brodie and Dale yet.
TheyI is five weeks old today and the three of us have been home for a week.
"Of course you can."
Mum insisted.
"I'll spend some time with these three."
She smiled assuringly.
Go out for a walk...
Maybe it was a good idea.
Mum had five babies of her own, she was more than capable of handling Luka, Brodie and Dale for a little while.
"Go on."
Mum insisted, jerking her head towards the hallway.
"I'll be back soon."
I informed Luka, leaning down to give his adorable little face a kiss.
He grinned back at Me and my heart melted on the spot.
He really is an adorable Kid.
I turned around to where Mum was supervising Brodie and Dale who were laying side by side on the lounge, wide awake.
"I'll see you soon, little munchkin's."
I told the pair and reached down to brush the backs of my left hands's finger's against Brodie's cheek and my right hand's finger's against Dale's.
"They'll be fine."
Mum assured Me.
Of course I trusted her to watch over them.
She could probably do it better than I could.
I offered her a tight lipped smile and headed for the door.
Three steps from the front door, I heard a scrambling noise behind Me.
"Mummy!"
A piece of my heart seemed to chip away.
Not yet, in fourteen months, had Luka reacted to Me leaving him with Mum.
"MUMMY!"
The despair was more than audible in my eldest Son's voice.
I paused in front of the door, unsure what to do.
"Go, Bailey."
Mum urged.
So it was her experienced Parental self that was telling Me to just keep going.
But Me, being Luka's Mother, I wanted to turn around and pull him into my arm's.
The deliberation cost Me.
Luka's arm's wrapped around my left leg and he buried his face into the fabric of my jeans.
My heart squeezed.
I turned away from the door and leaned down to pick Luka up.
He wrapped his arm's around my neck, his tear's soaking into my skin.
My heart began to crack.
"Set him down, Bailey and walk out the door. You need a few minutes alone."
Mum insisted, her green gaze boring into my blue one.
Set him down...
Walk away...
I hugged Luka tight and kissed the top of his head.
His sniffles died off and he just hugged Me tightly in return.
"Bailey..."
Mum warned.
I looked towards the large, open windows.
The Farm yard stretched beyond the windows, looking deliciously tempting.
My Farm...
I grew up here...
Phoenix is out there.
Even River and Aviator.
"Come sit with Grandma."
I told Luka, crossing back over to the lounge, my eldest Son still in my arm's.
"Mummy's just gotta go check on a few thing's."
I reasoned.
"Me!"
Luka insisted.
No.
Not you buddy...
"Give him here!"
Mum insisted, holding her hands up.
It took effort for Me to pry Luka's little, but surprisingly strong, desperate arm's off my neck.
Yet another way he was apparently already taking after his Father...
He made a high pitched, squealing type crying sound which literally stabbed at my heart as I handed him over to Mum's awaiting hands.
'Go' Mum silently mouthed the word at Me, turning Luka's thrashing body around and pulling him into her Motherly body.
I deliberated.
My heart was rescuing towards my Kid's, particularly my eldest Son.
Mum gave Me a stern, pointed stare.
She was all but ordering Me to take a walk out in the fresh Farm air.
Biting into my lower lip and swallowing hard, I turned on my heel and headed for the door, hot tear's stinging my eyes as a second cry joined Luka's wailing voice.
The summer sun soaked into my skin as I walked, warm and familiar.
Squinting, I realised I'd forgotten to grab my Akubra and my sunglasses before I'd left the house.
I didn't want to go back though, because Mum would probably kick my arse.
Bird's warbled their song's in the large tree's.
The sounds of the odd horse sneezing or stomping a hoof reached my ear's.
A Kelpie bark sounded somewhere in the yard.
Even the drones of a few yarded Cow's touched the Summer-
I frowned.
Yarded Cattle?
Since when?
Why would we be stressing the Cattle out by yarding them during drought?
Trying to follow my ear's, I headed past the front of the large Working Horse Paddock.
