Chapter 18
Tangled
"So, what? She just let you go? Just like that?" Alexander asked me over a generous plate of thickly sauced noodles, his eyes searching mine with a look of disbelief.
I didn't blame him. Akshana may not have been a tyrant, but she certainly didn't posses the walking ray of sunshine reputation that normally comes with stories of the minutely guilty being let go chalk free.
It was a little while after my rude awakening in the infirmary, and a lot had transpired in the time that had gone by.
** Earlier **
"Well look who decided to join the party," I laughed bitterly when I saw the slender shadow that was Akshana enter the room. "Let me just go get out the punch and chips for everyone!"
She snorted in a graceful manner that only she could pull off and took a seat next to me. I couldn't help but smugly notice that she sat just out of my reach.
"I'm glad your sense of humor is still alive and well."
"Oh, but I couldn't give that up, that's why everyone likes me so much! I mean they all came in here to visit me didn't they?"
I wasn't quite sure why I was acting the way I was, but I supposed it was better than the alternative, which was acting like the victim. I was all too used to the victim role, and I was sick of it. The bitter, bitchy prisoner with a chip on her shoulder was much more fun to slip into.
Akshana however, didn't seem to be amused. But then I don't think she ever looked amused, or anything other than mildly content when it came to positive emotions.
"Look, Kaylee, I understand why you're angry." She began in a regal tone. "But I have to keep the safety of my people at the highest priority. It's my job as their leader. And seeing as you once used that as a bargaining chip to get to visit your prisoner friend, you must understand why certain precautions are necessary."
Her words brought me back to when I first stumbled upon Adam, and what he had shouted as I was dragged away.
"Interesting that you would say that," I began, testing the waters a bit even though I knew I shouldn't have been doing so.
She raised a brow at me patiently, willing to hear what I had to say.
I knew I had told her Adam didn't say anything to me, but I was curious to see what she'd do if she knew that the real threat was still hidden among her precious 'people'.
When my silence stretched too long, she prompted me to continue, clearly curious now that I had brought it up.
"What do you mean? Why is it interesting?"
I only smirked and looked away from her, staring back up at the light dangling above my head.
"How long does the serum last?" I asked instead of answering her question, inwardly debating with myself as to whether or not I should tell her while outwardly trying to make it appear as if I was the one in control of the situation and only toying with her.
She sighed and stood, moving fluidly to stand behind her chair and grip the back tightly in her hands.
"The one Claudia gave you should wear off soon."
I stared still up at the blinding light, even though it was beginning to hurt my eyes, and considered my options.
She has every right to know, after all it is her town. A proud voice said in my head.
But at the same time, I don't know who the traitor actually is-if she would even believe me when I told her-I just know that there's still one out there. Maybe one I even saw earlier. Hell, for all I know it could even be Akshana, and she could've locked Adam up just to cover her tracks. A suspicious one that admittedly sounded more like me replied.
"Claudia, such a doll isn't she?" I retorted with a sarcastic grin. "She's really got the whole bedside manner thing down."
Akshana's dark lips pursed with displeasure. "Claudia is a lot of things, and one of those is an excellent doctor. The best one we've had. Granted, she isn't very friendly, no. Although can you honestly expect her to be considering the situation?"
"And what is the situation exactly?" I snapped, jerking my head to the side so I could bore holes in her skull with my eyes. "Because it seems to me everyone heard a different version of the story than what really happened, and I just wonder how that could've happened?"
"Enough, Kaylee!" Dismissing my rant abruptly and standing at attention, Akshana glared down at me with poison in her eyes.
I flinched at her reaction, not expecting her to get so angry so quickly, and was stunned into silence while she barreled on.
"I understand, really I do! But I am sick of all of your little games and I am sick of your childish behavior and I am sick of you acting so..." She paused, searching for the right word. "so wounded! Any minute now the serum will wear off and you'll have your shifting back, so do what you will, I don't care. I have more important things to do than babysit an angst filled teenage girl who acts more like a toddler!"
She didn't wait for me to reply once she was done-not that I was going to-she just walked right out, her long skirt swishing behind her stomping feet.
When the door swung shut, I stared after her. Not necessarily in awe, but more in begrudgingly humbled self-reflection.
Her fiery words hung in the air, ringing in my ears and echoing in my head.
Okay, maybe I was overdoing it a little. Note to self, next time tone down the snarky attitude a tad. I winced. I'll let her cool off and apologize later.
