*a definition*
Robin went to her favourite cafe to get lunch, since it served such incredible food. Today, she was excited to try their brioche burger with their signature chips. It was a treat, and one she didn't have very often.
"Is that you, Robbie?" asked a deep and oddly familiar voice.
She looked up, and her heart filled with dread and anger and sadness all at once. She found herself speechless.
The man sat down, pulling off his beanie and letting his curly hair spring free. His eyes were the same, warm and dark, but his jawline had developed, and he had some stubble.
"Jordan," she managed to get out coldly. "How... pleasant to see you."
"You look different."
"Yeah, it's amazing how age changes people," she said sarcastically. "What do you want?"
His smile faded. "I'm sorry. I know I hurt you-"
"Shit, really?"
"- but I want to fix that."
"Piss off. Let me eat my burger."
"At least let me join you and pay for you."
"Excuse me?"
Jordan had already raised his hand, and said to the waitress, "I'll grab an eggs Benedict, please."
"You rat," Robin muttered under her breath. She suddenly had a memory flash before her eyes of Jordan that fateful night, when he had started unbuttoning her shirt, and shivered despite herself. She felt his eyes on her, and she refused to so much as look at him and give him any reason to believe he was doing the right thing. She firmly looked out the window, refusing to even grant him a single glance, and he sighed.
"I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I should apologise, I know I-"
"Who the hell said you were allowed to speak to me?" she asked, and she caught him wincing out the corner of her eye. He refrained from saying anything else, and their food arrived together. She ate her burger, angry at how much it tasted like cardboard. Jordan refrained from speaking at first, but finished his food and called for a bill, paying for them both before she could even say anything.
"What the hell?!" she snapped. "Why would you-"
"I figure I owe you-"
"Oh right, yeah, the damn burger will change my life," she snarled, before standing, pushing her chair in, and leaving the calm ambience of the cafe.
"Robbie, wait!" he called, and she heard his footsteps behind her. She turned with an irritated huff.
"What do you want, Casper?" she growled.
His brown eyes were pleading, but she didn't feel anything. She hated him, that was the end of it. "Let me take you to a nice restaurant tonight. We can start over."
"I'm busy," she snapped, then walked on. He easily kept pace with her- damn him for being so stupidly, unnecessarily tall.
"How about tomorrow night?"
"Busy."
"Wednesday?"
"Busy."
"Thursday?"
"Could you leave me alone?!"
"There's no way you're busy every night."
"I am."
"Okay, so what are you doing Wednesday?"
"Laminating my cat," she said, trying to think of something to say that sounded legitimate.
He blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," she said, holding her chin high.
He bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh. "Well, usually when I iron my cat, it only takes me about fifteen minutes."
"Well, it takes me longer than that," she said, trying hard to keep a straight face. "Sorry we can't all be as accomplished as you."
"I'll come over and help, then I'll take you out to dinner, alright?"
"What if I don't want to?"
"Do you still like nasi goreng and satay?"
"What?"
"There's a new Malaysian inspired restaurant on 8th Avenue South, it's like Malaysian and American fusion. I've wanted to try it out for a while, apparently it's great." He grinned. "Who better to try it with?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"One of your best friends," he said. "And I know I messed up, but I wanna try again. Give me one more chance, Robbie. I've missed you."
She gritted her teeth, then sighed. "You know me," she said weakly.
"You can't keep a grudge. Even though you really should." He held out his arms and she hesitantly hugged him. He kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you so much, Robbie."
"When do you want to go?"
"Tonight?" His lips quirked up into a smile. "Although I don't want to interrupt that laminated cat of yours."
"He can wait, I suppose."
"See you tonight, then. Dress nice, okay?"
"Better than you, anyway."
He made a little sound like she'd punched him in the gut, then laughed. "Can I borrow your phone real quick?"
She handed it over, and he typed something in, before she heard a quiet ding from inside his jacket. "There. Now I have your number, and you have mine. Send me your address so I can pick you up, okay?"
"Fine."
He smiled. "See you soon."
Robin sighed, angrily biting her lip so hard that it began to bleed. She needed to make sure that he understood that she didn't care anymore, and she needed to stop the goddamn butterflies in her stomach that threatened to make her throw up.
