The girl you were battling last, she died in hospital because of her injuries.
The words echoed through my mind as I lay in bed. I couldn't fall asleep thinking of it.
You're a murderer. Lauren, you're a murderer. A voice in me said.
"I know," I said quietly, hoping no one else in the quarters could hear my sobs. "I know I am. They turned me into a murderer."
"Lauren." The voice came with a knock on my door. "Lauren, I know you're not okay. What happened at the meeting?"
"Go away, Spencer," I told him. "I don't want to talk. Not to you, at least."
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"It doesn't sound like nothing."
I couldn't take his questions anymore, he's been asking since I got back. He and mom. Mom was more curious about what I learned from the meeting, Spencer questioned why I was feeling down. Dad continued to watch the TV through all that, though he did give me a sympathetic look, understanding that I didn't want to talk.
I untangled myself from the bed sheets and stumbled my way to the door. The floorboards creaked under my weight, making the darkness around me scarier. Usually, the dark wouldn't bother me at all. Now, it feels like there are people watching me from the shadows.
You're just paranoid, Lauren. I told myself. Get yourself together, you can't be like this forever.
I turn the handle of the door and open it slowly. Spencer stands there in blue pajama pants and a t-shirt. His hair is messier than usual and there are dark circles under his eyes. I wonder why he isn't asleep yet, it's pretty late.
"You can't say that you're okay when I can hear you cry from next door," He said once I met him eye to eye.
"But I was so quiet," I complained. "How were you able to hear it? What are you even doing up? Aren't you a heavy sleeper?"
"It's I heard you or I was starting to hear things after all this studying," He explained. "I have a paper due tomorrow."
"And you leave it last minute?" I questioned. "I thought you were more responsible than that."
"Procrastinating is the key to school."
"No, that's the key to failing school, Spence," I said.
"Same difference."
I sighed. At least he's trying to finish it before morning.
"So, what happened today? Why are you crying?" He asked, changing the topic back to what it was originally.
"Nothing."
"Lauren..."
"Leave me alone," I stated, starting to shut the door on him.
He blocked it with his foot. "Just talk. You know, this isn't like you, keeping to yourself most of the time."
"You know, trust is a funny thing, Spencer," I say.
"Do you still not trust me and dad?" He asked. "I get dad but-"
"One moment, you know who you can trust. The way they act. The way they talk. What they do and what happens after. The next, it's like you don't know who to trust. Everyone is just the same. Especially here. You just... you just... all of the people who work here feel like they all want to hurt me."
"Lauren," He started. "There are some people who actually care-"
"And anyone related to anyone working at the Institute," I continue. "Is it bad that I don't feel like I can't trust Aidan anymore? The feeling just came to me during the meeting. I don't think I can even trust him anymore."
Spencer held my hands between his. "So you still can't trust us?"
I shook my head. "I don't even know if I can trust myself."
-- : --
One-on-one training. I know this is going to end badly.
It always ends badly as a group. It's gonna be worse when I'm alone.
I walk through the halls wearing a black t-shirt, black track pants, and combat boots, because why not. The sound of my boots linger through the hallway, heads turn as I pass.
Most of the eyes glaring at me are other Evolutians waiting to enter the gym with their groups. Some are afraid of me, some look like they want to beat me up.
One actually wants to talk to me.
"Lauren, are you okay?" Aidan asked, Jessica behind him.
"Yeah, Spencer said there was something up. What happened after the meeting?" Jessica asked.
"He was lying," I mumbled. "Leave me alone."
Aidan stopped me from going any further. "Lauren, we've gone through what you did, too. You can't trust anyone who works here but we don't. We're part of this experiment, like you."
I couldn't just tell him I don't trust him either. I just can't. And with his family so close to the reason behind all this... does he even know about that?
"I just - I can't -" I couldn't speak, words just wouldn't come to me.
"Lauren, you know you can come to us, right?" Jessica said. "I know you kinda don't like me but we're all in this together."
I scowled. "Go away, I gotta get to training." Aidan immediately knew there was something wrong with me. I hated these sessions as much as him.
"Lauren," Aidan's gentle voice said. "Tell me one sentence that's on your mind."
I hesitated. He just wanted a sentence, that's all.
"Will you leave me alone after?"
He nodded slowly.
I drew in a breath. "You don't know what it's like to walk through a hallway of kids your age, and all of them look at you like you've done something wrong. You don't know what it's like to have to be part of something you don't want to, you have no choice. You don't know what it's like for everyone to expect you to be something and do something that you're not. You don't know what it's like to have these powers that seem like they're controlling you each day, making you a little less like yourself."
I realized that was way more than one sentence, but I said one more.
"You don't know what it's like to know that someone's life just ended because of what you did to them."
-- : --
"You overthink everything," Mr. Miller said as I settled into the training room. It was just my luck that he wanted to torture me.
"What?" I questioned. "What do you mean I overthink everything?"
"You have to think, then do," He explained. "It's time-consuming and energy consuming for you. If you do thinks without question, it doesn't waste as much of your energy and gives better performance."
I gave him a blank stare. "Better performance? What am I, a car?"
He let out a laugh. "You want the most of your powers, right?"
"Nope, I'll be fine without having any of them."
He sighed this time. "Lauren, take a seat."
"Where? There's no chair for me."
"The. Ground. Lauren."
I rolled my eyes. Geez. I took a seat in front of him.
"Lauren, something you should know is that if you don't use your powers, they may kill you," Mr. Miller said.
I looked at him with wide eyes. "Excuse me, what?"
"The pressure from your powers can build up and overwhelm you, possibly causing death." He continued. "It's important for you to use them effectively so that they don't cause you any health issues."
I looked down at my hands. This power inside me could possibly kill me... what next?
"So what do you want me to do?" I questioned. "I can't just not think everything through. It's not like I know how to use my powers, I kinda have to think it through and figure it out."
He shook his head. "That's exactly what you aren't supposed to do."
"Explain."
"Stand," He ordered.
"First sit, now stand. What am I now, a dog?" I complained, but obeyed.
Mr. Miller told me to stand in the very center of the room and look at my surroundings. To know where every piece of training equipment is, where the exit is and where my feet are planted.
"Now, close your eyes," He said and I did so. "The key to your abilities as to not overthink. Don't try to control them, let them control you."
My eyes flew open once again. "No!" I yelled. I already knew my abilities were slowly affecting me. I could feel it ever since I woke up. I knew it affected the way I talked and the way I acted. I know that I actually wanted to talk to Spencer last night, but something didn't let me.
"It's okay, Lauren. Relax." His voice was soothing. Fatherly. He touched my face. "Close your eyes, let your powers have control."
I, hesitantly, closed my eyes. I was still terrified of the idea but just went with the flow.
Don't overthink it, Lauren. Just let your powers flow through you.
Let is control you.
My fingertips buzzed. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was supposed to do. My head hurt, I felt exhausted.
I opened my eyes suddenly, only to find myself outside beside Mr. Miller, looking back at the room set on fire.