As I was thinking to myself, in a far off place I could feel my shifting slinking back into the frontmost part of my mind, creeping towards me inch by inch.
It took only a few minutes for me to fully regain control, and when I did I didn't hesitate to snap myself free from the bearings on the table like I had been itching to do since I first woke up. Although, I was careful not to use any of my darker magick, since I was still unsure how exactly it worked and didn't want to lose control.
The smooth metal ripped apart in unison with a satisfying screech, leaving jagged gaps big enough for me to slip my limbs and torso out of easily without getting cut.
Sure, there was probably a neater way to do it, but I didn't really care. They could easily be fixed by any old shifter, and it wasn't like Valerod was exactly running low on them.
Jumping down from the table happily, I stretched my aching limbs and cracked my knuckles, more than happy to finally be free.
Now the only other problem is Alexander, I thought to myself, a hint of dismay souring my brightening mood. I guess I should probably say sorry to him too, even though he's kind of an asshole...okay, well definitely an asshole but still. That doesn't really mean I should've tried to kill him.
Wasting no time leaving the hellish room, I made my way into the cool hallway, intent on finding and apologizing to my golden eyed menace first, no matter how much I didn't want to.
The first thing I noticed was that it was quiet, though not uncomfortably so. It was a cold kind, that chilled your skin and settled in the air in gentle wisps.
I found it odd that there was no one outside, no guards, or wandering bystanders, or sneaky onlookers, no one. Just silence. The compact lanterns that hung at regular intervals where the wall and ceiling met let off a comforting hum that intermingled with the rosy light they emitted.
I guess Akshana probably told any guards who were out here at one point that it was okay to leave, if there were any. I shrugged the thought off and meandered my way back in the direction I hoped was towards the main part of the town, since I had just about zero clue where I was.
Being lost underground with a dangerous ability you had no control over (let alone any understanding of) and an angry leader who had just officially moved you onto her naughty list would've been enough to put anyone into a state of anxiety, but for some indiscernible reason I felt strangely at peace.
Maybe it was something in the air, or the last of the blocker serum working its way through my system, or simply me finally being happy that I was free. Whatever the cause, it felt nice to just be still inside, and to not feel like I was constantly in emotional turmoil, even if it was only for a few minutes.
My footsteps echoed humbly as I turned with the hallway, twisting widely to the left before straightening out again in the same direction I had started.
Almost immediately afterwards, I found myself inside a large circular space that seemed to reach upward for miles, ending in a prominent tip. The only visible way to the top was to climb the lengthy spiraling staircase that rested in the center of the room, swirling and turning as languidly as a snake.
The walls outside seemed to only exist for the purpose of holding the railing in place, and so there were distinct places along the structure where there were no walls at all, and you could see the bottomless stairs through the holes-or rather the one continuous hole. Where there was a wall though, it was a brooding gray color, and if you twisted your head just right you could faintly make out a thin mauve sheen etched within it.
"Woah," The word came out more as a breath than an actual defined sound as I stood staring at the looming structure in admiration.
It must've taken a lot of work to build this thing.
I approached the staircase slowly, letting my fingertips slide over the polished railing from the outside and noticing the small carvings in the gold metal. I was looking at them upside down and backwards, but the pictures in the railing seemed to depict some sort of story. Although they were also so small and intricate that I couldn't really tell what the story was about.
It's beautiful. Just the hand rail must've taken at least a year to make.
I let my curious eyes wander up the steps until they had gone as far as they could go before the distant curve of the stairs towards the top stopped my progress, but decided against actually physically making the trip myself.
It seems like an awful lot of work, especially if I'm not even supposed to go up there. I'd really rather not give Akshana another reason to hate me. Besides, I added to myself when my stomach grumbled irritably. I'm hungry anyways.
My stare lingered on the magnificent, if a bit ominous, staircase as I left the tower behind me and wove through the maze-like hallways until I eventually found the cafeteria, filled with chattering people as it always seemed to be, irregardless of the time of day.
A few of the people who were by the entrance stopped to give me looks, fearful and angry in equal amounts, but otherwise my prescience went unnoticed.
I slipped into the long line of people waiting by the counter, and wordlessly made myself a plate when it was my turn.
Once I had a decent sized pile of whatever random food I had picked out, not really craving anything in particular, I grazed my eyes over the cafeteria, searching for an empty table. As I did so, my glance made contact with someone else's.