A joyous neigh filled the air and my steps faltered.
That voice...
I lifted my right hand to shield my eyes against the mid morning Summer sun and looked into the Working Horse Paddock.
A chunky yet lean Buckskin body parted from the herd that was gathered around a couple of round bales of hay.
River.
A smile broke across my lips as the once wild Brumby trotted towards the fence.
But surely the greeting wasn't for Me.
He's never greeted Me in this way before.
And why the heck is he out in the Working Horse Paddock?
I twisted around to check for who, Hunan or animal, River might actually be greeting, but found nobody.
A low yet slightly husky nicker reached my ear's.
I turned back around to find River still trotting over.
His scar's from the fence and the bullet's were now visible because he was closer and even to this day my heart squeezed.
"Hey River!"
I greeted him with a smile, my heart dancing inside my chest.
His black tipped ear's flicked forwards and then back.
He slowed to a walk just maybe twelve feet from the fence and continued forward, licking his lips.
"I'm sorry, I don't have anything for ya Bud."
I apologised, stepping up to the fence.
River stretched his nose over the post and wire fence to get a pat.
"You sure have come a heck of a long way from the little Tiger we brought home."
I whispered, giving his forehead a rub.
He closed his almost hazel brown coloured left eye and pale blue coloured right eye in contentment.
River and a bunch of other youngsters had been turned out into one of our outlying fields last winter, giving the Horses a chance to relax and chill out.
A bunch of city idiots who'd taken to a weekend camping and shooting in the National Park had encroached on our property, chasing Roo's.
We're assuming River stood his ground as much as he could and in the end he lost the battle, getting tangled in a fence not for the first time in his youngster life.
This time his leg injuries weren't all that bad and healed quite quickly and easily.
It was his right eye that suffered.
Blayze and Uncle Lukas declared he'd lost at least some sight in the eye.
Doctor Flinn soon confirmed it.
We were pretty certain the Brumby who apparently had nine lives, was now at the very least mostly blind in his right eye.
"I need to take a leaf outta your book, don't I bud."
I whispered, slowly running my hand up and down River's now trusting golden face.
"You just keep on keeping on."
Grandpa had suggested putting River down once the eye went definitely pale blue, showing there was no longer sight there.
Amazingly enough, Blayze of all people was the first one to dispute Grandpa's suggestion.
In November Blayze got on River's back again, proving the little Gelding was not useless.
Just before New Years River and Blayze were herding mob's of Sheep and Cattle again.
The little Buckskin Brumby was a true soldier.
He wasn't letting suddenly having only half vision stop him.
I shouldn't be letting my fear of the what if's stop Me.
Wandering further towards the curious sounds, I finally found a new shed built, along with a row of open fronted stables and a row of yards, around half of which were occupied with a variety of Horses.
They weren't horses that I was familiar with.
Figures moved at the arena, catching my attention and I made my way over there, curious about what the heck was going on.
Why the heck would Grandpa have built more facilities in a drought?
It took me a moment to recognise Diego Harrison holding the rein's of a blingy, chestnut coloured Horse that was standing in the arena.
A familiar black hat turned around and I immediately recognised Blayze, adjusting the girth on the chestnut's saddle.
He said something that I couldn't quite hear to Diego, then turned away from the other Cowboy and the Horse and started towards the post and rail arena fence that I'd just reached.
"Mum's got the Kid's. She forced Me to get out and see some sunlight."
I told him, before he'd go ahead and ask the obvious question.
He stopped on the other side of the fence and placed his tanned hands against the rail.
"I knew you wouldn't have left any of 'em home alone."
He all but whispered.
I lifted my gaze to look at his face and his familiar blue-green eyes, then I turned my gaze to take in the new surroundings that bordered the arena and especially Diego and the Horse standing off to the side.
"What's going on here?"
I asked, putting my gaze back on Blayze's face.
He lifted his right hand to rub at the back of his neck.
Uh oh...
"The Drought's been rough."