<><><><><><><><>
She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes and face were done up fairly naturally, with the heavy eyeliner that only looked natural on her face now. Her lips were a natural shade, and her hair was done in an elaborate pinned up braid on her head. Her dress was a black one, with pink cherry blossoms adorning the skirt, which flared out and made her look thinner than she was, and black heels that could kill a man.
She looked killer.
She heard the doorbell and she took a deep breath to ease her nerves. She looked good. She looked good, and she was going to make Jordan Casper regret ever treating her badly. She went to the door and opened it.
He turned around, holding a bouquet of roses and wearing a smart shirt, suspenders and a red tie, with dress pants. He was silent for a moment, staring at her.
She waved her hand. "Earth to Jordan?"
"S-Sorry," he stammered, holding the flowers out for her. "You look... lovely."
"Thank you. Are we leaving now?"
"Yep. Got a jacket?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Perfect," he said, taking her arm and leading her out.
The car ride was silent, save for the radio quietly playing in the background. Jordan glanced at her, then back down. "You've finally gotten taller."
"Age can do that."
"Still as sarcastic as ever."
"You're still a shit head."
"You're not wrong."
She rolled her eyes, glancing at him, then looking back down. She had no idea how to feel. Finally, her sixteen year old dream was alive- she was going out with the Jordan Casper.
They got to the restaurant, and Jordan flipped through a menu. "What are you getting?"
"The satay, probably. You?"
"Nasi goreng and rotis."
"Fair enough."
As they waited for their food to arrive, Jordan coughed. "So... how have you been?"
"I'm fine. Got my own place, now. Going to college."
"Are you dating anyone?"
"I broke up with my partner last week."
"Aw, no! Why?"
"Because he wanted sex and I didn't, for obvious reasons," replied Robin coldly, making Jordan wince.
"I know that I can't apologise-"
"You're right."
"- but at least let me try to make it up to you." He raised his glass of water. "To new beginnings?"
She sighed, raising hers as well. "To new beginnings," she echoed, and their glasses clinked.
<><><><><><><><>
Jordan pulled up at Robin's house, and said, "Well, this is your stop."
"Right, yeah. Uh, thank you. Tonight was fun."
"Yeah. Thank you for coming." He smiled slightly. "I'll walk you to the door."
"N-No, it's fine-"
"I insist," he responded gently. "Please."
"Okay," she mumbled, and he took her arm again, walking her to her door. He spun her around to face him, and he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
"I hope we can do this again sometime," he said.
"Maybe."
She closed the door and sighed softly. Tonight had brought up a lot of different feelings for her. She could remember now, why she had liked him so much.
Suddenly, there was a knock on her door again, and she opened it. Jordan was standing on her doorstep with a sheepish expression on his face.
"Uh, my car isn't starting. There's no way I can get it started again 'til tomorrow."
Robin looked at him with disdain, then sighed. "Come in, then. You can sleep on the couch."
"Done. Thank you so much, I'm so sorry-"
"You don't have to apologise," she said. "You'd do the same for me. My ex left his clothes here."
"Right."
"You can borrow them for tonight."
"Done deal, babe." He smiled at her, then looked around. "Nice place you've got here."
"It's small, but it's mine, so I love it," she said, as he admired the succulents on her windowsill.
"It's very you," he commented, looking at the dark green walls. "Did you buy it?"
"Yeah, Pa let me use his money to buy it and I'm paying him back as soon as I can. It's a gorgeous little place, just me and Sushi."
"Sushi?"
"He's this cat that showed up at my window one day, and I let him come in because it was cold, and then he just never left, so I guess he lives here now."
He cracked a smile, then said, "Let's have a bottle of wine. I have some in my car."
"Go on, then," she said.
He went back to his car, getting the bottle of wine, and walked back in the front door, closing it behind him. Robin settled down in her favourite couch, curling up like a cat after leaving two wine glasses out for them. He poured her glass, before pausing. "Aren't you underage?"
"Never stopped you before," she said, before she could filter herself, and he winced slightly, handing her the glass. She took a sip, watching him over the rim. He was watching whatever mindless show she'd put on TV, looking tired and much, much more mature than she remembered him.
