"Your judgment is so clouded,
Why can't you just agree?
Writhing with the bullet,
Don't you die for me." - Bach's Revenge debut album, track 9
If it weren't for the small screen that featured Charlie's vital signs, the beeping and the steady sound of the monitors, he would have thought Charlie did die. She looked so fragile.
He stepped closer gingerly, like heavy footfall could disrupt her. An atomic bomb could blow up outside and she wouldn't know any different, but he still moved with care.
The human body shouldn't have room for so many tubes. She was on her back, a breathing tube fastened over her mouth going down her throat into her chest, at least that's where he imagined it would go.
This was his fault. If he'd never slept with McKenzie in the first place, maybe it wouldn't have happened. Maybe he'd be holding Charlie in his arms tonight instead of praying that he'd get the chance again.
He placed his hand on her arm which had an IV inserted into it. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here."
He waited for her to move her fingers or flutter her eyelids like patients so often did on TV; but she remained motionless.
"I'm going to make this right, Charlie," he whispered. "I'll never let something like this happen to you again, no matter what it takes. I told you I'd love you for always. I'm going to fix this." He brushed his lips across her forehead and left wondering how he was going to keep his promise.
When he got back to the waiting room, Sawyer had awakened Devin. They stood next to Robbie and Lane.
"Is she okay?" Devin asked.
Sebastian wrapped his arm over her shoulder. "Your sister is stubborn. She's going to be just fine."
"What about my parents?"
"I called them," Lane said. "They're on the first flight out but they couldn't get here till morning." He looked at Sebastian. "I called again while you were in with Charlie, told them she was okay."
"Thanks," Sebastian said.
Bennett and the rest of the crew were on their own buses when they returned. It was unfortunate because Sebastian wanted to use Bennett as a punching bag but he was too tired to go looking for him. Groggily, he found the light on the bus, and flicked it on.
Devin headed to the bathroom to change into her pajamas. Sebastian told her she could take the big bed, the one in the back, thinking as tired as he was, he probably wouldn't be sleeping. How could he sleep with Charlie in some hospital bed?
"I'm going to have a five minute shower," Sawyer said. "I hate hospitals," he added.
This left Sebastian alone with Lane, who just looked like he wanted sleep himself, and Robbie who was spaced out from the chaotic evening.
"You saved her life," Sebastian said.
"I didn't do much. Sawyer saved her."
"No," Sebastian shook his head in disagreement. "You saved her too."
"I know she's your girlfriend but we all love Charlie. I would have done the same for anyone, although I think you're making it sound a lot more heroic than it was."
"We do all love Charlie," Robbie said, nodding. "He's right."
"Lane, sorry isn't good enough. For what I did to you."
"It's fine," Lane said.
"No, it isn't fine. I'll make it up to you."
"You don't need to do that, Sebastian.
Robbie held up his hand in protest. "Stop while you're ahead Lane. Guilt and shame can be beautiful things. Sebastian feels like such a jerk, he'd probably give you his guitars or his car."
Lane shrugged.
"Enough from the peanut gallery," Sebastian said to Robbie. He faced Lane again. "Point is, I owe you my life for hers and if you forgive me, I'll never forget that debt."
"Listen," Lane said. "I'm so tired. Can we talk in the morning?"
At least Lane was going to talk to him again. That had to be a bonus of some sort, didn't it? "Yeah," he said. "Sure."
Sawyer came out of the shower in his own pajama pants and the towel slung around his neck. Lane looked up and back at the ground quickly before offering a muffled "G'night."
Before he made it to the bed, Devin came to the front of the bus with a blanket wrapped around her.
"Sawyer?"
Sebastian was surprised and found himself slightly jealous. His almost little sister found herself a new protector in his friend. He shook the feeling off because if anyone could use a few more people to care about, it was Sawyer.
"Yeah darlin'?"
"I'm scared."
"There's nothing to be scared of," Sawyer said.
Devin's eyes widened. "What if she comes back? I don't think I can sleep."
"She's not comin' back," Sawyer assured her. "And of course you can sleep."
Okay, so he wasn't exactly catching on to what Devin meant. It was understandable; Sawyer wasn't exactly well versed in girl speak. Seb, on the other hand had known both of the Thomas girls for their entire lives and if Devin was anything like her sister, which she was, he knew what she wanted.
