『 chapter xxiv : I MISS HIM MORE THAN SUMMER 』
JUNE HATED HOSPITALS. OF THAT, SHE WAS certain. She knew she must've said it hundreds of times. It was the only place that people could be both born and die in. But right now, June quite loved the labor room that Daphne Uley was resting in, holding a bouncing baby in the crook of her arms that Juniper and Bella got to call their little brother. Daphne labored for eight hours in the early morning of February nineteenth ( barely a Pisces ) and successfully delivered a boy — a son she names William, Willie for short, a homage to Charlie's best friend and that ring of royalty it gave which Daphne was fond of. June loves William already, the second she and her older sister went into the room and saw him nursing from their mother. Willie has those untamable Swan curls but black in color, and his eyes, true to what everyone hoped, are blue like ice. June's mother says they'll darken as he gets older but June doesn't think so. Her baby brother is an absolute angel, he never cries, only when he's hungry. He wraps his little hand around anyone who's arms he's in. June watches as she sits in the corner as Bella's downstairs getting food, how Daphne's smile and Charlie's starry eyed look never leave them. Their in bliss. They should be. They have every right to be happy.
June remembers those looks well, she'd seen them on the photos that were taken when June herself was born. She gets handed Willie when her dad has to go bathroom and her mom naps, exhausted from laboring, she deserves a good rest.
All June can do is look down at her little brother, his little mouth moving, "Hey, little brother," She murmurs softly. He coos a bit. She smiles. "It's June, your big sister. You have another one, she's downstairs, she'll be up in a bit. I don't know how long I'll have with you ... I hope it's a while."
It chokes her up. June pauses for a moment to just take it all in and realize she'll never have this. She won't have the doting nurses at her bedside and the adoring husband and the other children to greet their newest sibling — she won't even be alive to have anything. June will never be mother. She'll never hold one of her own in her arms. As if sensing his older sisters distress, Willie makes a small whimpering sound. June rocks him softly, shushing him with a soothing voice.
"... don't worry. You'll have Bella. And mom and dad. Maybe they'll speed things up and give you another sibling," June quirks a smile, seeing Willie open his little eyes at her. "You're gonna be just fine, you got some pretty awesome parents. They're gonna be everything some messed-up-circumstance couldn't let them be to me. You're so loved, little dude. I love you. Don't forget me."
Willie coos.
"Me, too." June says with a hum.
Daphne shifts in her bed, turning over to look at June and her beautiful face glows when she sees her firstborn holding her newborn. "My worlds." Her mom says tiredly.
June looks at her mom, smiling softly. "You make some pretty good babies."
Daphne, despite her tiredness, laughs. "Yeah, you came out just alright."
June feigns a hurt look, "Alright? Sounds fake, but okay."
"How's he doing?" Daphne asks.
"Chill, he's not crying, so mega-chill," June winks.
"My soft boy," Daphne smiles. "You had a pair of lungs when you were born and you'd love to show everyone."
"That's unfortunate because I can't hold a pitch."
Daphne grins, then it falls. "Charlie told me you went to the Reservation. Billy called after you left, said you went to go see Jacob?" She asks softly.
June looks down to Willie, who makes a bubbling sound with his lips when she pulls down on it softly with her index finger, "I haven't heard from him in a week," June admits. "I was scared something happened to him or that Sam's little cult got to him."
Daphne sighs, "Charlie told me he has mono, poor boy."
June nods mutely. Mono. Her boyfriend still hadn't called her. It was worrying June more than anything, she wasn't angry, she understanding in the fact that he was sick and could barely do much, but she was antsy with each passing day and still hearing nothing.
"I'm assuming you went to your grandmas."
"I needed to talk to her."
"About?"
"Things."
"What kinds of things?"
"Just stuff, mom," June sorta says with a icy chip in her voice. She relaxes and Willie starts getting drowsy eyed in her arms. "I don't go over there for nothing. Just needed to get some stuff off my chest ..."
"That's what's I'm here for." Daphne frowns.
"Mom, you just gave birth, you don't need to hear about me whining about not wanting to die. There?" June says passively. Her moms features hardened. "That's all."
"June—"
Just in June's favor, Charlie came in. June smiles at her dad and stands, letting him slowly take Willie into his arms. She's happy for her dad, already seeing the swirling dreams of a little boy with his wife's eyes that he can take hunting and fishing and throw the football to.
