Winter was right around the corner.
The streets were oddly quiet comparing it to the usual noise. The silence was comforting. Unlike when I had first went into this town 2 years ago, it had been loud. When I leave this place, it had been loud. When I performed here yesterday, it had been loud, too. Now, it was as if someone had turned off a switch.
My mind couldn't help but wander off to others. Maybe it was because the silence made me feel at home - unlike when I was in my actual home.. it was peaceful. Deep inside, even back then, I've always wanted things to be like this. It made me think, it made me feel what I truly wanted to feel, it made me hear my heart out.
These past few days, Jiyong has been much more paranoid. He was usually calm and composed, often speaking slowly so I could get what he was saying, but lately, it seems like he's always in a hurry. I couldn't blame him. In fact, I'd never blame him - he's been with me since the very beginning.
He was never afraid to reach out to me. At times wherein I was acting like a bitch, when I needed him the most - or even when I didn't, he was there. Though it didn't seem like it, he would choose mercy over justice at all times. Maybe that's now the way Father sees him, but that's how I do.
I wanted to do something for him as thanks. Even if it was just something simple, I knew he would be thankful. He always understood me, it was like he never really was suited to be just a guardian, he was like a teacher. A parent.
As expected, it was colder in my spot than usual. I was about to sit down on the wooden box, when my eyes land on a piece of paper on top of it.
I grabbed it, placing my crutches beside me.
'Coffee?' it said.
Talk about how much I loved coffee - because in fact, I didn't. I remember when Yoosung first made me taste it because I was usually grumpy in the morning, and I ended up coughing and chocking because it was too hot and bitter and just.. nasty.
"So, what do you say?" I looked over my shoulder to see Hoseok waving at me. I pocketed the note, watching him make his way in front of me. He grabbed one of the plastic chairs and placed it in front of me, sitting. "I mean, if you're busy today, then it's more than fine." he shrugged. "But you know, hanging out isn't bad too."
"Yeah, but coffee is." I cocked an eyebrow, watching as his expression went from 'I got this, we're getting coffee together!' to 'What did I do wrong?!' "I don't really like coffee. No, scratch that -- I hate coffee."
"Oh?" his eyes widened, and he covered his face with his hands, obviously embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, Geoul! I didn't know. See? This is exactly why we should hang out more! If we're going to be partners, we might as well know what the other likes and dislikes!"
"Partners," I repeated, scoffing a bit, but smiling afterwards. "But don't be sorry."
"What do you wanna get, then?" he asked slowly, his face still in his hands. From the gap between his fingers, he glanced at me with one eye. "Milkshake?"
I clicked my tongue, "Sure!"
He assisted on carrying my guitar case, since he said his bag was light enough. My leg was aching today. There were times wherein it was incredibly painful, or numb, but this was one of the days where it just had to be painful!
Though it's only going to be a few more days until I'll be up and going again. I wanted to walk normally, for people to not pity me, and if I'm lucky enough, to be able to dance again. In the meantime, I don't think I'd be as open to try and learn how to drive..
"So.. what's with your hate with coffee?" he asked, as we walked side by side. There was only one milkshake place, so it wasn't as awkward when both of us knew where to go. "I mean, come on, coffee is like, my best friend in the morning."
"It's just.. disgusting." I stuck out a tongue instinctively, as if I were tasting it.
"All right, all right." he laughed softly on my description.
Hoseok wasn't a pushy person. And I liked that - knowing him, he's very understanding and though he's curious with plenty of things, he doesn't ask questions that would off as uncomfortable or annoying. And I was glad with that.
He was good at reading people; I don't know if he could see through my smiles, but there were times wherein light'll be shining through things I didn't want to, specifically, my past - and he's immediately change the subject or just immediately say 'okay, okay!'
But I didn't read minds. I could be wrong, but I'll never know.
