It wasn't hard to forgive him. I mean, I have to be honest. I didn't actually hate him. I was just mad at him and at myself. I was mad at him for leaving me just like that, but I was mad at myself for not giving him everything he deserves. I was mad at myself for always giving Eric a room in my heart. I was mad at myself that no matter how big my heart had swelled up, I always seem to squeeze Eric in there.
I was mad at myself for not giving Nash my all. Honestly, Nash gave me his everything and I what I returned to him were bits and pieces.
And when Quinn and I finally made up, of course I would tell her about Nash and me. Though, I couldn't be fully honest to her. If I was going to be there for her as she was there for me, I would need to be strong for her. I shouldn't be in the state of remorse. I needed to be her anchor as well.
Nash was my weakness and always will be. I just kept it to myself until Quinn noticed it. She saw that Nash was more to me than Eric was. She saw who my first choice was. And when we both had to face the North Brothers, we both knew that we needed each other for support. In all honesty, they were our biggest weakness.
Nash will always be the one that tears my wall down. And what happened in my hotel room have proved it, just like how he tore my wall down over the summer, the time we got to spend time together.
He didn't even have to do anything but be truthful to me. That was how strong he was to me and how weak I was to him. Right now, I needed my best friend.
Quinn is the only one who can help me solve this. When Nash left my room, I felt all the guilt rushed into me. After, I tried contacting Quinn but I was sent to voicemail.
When I stepped in the van with the others, it meant I have to make my own decisions by myself. At the moment, all I can think about is how I was so screwed. After Nash's confession, I knew I was in dipshit.
I was feeling all sorts of emotions and thoughts about Nash.
He was seated at the front passenger seat next to the driver. He has his earphones plugged in his ears with his Ray Ban shades over his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or something. The whole ride to the beach, he was quiet. All the while, I stared at him.
Once we got to the beach, Ryland and I headed to the sands and set up our umbrellas and blankets. The other guys were carrying our snacks, drinks, and other things over. Once the blankets were set, I sat down and put on some sunscreen. I took off my see-through white top and untied my pink wrap-on which leaves me only in my white bikini.
As soon as I put on my shades, Clara looks at me and smirks. "What?" I asked.
"Who are you trying to impress, huh?" she mumbled as she takes a sit next to me. She looks up and scans the guys. When her eyes landed on Nash, her smirk grew wider. "I knew it."
"You knew what?" I inquired.
"I've asked Quinn about it but she would always deny it but I know it, Nicole. I always saw it whenever he was around," Clara speaks. She takes off her top then gets up and runs to the ocean water. What did she know?
I frowned but let it go as I laid flat on the blanket. Once I shut my eyes, I felt sands being thrown at me. I groaned before getting up. I took my shades off and looked for that stupid rude person. "Ryland!" I warned. He dares smirk at me. "Is dying on your wish-list or something? I could give it to you right now."
"Can't I have a little fun first?" He shrugs then takes off running towards the water. I groaned once again but before I could sit back down, I felt arms around me, hoisting me up. I looked at the body carrying me then I had the urge to punch him as hard as I can on his back. "No, don't you dare asshole!" I screamed.
"You're dead," I hear Ashley hollers.
"Plea-!" Before I could finish, I was thrown into the water. I resurfaced and stood on my two feet.
"Now I know what the North felt," Ryan said, caressing his back. "Damn, woman."
I rolled my eyes then pushed him and pushed myself up the water then got on top of him. Ryan falls back to the water and we were now both under the water. He was trying to protect himself while I tried to hit him. I knew he was faking the pain because the pressure of the water was making my punches weaker.
I pull myself up for air and Ryan copies. He was laughing already so then I punched his chest which brings him back under the water. I grounded then swam to the shore before he can pay me back for it.
When I came back under our umbrella, I found my spot taken by no other than Nash. He laid flat on my blanket in his swimming trunks and t-shirt. He was still wearing his shades and his earphones plugged in. I was basically standing right in front him, waiting for him to notice my presence. After I waited for about 10 seconds, I kicked some sands on his feet.
He takes his shades off and looks at me. His eyes were squinty from the bright sun. "Well, hello there," he grinned. I rolled my eyes at him. "What can I help you?"
"That's my spot; move," I said to him. His grin grew wider before sitting up to his bum. He looks around then his eyes stops. I looked over to where he was looking at. It was a group of girls checking him out. He smirks and nods at them then looks up to me.
Right there and now, he takes off his t-shirt, revealing his perfectly toned abdomen. He didn't have to flex for his muscles to pop out. I mean, it was naturally there already. My mouth slightly opened at the scenery. I couldn't help myself but to stare at his upper body.
"You mind helping me up?" He asked. He raises his right hand for me to take. Was he serious?
He is asking a girl to pull him up?
After not responding for a couple of seconds, he sighs then gets up on his own, messing up my blanket and having more sand on it. I grounded then leaned down to dust them off.
