Countdown
"This should be interesting," I say to myself as we all walk through the cold air. It's New Year's Eve, and thanks to Max who is DJing a big party tonight, I'm dressed up in heels and a dress.
Koko walks with her arm linked through mine. Her eyes sparkle with excitement and she goes on and on about something Max said about the party. Taeyoung walks beside me, his hands in his coat pockets.
Once we finally arrive, I'm actually relieved. It's way too cold outside for bare legs.
Koko says something to the bouncer, who looks at some list and lets us through. She grabs my hands and squeals before leading us through the crowd of people. This place is huge and expensive looking. People are dressed up, equipped with New Year's champagne glasses and air horns at the ready. We reach the very front, where the DJ is. The set up is grandiose and stands much higher than the dancefloor. We climb up the stairs.
"Oh excuse me, everyone, my hot girlfriend and friends have arrived," Max charismatically calls through the mic before leaving his spot.
He immediately pulls Koko into a hug, his dimples showing on his face. He claps hands with Taeyoung and waves at me.
"You guys look great," he compliments. "You can head up those stairs, to the VIP section," he points to an area above us. "I'll join before the countdown starts."
We nod and head where he told us to go. It's a lot quieter and less crowded upstairs, which I greatly appreciate. We get a booth equipped with a big table and sit comfortably. A bar staff member comes up to us and asks what we'd like to drink.
"I shouldn't," I say aloud.
"It's okay baby, I'm here. Enjoy yourself." Taeyoung wraps an arm around me.
Eventually, Koko and I are dancing to Max's mix, watching him from the balcony and calling out to him. Taeyoung just sits and watches with a smile. Minjun and Junwoo arrive with a friend of theirs after a while. They keep Taeyoung company while Koko and I dance together. The time seems to fly by like this; Koko's arm around me, her smile so wide that it seems to be permanent, the boys' laughter mixing in with the music. I was never one to celebrate New Years like this, out with friends. It was often spent at home, but I never minded. I loved the exciting feelings the impending year change brought, that feeling as if you can become a whole new person starting at midnight. Of course, things never really seemed to change much, or at least not until this past year.
This New Year's Eve however, I can't help but feel empty of those excited emotions. It feels like I'm out having fun, just because I want to and not because the year is almost over. Sometimes, when Koko leaves to get a drink, I find myself staring out into nothing; my arms draped over the railing lazily, my mind slowly numbing as the feelings of emptiness consume me. If I'm strong enough, I'm able to turn away from that seducing mindset and walk over to the booth where Taeyoung sits with a loose grin.
"Sohee," Taeyoung arms lift up, anticipating my body to fall into his embrace. I scooch Minjun over, which causes him to jokingly yell at me, and deliver myself into Taeyoung's warm arms. I keep my head huddled against his chest for a moment, feeling the security of his being and watching as my empty emotions wash away.
"No girls allowed," the pissed off boy beside me says. I lift my head up to glare at him, but he glares just as harshly back at me.
"Yah, Minjun, you're too wasted to know what a girl is at this point," Taeyoung makes fun of the boy, who is definitely a bit too drunk already. Minjun just frowns and turns his attention to the friend I don't know who is talking to Junwoo. Taeyoung turns back to look down at me. His fingers skim my hot cheeks lightly.
"How's my princess? Did you have fun dancing?"
I nod my head against him with a smile. Then I nuzzle into his neck as the tickling feeling of liquor takes over. I just want to be held.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine," I say, which is true. While it's way too hot in this venue, I was doing my best to drink slowly and eat enough food. I remove myself from the curve of his neck and lean my head against his shoulder as I feel fatigue take over my body.
"Already sleepy?"
I nod my head against his body.
"There are 30 minutes until midnight, just hold on until then." He leans down to lightly kiss the top of my head.
Soon enough Koko is back, and this time with her boyfriend holding her arm. They look perfect together, both so composed and confident not only in each other but in themselves. They easily get a conversation roaring at the booth, but as much as I try to stay awake, my eyes can't seem to stay focused on the person talking for long.
I don't even realize that I've been asleep for a few minutes until Taeyoung's voice slowly resonates in my ears, his breath tickling my earlobe.
"Babygirl, wake up."
I don't know why my body chooses to react this way, but all of a sudden my head perks up, adrenaline attacking my senses like a freight train in an action movie. Was I having a nightmare? Why is my heart beating so fast? My eyes are wide open in unknown fear as they dart around.
"Sohee, what's wrong?" Taeyoung's familiar voice causes me to turn and look for him, searching for his comforting gaze. His hold on me gets tighter as my body trembles.
"I don't, I don't know," I stutter. There are tears glazed over my eyes and I quickly dab the moisture away. "Maybe I was having a bad dream," I mutter. His hands come up to hold onto my face, his eyes earnestly looking through both of mine.
"After this we'll go home, okay?" I nod my head and put on a small smile. Then he stands up and grabs my hand. That's when I notice that everyone else has gone downstairs. Did Taeyoung stay sitting in the booth because I was sleeping on him? We get up and follow to where the others are. They each hold a champagne glass, ready for the day to turn over to the next.
Taeyoung leans down to whisper in my ear, "You know, I've never gotten to kiss such a pretty girl on New Years."
I look up at him with a goofy smile. I've never kissed anyone on New Years at all, and this realization starts to make me incredibly excited. It's strangely romantic, being able to kiss someone you love as soon as the year changes into a new one. The sleepiness that was laced through my bones slowly falls away as a new excited energy takes over.
I bounce around in anticipation as I move to grab onto Koko. She looks at me with a sweet smile before taking a thumb to the corner of my mouth.
"We want your lips to look clean for your kiss now don't we," she says while fixating her gaze on the smudge of lipstick that aligned the corner of my lips. I smile giddily back at her before she shoos me away as the countdown begins. The whole venue full of people begin to start the countdown, shouting out the numbers as the room increasingly gets louder and louder.
"5!"
I push my way through a group of people who just appeared to find Taeyoung.
"4!"
He was just here a second ago. I look around frantically. I see Koko and Max behind me, and Minjun and the others with them, but Taeyoung is not where I left him.
"3!"
Oh wait, there he is. I can recognize his back anywhere.
"2!"
I get ready to surprise him with a tap on his shoulder, excited for the room to be filled with people cheering and kissing.
"1!"
I grab onto his arm.
The room erupts in cheers as zero is shouted. But I don't yell with them.
Instead, I stare at Taeyoung's face, which is not looking back down at mine like it should be.
I shake him lightly, "Taeyoung?" but my words are deafened by the noise surrounding us.
When I look up to see what he's staring at so intently, I notice someone who mirrors his image.
Someone who does not yell with a smile on her beautiful face as those around her celebrate, but instead who stares back at him as if she knows exactly what he's thinking.
I begin to panic, heart thundering not from excitement now but from fear, like the anxiety felt when I woke up from my sleep.
Because I have no idea what he's thinking and for the first time, I feel like I don't know him.
. . .
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Love,
Sooaura