Neither one of us said anything nor moved. We were frozen, staring at one another like if we were looking at ghosts. I didn't know what I wanted. Half of me wanted to run out and go to Gaius, while the other half wanted to go up to Arthur and hug him, telling him how sorry I was. But I didn't get to make a decision.
"How long...?"
"Almost a week." I whispered.
"All this time, you knew." Arthur said to Guinevere.
She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. So I stepped up.
"I told her not to say anything. I wasn't ready for you to know I was back."
Arthur looked at me and once again we both went silent. I was just afraid of speaking and saying the wrong thing, him on the other hand, I didn't know what was going through his head. Was he surprised? Happy? Upset? I couldn't tell.
"Gaius?"
I nodded, "He knows. I've been staying with him."
He nodded as well and he looked at Gwen then back at me.
"I should get going." I said softly.
And even though I was the one that wanted to run away, that wanted to hide, that wanted nothing from Arthur, his next words did something to me.
"Yes, you should. You should be out of Camelot by sunrise."
I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs as Gwen gasped at Arthur's words. I looked at Arthur who was staring at me with no emotion visible on his face. His eyes seemed to turned from a ocean blue to an icy color as his jaw was clenched so tightly I feared his teeth would crack.
"Arthur. You don't understand-"
"Go." he said interruption Guinevere, "Leave!"
I flinched at the rise and harshness in his voice. I looked at Gwen who was already in tears. I grabbed my cloak and without another word, I walked out of the small house.
"What is wrong with you?!" Gwen screamed.
Arthur stayed silent and I quickly walked away not wanting to hear them anymore. But I knew the answer to that. There was nothing wrong with Arthur whatsoever. He has every right to hate me.
I lied. To his face for so many years. I kept hiding who I was. And in the end, I left. I left without him. I left him with his father and never came back.
I walked into Gaius' home and he stood quickly.
"Where were you? I was starting to think something happened."
I looked at him as I leaned against the door and I couldn't stop myself. I instantly started crying, the tears falling down my cheeks like a waterfall.
"Merlin! Merlin, what's wrong?"
But I couldn't speak. My fears were occuring at this moment and I started to regret ever coming back.
Gaius guided me to his bed and sat me down, sitting in front of me in a small stool. He waited for me to calm down, letting me cry like a fool until I was dry.
I didn't even realize I had laid down until I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling.
I kept thinking how stupid I was being. I shouldn't had cried so much when I had no right. Arthur has every reason to hate me. To not want to see me. To tell me to leave. I had no reason to feel so... Broken.
"Will you tell me what happened?"
I looked at Gaius, nodding slightly, "I saw Arthur."
He sighed softly, "Merlin."
"He told me he wants me to leave Camelot. I need to be gone before sunrise." my voice betrayed me as it cracked.
"Did you tell him?"
I shook my head, "Gwen tried but he screamed at me to leave. So I did."
I let out a shaky breath as I replayed the moment in my head. He looked so hurt and upset.
Gaius sighed, "I'll go talk to him."
"No. Don't. He was upset with Guinevere for knowing, he'll be much more upset with you," he nodded and I sighed, "Morgana will get here soon. I will have her tell him and she can continue talking to him while I...continue to hide or something."
"Merlin, that may not be a good idea."
"I know but, I'm not thinking straight right now. I just need to sleep."
"Yes, you do. Go rest. We'll talk more tomorrow."
I nodded and we both stood up, but before I left, I hugged Gaius in need of some physical comfort. I smiled softly at him before walking to my bedroom. I walked to my bed and didn't even bother on changing. I laid down and the second I closed my eyes, I was fast asleep.
When morning came by, I stayed in bed longer. I didn't feel like going out until Khilgarrah announced his return.
"Merlin?"
I didn't respond to the call nor the knock but that didn't stop Gaius. He walked in but stood by the door.
"Come eat breakfast."
"I'm not hungry." I simply answered.
"Merlin."
"I said I'm not hungry."