When Charlie and him were around Devin's age, they rebelled against the world for an afternoon and watched The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Charlie didn't let him go home for a week and a half for anything other than to eat and shower. As far as he knew, she'd never recovered and refused to watch anything that wasn't a solid PG rating.
"C'mon, Dev," he said. "I'll sleep right next to you." Again, he thought sleep was probably not too likely, but he could lay there with her and she could sleep.
Devin smiled and looked at Sawyer expectantly.
"Whatchu lookin' at me like that for?"
"Can you come too?"
Sawyer opened his mouth to reply, but Robbie interrupted. "I don't want to sleep alone either."
Sawyer smirked. "Since when did you turn into a girl?"
"Since I watched someone get shot in real life," Robbie replied. "So sue me. I have a weak stomach and an active imagination. Besides, that bed is like a King size times two, there is lots of room. We can all go. It'll be just like camping."
"I don't care where anyone goes," Lane chimed in. "I just want to sleep."
Sawyer rolled his eyes and pointed his finger at Lane, "stay on your side of the bed, yeah?"
Lane was too exhausted to be offended so instead he gave a defeated chuckle, "rest assured, I'll make sure our feet don't even touch."
Devin seemed perfectly satisfied with the outcome. It was with a leg thrown over Sebastian and a hand resting on Sawyer's arm that she fell asleep.
When Charlie came to, she was sure she was dead. Everything was white and sterile. But when her blurry eyes focused, it was clear she was either wrong, or nearly everyone that mattered to her had died too.
Sebastian slept in an armchair beside her bed. His mouth was open and he snored softly. Lane's body formed a perfect right angle in the windowsill, his arms crossed over his chest and his head slumped.
Sawyer was standing at the opposite side of the room with Robbie, coffees in their hands. Devin was also awake, gazing out the window.
Where was she? She closed her eyes to recall the last thing she could remember. Sebastian had been singing off tune and Lane and Sawyer were there too. Lane's eyes were so kind, his touch soft. People were screaming. Blood. There was so much blood.
The memory weaved its way into her brain like broken glass spreading into a web. McKenzie tried to shoot Sebastian. Charlie's eyes popped open and she looked down at her body and realized she'd taken the bullet. She gasped. "Sebastian?"
He stood up abruptly. "I'm here," he said. His eyes were bloodshot. "I'm right here."
She remembered him crying. She'd wanted to console him then. "It's okay," she mumbled. "I'm fine, you know."
He absentmindedly swept her hand to his lips for a kiss and turned to Robbie, "Can you get the nurse?"
"Yeah," Robbie said, "I'll send her in." He looked at his watch, "I should probably go anyway, I have to pick up Charlie's parents at the airport in a couple hours and traffic might be bad."
"Traffic my ass," Sawyer said. "You just want to drive that Bentley you rented."
Robbie looked away. "That may have something to do with it, yes."
Charlie was mortified. "You called my mom and dad?"
"No, I thought I'd let them find out about their daughter's shooting on the front page of the newspaper." Sebastian smiled at his sarcasm. "Of course I called them, Charlie."
Robbie left and shortly after, a nurse entered wearing Snoopy scrubs. "Hi," she said brightly. She adjusted the tubes looking as though she was concentrating on something. "So far so good, sweetheart, you're recovering as expected. You're a tough cookie."
Charlie frowned. "I don't feel so tough."
"Are you in pain? We gave you some pain medication a few hours ago through your IV, but it may be wearing off."
Was she in pain?
"No," she decided. "I'm okay."
"Alright," the nurse said. "I'm available at the press of a button." She held up the device attached to the bed indicating that's where Charlie would find the button and left.
"Bella," Sebastian whispered. "Why'd you do that?"
"Do what?" Maybe he'd been expecting her to ask the nurse for meds.
"You jumped in front of a gun, Charlie. Why would you do that?"
Oh. That. "To save you," she said. This conversation was probably better in private, but she didn't care. Stating it out loud forced her to actually think about it; McKenzie's intent was to end Sebastian's life. Because of her. If she'd gotten there a second too late, she might be facing life without him and that thought was too much to bear.
Heated tears prickled at her eyes and because she was horizontal, they fell down the sides of her face and onto the pillow. "I could have lost you," she said, her lip trembling.
"Shhh," Sebastian soothed. "You didn't. I almost lost you."
"Don't dwell on what could have happened," Lane said. "Focus on what did. You're both alive, happily ever after, right?"
