Thank you for over a hundred reads, it means a lot, x
I left my room after one of the best sleeps of my life, to see Nathan, his arm lying over the sofa, almost reaching the floor, his shirt on the floor, and a blanket strewn across his sleeping body. Tiptoeing across the floor, I manage to make it to his side, where I see his innocent, pure, sleeping face, making it hard for me to believe he has done the things he has. He looks so peaceful, the permanent crease in his forehead gone. It is easy for me to picture him as a child now, a younger version of himself with the smile I rarely see always on his face, running and playing with his friends.
I smile to myself and creep away, not wanting to wake him. I've heard him get up in the night and make himself food or get a drink. Sometimes, I hear the t.v.
"Lily?" A husky, raspy voice asks, just as I reach the kitchen. When I peek over, I see he is still asleep but has rolled over. "Lily? I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whines, sadness clear in his voice, and not wanting to hear him sound so upset, so hurt, I rush over, shaking his shoulder lightly.
"Nathan, I'm here, wake up," I say and watch him slowly open his beautiful, big green eyes and smile with relief when they land on me.
"Hi," he whispers, laughing shortly.
"Hi," I reply and walk away, seeing that he is okay. Why was he saying sorry? What could he be sorry for?
"Shit, no. I cant tell Lily, not yet, okay, I will," he whispers, the door to his room shut tightly trying to block me out. Of course, being as curious as I am, I knock the door, using the excuse of breakfast being cooked to ask about the phone call.
"Who was on the phone?" His expression hardens and the hand he uses to hold his fork is held still, hovering above the bacon. His change in mood, the shift between happy to unnerved concerns me, and so I become suspicious.
"Urmm, Kyle," he stutters, immediatley eating again, trying to act like the last few seconds never happened but I will not forget it. If he has nothing to hide, if he has done nothing wrong, why is he acting so strange?
"What do you not want me to know then?" I ask, buntly, not avoiding the question any longer than I have to.
"W-w-what? I don't know what you mean," he stutters, and so I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
"Don't act stupid, I heard you and Kyle on the phone, and apparently there is something he wants you to tell me but you won't, so tell me," I demand, hating lies and secrets and hating the fact that this may be our first argument.
"No." I stand there, shocked.
"No?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you can't know, no matter what Kyle says, sorry," he answers, not phased by it, eating his food once again, and this, more than the lies itself, annoys me beyond belief.
"Whatever it is, I have a right to know, since I have kept a lot of your secrets and dealt with a lot of your shit," I answer, not quite beiveing how much of an idiot he is being.
"You don't need to know anything, just, no," he says, standing up and walking away.
"No, Nathan, I have kept the fact that you killed someone secret, and lied to cover it up, for you. I have had to deal with being threatened and hurt, again, because of you. I have also lost my friends due to something that happened, because of you. That is a lot for me to deal with in a matter of a few weeks especially in a new place, where I know no-one and nothing. I deserve to know whatever it is your hiding, because right now I'm thinking the worst and honestly, I'm scared. I don't want to be scared of you Nathan," I admit and see he is no longer pissed off, he is no longer annoyed, he is hurt. I know he hates it when I am afraid of him.
"You don't have to be scared of me, no matter what, I would never do anything to hurt you, ever, because you mean more to me than you think, but I can't tell you anything right now, I'm sorry," he apologises, rushing his words.
"How do I know that you aren't with another girl? How do I know you aren't a murderer?" I ask and he sighs, holding his head in his hands.
"You don't know Lily, you just have to trust me, which is what people who like each other do," he insults, venom in his voice.
"How can I trust someone who doesn't trust me? How can I trust someone who is lying and keep secrets involving me a secret from me?" I return and watch as he looks up at me.
"I do trust you, I do, but this is just, I just can't tell you and it doesn't involve you, I will make sure it doesn't involve you," he answer but it seems he is talking to himself more than me.
"Why are you being so mysterious? Just tell me the truth for God's sake!" I shout and see his bright, green eyes blaze with fury as he grabs the lamp on the table and smashes it against a wall. Instead of being frightened, like I should be, I am angry.
"I said I can't fucking tell you!" He screams, causing me to stand there, motionless. I want to scream back in his face, but I don't, instead, I walk away, back to my room, where I pack things in a handbag and prepare to leave for the second time.
"What are you doing?" He asks, and as I didn't know he was there, I jump a little.
"I'm hunting elephants, what do you think I'm doing?" I ask, more sarcasm then I intended dripping from my voice.
"Why are you leaving?"
"Why do you think? Do you think I can be with someone who lies to me and shouts and throws lamps when they get angry?" I ask and see his face fall, his frown more prominent on his lips.
I walk past him, shoving him out of the way, and heading straight for the door, where I am spun around by Nathan.
"Wait,"
"I'll stay if you tell me everything, if I mean anything to you," I whisper and see his face become torn. That's when I know he isn't going to tell me anything, and so I mean nothing to him because if he cared, he would explain.
"That's why I am leaving," I state and walk out the door, slamming it in his face. That's what he deserves.
I walk down a road filled with brick houses and front gardens before I find a litle strip of shops and when I see a small cafe, I head to it, ordering a coffee. Then, as I look at the rain falling from the sky, dripping on the windows, I sigh. This is all such a big mess. Why won't he just tell me? It won't be that bad, whatever it is, but then I am reminded of him killing someone. Maybe I wil hate what it is, but would it change my view of him? No, I don't think so. At the end of the day, I am still here after everything, so why would he still be afraid of me hating him?