Gaius sighed quietly and I heard him leave. I closed my eyes and brought my knees up to my chest wrapping my arms around them.
What was wrong with me? I kept telling myself I had no right to be so upset and sad but I also knew I did have a right. I started thinking of how Arthur must had been like when I left. Of course, part of me knew he felt something for me, but the other part kept telling me that he hates me for being a sorcerer.
I stood up and made my way out of my room. Gaius looked up at me and I couldn't stop myself from the words that escaped my mouth.
"What if after I left, he no longer felt anything for me. Which confirmed Uther's accusations; I used magic to get him to like me."
Gaius looked at me but for a second he didn't say anything. He then stood up and walked over to me.
"Don't ever let Uther win. Ever."
I looked at him and nodded gently. I furrowed my brows being confused on how I could go to that extent.
"I'm sorry."
Gaius patted my shoulder and guided me to the table. I sat down and he sat across from me.
"I think you must be reminded of some things," he started off and I remained silent as I listened, "When you left to Ealdor last time, Arthur was upset. I urged him not to go after you because you asked me to in your letter. He was hurt to know you left without a word. He needed you. He got locked up because he wanted to go after you. He stood up to his father for you. He killed for you...quite literally."
I looked at Gaius as I stayed silent. I nodded slightly, nibbling on my bottom lip.
"You're right," I whispered, "You're absolutely right."
I smiled softly and stood up. I walked towards the door wanting to run out and towards Arthur. Tell him the truth of everything, but I couldn't. The minute I opened the door, Gwen ran in. She was trying to catch her breath. She had been running.
"Gaius. It's Uther. We need you." she said quickly.
Gaius grabbed his bag already full of supplies and walked out. I tried to follow but Gaius stopped me.
"Wait here. It's best Uther doesn't see you yet."
I nodded and watched them both leave. I sighed and took a seat, planning what I intended for the rest of the day.
So I would go see Arthur. That's a for sure...more like a maybe if I didn't chicken out. I needed to see him and tell him everything. How sorry I am and how I never intended on hiding the secret for so long. How I wanted to tell him so many times. Then I'd tell him why I returned and help him in any way I could.
'Merlin.'
I furrowed my brows. Already? I grabbed my cloak and quickly put it on, pulling the hood on. I made my way out and towards the dragon. I watched Morgana pace back and forth.
"You guys got here fast."
Morgana looked at me with fear, "I was already on my way. Khilgharrah picked me up halfway."
"What's wrong?"
"Does Arthur already know you're here?" the dragon asked.
I nodded, "Yes. He saw me last night while I was at Gwen's."
"Good. Because I had another dream."
My eyes widened and I reached out grabbing her hand.
"We will call you in need of help." I said to the dragon who bowed before leaving.
I quickly pulled Morgana to Gaius' though it probably wasn't secretive at all. I closed the door and looked at her, both of us removing our cloaks.
"What happened?"
"I saw him. I saw the man who will kill Arthur." she spoke softly, scared, as if afraid the man in her dreams would show up if she spoke of him.
"I also have information," she looked at me as I spoke, "It's a druid. Some one got into my head and spoke to me. He said he would kill Arthur and would do anything to stop me from getting in the way. He called me Emrys."
"We need to get to Arthur."
Before I could answer the door opened and Gaius walked in. He stopped when he saw Morgana.
"I thought you wouldn't get here until later."
"You knew I was coming?" she asked in confusion.
"Of course. I told Merlin you could stay here as long as you need."
She looked at me and I smiled. She looked back at Gaius.
"Thank you, Gaius. Also, I'm so sorry for any pain or trouble I caused you."
"Nonsense child. No pain and trouble can compare to what I go through everyday I'm with Merlin."
"Hey!"
Morgana giggled softly and she nodded, "I am still sorry. But, as much as I would love to sit and chat, we must warn Arthur of the troubles ahead of him."
Gaius shook his head, "I don't think it's the best time to go see him."
"Why?"
Gaius looked at us both, hesitating to speak as if afraid to tell us.
"Uther is very sick. I believe he's dying."