"...yeah, Percy's so different.."
"...he's been so snappy lately..."
"...I heard he left her in Tartarus..."
"...I hate him so much now..."
I didn't understand their logic. Did they think that I couldn't hear what they were whispering? Or were they just purposefully trying to hurt me?
It had been two weeks since I got back to camp. For the first week, I had been in the infirmary, recovering. By the time that I had gotten out, the rumours and the whispering had started. I would see people in groups, talking, but when I got close enough, they would scatter. My friends could never look me in the eye. Even Chiron didn't like talking to me.
And to add on to that, the whole Athena cabin was pretending I didn't exist, and were staying as far away from me as possible. They blamed me about Annabeth being trapped in Tartarus, and weren't trying to be subtle about it.
Could they not tell I felt bad enough? That I would give anything to go back and stop her from falling? If I wanted to leave in Tartarus, I never would have jumped after her in the first place.Now I had no friends, no one to talk to, and the one person I wanted most in the world, I would never see again.
It probably didn't help that I had a newly found half-brother, Hayden. He was the most annoying person on earth: he was ignorant, had huge ego, and he was a devil. Unfortunately because he only showed me this side of him, everyone else at camp loved him. And the only person who would actually believe me about him is in Tartarus. Damn it, Percy! Stop thinking about her!
Life without Annabeth was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. I kept seeing her face, as she fell back into Tartarus. Love. Hate. Devastation. Horror. All these emotions wrapped up in one facial expression. That is a face that I will never forget.
***
"Hello Percy." I easily recognized Nico's voice without turning around.
"What do you want?" I asked coolly. Nico, just like everyone else, hadn't been talking to me since I had gotten back to camp.
"Just wanted to see how you were doing," he said, sitting beside me on the sand.
"So you suddenly care enough to actually talk to me, now?" I asked. I didn't bother looking at him. I just stared out at the sea and the waves that were crashing in.
"I felt bad for you," he said simply.
"I don't need your pity."
"You're all alone," Nico said quietly.
"You just noticed?"
"I know you've been alone since you got back, but-"
"Since I got to camp?" I asked, and shook my head. "Nico, I've been alone for so much longer than that. Even since before Annabeth fell out of that elevator. I've felt like a piece of me has been missing since I was 11 and my mom disappeared on just before I came to camp for the first time."
"You got your mom back," Nico argued.
"But ever since then, I've been losing people," I said, digging my hands into the sand. "This is the second I've lost Annabeth. I lost Bianca. I lost everyone who died in the Titan War. I lost everything, including my memory, when I was taken to the Roman Camp. And even when I met someone who actually knew me, he pretended like we had never met."
"I'm sorry about that Percy..."
"Sorry doesn't fix everything in the world!" I yelled. I was annoyed with everyone assuming that apologizing was the answer to everything. "Sorry doesn't bring all those innocent people back to life! Sorry doesn't get Annabeth out of Tartarus! Sorry is nothing but some stupid, empty word!"
"Then what do you want me to say? I can't say that everything will be alright because we both know that's a lie!"
"Then maybe you shouldn't say anything at all! Maybe you should let me grieve by myself!" I don't know what made me say that. I just yelled it, and let in the air; I didn't even try to take it back.
Nico stared at me for a few seconds, obviously hurt. And I was glad. I wanted other people to have to feel pain, I didn't want to be the only one feeling like this.
"Fine," Nico said. "If that's what you want." He turned and left, and somewhere deep down, I knew that I had just made a huge mistake. No one would ever talk to me after that; I knew in that moment that I was truly and completely alone.
***
A few hours later, I was walking back into my cabin after dinner, while everyone else was at campfire. I sat down on my bed, and put my head in my hands. What was I doing? Why was I hurting everyone I cared about?
I wanted to tell myself that it wasn't me, that it was the Fates during their job. But I knew that wasn't it. Too many of my friends had died in the war, there was too many people in the world I hadn't saved. Something in me had to break eventually. Previously, there were things that had kept me together through everything. It was that I knew, through everything, that I had a something to go back to. I still had people who would stick by my side through everything. I had a father who loved me. Most of all, I had a home. A family. Annabeth falling back into Tartarus just threw me over the edge.