When we reached the milkshake place, Hoseok assisted me to sit down and order the drinks instead. I told him my order, and he clicked his tongue, winking at me playfully before walking off.
It's been a while since I last went here. The last time I did was probably 2 years ago. A week probably, before my leg became what it is now. I was still pretty pumped about everything back then. But now, it wasn't as exciting anymore.
The only thing making things better was that I had company this time - and he was a friend. In a few minutes, Hoseok was back with the milkshakes. "Okay, but I gotta admit - as much as I love coffee, milkshakes'll always win my heart."
I rolled my eyes, before smiling small.
"So, can I ask questions?" he smiled cheekily. "Feel free to decline if it's too personal. But I'm just really curious."
"Fire away." I said.
"First off, your house is huge! And you're so rich. What's up with your family's business?" he questioned curiously. It wasn't really a secret, and I was quite glad he asked. He was right about getting to know each other more. It seemed.. appropriate.
"My dad's a businessman," I started. "Owning buildings and shops and all that." I waved a hand.
"No wonder," his face was funny. "Like right now," his eyes landed on my sweater. "You're wearing a gucci sweater, omo."
"How about you?" I asked, "Tell me more about your family."
"Well.." he tapped his fingers on the table. "My Mom owns a restaurant in Gwangju, and my Dad helps her with it. My sister owns a boutique, while I'm a performer." he sulked once he got to himself. "I'm proud of being a performer, but sometimes, I think I should have another job."
"You can look for another job soon," I pointed out. "And you have a sister? Woah."
I've always wanted a sibling. Growing up as an only child, it was lonely. So much pressure was placed on my shoulders by just being born. And as I grew up, I knew I had no choice that I was to take care of the business someday.
I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted someone to understand me. And the only way I could imagine it was to be was to have a sibling - Jiyong told me that before me, Mother was pregnant with a brother. But because of certain reasons, she had a miscarriage.
Maybe it was because of stress.
"I do." he nodded. "We get along very well, but me and my mother? Yah! I love her very much."
Though it shouldn't of have, it pained me as he rambled on and on about how much he loved his mother, the places they've been together, the jokes they always shared with each other.. I couldn't help but grow jealous.
"She's really nice, you should meet her sometime, she'll like you! She's always wanted me or noona to play an instrument, but we were too stubborn." he laughed softly. "I wouldn't know what I'd do without my Mom."
I nodded slowly, before sighing. "I lost my mother in a shooting."
His smile dropped.
That's how it's always been. The second I open up, things become a pity party for me. But there were times wherein I just wanted to let this out. No doubt, he'd wondered what happened to my leg in the first place.
"But it was no accident. She was the target. She was assassinated by god knows who," I was still mad. Mom didn't do anything wrong - whoever that person was.. I wanted to meet them. I wanted them to see how much they've ruined people's lives.
How could someone be so.. heartless?
"They've closed the case because they couldn't even find a single suspect," I said bitterly, starting to play with the bracelet around my left wrist. A bracelet I've only started wearing the other day - because whenever I looked at it, it's only caused me sorrow. More sorrow.
"A-Ah.. I'm sorry about that, Geoul." he stuttered, before looking up. "But you know, you're a strong person. With that much weight on your shoulders, you're one of the strongest people I know. I confirm it now." he smiled.
"I can't do much," he sighed. "But I hope just being here makes you even if it's just a little happier. If it's losing someone you love, I know I just can't say I'm sorry, or my condolences.. but hey, I know I'll be here to listen."
I couldn't help but smile at his words. When the shop was about to close, we stood up and started making our way to the subway, Hoseok insisting that he'll take me home.
"That's a cute bracelet," he pointed out. "I've never seen anything like it."
I shrugged, "I got it from someone.."
He cocked an eyebrow, his expression saying it all: of course he wanted to know. And it was as if I already trusted him. But then again, what do I have to lose?