That someone being Alexander.
I wasn't sure what I expected. Him to toss something at me or look like he wanted to go for round two and see how long I could last this time with out passing out, something along those lines I guess.
But, being typical Alexander and always finding ways to surprise me, he just smiled.
It was sheepish, and apologetic, and not at all vengeful. I smiled back and nodded slightly as if to silently say, "I'm sorry, too." And that was that.
We both shuffled into seats at the same table, letting the fight wash over our backs like pond water on a ducks feathers.
***
"Well I think you should be careful just in case," He said when I finished explaining what had happened.
Taking a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other, he scooped himself a heap of noodles and slurped them up loudly.
"She may have let you off the hook," He continued around his slobbery mouthful, "but that doesn't mean she's happy with you."
"Yeah, yeah. I know." I sighed, stabbing at the untouched chicken on my plate. "But I mean what does she expect from me? I know nothing about any of this dark magick crap! I didn't know what would happen, or even that anything would!"
"Okay yeah, but if a serial killer on hallucinogens thinks he's really killing aliens on mars, does it make it any less worse that he's killing little kids at an elementary school?"
I drew my brows together, scowling up at him. "Are you comparing me to a serial killer right now?"
He laughed.
"What I meant, is that from Akshana's perspective, I think she realizes you don't have bad intentions, but that doesn't change the fact that you're dangerous."
Crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly, I slumped back in my seat, defeated.
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right," He grinned crookedly, and I chose to ignore the way it made my heart thump.
"Alright, fine," I relented with a laugh, "You're right. But you're still an asshole." I said, promptly chucking a carrot at his face.
He tilted his head to the side, sending the cylindrical projectile flying behind him, and winked. "True, but you love that about me."
"That's debatable."
His eyes rolled and the corner of his lip pulled up, forming a smug smirk. "Whatever."
I mimicked his eye roll and flipped him the bird, sticking my tongue out at him.
With the smirk still on his lips, he let his eyes soften and tilted his head to the side, keeping our gazes locked. "Hey, can I talk to you somewhere quieter for a second Kaylee? It's kinda serious."
His question made a nervous lump form in my throat, but I forced it down and nodded, scooting out of my chair to stand up.
What could he want to talk to me about?
"Sure Alexander, w-"
"You can call me Alex." He interrupted. "I know we haven't always gotten along that well but, despite that, I like you. So call me Alex. Only Jenna calls me Zander, and it's sort of weird to tell you the truth."
"Alex," I said, testing the name in my mouth and the way it sounded. "Alex. Okay, well sure Alex, I'll talk with you."
At that, we both picked up our trays and dumped out whatever remaining food was on our plates (mine was mostly still filled, and I felt a little bad, but less so knowing it was going in the yard waste so it would help to replenish the garden) and left the bustling cafeteria behind.
He led the way, and I followed behind quietly, watching the way his shoulders swung back and forth when he walked.
Every so often we'd cross paths with someone Alexan-I mean Alex would know and I of course wouldn't, and to him they'd smile and say hi, then see me with him and silently glare.
I didn't let it get to me though, after all he had lived here his whole life, whereas I had just gotten there and already caused more trouble probably than I was worth.
So through winding walkways and past numerous strangers with forgettable faces, we ended up in a secluded corner buried deep in Valerod, a pathway that led from the cafeteria but eventually ended in a dead end.
It was darker here, and the hum of conversation had dulled until it disappeared, leaving just me, Alex, and the sound of our steady breathing.
"I wanted," He began, quietly but clearly. "to explain. About earlier."
"Okay." I replied, mesmerized by the way his smooth honey eyes stood out in the darkness and craving my sketch pad to draw them out as I hadn't drawn anything in what was too long.
"My parents are dead." He stated flatly, but it was sudden enough to snap me from my spell.
"...I know," I whispered meekly when I had gotten control of my speech again, not sure how to react and not wanting to hurt him with an ignorant response. "Akshana told me."
Surprise leaked into his face, but instead of quickly disappearing like I expected it would, it seemed to take awhile for the emotion to drain from him. As if being here in this dark corner, in such close quarters, and such still silence, slowed his reaction and reluctantly drew out what he usually kept hidden.
"My parents are dead," He repeated robotically. "My parents are dead and it's-" his voice cracked, drawing upwards at the end, and he cut himself off, closing his eyes tightly and trying to focus on breathing.
