» A flower can not blossom without sunshine, and a man can not live without love. «
✧ Johnny Orlando ✧
☼
"Hey John, is Kenzie coming tonight?" My Mum asked as she pushed open my door lightly.
"Yeah, she should be." I replied after clearing my thoat.
She smiled back at me. "Great. I'm making her favourite dinner."
"Again?" I laughed, leaning back against the pillows on my bed.
"Of course! I mean, why not?" Mum laughed too.
I rolled my eyes with a playful grin dancing on my lips. "Lets hope your disatrous mac and cheese doesn't scare her off."
My Mother threw the shoe of mine she was holding at me. I barely managed to dodge it, pulling my legs away just in time.
"Child abuse!" I had screamed at her as she walked down the hallway, laughing.
I sigh. This happened three days ago now.
A lot can happen in three days.
I relapsed. My insomnia has returned. Depression has come back to haunt me. My anxiety levels have gone through the roof. And... Mackenzies gone.
The last three days? They've been the worst of my life. Fresh tears roll down my cheeks just thinking about what I've gone through. I lie on the mattress that is still propped up onto our roof, stare unwaveringly up at the stars, and cry. I cry and cry and cry. For I am broken, and there is no one here to fix me anymore.
I haven't attended school. It's hard to when you have fitful sleep thats absolutely riddled with nightmares. It's hard to not snap at your parents, it's hard not to break everything you touch, but it's even harder to rid yourself of the past, rid your mind of everything that used to make you feel happy.
I sigh, reminiscing, and watch my breath form clouds in the cold night air.
The feel of Mackenzies lips against mine, the scent of her perfume, the sound of her laugh. She's permanently in my thoughts. Her clothes are still in my room. She's missing, gone, but I'm irrevocably and irreversibly in love with her.
It's nights like these when I am reminded of what a horrible person I am. I feel caged, stuck, like everyones expectations are weighing me down, pushing me below the surface of normalcy. Why do you deserve happiness? The voice in my head chants, Why you?
I loved her, and in the end, it scared her too much. Scared her so much she couldn't even say goodbye. Couldn't even call.
Aren't I worried? Of course I am. I'm anxious, frantic, skitterish– my eyes can't stop blinking and I can't sit still. The intense feeling of dread is almost tattooed into my bones; it won't disappear. My heart beats rythmically like a drum in my chest.
For why would a girl like Mackenzie build me up only to see me come crashing down? Why would she put me into remission only to see me relapse? Why would she kiss me if only to disappear?
"John." My Dads voice sounds out from behind me.
I make a noise in the back of my throat and wipe my eyes frantically. By the time I've stood up, Dad has come to my side. It only takes one sympathetic look from him and my eyes fill up with tears. He grasps me in a hug, and I fully break down.
My chest heaves with loud and ugly sobs, and my shoulders tremble from the ferocity of them. My eyes squeeze shut and I rest my chin on my Dads shoulder. The world turns black. He rubs my back after a while, and that's when I realise he's sobbing himself. I release myself from his hold, wiping my eyes with the bottom of my shirt.
"How did you know I was up here?" I choke out, sounding hollow.
"You used to come up here every single night before Mackenzie. Son, we knew all along." He says, voice breaking.
I have nothing to say in reply.
"Come sit down with me."
I do. We sit next to each other on the matress.
"What's going on inside your head?" He asks, voice feeble.
It takes me ages to reply. "Living is going to be tough if it's like this."
"John." He closes his eyes. I look over at him. His hands are shaking wildly like a leaf in the wind. "Tell me. What can we do to make it better?"
"I just..." I start tearfully, choking on raw emotion, "want to know why she isn't here. I want to see her, Dad."
"Then we'll find her, we'll find her. I promise." He clears his throat.
A long silence stretches out the night. I cry, quietly.
"We can't wait, can we?" Dad asks. "It has to be soon."
I nod, closing my eyes as if I'm in physical pain.
"Go." He chokes out. "Go get in the car, I'll get the keys. Your not driving like this but I'll take you to find her."
"I'm so scared, Dad." These four words being said released a massive weight of my chest, and I didn't even realise that's what I was feeling.
"I am too." Dad replied, looking at me through the tiredest eyes I've ever seen.
☼
After reaching no one on Mackenzie's home phone number, Dad and I decided to drive around to hers even though it was an ungodly time of night. What I feel is slowly driving me to the point of insanity. I need to see her.
The streets of London are quiet. A few lone cars drive on the roads, but for the most part we drive alone. Being curled up in the passenger seat of my Dads truck with the heater on and my feel tucked under the dashboard makes me feel like I'm ten years old again. A wave of nostalgia passes through me. How I wish my biggest problems in life were maths homework and getting to basketball practice on time, like they used to be. My younger self didn't know how juvenile my problems were.
My hands start to tremble a little when we're a few streets away from Mackenzie. Blood rushes to my cheeks. My teeth grind together.
And then we pull up at Mackenzie's house, and my heart stops.
Mustard yellow crime scene tape decorates her front yard. Police cars with strobe flashing lights are sitting in the driveway. An ambulance accompanies them. Mackenzies brothers and sisters are gathered together, screaming and holding onto eachother for dear life. The older ones clutch at the younger ones. Ashley is among them. Her eyes catch mine, horrified.
There are two bodies lying on the front lawn.
One is Mackenzies mother.
The other is her stepfather.
☼
[1282 words]
I'm not really sure what I should say because your all going to hate me now– 1, you hate cliffhangers, and 2, now Mackenzie has no parents.
Give your opinion on why you think Mackenzie deserted Johnny for three days– and be creative!
Also, what do you think happened to Mackenzie's parents?
New chapter will be coming your way at 200 votes, but if it gets to 200 votes and I'm away I won't be posting because I'll have no wifi. X
I have also posted a Q & A for my book Holding In which has a lot of insight into Mackenzie and Johnnys future. Check it out if you wanna. <3
QOTC: What is your favourite song?
AOTC: I have far too many! Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid, Myself by Bazzi, Genius by Sia, Labyrinth and Diplo, any song by Dean Lewis, Grow by Frances and Slip by Elliot Moss are some of my personal favourites. I'm a contemporary music geek, oops.
Below is something I read in rainbowbrook s book Kisses and Other Necessities. I agree with it so much. Have a read. X