Blayze explained, turning his gaze down to the sand floor he was standing on.
My heart involuntarily clenched.
"I was gonna talk to ya about it, but there just never seemed to be a good time and then you were in Hospital..."
Talk to me about what?
I bit my tongue.
"You knew finances were gettin' tight."
Blayze winced.
"Well the unrelenting drought's just made it worse. You... the boys... us havin' this Wedding..."
He shook his head.
Oh god...
Where's he even going with this?!
"Blayze?"
I promoted, my heart positively hammering inside my chest.
His blue-green gaze locked onto my blue one.
"I talked it over with Isaiah and Lukas. The options were that I either hit the road shearin', I get a job out on the mines which once again means time home and time away, or this."
Go away shearing?
Go away on the mines?
My stomach dropped.
I almost felt sick.
Wait.
But he'd said...
"We're down to a hundred head of Cattle and the same number of Sheep."
Blayze explained, his grip tightening on the wooden rail.
I could see it by how his knuckles tensed and went a slightly lighter colour.
"We've sold Horses and we hardly have enough hay for the Stock we do still have."
My mind was reeling.
So little Cattle and Sheep?
That never happened!
Although Mum's sold some Horses she's bred before, it's never been done because of drought!
I bit into my lower lip.
"So What is this? An expansion of the Horse Training?"
I all but whispered.
Blayze pulled a slightly grimace like face.
"Yes and no."
He sucked in a deep breath.
"Jax has kickstarted it financially, but it's all in my name."
Blayze looked down at the sand once again.
"One thing we know is that we know plenty of people that thrive on Rodeo. So we're training Rodeo Stock."
Training Rodeo...?
I came out for a walk.
I wasn't mentally prepared to accept all of this information.
"Say something?"
Blayze requested.
Clearly our silence had stretched too long for his liking.
I didn't have a clue what to say.
We have three Kid's under eighteen months old, two of which are one month old Twin's and he's starting up a business?!
I swallowed, blinking hard and trying to collect my thoughts.
"I..."
No more words would come out of my mouth.
I just had no clue what to say.
I guess what hurt the most was that I'd been left in the dark.
Nobody told Me things had gotten to such a tough level.
My throat grew thick.
I swallowed hard and stepped back from the arena fence.
"I should get back to the Kid's."
It was now my duty, to be home and take care of the tiny people and the house.
A range of emotions flickered over Blayze's face, most of which were a challenge to read, but I at least recognised apprehension and then frustration.
"Bail's wait please!"
He insisted, adjusting his grip on the top rail of the arena fence.
"What exactly do you want Me to wait for?"
I asked, my lower lip wobbling.
I threw my hands in the air.
"It's pretty clear we can't even make decisions together anymore!"
Blayze shook his head.
"Don't start this shit now!"
Don't start-?
"I'm not starting anything!"
I exclaimed, my stupid voice going high.
"Easy!"
We both looked into the arena to see Diego following the blingy Chestnut Horse as he skittered sideways.
Our discussion was upsetting the Horse.
"Look's like you've got your work cut out for you with that one if he's meant to be on the Rodeo list."
I muttered, loosely wrapping my arms around my ribs.
Blayze turned his attention back to Me.
"Can we not have this discussion now?"
Of course.
Let's just put more off!
"I know there's things we need to talk about and I know I should've spoken to you about startin' up a business."
"Yeah."
I agreed, my throat feeling thick.
"We've got stuff to talk about. But right now I should rescue Mum from our Son's and you should get back to work."
I bit into my lower lip, turned on my heel and headed back to our home.
Luke was sound asleep in his bed for his afternoon nap.
Brodie and Dale too were recently asleep, back in their cot.
I wandered around the living area of our home, trying to think of what I could do.
The idea of sitting down to watch some crappy daytime Television didn't interest Me in the slightest.
I couldn't really be bothered in finding a new book to read either; be it an actual book or one on the internet.
My mind kept taking me back to Blayze.
And my Dad's proposal.