I stood frozen, both afraid and amazed by this new, weak person where I once knew someone very different.
"My parents are dead," he tried again, his voice much steadier but now also wracked with pain. "and it doesn't get any fucking easier. It never does. By now, people have forgotten about it, or they don't care anymore. They think it's old news. But to me, it still feels like I just found out, just today. Just this hour, just this second. It still feels raw every damn day Kaylee."
His voice quaked with undiluted emotion, and the way it shook when he said my name made me want to reach out and hold him. To squeeze him and try to desperately help to keep him together.
I didn't.
I was afraid.
"You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. What does my sob story have to do with you?"
I'm not wondering that, I felt like saying. But I didn't.
"Earlier today, someone said something to me. And it shouldn't have meant anything, and it shouldn't have hurt, and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But all of those things did happen."
He inhaled deeply, grasping at his hair so tightly it looked like he wanted to tear it all out.
"I miss them everyday, and I swear to you Kaylee I swear, my parents were nothing but good. They weren't perfect, but they did their best. And earlier today I...I just lost it. Because some kid, just came up to me. Out of the blue. 'It's a good thing your parents are dead, cuz I heard they secretly served Ezekiel.' "
Jesus Christ.
I felt my eyes widen, but still my lips stayed shut and I didn't move.
"This kid, this fucking kid, has the nerve to come up to me out of the blue, and tell me it's a good thing my parents are dead because he heard that they secretly served some arrogant asshole with prematurely gray hair."
By now, I haven't said anything for awhile. I wouldn't have known what to say, or if I should've said anything. I wanted to, but I didn't. I just watched the way his lips moved and listened silently, hurting for him.
"I wanted to punch the little shit right in his ugly face to tell you the truth. But I knew I couldn't. I knew he was probably just repeating something his mom said, because he could. So I just, I had to leave, because I knew if I didn't I probably would've ended up punching him and then that would've just caused more trouble so I tried to find you and-" He exhaled, the air shuddering as it left his system.
"I tried to find you," He said again, slower. "and I don't know why, but I got so angry when I saw you with Adam. I got angry and I got...jealous." He sighed the word so quietly I barely made it out. But when I did, it made my own breath hitch in my throat.
Him? Jealous? Because of me?
"I don't know why Kaylee." He admitted as if he had heard my thoughts, shaking his head softly and laughing to himself like he couldn't believe it.
I didn't blame him.
"I honestly don't. All I know is ever since you got here I've felt...I've felt like I was better. Like maybe I was hurting but it was okay because for a little while you distracted me from that and I know I'm an asshole but it's really just because I'm angry and I'm hurt and I'm alone. But with you...I don't feel so alone. And I just,"
All at once he grabbed either side of my face in his hands, the rough skin of his palms rubbing against my cheeks, and brought his face down to mine, smashing our lips together.
My stomach was in a whirlwind and my heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and I could hear my blood racing in my ears but when he pressed his lips to mine, it all stopped.
All I could think about, all I could feel, was his lips working against mine and the way his tongue gently slipped into my mouth when he kissed me deeper. His hands on my face and the strong smell of him overwhelming me and I wanted to kiss him even harder but, I didn't.
I pulled away, breaking our contact and leaving us both breathless.
I took a step back, and I saw he was just as wide-eyed, just as bewildered as I was.
I didn't pull away because I didn't want to kiss him, and I wanted him to know that, because kissing him felt incredible.
But everything was swirling inside of me and I couldn't tell which way was up and which was down and I wanted to kiss him again and lose myself in it but instead I turned, and I ran away.
I ran, and I left him alone in the dark, with the feel of his lips imprinted on mine.
***
A/N:
Well...
So yeah.
That just happened.
I don't know, to tell you the truth I struggled with this chapter a bit more than others, I couldn't seem to get it to be just right for awhile, and it still doesn't feel like it's exactly how I want it to be.
But, alas, that's the burden of a perfectionist I suppose.
Anyways, I hope it's good enough for you all. I figured, hey, screw it. I really want them to read it and they've been chomping at the bit to get their hands on this chapter, so why not.
I still did try to make it the best I could though.
But I was probably about as eager as most of you about uploading this!
Anyways, I hope you guys love it!
Leave me comments or inbox me or whatever, I'd love to hear your thoughts as always!
Love you all!
-abn