"I see my throne has been usurped," June sighs jokingly, shaking her head with her hands on her waist.
Charlie looked up from his son and smirks to his youngest daughter, "Honestly, June-Bug, I think your throne is a little too large for a baby to sit on. Let this boy win some football scholarships and whatnot, then yeah." He winks.
June smiles, "He's so pretty." She says mindlessly.
Charlie huffs a bit, "Ain't that the truth, this little heartbreaker is gonna be all over Forks." He eyes her. "I thought it was you I'd have to be worried about."
June hums, "Still, be worried."
Charlie grins as he takes a seat next to Daphne who's been silently looking at them. He makes a movement that lets his fiancée see their little boy. Charlie kisses Daphne for what seems like the twentieth time since she delivered, the soft and unspoken thank you in his eyes as Daphne pulls faces for Willie, who's already enamored by his parents, even if he can't see them, so the doctor said because all they can see once they're born is shapes and whatnot. So, Willie was enamored by shapes, rather.
"I'm hungry," June announced. "I'm gonna go get some food."
Daphne nods, looking up from Willie. "Okay, baby."
Charlie smiles, "Call us if any more visitors come up."
June nods at her parents, standing by the door as she watches them looking fondly down at Willie. Their eyes were so loving and so thankful, what could've been more of a bandage to losing their firstborn? Willie could. June loved her little brother more for that fact. She'd protect him from anything that she could for the time being. For as long as she lived, forever, for however long her forever would be. June smiles one last time at her parents before she goes out the door, shutting it behind her. She walks down the hallway and towards the elevator, already with the mindset of going to the cafeteria. The elevator opened and there stood her grandmother Iris.
June couldn't help the smile that came out. She rushed into her grandma's arms, holding her. Iris seemed surprised at first but held her tight, "Grandma!" June said happily, feeling tears prick her eyes. "He's here! He's really here! He's so beautiful, his eyes are blue, like ours. They named him William, for Billy Black, but we're calling him Willie so there's no confusion even though it sounds the same but he's here! Mom and dad are gonna be just fine ..."
Iris's chuckle behind her warmed her, "Oh, my darling girl, I'm glad you're happy," She tells her. "William, eh? Nice name. Strong name."
June nods with a big smile, "Go on, he's awake, you have to go see him—" she pauses when she sees who else in the elevator, someone she hadn't seen since her greeting to her grandma.
Sam stands there, her cousin, his soft brown eyes eyeing her warily. June wants to scream at him, she usually does, but maybe it's because her brother is here and she's so damn happy and her parents won't be alone after she's dead and she can finally say that she'll fight for another person to stay alive, but she wordlessly pulls away from Iris and moves to stand in front of Sam. She looks beside him and sees he's holding the hand of a woman. Emily Young. June feels her heart sink but she's good at masking her face to what she wants people to see. June's never met the girl, the woman, rather. She's beautiful, although there's three deep scars like claw marks running down her face and neck that stop her from being almost too beautiful. June wonders about that story, Leah never mentioned Emily being attacked by what looks like the claws of a bear. June then knows Leah rather not mention anything about her cousin.
"Junior," He says lowly, grabbing her attention.
June says nothing as she bound over to him and wraps her arms around him. She feels Sam hold her immediately. She squeezes him tightly, as much as she can, his figure is huge, "Thanks for coming , Sammy," She says in his hold. She jumps down. "They're in room five. You should see him, he's a big baby, chubby and all."
Sam's smile is iridescent, the old Sam she knew, it makes her heart beat easier, "You were the same." He says and she laughs, making him more at ease. Her eyes flicker to Emily who's been quite, only smiling hesitantly. "Oh, yeah, Junior — there's someone I've been dying for you to meet, this is Emily, my fiancé."
June can remember when Sam introduced Leah that way to people and the way people's eyes lit with admiration. But June feels some new-bound maturity seep through her, and what Leah doesn't know won't hurt her. She feels like she's betraying her friend by even looking at Emily, but June couldn't hate anyone, not when she was dying, and not when she might never meet them.
Emily smiles softly, "Juniper, hi, it's wonderful to meet you, finally, Sam's told me so much about you—" She says as she holds out her hand for June to shake it.
June doesn't let her finish, she just pulls the girl into a tight hug. "It's just June. And same here," She hugs her. Emily sinks into her hug like putty. "Sorry it's so late, though. I shouldn't have been so ..."