"Did they catch her?" Charlie asked, "McKenzie?"
"Tally got her," Sawyer said. "Always thought Tally was hot, but man, that chick fights like a guy. I think I'm in love."
"Keep dreaming," Tally's voice broke in. "I'm not single, even if I was, I can't compete with your fan girls."
"Oh," Sawyer said, "On the contrary, I think you could."
Tally removed her sunglasses and Charlie sucked in a breath. Tally's left eye was black with a slice that ran from the outer edge to almost her temple. She sported a fat lip and her knuckles were shaded a grotesque purple and yellow. "Don't look so shocked," she told Charlie. "You should see the other guy."
"I think I'd rather get shot again," Charlie mumbled. The image of Sebastian's desperation, Lane's gentle kindness, Sawyer's heroic efforts, and now Tally flashed in her mind and tears welled again.
Tally was alarmed. "Don't cry, sweetie. Everyone is just fine. You're okay, I'm okay, Seabass is okay and for the record I've never seen anyone rock a hospital gown like you are right now."
Charlie nodded, too upset to smile at Tally's joke.
Sawyer cleared his throat. "Devin, I'm hungry. How about you buy me breakfast?"
"I don't have any money," Devin said and sighed. "Story of my life."
Sawyer smirked. "Humph. How about Robbie, Lane, Tally and I buy you breakfast?"
"I just got here," Tally objected. But when her eyes settled on Seb, a light went off, and she recovered. "But naturally, I'm starving. Taking out a crazed, gun-wielding maniac sure works up an appetite."
With a few words, Sawyer managed to clear the room, leaving Charlie behind with Sebastian.
He forced the bedrail down. "I've never been so scared in my life as I was last night," he said. "I was afraid I'd never hold you again."
Charlie gave him a sly smile and shuffled to the side, her grin evaporating quickly. "Holy crap, that really hurts."
"Don't move," he said. Without any real disruption to her current position, he somehow wedged his way behind her, wrapping her in his arms.
"Can I confess something?" she asked him.
"You can tell me anything," Sebastian whispered.
She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel his body, the rise and fall of his chest, his warmth. "I'd do it again," she said. "I wouldn't change anything."
He was quiet at first. "I couldn't sleep last night. Instead, I stared at the roof and wondered what is best for you."
"What did you decide?" she asked.
"That I'm not sure it's me," he said. "If I were stronger. If I were a better man, I'd let you go."
Charlie's heart skipped a beat. "Please don't."
Sebastian kissed the back of her head. "I promised you always," he said.
She smiled and closed her eyes, "and you don't break your promises," she finished for him.
"No," he said. "Even when I should."
Sebastian graciously left the hospital with Robbie when Charlie's parents arrived, wanting to give them family time. Tally took Devin to the mall, leaving Sawyer and Lane to return to the bus.
There was a show scheduled in Dallas for the following night, but Bennett actually made himself useful and rearranged their entire week so Sebastian could be near the hospital. Although Seb would have liked to think it was because Bennett had a heart of gold, he knew better; even bad press was good press.
The bus hadn't moved from the night before. Charlie's blood still colored the asphalt. It was hardened and dark but there was no mistaking what it was. He gazed at it momentarily before he marched on the bus and told William, "We're moving."
He expected an argument, but William nodded and started the ignition. "Where to?"
"I dunno another parking lot. One without the blood soaked d\u00e9cor. Makes me queasy."
"I'll find something."
"Thanks man, I appreciate it."
"No problem," William said. He gave Seb a look as if to question if talking was safe. "Your girl, she okay?"
"Yeah, she'll be alright."
William simply turned his focus back on the road ahead and mumbled, "That's good. That's real good to hear."
Sawyer sat at the dinette table, half reading, and half working his cube while Lane was settled awkwardly on the couch, watching something on TV. Sebastian sat right beside him.
Robbie took the spot across from Sawyer. "I'm going to sit right here, next to the giant elephant in the room. He looks friendly."
Sawyer's hands were busy with his cube but he looked up. "You're on a tour bus, not in a zoo. No elephants here."
"Why don't you come sit over here, then?" Sebastian asked. "Next to Lane."
"Pass," Sawyer mumbled, "but thanks."
"It's okay," Lane said. "We really don't need to discuss this."
Oh but they did.
"Since some random dbag outed you Lane, Sawyer's been all edgy and uncomfortable. We still have a month and a half left on tour. We should clear it up," Robbie said. "For the good of everyone."