The fact my stupid head with it's seemingly ever changing views was driving Me insane.
And why on earth my family was keeping the truth of the drought from Me?
The house sure could do with a clean, but Blayze and Mum got cross at Me when I did too much in term's of household work yet.
Well, Mum got cross, Blayze more blatantly got angry.
Screw it.
I'll put the TV on for some background noise, then I'll run the broom around the floors.
No wonder Luke had such a huge pile of clothes in the laundry!
Half the time he was crawling across those floors and through their dust and dirt while he played with his toys!
The 60 inch flat screen TV turned on with a tinkling chime and finally I was able to scroll threw the channels.
Eventually I came across Ellen, probably around half way through today's show.
With a shrug, I settled on that and tossed the remote onto the couch cushions for safe keeping.
I turned onto my heel and headed into the hallway to go to the laundry to find some of my cleaning supplies.
Ellen had some apparently famous person I'd never even heard of in my life on stage with her and they were rocking out, dancing like idiots.
I dumped my second load of dustpan rubbish into the bin and cringed, knowing that fluff and dirt had been around my floors.
I tapped the plastic dustpan against the rim of the indoors bin with a push top lid, to make sure the majority of the dirt emptied, then I removed the dustpan and pushed the bin's lid down so it clicked back into place.
The Dog's couldn't work out how to get into this bin and at the moment Luka couldn't reach to even attempt solving the game, so the bin was a ridiculously exciting win on my behalf!
A quick, but not necessarily urgent sounding knock's sounded against our front door.
I twisted around and shot a frown towards our main entrance.
Yes, Mum, my Grandparent's and my Uncle normally knocked on our door, but they usually just walked on in after knocking anyway.
Heath just walks in, no knock's no nothing.
Whoever was currently on the other side of that door was not entering the house of their own accord.
They were waiting to be let in.
I didn't even have a single one of the three Dog's here with Me to give me a heads up as to who the visitor was.
If it was somebody in our social circle, all three would be tap dancing at the door, tails wagging and most likely whining.
If it was somebody I most likely didn't want to see, they'd at the very least bark.
I suddenly found myself highly missing Zuke's company.
That Dog could basically read my mind when it came to people.
If I didn't like the person or was cagey about them, my Dog didn't like them either.
Releasing a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding, I started towards the door.
To whoever was standing on the other side, the moments that had passed probably felt like an eternity, but I was fairly sure an entire minute hadn't even passed.
I leaned down just outside the kitchen to place the dustpan onto the floor alongside where I'd propped up the broom against the bench.
Attempting to clear my apparently lightly clammy hands, I wiped my palms against my jeans clad thighs.
Clearing my throat, I grabbed the door handle and pulled the large wooden door open.
I certainly wasn't expecting to find Rikki standing on our porch!
"I-is T-Tameron okay?"
I struggled to speak, the turning seven year old Boy Blayze and Rikki shared being the first thing to come to my mind upon seeing Rikki.
Rikki seemed anxious, her gaze flickering to my face but farting away before too long.
My nerves began to climb.
What the heck was she doing here?
What did she want?
"Blayze... is at work..."
I told her slowly, hoping if I spoke slowly it would sink in to her apparently unsettled mind.
Those words seemed to capture Rikki's attention.
She straightened her spine, squared her shoulders and linked her hands behind her back.
Well, I couldn't see behind her back so assumed that was what she did.
"I was hoping that would be the case."
Rikki explained.
"Because I wanted to speak to you."
Speak to-?
I stared at her, my eyeballs feeling like they attempted to jump out of my skull.
"Y-?"
I couldn't even formulate words apparently.
She'd floored Me, yet she definitely didn't slap Me or punch Me.
Rikki looked down to the slatted wooden planks of my porch.
"I know that in the past I didn't exactly give you any reason to trust Me."
She admitted.
Was there something wrong with her and she suddenly needed to clear her conscience?
Mentally I facepalmed.
Of course there's something wrong with Rikki!