Emily shakes her head immediately as they pull away, "Oh, no, I understand." She says softly. "I know it hasn't been the most simplest of changes."
June smiles back, the famous June-Swan smile. She can see Sam practically beaming from where he stood. "Well, you're gonna be my cousin soon. We're family. Family needs to be together," June says smoothly, looking to Sam sorrowfully, shaking her head. "I'm done fighting a fight that isn't mine. You're my cousin, I'm sorry, you don't have to forgive me but I'm so sorry, for the baby shower and before—"
She doesn't get to finish because Sam pulls her into a hug, the one that she remembers when she was a little girl and she'd fall off her bike and he'd be there to say, let's go again, Junior, ice cream after. June sees her grandmas face soften, those easy blue eyes filling with adoration and Emily stands off to the side, looking at the cousins in joy. June hugs him tighter. Sam sets her down and looks at her with his huge grinning face.
"I'm gonna go pig out in the cafeteria," June says and it makes Emily chuckle. "Go see my brother, and I'll see you both later? Maybe I could come over, if that's okay?"
Sam nods earnestly, "We'd love that, Junior."
Emily intertwines her hand in Sam's. "We really would."
June nods at both of them. She pecks her grandmas cheek one more time, pointing to the hospital room before she goes into the elevator. The whole way down, June thinks, as much as being a bitch feels good, being nice feels better. June is greeted by Bella who's sitting down at the cafeteria, eating some sandwich and chips and on her laptop, finishing some schoolwork. Her older sister looks up at her, smiling.
"I didn't hear the hospital security run up?" Bella chimes with a furrowed brow.
June raised hers, "Why?" She laughs.
"I saw Sam and his fiancé."
"Yeah, me too."
"And you didn't fight?"
June shakes her head, stealing a chip. "Nope."
Bella smiles, "Wow. Nice."
"Yeah, I can be the bigger person."
Her older sister laughs, "Whatever you say, dude."
•—•—•—•
IT WAS SAFE TO SAY, ALREADY A WEEK IN, HER baby brother was an absolute angel. Willie never cried, contrary to what June believed babies to do? June wouldn't use the would never, rather rarely, because of course he cried but it was never like some movies or shows made it seem where the entire house was kept up all night due to the newborns incessant cries. William seemed to understand that he had two older sisters whom were no strangers to seeing weird things in their nightmares and decided that awakening them or scarring them even more with his whines weren't worth it. But the past week had been as it usually was, except there was baby bottles in the sink and diapers everywhere, even onesies and burping cloths. June was prepared for some snot-nosed twerp or something, one she'd love regardless, but Willie was already proving to be softer than a cloud — Patrick Verona adored him and hadn't barked like he would've whenever Willie's in sight. Her baby brother was opening his eyes more and blue and the icy tint of the only seemed to get stronger rather than what Daphne initially thought would fade.
June loved Willie, he had taken up her entire mindset that was raging with the thoughts where is my boyfriend? his chubby face and big blue eyes, who wouldn't have gotten tangled up with caring for him. Bella was doing okay as well, so June hoped, and her entire schedule seemed to revolve around helping Daphne. Right now, was one of those moments June knew she'd miss the most — Daphne was pulling faces for her three week old son, getting him to give the faintest of smiles. Bella was upstairs finishing schoolwork and June sat across from her mom, reading a book she had an essay on later in the week.
"Heard anything from Jacob, hun?" Daphne suddenly asks, her eyes on her infant as he giggles when she blows a kiss to his neck.
June smiles at the sound, but the question only said Esther more than she used to, "Same thing. I don't want to be that girlfriend, clingy and annoying, ... but it's been weeks? Usually half of my generation finds another person in a day."
"You're not gonna find another Jacob," Daphne laughs softly at her words. "He surely won't find another you."
June hums, "I don't know ... maybe it's better."
Daphne looks up from Willie, "June."
"No, maybe this is like a sign," June shrugs, her eyes meeting her mother's. She vaguely remembers a sentence in Melanie Capote's journal I miss him more than summer, but to protect him, I'll suffer through many winters. "This might be my last chance to do something right. He deserves a lot more than liking a soon-to-be dead girl."
Daphne says nothing at first, softly rocking Willie in her arms. "I don't know what to tell you, Juniper."
June looks down at her hands, "I'm gonna miss him a lot."
