Jayon had stared at me for awhile with a puzzled look on his face. I hadn't spoke since he gave me back my bracelet, which had been about 15 minutes ago.
My chin sank in between my arms and I stared at the ground for awhile.
"Dj, when were you even going to tell me your real name?" He breaks the silence.
The sounds of my tv still played around my room, and I tried everything to block out Jayon's voice.
But of course I couldn't.
"Dj," he calls me.
"I don't know Jayon. Honestly I wasn't planning on telling you," I say.
"Why not? Your name is beautiful. It fits you perfectly. Why aren't you proud to wear it?"
I look at him, rolling my eyes. "It doesn't fit me perfectly. It's stupid, and embarrassing,"
"I've never met a female with the name Dessence, ever. You're pretty special,"
"Just because it's a rare name doesn't mean anything. Fuck you and all of the females you've ever met. I don't care,"
He looks at me again, only his facial expressions were sadder. "Tell me exactly why your name is so sacred to you? Tell me why you don't like it,"
I felt so out of place. I felt like he knew my life story when in all honesty he had no clue.
I look at him.
"The 2 most important people in my life are gone now. The 2 most important people that gave me all the meaning to that name are gone, and I know they're never coming back," I tell him. My voice is calm, serene almost. I didn't let out another tear, and my breath was slow.
"Your grandmother...and who else?" Jayon sits close to me, pushing a braid from the side of my face.
"My dad," I say. "He left after my grandmother died. I was 13. He left me when I needed him most," I begin to play with the ends of my braids and I sighed loudly.
Jayon began to rub my back, tilting my chin up to face him. "Your Dad is crazy for leaving your life. It's not your fault though Dj, it's his,"
"But he was the main one telling me how important and how rare, special, and different I was to him. He always made me feel like I had meaning, like my name had meaning. He would always make up little stories for me, naming every strong female character Dessence. When he left me Jayon, I felt so broken inside. I felt like I did something wrong for him to be so quick to leave the people who loved him more than anybody else. I felt like everything he told me was a lie. And my grandmother, she would tell me my name meant such great things. She would brag about my name more than anyone else. She admired it so much and I never understood why," I take a long pause from talking, trying my best to stop from tearing up again. "I never wanted to be called Dessence, but when they made my name seem like it meant something, I grew to it, I actually liked it for a while, but them leaving me made me realize that I never should have given myself a chance to like it. I hate it,"
Jayon was lost for words. He didn't know what to say and I completely understood why. He was stunned by how much I had finally been able to open up to him.
"Look at me," he speaks. He wipes tears from my face with his thumb, tracing the little lines I had under my eyes. "No matter what, I won't ever leave you. You can always count on me to be here with you, and for you," his voice gets lower. I intertwine his hand with mines, smiling at his words. Even though he could have been whispering sweet nothings in my ear, it was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in time. He lowers his hands away from my face while our fingers were still clutched together.
"Let me make you feel better, and help you forget all of the bad thoughts you have," he tells me.
I don't say anything. He reads my silence as an invitation to start unbuttoning my pants. He looks at me the whole time, to make sure I understood what he was about to do.
I nod, eagerly screaming inside of my head. I knew he was going to pay me back for what I did for him in the car, but I didn't think it would be this soon.
He pulls my pants off of my legs and I help him by shaking each leg out of the pants hole. He threw them on the ground in seconds.
"Lay down," he tells me. I immediately lean backwards while putting my arms to the sides of my body to hold myself up. I wanted to watch him take off my underwear only because I was insecure and unprepared for what he might have been thinking when he seen my...vagina.
I did shave of-course, but it had been 2 weeks since I did. I knew hair had grown back in this matter of time. My thoughts go back to what Jayon had stated in the car. He didn't "fuck with" the hair on his pubic area which meant he probably wouldn't have fucked with mines either.
I pull back, my heart racing as I stood up. "Wait," I say. "I have to go-"
"Lay down," he demands. He knew what I was going to say, because he started to roll his eyes with a grin. "I'm still eating you. You can do that another time," he tells me. His words made me embarrassed, but feel good at the same time. He definitely did know how to talk to me.
I felt his finger trace around the top area of my vagina. I winced when I felt his touch there. It was a weird but powerful feeling.
"You already moving around and I haven't even took your panties off," he shakes his head, pressing harder on the spot.
"Jayon," I jump. He fully gets to the ground while I lay on my bed confusingly.
"Put your legs on my shoulders Dj," he says.
I do as I'm told, watching him play with the laces of my pink underwear. They weren't sexually appealing, but they were cute.
"These are pretty," he says. "I've never seen these kinds before, just thongs," he laughs.
I cover my face with my hands. I didn't want to imagine him eating out any other girl at this point, especially one that wore thongs.
He begins to slide them slowly off of my body, lifting one of my legs from his shoulder to get them off of me fully. He stared at it for awhile, looking at me with a smirk. "You're already leaking," he rubs his eyes in disbelief. "How?"
"Jayon," my stomach had gained complete butterflies. Why was he making this harder for me than it needed to be? He knew this was my first time.
"I'm sorry, but fuck. This is perfect," he leans towards it, lifting the insides of my lips. "It's pretty and pink,"
"I swear to God," I look at him in annoyance even though I wanted to laugh.
"Hush," he tells me. I feel his mouth begin to suck the insides of my thighs, while also feeling his tongue travel to very top of my vagina. His tongue soon began to circle the sensitive area of it, and that was when I grabbed the top of my sheets. My chest had already started to rise from feeling the wetness against my clit. The most sensitive part at that.
He just continued to lick that area for awhile longer. He wanted to get some type of reaction from me, but I couldn't even speak. I didn't want to say anything and I couldn't have, especially when I felt him start to suck on it. I nearly started to cry from the pleasure that I was experiencing against Jayon's mouth. It felt so different and he knew he was getting something out of me from the way he looked up at me.
I bit my lip because I knew I couldn't moan. My brother and my mother were still in this house and if either one of them heard me they would go crazy.
He started to lick all around it, next to it, and under it. His tongue was fast, extremely fast.
I felt a finger try to enter the lower area of my vagina while his tongue still traveled around the surface of my clit, that's when I tried to pull back. He didn't let me though, he held on my legs stably. I couldn't experience anymore because I knew I would moan. This was just too much to be handling when you couldn't make noise.
"Stop moving," he tells me. "You taste so good,"
"Jayon," I breathe heavily, letting out a soft moan. I started to breathe fast when I felt he had thrusted his finger in me, he kept it there without moving, then he started to pull out and push in repeatedly.
I couldn't help myself from moaning at this point. He was actually fingering me and it felt amazing. I never would have thought a simple finger could bring so much pain and pleasure at the same time, but then again these were Jayon's fingers, I shouldn't have been that surprised.
"Yeah baby," he says smiling. He enjoyed seeing me like this I could tell. "It's okay, I got you,"
My back started to arch when Jayon started rubbing his thumb against the sensitive area.
A higher level of climax reached the pit of my stomach and my ovaries had created a mind of their own. I released, but it wasn't the normal kind of release a female should have experienced for her first time of getting oral. It was all at once, like a long white string had bursted out of my vagina. I felt so embarrassed, I knew my face had turned red. I knew I would have to wash my sheets after this.
Jayon's face showed his excitement gradually. He seemed to love what my body had just been able to do. I thought only boys could bust that way, but I had just proven myself wrong. I felt out of place with him, once again.
"Oh my god," I finally say.
"You can squirt too?" He says shockingly. "I really gotta wife you up now,"