After a second, I feel a tap on my right butt cheek. With instincts, I get up and turn to face the asshole. I was ready to punch him too but he was too quick and grabs unto my arm, stopping me. "Sorry. It was just so tempting, baby," he muttered as he leaned down to my face.
If I leaned up just a millimeter, our lips would have been touching.
"Get a room, you disgusting siblings," we both hear Ashely say. He lets go of my arm then leaves, making sure I was irritated by his wide smirk.
He was so certain I have somewhat forgave him. He was so certain that I was just pretending now. He was certain I would be his.
When we got back to the hotel, we were all exhausted. We all headed straight to our rooms. Little did I know, Nathan and Quinn were already back. If I hadn't barged in on them, they would have been making out on the table right now.
Fuck myself!
I ruined it.
Before Nathan stepped out, I gave him an apologetic look. Once the door was shut, Quinn falls to the ground. I rushed to her. "I'm okay, Nicole," she was quick to say. "I'm just glad you walked in on us."
"What?"
"I wouldn't know what I'd do if something happened between us. I mean, even if Eric and I aren't on the best terms-or I mean, I'm not on good terms with Eric- I still can't cheat on him again," she admitted.
I groaned which earned me all of Quinn's attention. "Stop thinking about Eric, Quinn," I tell her.
"Why not? I mean, he is my boyfriend," she said.
"Is he really a boyfriend to you?" I asked her. This time, her answer came to short.
"I . . . ," she pauses and thinks for a while.
I sighed then took a seat next to her on the floor. "Can you be honest with me, please?" I asked her.
She looks directly into my eyes and I made sure that I showed her I was dead serious. "Oh, we're playing this game now," she muttered.
"Quinn," I warned her.
"Nicole," she warned back. "I will be honest with you if you will be honest with me too."
My next words were also an agreement to her request. "You've lost feelings for Eric long time ago and now that you are finally with him, you don't want to be with him anymore," I started, "Eric not being honest with you is finally your reason to leave him—to break it off with him, right?"
She stares at me. I know for a second she thought of lying to me but we both knew I could read her easily. It was useless. "Right," she whispers, looking shamefully on the carpeted floor.
I brought her chin up and she looked back to me. "Don't be ashamed of it, Quinnie. It's better this way than forcing yourself to feel something back for him. I mean, that will only hurt you more and it would also hurt Eric, too, if he finds out," I tell her.
She sighs then nods at me. "You don't hate him, do you? You're just mad at him and I'm the one that's keeping you from not being with him, huh? Because you never hated him, just furious at him. He is your weakness and if he came back longer and we hadn't made up still by then, you'd forgive him in a heartbeat. I'm the one stopping you, aren't I?"
I bit my lip before answering her. "It's not you, entirely. I mean, I just want to be there for you with all of me. I need to take care of you. You're my only best friend in this whole wide world and my one and only sister. I can't let anything happen to you, Quinn."
"I love you, Coley, but like you need a hobby. You can't always be obsessed of me," she jokes. That's Quinn, ladies and gentlemen. Always trying to lighten the mood up. I grinned at her reply.
Then it was time to be serious again. "But, really, I'm okay. I know you are here for me with all of you. It doesn't mean you're a little occupied with a boy that we'd grow apart or something. I know you will always be there just like how I will always be there for you, Coley. You're my one and only best friend and sister too and I wouldn't want anything happening to you. I would want you to be happy and if being with him makes you happy then I urge you to set your pride aside and go after him. I support you with whatever choice you make. You don't need to worry about me, sweetheart."
I smiled at her. I'm happy to have her as my best friend. I'm so happy to be her sister and to be loved by her again.
I pulled her into a hug then after a couple of seconds we pulled out and just returned a big smile to each other. Then, her expression alters. "So, you and Nash talked today, huh," she smirks. It didn't even take me to tell her. She already knew.
I nodded. "Okay, tell me what happened with you and my brother," I quickly said before she beat me to it with me and Nash today.
We both get up and walked over the bed. We covered ourselves with the comforter then rested our heads on the white soft pillows. She takes a deep breath before answering to my inquiry. "We cruised around the city, yeah. Then, I noticed that he was going opposite to what the GPS was telling us to go. I got mad at him for it then we started arguing. After, we grew quiet then he followed to what the system was instructing us to follow. Once we reached our second destination though, we started to argue again. We went back to the car and drove to our third then to our fourth. Though, we stopped talking again until I finally had enough and demanded him to drive us back to the hotel," she said. I should be used to her talkativeness, which I am, but it's like her talkativeness is getting worst every day. She talks more than she can ever talk.
I didn't mind though. I always liked listening to her complains with every detail.
"So, I hopped off the car and rushed into the room. I didn't hear the door shut closed until I turned around and saw him standing by the door. He was looking at me intensely then I frowned at him. We started to argue again until it reached to the point where all we both wanted to do is be close to each other and feel each other's touch. It reached to the point when all I could think about was feeling his lips on mine again. I knew we shouldn't have been in that position but I couldn't muster the strength in me to push him back. But thank goodness, you barged in on us. And for that, thank you, fool," she finally ended.