"It doesn't have be goodbye."
June had thought about it, the more the days went on and on and she still had yet to hear from or see Jacob. Maybe the Spirits were giving her chance at a huge a change? She'd have to do it eventually ... she dreaded it, breaking up with Jacob wasn't in her cards, not for he foreseeable ever. He'd always be in her heart, watching her paint in the shack that his father made for his mother. In her heart, she'd always remember that night of their first date when he promised her he'd never do anything remotely the same like what Edward had done to June's older sister. But he was. He'd left without a trace or a word, it was like he never existed and all that was to remind her that he was real was the pain of him not being there and the reminiscing of times he was.
"It was bound to happen," June says lowly.
"Honey," Daphne says with a soft look. She stands, Willie in her arms as she goes over to the couch where June's sitting. Daphne sits next to her, grabbing her hand. "You know, I was in your position, no, I shouldn't say that ... I'll never know position, but when I first left Forks and the Rez and your dad and you ... I told myself that leaving was the best thing for everyone. I was selfish. I didn't want to watch my only child, at the time, die. No parent should ever be told their child is gonna die before them ... I couldn't bare the thought—"
"Mom," June stops her, her eyes teary. "You know I don't blame you for leaving, right? Not in a million years—"
"And you should," Daphne says curtly. Her eyes get glassy as she holds Willie. "I don't deserve your forgiveness and I deserve to be blamed. It was my job, as your mom, to stay. That's all I had to do. Stay. And I couldn't even do that."
June shakes her head slowly, "Mom ... I wasn't be as selfish as to make you stay, you can't beat yourself up over it. You're here now, you've got dad and Bella and Willie ... and right now, you have me, too."
Daphne grabs her hand, crying silently. She nods, leaning over to press a kiss to her temple. "I'm thankful. I never thought this could be my life, that I could be this happy. But it is and I am, and I love you, through anything we have to go through."
June didn't know a woman stronger than her mother, not personally. There had been women who had gone through much worse than Daphne Uley could ever go through but in the end, June thought her mother to be resilient. She'd be okay, her daughter knew. No matter what, Daphne could get through anything, and while her dad might have a harder time dealing, having Daphne right by his side to help him would surely be a cause for his grieving to stay as minimal as it could be.
"I'll always be your June." She says with a smile, reaching over and softly brushing a finger over Willie's chubby cheek as he slept.
"Yeah, always." Daphne replies softly.
•—•—•—•
ANOTHER WEEK CAME AND JUNE'S BROTHER was almost a month and she had still to hear from Jacob. June wanted to tell him all about William, even better show off on how adorable he looked in his clothes that Daphne had gotten him and what a good little baby he is. But alas, there was still radio silence from her boyfriends end. June was just more and more certain that this was a sign. Better this way, than hurting way worse in the future. June could see the wary eyes from her parents and her friends, even Leah and Lyanna and Star all shared their opinion how weird it was for Jacob, despite being sick, not to try and reach out to the girl he had been pinning after since he was five. June was all out of thoughts when it came to her boyfriends strange disappearance — she had went to the shack that had once belonged to Sarah Black, June painted there more than she did in her own room. Helplessly, June would stay there for hours and just hope that Jacob would show his face or that she'd get a call or something.
"... Hey, It's Jake, leave a message and if it's June, I'll call you soon beautiful."
June heard the line sound out for the fiftieth thousand time since she's called. The beep sounds and she says into the phone, "Um, hey, it's said beautiful from your voicemail. It's been longer than soon. Call me back."
Bella is sitting on the kitchen counter and munching on some carrots when hears the exchange and frowns, "Again, no answer?"
"Nope," June sighed as she took a seat by the table.
Bella purses her lips, "You should just show up."
"I don't want to be annoying."
"You've called a bunch of times already."
"Yeah, called. Not show up uninvited. He's sick."
"Then don't worry?"
"Bella!"
Her older sister raised her hands in defense. "I'm on your side, June. Just go! What's the worse that can happen?"
"I look like some clingy freak?" June deadpans.
Bella winks, "Such a change. You're the one who usually is clinged upon."
Suddenly, June's phone vibrates in her pocket. She takes it out immediately, hoping to see the screen lit up with the name PUPPY but instead, it's shining with the name LYANNA YOUNG. Smiling, she picks up her phone again and answers it.