Sawyer tossed the cube on the table and glared at them. "Okay Robbie, I'll play your little game. Lane, you're a stupid shit because I've slept in the same bed as you. All those nights I left home 'cause my stepdad was being an asshole and came to your house, I slept next to you."
"So," Lane said. "What the hell does that matter?"
"You were a quee--, you were homosexual then, yeah?"
"Yeah," Lane said. "I was born gay Sawyer, I always have been. But it's not like I've ever put the moves on you."
Sawyer's eyes narrowed and darkened. "That's not the point! I've told you things no one else knows except for you, me and God, if he exists."
"I know," Lane replied. He looked down at his hands, like he was almost embarrassed. "I know you have."
"Then you should have told me," Sawyer said.
"Right because you're clearly taking this so well."
"Finding out your best friend is into dudes. Yeah, I'm not taking it all that well, Lane." Sawyer turned in the seat and leaned forward settling his elbows on his knees. "What's worse is finding out your best friend only thought you were good enough to know the guy he wanted you to think he was."
Lane threw his hands up in exasperation. "Well what did you expect? You aren't exactly leading the gay pride movement, Sawyer!"
"So what?" Sawyer fired back. "Doesn't mean I'd stop being your friend. It pisses me off that's how highly you think of me."
"See," Sebastian interrupted. "I told you he wouldn't kick your ass, Lane."
Sawyer's mouth dropped and he looked genuinely offended. "You thought I'd beat you?"
Lane rolled his eyes. "Give me a break. You aren't exactly known for your peaceful and calming personality. Can you blame me? Yeah, Sawyer, I thought you might try and give me a punch to the head."
"I want to rearrange your face because you lied to me, not 'cause you like dudes."
"Fine, Sawyer," Lane stood up. "Rearrange my face."
Sawyer blinked. "What?"
"Hit me!"
Sawyer cringed. "No."
The bus came to a screeching halt and the door opened. "Off the bus!" William shouted. "Go get it out of your systems and we can enjoy the rest of our afternoon."
"We're fine," Sawyer tried to tell him.
"Listen boy, you can get off my bus and sort your differences like men or we can sit here all day." He shrugged. "The choice is yours."
Sawyer rolled his eyes. "This is the dumbest shit you've ever pulled," he hissed at Lane.
Lane smiled, seemingly satisfied he was finally standing up to Sawyer. Sebastian wanted to give him a high five.
Outside, it was starting to drizzle rain and Sawyer stood with his hands clenched at his sides.
"Go on," Lane pressed. "Hit me. It will make you feel better and we can get back on the bus."
"I'm not going to hit you," Sawyer said.
The rain picked up quickly.
Lane reached out and gave him a shove. "Sure you are."
Sawyer stumbled backwards, shaking his head. "I don't hit girls."
Lane moved fast, forming a fist and clocking Sawyer in the jaw in one smooth and fluid motion. It must have has some decent force behind it because Sawyer recoiled, reeling from the shock of it all. He grabbed his jaw with his hand, eyes wide. "You fuckin' punched me you yoga-loving-tree-hugging pansy!"
"Yeah," Lane said triumphantly. "I did." He held his hands up near his face, the perfect stance of a boxer. "Are you gonna fight back or are you gonna let a yoga-loving-tree-hugging-pansy kick your ass?"
Sawyer lunged forward like a linebacker, sending his full weight into Lane's stomach. He didn't stop running and moved ahead, full throttle until they were both on the ground. Sebastian had seen enough, pulling Robbie back onto the bus. Sawyer and Lane would work it out.
"The good part was just starting," Robbie complained, "I wanted to see Lane hand it to Sawyer."
"Let's leave them alone," Sebastian said. "It's between them."
Ten minutes later, Sawyer and Lane returned soaked to the bone. It was hard to tell by looking at them who won.
Sawyer's lip was swollen and bleeding, along with some blood from his nose. His jaw was a pronounced red color; it was possible he'd be sporting a bruise soon. Lane limped on one leg, holding his arm and had an eye that would soon match Tally's. Neither said a word.
Lane tossed himself back onto the couch, and Sawyer headed to the mini fridge downing a bottle of water, before sitting next to Lane.
Sebastian smiled, satisfied that his friends were friends again. "Glad we worked this little issue out. Now, there's something more important I need to talk to you about."