I couldn't believe I was sitting next to my best friend, singing Wheatus's Teenage Dirtbag at the top of my lungs with You Me At Six.
We were incredibly off key, and I'm pretty sure we were assulting people's ears. Even Josh who was an outstanding vocalist couldn't escape that charge.
Nikki burst into laughter as the song ended and Danny came over and told us all to shut up. I had to admit though, this was the most fun I'd had in a very long time.
"Hey you, mind if I join?" I looked up to see none other than Tyler Carter gazing down at me questioningly.
"Of course not, come sing with us!" I courageously grabbed his arm and pulled him down beside me. The fire in front of us crackled loudly and I looked back to Tyler who was holding an acoustic guitar I hadn't seen before.
It took me a moment to figure out he was strumming the beat to one of his bands songs, 'The Worst of Them'.
I smiled as he caught me watching him and he nodded. I took that as a cue and began singing the first verse, much to everyone's surprise.
"Funny how everytime you push me away, you turn around and you beg me to stay.
Cut down by the things you say, it's the beating of a broken drum."
It was almost as if the words were flowing out of me, as if I was my complete and utter self in that moment as I sang to one of my favourites.
"This love is addictive, I'm trying hard just to quit it. But you're drowning yourself, you won't catch your breath, until you admit it. Is anybody out there? I'm dying in a nightmare. Put a hole in your heart and then you can start to feel what I feel. And if it don't hurt then you know what we got ain't real, yeah."
Out of nowhere Ben appeared and sat down across from me. As he did, I continued with the song, taking over Tyler's role in the song. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and kept my own closed, afraid of the attention but unable to stop singing.
As the lyrics left my lips, it was eerily silent apart from the ongoing roar of the flames in front of me.
I began to be too aware of my voice and was grateful when the song ended. After a moment of silence, I thought I must have sounded dreadful, but I felt a hand on mine and looked only to Tyler as he smiled widely at me.
"Your voice is amazing, Ash." He said and I looked around so he would not see the shade of red my cheeks were glowing. Maybe he'd mistake it as the glow from the fire.
As I looked around, everyone's eyes were on me until somebody cheered, causing a chain reaction. "That was awesome!" Someone exclaimed and I looked to my feet, hiding my smile.
When I looked up, I couldn't see Ben anywhere and hid my frown with a forced smile to Nikki who kissed my cheek and patted my leg.
"Ashlyn!" I looked around my the person that called my name, only to find a very drunken Sam behind me, dirty dancing on Danny along with Ben.
"Oh good lord," I muttered before laughing. Ben had to keep pushing his messy hair back from his face and I bit my lip. It might be half bottle of vodka I'd had, but in that moment, I knew what I wanted.
I said goodbye to Tyler with a hug and he promised he'd find me tomorrow to hang before their show. I began walking over to the boys when I saw a girl with long brown hair with a slick black mini dress and dangerously high heels on.
My feet stopped in my tracks as I saw her snake her long arms around Ben's neck and even worse, him pull her closer.
I stepped back into someone and they spoke, but everything was muffled to my ears, like I was under water. I felt like I was drowning.
"Ashlyn, Ash. You there?" I swallowed back tears and vile before looking up at Josh who wore a concerned expression. He followed my eyes and we watched as Ben allowed the girl to grind on him shamelessly in front of everyone. My breathing hitched and I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran.
I had no idea that I could run as fast as I did, but the feeling of escaping my nightmare again was one of the best for a brief moment.
I heard people shouting my name, but I couldn't stop and look back, too afraid Ben would be there with her.
It was a long road lined with businesses and nothing was open except the corner shop. I slowed down my run to a quick walking pace to catch my rugged breath.
My eyes stung harshly against the cool change of wind and it was only then I realized that I was crying. As I realised , I let everything go and the salty tears ran freely.
I thought someone had followed me, but there was no sign of anyone until I heard the voice I dreaded.
"Ash! Where are you? It's fucking dangerous out here!" He shouted to me. I kept painfully still on the slide where I'd laid down, hoping he wouldn't see me. But I knew he was close from his voice.
I heard a loud sigh of relief and he swore under his breath as he approached me. I stared up at the stars, pretending to be unphased by his presence.
He knelt down beside me but I kept my eyes focused on the stars. In the past hour I'd been out here, I had decided I was more angry than upset. Deep down, I knew this would happen. Although I wasn't expecting so soon considering the tour hadn't even begun yet.
"Why'd you run off, you nutter?" He asked with an annoyed tone. I resisted the urge to flinch and sat up. "Had to clear my head." I answered shortly before beginning to walk back.
"Tyler drove out here, he's parked over there." He said flatly and I got the impression him and Tyler weren't the greatest of friends.
I changed my direction and got in the passenger's side, leaving Ben to sit in the back. "Hey, you alright?" Tyler asked as I buckled my seat belt. I smiled at him and noticed it wasn't so forced this time.
"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks." I rested a hand on his knee breifly and hoped Ben had caught a glimpse.
We arrived back at the venue in silence and I sighed, watching Ben walk away without another word. A pang of guilt hit me but only lasted for a second when I saw him approach the girl from before. She was mid conversation with Austin Carlile and Ben rudely grabbed her attention and walked off with her.
Tyler had been studying me for a while when he sat on the hood of the car and beckoned me to join him.
"What's the deal with you two? Because to me it's looking like double standards." I scoffed.
"It is. He makes me fall for him with sweet gestures, then he goes and finds another girl. But I'm just not allowed to move on." He whispered the last part, stuffing my jumper sleeves in side of eachother to keep my hands warm.
Tyler sighed before draping a warm arm around me. Instinctively, I leaned into him for comfort. He smelt like mint and aftershave, different to Ben's usual scent of faint cigarettes and cologne.
"You should do what you want. Kiss who you want, be who you want."
He said and I looked up to him, realizing that he wasn't just saying those things to get me to like him. He was genuine and wanted me to be happy.
"Does that mean I can go tell that skank to back off?" I laughed and he shrugged. "If you want to. I'm pretty sure she's just a groupie." He rolled his eyes and I smiled.
"Well in that case..." I pecked Tyler's cheek before jogging back to the bus, expecting to find Ben and the girl inside.
My instincts were most definately correct, because once I opened the door, Ben's moans became loudly clear. Without warning, I tore open his bunk curtain just in time as he was putting his dick away and she was wiping her mouth.
I laughed out loud and stared at her. "Get out." I told her. She looked pissed and stepped out of the bunk to face me. "Or what, bitch? You going to run off again?" She got up in my face and I laughed again, shaking my head.
"Don't count on it, sweet heart. Stay away from him or I'll rip out your ratty extentions." I warned shoving her backward. Her heels now giving out, she fell onto her ass and I stood tall over her. "Get out." I demanded again, pointing to the door. She muttered under her breath calling me names but did as she was told.
The door slammed shut behind her and I turned around to find a half naked Ben staring at me in disbelief. "What the fuck?" He demanded, gesturing toward her. I shoved him, letting my anger out.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Ben? You're a fucking asshole!" I yelled and he looked taken back with my words. Regardless, I continued with my rant.
"I fucking love you, and you want to go around fucking whoever you want while leading me on and it's sick! You can't do that to someone!" I screamed at him. He looked stunned before I sat down on the couch behind me. I burried my face into my hands and sobbed, ashamed he was watching me cry.
I felt him kneel in front of me and he touched my hands, removing them from my face so he could see me.
Our eyes locked and his gaze wouldn't let me go. I was trapped in those perfect brown eyes again, drowning in them. Always drowning.