"I'm pretty sure for most of the time I've known you, you haven't given Me a reason to trust you Rikki. What are you doing here?"
My knees might have been shaking and my heart pounding like the drum of Phoenix's hooves across the back paddocks, but I surprised apparently more than just myself by my words and how steady they came out.
Rikki's green gaze snapped up to lock on my face.
Her cheeks were maybe a little pale and her eyes were definitely frazzled, almost looking alarmed.
There was definitely something wrong.
But why would she come to Me if she had a problem?
Out of everybody on this property it would make sense for her to go to Blayze if she had a problem.
But I'd hate it if she tried that.
"If you hate Me, then I can imagine that you hate Emma at least as much."
It was like the woman had dumped a bucket of iced water over my head.
Yeah, we both knew I didn't like or trust her.
But why the hell would she want to talk to Me about Emma?
I attempted to school my face into a mask of boredom, which I'd seen Blayze and even Heath so many times, hoping Rikki didn't see my alarm.
"At this point in time Rikki, Emma is the least of my problems."
I declared, doing my best to keep my tone neutral.
With that, I stepped back so I could close the door.
Thanks for the awesome chat Rikki!
"Please!"
Rikki begged, her tone and expression reeking of desperation before I could even begin to close the door.
"I won't do your dirty work for you Rikki!"
I growled, trying hard to keep my voice low so I didn't wake any of my Kid's.
"Whatever your issue is with Emma, it's not my problem!"
I hissed.
Rikki folded her arms across her chest, very nearly glaring at Me.
"If Emma has her way, everything is going to hit the fan!"
She said, her tone stern.
"And believe Me, it will become your problem!"
How does Rikki know any of this?
What exactly does she know?
I propped my shoulder against the doorframe.
"What exactly do you know, Rikki?"
"I know that she's bad news and she always has been!"
Rikki rushed, her words almost blending together at times.
Hang on.
If Blayze knew Rikki from his pre Riverston life and he also knew Emma back then...
I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever crap you have going on with Emma is none of my concern Rikki."
Why the hell would she think I'd want in on her drama?
I've got enough of my own stresses to worry about!
"I know that you hate Me and you probably already don't like Emma."
Rikki reasoned.
Well that was more or less a given.
But at some point I was pretty sure I'd let go of 'hating' Rikki.
I wasn't about to let her know that though.
"But I know that above any of that you care about Blayze."
Rikki all but whispered.
Well now she had Me at a point where I couldn't exactly slam the door in her face.
"Why don't you just tell Me what you know?"
I pressed.
It was grating at Me that she wouldn't just tell Me the answer.
And Blayze wouldn't agree to sending Emma away if there wasn't a valid reason.
I didn't exactly class Rikki's viewpoint as a valid reason.
Though in one sense I was glad there was somebody else who wanted Emma Lyons gone.
Rikki shook her head vigorously.
"I can't! But the fact of the matter is she has to go before she ruins everything!"
Tear's sprung to Rikki's green eyes before she turned on her heel and hurried off my porch, towards her car.
I stared after her, completely bewildered as she scrambled into the driver's seat of her car and then struggled to start the vehicle.
Rikki was clearly an emotional mess right now.
But what the hell did it have to do with Emma?
I knew it wasn't any of my business, particularly since I had my own life to sort out, yet I couldn't help but feel curious as I watched Rikki take off.
There goes the Wicked Witch Of Riverston...
I thought.
But maybe her place on the throne is being threatened by the latest blow in...
With a shake of my head, I stepped backwards into my house and closed the front door.
Rikki and Emma's problems were not my concern.
I have to focus on my Son's.
And Blayze.
Plus getting my emotional health back under control...
Hello beautiful people!!
I'm so sorry it's taken so long!
I'm not even going to begin with the excuses.
I'm sure you read the apology note I left.
Things continued to be bad and stressful afterwards but I've used any downtime I've found since and finally managed to get an update done!
Talk to Me!!
💚PalominoDreamtime💚