It was like an electric shock had zapped Taro.
His eyes flung open. They danced around the room for a brief second before flashing towards her. As soon as he saw her, his face paled. His chest started heaving, up and down like a tent collapsing and lifting over and over again. Ayano startled. He's having a panic attack!
"Get away from me!" Taro snarled, and although the he didn't move - couldn't move - his eyes blazed on her, his panic and fear clearly evident in the whites of his eyes. Ayano jerked back as if she had been stung.
"What?" she managed, hardly believing what she was seeing.
"Somebody, help me!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, and Ayano looked around her to see a dozen different eyes looking back. She instantly filled with self-consciousness and she shrinked in on herself. What was happening? Why was Taro causing such a scene?
"Go away! Help! She's going to hurt me!" He was still screaming at her, staring at her, not with the gentle, calm expression she'd come to know of him, come to admire of him, but in a dazed, ferocious panic, as if she were the devil itself. She felt her heart breaking for the second time that week. Ayano couldn't stand it any longer. She turned and ran.
With the echoes of frenzied nurses and Taro's screams behind her, she ran. Her legs carried her down the corridors, and she stumbled down the stairs and flew out the front hospital doors.
Ayano was instantly blinded by the bright white light of the sun and she halted, lifting a hand to shield her eyes. At the same time, she was being buffeted by a fierce, angry wind, her hair sent whipping into her eyes, forcing her to squeeze them shut. It was difficult to breathe.
With her eyes closed, she saw Taro's fearful, angry face staring at her.
Ayano broke down right there in the parking lot, crying as her mind replayed the hatred in his eyes.
And in distant, numb way, she thought, "What's the point?" The one she loved most would never love her. She'd thought she could force him. It had almost seemed perfect that he had become paralyzed, seeing as he wouldn't be able to reject her, but now, somehow, he knew. He knew it was Ayano who was the cause of it all, and he would never, ever forgive her. Even if she tried to force him, she could never bear to see that look he'd given her. A look of pure hate.
Senpai could never love me. It was official. That was it. The cold, hard truth blasting through her head like bullets. Game over.
The bitter-cold wind slashed at her clothes and left her body frozen to the bone. Ayano felt like only person in the world. She ducked her tear-streaked face into her hands. There, in the small comfort of the darkness they provided, where no one else could see her pain, she allowed herself to fall apart, and felt hot tears run in between her fingers.
Every cry tore violently at her heart. She felt herself screaming internally, collapsing under a wave of depression which pulled her under the surface into the depths of despair. Even though her eyes were closed, she saw the edge of her vision speckle in blackness. Would she faint? Would her body save her from this overwhelming pain when no one else would?-
And then suddenly she was caught by a pair of arms.
Like a thick blanket, she felt warm, strong arms envelope her, protecting her sides from the onslaught of the wind, encircling her until they reached her back. The pressure was tight yet gentle, like a firm, comfortable hug. She felt herself be pulled forward slightly, until she was being held against a solid chest, her head propped up against it.
Standing there, so surprised that she forgot why she'd been crying, Ayano could neither move nor speak. She felt nothing expect the arms holding her, and heard nothing except the sound of the heartbeat next to her ear. It was strong, constant, like the boom of a deep drum that reverberated into her body with every beat. Now and then, short, uncontrollable gasps escaped her throat, but as her heart began to match the slow pace of the one next to it, they started coming less and less.
Ayano let herself feel safe in the quiet, protective warmth surrounding her. It was as if the warmth was flowing into the cold, empty cavern of her heart. She felt it fill up all the missing pieces, mending what was broken, smoothing even the hairline cracks along her heart. Suddenly, she remembered everything that she'd lost, but this time she didn't feel the need to cry.
Ayano slowly took her hands away from her face, burying it instead in the person's chest. It was odd, but she didn't feel embarrassed. Whoever it was, was offering help that she needed and would take. Ayano closed her eyes. Taking deep breaths, she listened to her own heartbeat, and realized that it was in sync with the one at her ear. An indescribable sense of both content and complete hopelessness filled her.
"Thank you... for comforting me. But it's okay. I don't need it. I don't want to live anymore." Her whisper was so quiet that she thought she wouldn't be heard. But she was.
The arms around her grew tighter. "You must," said the voice with grim determination. Every word rumbled into the chest upon which she lay her head, and seemed to buzz into her. It was all around her, in front, behind and inside her. Ayano dimly realized that it sounded clear and masculine. Is that...? "Living might mean you feel much pain, but it is also the only way to feel love. And that is worth the suffering."
Ayano was silent for a moment, and then replied softly into the dark enclosure. "I don't think so. Not if love ends like this."
"Love ends. Pain does too."
Ayano shook her head ever so slightly in disagreement. "Once this is over, and I go home, I'll be alone. I'll just feel it again. It'll never leave me." Her voice sounded so small and weak to herself. I must seem so pathetic to him.
A slight pause. Ayano waited expectantly, thinking that, of course, he couldn't reply. No one would be able to help her. This was just a temporary fix to a permanent pain.
"If you're saying that me being here with you stops the pain, then I won't go away. I'll stay for however long it takes."
Ayano's first thought was This sounds incredibly cheesy. Her second was This is also really stupid. She said, "So you're just going to stick around so I can hug you whenever I feel upset? Listen to yourself. It's illogical."
"Does this work?"
"It works, but only during the moment."
"Well then, I'll just hug you a lot more."
"Do you hear yourself?"
"My ears are working."
Ayano sighed in slight irritation. She'd already guessed who it was, but she didn't feel the desire to pull away, because she knew that once she did so, it would break this fragile peace within her, and it would be the beginning of a long suffering. How ironic that her greatest, strangest enemy would be the one who was there for her when her senpai wasn't.
The arms around her sides started to loosen and Ayano reluctantly pulled away. Immediately she was in the cold again, the wind slapping her face with icy hands. She looked at the person before her and confirmed her suspicions.
Budo stood before her, looking as he always did - normal. But it was strange. Just a few minutes ago, up in that tree, she had looked at Budo in annoyance. Now however, she felt, along with slight annoyance, a deep gratitude as well.
"Thank you," she repeated, as sincerely as she could.
He nodded in reply. She hadn't realized how tall Budo was until now, when she had to raise her head a litter higher to meet him in the eye.
Ayano gave him a serious look. "Alright. If you are still offering to help me, I accept this arrangement. However that doesn't mean you have to. You've got nothing to gain from this," she stated logically.
Budo's eyes scanned her face and Ayano, sensing them, immediately touched her cheeks and near her eyes. It was dry. "What?" She asked, suddenly self-conscious.
"It's just how you've made this into a deal, when it was meant to be a gesture of friendship."
"Oh?" Ayano watched in confusion as Budo started taking off his jacket. What was he doing now? She continued, "I suppose friendship itself is a deal of some sorts - A mutual agreement to help the other person. So in that sense, both terms are acceptable."
"Here. You're freezing." Budo placed his jacket over Ayano's shoulders. She blinked in surprise. The jacket was brimming full of delicious heat and Ayano's involuntarily shivered into it. Although it wasn't soft, it was thick and well-insulated against the cold.
"Aren't you cold?"
"I was getting too hot anyway. Why don't we walk back to our houses together and talk about this on the way? And since we're friends now, we'll see each other tomorrow, right?"
"Ah, yes," Ayano replied uncertainly. She wasn't sure what exactly was happening, or what the terms and conditions of their friendship were, but she nodded absently.
Budo started to turn and walk towards the streets. Ayano, after a moment of hesitation, followed.
It was the beginning of a strange relationship.