"What's the matter Perce?" My half-brother Hayden asked. He turned on the lights as he walked into the cabin and I looked up (and had to blink a couple times at the sudden light). He had two of the Aphrodite girls with him this time.
"Awww," one of the girls, I think her name was Kaya, said. "That's so sweet."
Yeah, sure, it's sweet, I thought. I knew that Hayden was only acting nice because there were other people around. When it was just us two, he was the worst brother in the world.
He always brought girls over after Campfire, which got very annoying very quickly. He acted nice in front of them, and pretended that he liked them so much, when really, he was just using them. I was surprised none of the girls have noticed how he has brought almost everything girl from the camp into our cabin.
I guess it was fitting that he liked Aphrodite girls. At least they weren't looking for a proper relationship. They just wanted to break his heart.
"Go away," I said. I kicked off me shoes, and laid down on my bed.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hayden turn to the girls.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I'm pretty tired," he told them. "I don't really feel like hanging out tonight."
"Oh, okay," the girl I didn't know the name of said. She was crestfallen. I rolled my eyes, unsure of how anyone was stupid enough to fall for his act. Hayden waited until he was sure they were out of hearing distance, then turned back to me.
"What's the matter with you?" he snapped.
I sat up and stared at him. "What's the matter with me? You're the one who pretends to be a completely different person to impress girls!"
"At least I can actually get girls," he sneered. "All you ever do is sit around and mope all day!"
"I have a girlfriend!" I said with gritted teeth, standing up.
"Your girlfriend is never coming back!" Hayden snapped. "How about you try growing up and realizing that?"
There was silence for a second before I swung back my arm and punched him in the jaw.
"F*ck off," I said. Normally I wasn't a really violent person, except during training or Capture The Flag, but by that point, I didn't care who I hurt. I just wanted someone else to feel pain. I wanted to hurt Hayden, and make him feel the pain he was causing me.
"Hey calm down there," He said, somewhat sarcastically. "You wouldn't want to upset dad's favourite son." Somehow, despite me punching him, he had managed to keep his cool -- and his ego.
"You think I care about who's dad's favourite son?" I asked laughing. My voice grew louder as I maniacally yelled, "You think I care about the gods at all?"
"You're going to upset the gods," Hayden warned. He stepped back, as if being too close to me would make the gods hate him too.
"I don't care!" I yelled. "The gods are stupid, and they can't even fight for themselves! They just let us, their demigod children fight for them! It never seems to register in their minds that we can die and they can't! They never even think about us! They only claim us when they need something!"
Hayden, for once, actually looked pretty shocked.
"Whoa, calm down there Percy," he said. "Don't say anything you might regret."
"If the gods have a problem with me, then they can get over it. I'm done fighting for them."
"I'm serious, Percy! The gods are going to kill you." That was probably the nicest thing he ever said to me. Too bad it was too late for that.
I shrugged, "So they can kill me. I don't see why you care anyway. If I offend them, then I'll have to leave, and you won't have to live with me anymore." And I wouldn't have to deal with him.
"Th-there's something floating over you head," Hayden said shakily. For the first time since I met him, he sounded genuinely scared. "Like the thing that appears when you're claimed."
"Well what does it say?" I asked impatiently. I just wanted this to all be over.
"It says... 'I, Poseidon, hereby disclaim..." he trailed off, and took a deep breath, "my son, Perseus Jackson'."
"So that's it then," I whispered.
Without even thinking, or even considering packing anything, I turned and walked out the cabin, and up Halfblood Hill. I didn't know why I was even walking; I actually wasn't trying to. It was like something had taken control of my body.
Yes, that's it, Percy. Keep walking. The voice was in my head but it was not my own. Come be the Commander of my army. Come to my world.
Kids were staring at me, and whispering, but I ignored them. I got to the top of the hill, and looked back. I didn't completely want to leave; I used to love this place and I knew that a part of me still did. But I also knew that I needed to keep going, to listen to the voice. It would guide me.
"Goodbye," I whispered, even though no one was listening.
With an empty heart, I walked away -- away from my camp and the only place safe for my kind. Away from the only place I could ever call home.