Yes, I am such a fool. I should have checked up with the hotel employees if Nathan brought the rental car back. I just have to make it up to Nathan next time.
But like, it has only been a couple of seconds until she starts talking again." Tell me about you and Nash. Did he rub sunscreen on you? Oooohh, did you show him what he was missing? Oh my gawd! You didn't stare at his abs, did you? Oh shit, sex on the beach?-" She starts to bombard me.
"Okay, no! Quinnie, stop talking. I won't be able to tell you if you don't stop blabbing," I snapped. She grins at me. Then, she nods for me to continue. "Well, right after you and Nathan left, he came in the room. I didn't even want to see or talk to him. I didn't get the chance to give myself a pep-talk before so I was kind of off. He comes into the room then starts telling me everything. . ."
After I have told her every detail of today's happenings, she takes a deep breath. I knew the thought of Nash going after Nathan was still stuck in her head. She was quiet after I finished. I thought she was drifting into sleep until she spoke, "Why do we fall for these idiots?"
I grinned even if I knew she wasn't able to see it. "Are you admitting it that you have fallen for my brother?" I asked. I feel her turn so now she was staring at the white ceiling.
"Do I really have to say it?" She asked.
"What really happened today, Quinnie? What's got you to not denying it anymore?"
"What? I don't deny shit. I just avoid the topic," she laughs. And now, she was admitting to the obvious things.
"What really happened today, Quinn?" I asked her again.
Quinn sits up. I sat up as well and turned on the lamp next to the bed. "I-I just don't get him, Coley," she stutters. "He is so confusing and I honestly don't want to be another fool."
"What do you mean?"
"Like what Nash told you, Nathan seemed like he was only doing what was right or else, Nash would have been the one shot. But when I asked Nathan about it today, he gave me a whole different story. I don't know who to believe and I'm not implying that Nash is liar or anything. I just don't know what to believe in anymore," she explains.
"What did Nathan tell you?" I asked her.
"He said that he killed two people because he wanted to, not because he had to. He told me that he even liked it. I asked him why he did it. He said that it's because his brother infuriated him. So for revenge, he shot Jared and Cassie, the two closest people to Nash," she informs me. I sat up straighter, intrigued at the new information.
"It still doesn't explain why you are not denying that you still have feelings for him Quinn," I muttered.
"Because he said something that had brought my walls down completely," she answers.
"And that is what exactly?"
She grins, "That is for me to know and for you to not find out."
"Quinnie, come on! What did he say?" I asked. I saw the little redness on her cheeks as she begins to blush, for the first time in a very long time.
"Let's just go to sleep, huh," she suggested. She tucks herself in then gives me a sheepish look before turning her back on me.
I suddenly have the urge to slap her ass. "You kinky girl," I teased. I bet what my brother told her was something dirty.
"Look who is thinking dirty now, hoe," she mumbled, her voice muffled.
"Well, you're not giving me an answer with that silly grin of yours gives me that impression, Quinn," I tell her. I fixed my pillow then tucked myself in as well.
"Goodnight, Coley," she said, obviously will not tell me tonight.
"Goodnight, Quinnie," I replied.
I was about to knock out before I hear Quinn's voice after about 10 minutes of silence. "I intend to win you back, Queen. I promise I will steal you from Eric Sanders. It has been my intention to love you ever since scholar camp."
And that was it until she finally fell asleep. As for myself, I grabbed my phone under my pillow and texted Nathan to meet me at the top floor in 30 minutes. I couldn't wait to tell him his one-day progress already.
I grabbed my sweater then quietly snuck out the room, making sure I did not wake Quinn up.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snapped as soon as I saw his face. "Where's Nathan?"
"Well, I received a text to meet you here," he shrugs.
"You took Nathan's phone?"
"No, but I did sneak into your beach bag and switched Nathan and my number on your contacts," he tells me, "so then I know what you two are up to."
I laughed at him. "You're stupid, you know that? If you wanted to spy on us, you don't tell me what you did."
He gives me that I'm-so-stupid look. "Idiot," I muttered to myself.
I start to walk back to the elevator when he speaks again, "Well, what did you want to talk to Nathan about? You two aren't having affairs, are you? Because now, that would be really wrong. It's okay for you and me because we aren't really blood related. But like, Nathan and you? That's incest, babe."
"Well, unlike you, he knows what is wrong and right. He knows not to hit on a sister," I spat.
"When are you going to at least forgive me as a friend and start treating me like one? Nicole, that's all I really ask for," I hear him. I still didn't turn. I wasn't going to stop walking back to the room. "You already know that I love you. So what else do you need me to do?"
"Leave," I said. But, that wasn't what I really want. I didn't know what made me say that.
"Is that what you really want?" he asked. I could hear him taking steps, following me.
My pace quickens, afraid that he may catch up to me and hear what I was going to say next, "No, that's far from what I really want."