"Hey, Lyanna!" June says cheerily.
Lyanna pleasant voice responds, "Hey, June. How's little Willie? Ive been working so much, I haven't had time to go over and Leah and Star wanna see him, too!"
June's heart clenches a bit, remembering the low betrayal that she did to Leah by apologizing to Sam, "Willie's great! He's here and just being an angel, you guys can come over to the house anytime."
Lyanna makes a cooing sound, "Awesome! Oh, but yeah, I'm calling for a reason."
June didn't like the tone and asked, "What's up?"
There was a short pause before Lyanna sighed, frustration leaking in her tone, "I saw Jacob with Sam's little cult the today. He was with Embry and Jared and Paul. They looked like they've been best of buddies, like they didn't almost tear each other into pieces a week ago ... June? I think he's one of them now."
June mumbled a grateful sentence before Lyanna said goodbye, both girls hanging up. June looked at her sister, who'd probably heard every word that Lyanna spoke in her ear. Bella's eyes widened. June knew what she heard ... Jacob with Sam's little cult. Didn't Sam know how worried June had been? He must've. He had to. Yet he looked her right in her eyes and acted like he was just happy that she finally got to met his fiancé. June felt rage bubble up inside her, it was dark and red and whipped at her like a crackle of a flame, she held onto the edge of the table and didn't let go until she felt Bella's hand on hers. June kept thinking of the lies that Billy had spewed in her face. For gods sake, her baby brother was literally named after a liar. June felt more rage then, to know that another liar, her cousin, was a few floors above cooing at her little brother while June seethed. What was she gonna do? Right now, nothing. There wasn't much she could do. She could've got into Bella's truck and drove down to the Reservation and yelled at Sam, interrogate him and ask why Jacob was suddenly hanging out with him and his posse when June knew how unsettled her boyfriend was to be even near them. She'd do nothing now. She'd wait.
"June." Bella's voice sounds muffled to June's ears.
June looks at her. "I'm fine."
"What are you gonna do?" Bella asks nervously.
June stayed stiff. "Nothing. Not right now, at least."
There was a shuffle of noise coming from the people in the living room and June saw it was nobody but Charlie and Harry, all done up in fishing gear and whatnot, an overdue celebration of William's birth. Bella gave a look to their dad that had Charlie setting down his tackle box. Daphne came into the room, holding Willie in her arms. She eyed the scene before her, silencing the radio as the speaker talked about more hikers going missing and bodies mauled by bears.
"Hey," Charlie said as he put a hand on June's shoulder as she set down the phone. "I don't have to go fishing today."
"Yes, you do," Harry Clearwater chimes.
June smirked, her expression masking her true mood as she nodded, "No, yeah, you do. Have fun, celebrate Willie's birth and stuff ... just be careful."
"You heard our daughter," Daphne winked as Charlie nodded, going over to press a kiss to his fiancés lips. "Bring back some good catches, boys, or I'm telling Sue your fishing trips are done!"
"Come on now, Daphne! You know Charlie and I catch nothing but the best trout and red fish the bay has!" Harry laughs as Charlie picks up his tackle box and says bye to Bella.
"Yeah yeah, take care of each other," Bella chuckles as they two men step outside.
"Those bears won't get a drop on me girls," Harry says confidently. "My Kung Fu is strong."
June smiles and waves as they leave and already has a plan stirring in her brain the whole time she watches her dad and Harry get into the truck and drive off. Bella eyes her younger sister with anxious eyes and Daphne does too, eventually catching onto the air of determination that June has floating around her. Her phone chimes again but this time it's one of her cheer-mates with a reminder for practice later on in the day. June quickly sends a reply acknowledgment and a promise of being there. She'd have the best practice in history of cheer, because all she'll be thinking about the entire time is confronting her boyfriend and her cousin. It's a ember that fuels June's gasoline filled veins and starts a fire that won't be put out by anything. Not even the rain that seems to be rolling in as the sky darkened.
note: 🌚🌚🌚🌚 june's confronting jake in the next chapter ahsjsjskkssk btw HAPPY LAte THANKSGIVING AND IM THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU WHO LOVE THIS STORY!!! and introducing william geoffrey swan named after billy black and charlies dad :))))) what a smol and i sorta envision him as finn wolfhard when he gets older :)))&& shoutout to firenations oc lyanna spilling that tea for June ☕️☕️☕️☕️