Another aspect of the argument that worried me was when he said he would make sure I wasn't involved. Why? Can I not decide for myself whether or not I want to be involved? Granted, I probably wouldn't want to be, but still, I should get to decide, it is my life. Maybe he is protecting me, but I still deserve to know what from, don't I?
The phone in my pocket buzzes and his name pops up on the screen.
From Nathan
I'm sorry Lily, I was an idiot, please come home x
Yes, you were, I think before putting the phone down. I don't want to go back, I can't face him, not yet. I want some space and then I will go back. I need to just breathe for a second, I need to be able to think when he isn't there to distract me, I need to be alone.
From Nathan
Lily, I need you, I miss you, I hate that you're mad at me, please x
To Nathan
I hate being mad at you, but it's your fault x
I reply, feeling strong and confident, like I should. He needs to know that I will not go to him whenever he wants me to, that I do what I want because I want to.
From Nathan
I know, it is all my fault and I am so sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did, I shouldn't have said the things I said, I didn't mean any of them, I just need you right now. I need to speak to you and tell you the truth, all of it. You were right, you have a right to know, you deserve an explanation, no, you deserve more than that, just come home, or tell me where you are and I will come and get you x
When I have finished reading it, I feel myself becoming weaker and weaker, the temptation to leave and go back to him stronger. I want to, but should I? He promised he would tell me the truth, all of it isn't that what I wanted from the beginning? Isn't that what the argument was over?
To Nathan
I'm coming back, I missed you too x
I reply and stand up, taking my coffee with me as I make my way back to him, ready for the truth and prepared that I will deal with whatever it may be.
I reach the door, but it is already opened, and he is stood there, his face a picture of pain and guilt. When his eyes find mine, they brighten and before I know it, I am hugging him, hs face buried in the crook of my neck, covered by my hair.
"Lily," he whispers, squeezing me tighter, before he lets me go. He then takes my hand and leads me to the sofa, but all I see is the mass of pillows everywhere, more things broken, smashed into pieces and a bottle of whiskey, empty.
"You drank whiskey?"
"I was about to, then I realised how stupid I was being and put it down," he explained and I knew he was't lying, he wasn't hiding anything, he was telling me how it is. Maybe this is where it starts. When we reach the sofa, we sit down and he begins, not looking at me.
"This might be a bit much for you Lily but I trust you, I do and that's why I am going to tell you everything but please, listen to me before you judge or become afraid, promise me you'll listen?" I nod, telling him I promise because I can. I can listen to him, the least I can do is listen.
"Okay, when I was thirteen, my parents became ill, I mean really ill. They weren't able to move without assistance, and so I had to care for them and get an education. When I was fifteen, they died, my mother first and my father a day after. They say he died of a broken heart. Afterwards, I felt like a failure. I kept blaming myself, for not looking after them well enough, for going to school when I should have been with them, and so I became angry. I became the boy at school who everyone feared because I was so alone. Kids used to talk to me, say vile things to me, so I would hit them, and then I was known for being a good fighter. I would go to dark alleys after school and fight for money, because nobody woud give me proper job. It was something I was good at, so I got better and better until I was a real street fighter.
"Then, one night, I was walking home from a fight, I had a bloody nose and broozed eye, but that was it. I saw a woman, she was beautiful. She was literally perfect and she came nearer. I wasn't able to move until she was beside me, her teeth on my neck. I thought I was going to die, the pain was unbearable, I had literally never cried so much. I thought I was dead at eighteen, when she stopped. I watched as she smiled a sickly, evil smile and then ran away, faster than anyone could ever have done before. I lay in that alley for three days, but of course, no one cared. No one missed me, and so when I regained strength, when I became able to move, I felt different. I was different. I wasn't me anymore, I was a fictional character, something I thought was impossible," he whispers and I sit staring, you promsied you would listen, I remind myself, so I say nothing and continue to listen to the horrifying, traumatising story.
"I began to fight again, but whenever I fought and gave a man a broken nose, I would feel drawn to him, I would feel thirsty? I was in the middle of a fight and the man was bleeding heavily, and I was so close, I was about to do it, to drink, when Kyle found me, he dragged me away from the street and explained that he was the same as me, and that he would help me. I had seen him around school sometimes, but never acknowledged him. He told me that he knew about me, about my parents, about how I lived, and so I listened. Then he did something I would never have expected, he gave me a job as well as a way out. He told me he worked witha group of men who killed the evil, blood drinkers. Since Kyle isn't a blood drinker, they asked if he would help them and so he did. Then, he asked me if I wanted to help. I said yes.
"For years we worked, he taught me how to act normal, to hide what I was and live normally. He taught me that I needed contact lenses, to stay away from blood, never run unless necessary and things like that. I was so grateful and I was able to live alone for the first time. I was normal for the first time, then he went a step better and told me about the next job. We were looking for a group, a huge group, who not only killed for fun, but held the cure. The cure for vampirism. I have worked so hard and am working so hard Lily, I need that cure, I hate what I am, I need the cure," he says and I watch as he looks up at me for the first time. He puts his fingers in his eyes and pulls off the green covers, unveiling vibrant, terrifyingly bright red eyes. Shit.
"I hate not aging, I hate not living, I want to be human, you need to know that, you have every right to be scared and hate me, I'm sorry, I should have told you before," he says but I continue to sit, speechless, it explains so much.
His fear of bood.
Why he didn't bleed during the fight.
His inhuman speed.
Why the man had red eyes.
Why he killed him.
The secrets.
The lies.
Why he doesn't want me involved.
Why he was scared I would hate him.
Nathan is a vampire.
What do you think? x