Before they knew it, they were up to their third glasses, and Robin was starting to feel it. She looked across the room again, at Jordan, who was glowing under the fairy lights she had strung up. He looked... beautiful. There was no other way to put it. Her stomach fluttered, as she remembered how his hands had felt on her thighs that night.
He looked up, slightly flushed, and said, "I didn't expect you to say yes. To coming with me today."
"I didn't expect to either, but here we are," she responded.
He lifted his glass. "Let's play 'Never Have I Ever'. You start."
She swirled her drink around in her glass, and said, "Never have I ever... tried to see how many marshmallows I could fit into my mouth in one go."
He laughed, taking a sip. "Alright, then. Never have I ever thrown up on someone else."
"Oh shut up, that was one time!" she said, taking a sip from her glass as he chuckled. "Never have I ever... hmm... never have I ever had a crush on a teacher."
"Well, I haven't, so I'm good," he said with a chuckle. "Never have I ever... been seasick."
"Nope. Never have I ever eaten something thinking it was chocolate, but then it wasn't."
He took a sip, then defended himself when Robin started laughing. "Hey, hey! I thought it was a chocolate mousse cake but it was a cheesecake, and I don't like cheesecake! It counts!"
"You're so stupid," she said. "Alright, your turn."
He looked flushed already, but he leaned forward, his voice suddenly soft. "Never have I ever regretted something more than hurting you."
She watched him, and slowly lifted her glass to her lips. He watched her in silence, and she breathed, "I regret letting you leave without explaining yourself."
Jordan set his empty glass down, before sitting beside Robin. "I can't apologise enough, Robin."
Robin knew she was in trouble. His body was too close to hers, and the alcohol was doing things to her brain that didn't make sense. His skin was touching hers, and it was tingling. He raised his hand up to her face with a sad look in his eyes, and breathed, "I'm so sorry."
His breath smelled like the sweet wine they were drinking. He was flushed. Her body was taking over, and her mind was gladly letting her take the reins. But before any of that, he had already started to kiss her.
The couch they were on was small, and he put his hands on her waist, lifting her onto his lap with a soft moan. "We shouldn't, we shouldn't," whispered Robin, but her willpower was fading quickly. She could feel his hands and his lips everywhere at once, and it was mind-blowing.
"But you want to," he breathed, listening to her breath hitch as his hand played with the zipper on the back of her dress.
"That means nothing. A drug addict wants to do drugs, but they shouldn't," she said breathlessly.
"And maybe they should just do it," he whispered. Her head was swimming with thoughts they shouldn't be swimming with, and her body was responding to him in all the right ways. Because yes, his hands and his body against hers felt so good that she couldn't even think straight. "Say my name."
"Jordan," she murmured, and he groaned softly, unzipping her dress and moving his hands down her back. It dropped down to her waist, showing off her torso to him, and he pulled away, admiring her.
"You're as beautiful as you were the first time," he said softly. "You're so f*cking beautiful, Robin."
"I can't do this again," she whispered. "Jordan, I can't-"
"I won't leave you again. I won't, I promise."
"You can't make that p-promise," she murmured, feeling his lips on her neck and losing focus. "O-Oh, God... Jordan, we shouldn't..."
"Robbie... please, I won't make the same mistake again. I won't make you regret this."
She looked at him with hooded, unfocused eyes. "We shouldn't," she whispered, but with no conviction as he kissed her neck, bit her collarbone, left marks on her skin. She knew that they both wanted each other. She knew that they both needed this. It was stupid, it was stupid to even consider it, but-
"We- we need to go to my room, we're not having sex on this couch," she said softly. "Do you have a condom?"
"In my wallet," he mumbled, and she ground her hips against his, making him groan. "F*cking hell, Robbie, you're gonna kill me if you keep doing that."
"Is that so?" she asked, and he chuckled darkly.
"You've got me greying, Hayes-Lockhart. Now, let's get to your room."
*a/n: full disclosure time
i have depression. i've had it for a while. a long while, really. i mean, i only found out about it recently, but i know that i haven't been okay for a long time now, and i think you guys are noticing that too.
my writing quality has gone down tenfold, as has my updating and my general presence on this site in general.
i promise to keep writing for the four of you that are still reading, just so i can get this story done, but after that? gee. i dunno. i think i might take my books and leave wattpad for good.
but thankyou all for your endless support, i love you all <3
nethii*