"When my mother died, and when I got into this car accident," I say, motioning to my leg, so he'd understand the case behind my injury. "There was someone else looked out for me besides Jiyong.. I met him when he was getting beaten up by people in the alleys."
"He always prioritised me out of everything. He would be so patient with me, he gave me the biggest spark of hope when I never believed in it the slightest." I breathed out, unconsciously smiling. "But my father decided it was best to leave the town, because it was bad luck, that's what he believed.."
"But before we left, he gave me this bracelet." I held up my forearm, admiring the silver bracelet around my left wrist. "I never saw him again, and this bracelet is the only thing I have of him."
Hoseok nodded slowly, as if getting it. "So.. you were in love?"
"I.." I couldn't find the words for it. "I don't know."
"Really?" he sighed, as if thinking of the deeper meaning behind my words. "But even if your story telling was that vague, the way you talked about him, maybe you were." he shrugged.
"He's always made me happy," I trailed off. "But looking at this bracelet, I couldn't help but feel joy and sorrow at the same time. It's like.. I want it here, but I don't want to look at it."
"You're bitter," he smiled softly. "Don't be."
Of course I was.
That was my flaw.
I was always so bitter. It seemed like I always held grudges. It was something I knew others hated, and I hated it too.
When my mother died, I pushed everyone away. I held a grudge with whoever was that person who shot her - that one person I knew I could never forgive, even if I wanted to. When we left the town, I held a grudge with my father. I despised him even more.
It's like I couldn't let go of the past, even if I needed to. Instead of taking lessons from it, I use it as a weapon for everything that's hurt me. I wanted to move on.
But I couldn't find a reason to. And even if there was, maybe I couldn't see it.
"Earth to Geoul, are you still here?" Hoseok's voice rang in my ears. I shook my head to try and get the thoughts off of my mind, nodding.
"I'm okay," I reassured.
"Yah, I didn't ask if you were okay." he smiled softly. "I asked if you were still present. We're already here, come on!" he handed me my crutches, assisting me as I stood up.
The walk back home was quiet. But it was a comfortable silence.
Hoseok had something I was definitely jealous of. I know he could never hold grudges, and that was something I envied. It was something I wanted.
Once we reach the house, I stop Hoseok from ringing the doorbell and face him, "Hoseok.." I started, feeling a lump form in my throat. "How do you.. how do you move on?"
He stared at me for a while, as if trying to read me. "Hmm.. I find something."
"What is it?"
"I find something I know I'll be happy with, something that comforts me. And concerning the past, kind of like, forgive and forget. If you can't, change all of your bad intentions into good ones. You'll always benefit if it's something good." he explained.
"What if.. you can't?"
"Everyone can." he shrugged. "All you have to do is be willing. Don't be dominant of what your heart wants." he smiled softly. "I'm not a great advice giver, but I hope that was good enough."
I nodded slowly, taking in his piece of information.
"I'll be going, goodnight." he smiled softly, taking my hand into his and placing a kiss on it. My brows furrowed at the touch of his hand.
"What's with you?" I questioned.
"What's with me?" he shot back.
"Your hands are sweating." I pointed out. He quickly lets go of my hand. I know he was trying to be such a gentleman by kissing my hand, though I found nothing bad about it. But what was he so nervous about?
"It's nothing!" he says quickly, before laughing and handing me my guitar case. "Goodnight, Geoul."
I watched as his figure disappeared slowly, until I couldn't see him anymore. From my jeans' pocket, I pulled out a piece of paper.
'Coffee?'
I smiled, before flipping it around, surprised to see another message, which was supposedly erased, as there was an 'x' on it.
So this was his first try?
'Been thinking about you a latte!'
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A/N: This chapter is hella long, and I think I'll be updating plenty of times today, yay! And also, justice for Hoseok! I rarely see fics about him :(
What did you think about the chapter? More'll be revealed throughout the story on.. certain stuff! XD
I'm going to try and improve my writing by adding more details and thought into the work!