———
The flames were vibrant. It appeared like a huge spatter of colors in a canvas. The reds were at the right shade. Some were hot red like the fire itself. It was warm against his bare face. Some were crimson like blood. It lustered softly in his eyes.
The way it dances around along with the night breeze who pushes it farther like a paint brush, it was enchanting in his eyes. He was bewitched. Judge was like an attentive audience in a live painting exhibition. Every glide of the wind against the fire was breathtaking. It startled his pupils yet he couldn't afford to lose his eyes from the beautiful art.
Napakaganda.
Nakakabighani.
Gusto niyang hawakan ito.
"Judge!" she gasped. "W-what are you doing..."
It was Lyca. She was like a reminder that he shouldn't be stuck in his reverie, Lyca pulled her effortlessly, even opened the door for him. As if on queue, as if exiting the room of his fantasies, he was indeed woken up. The sad sky rumbled, until his tears began to fall. It wasn't long when it smudged the canvas and killed the furious fire, the beautiful piece of art.
--
The walls were opal white. The harsh outdoor air from the opened window forced the satin curtains to sway around. The windowpane whimpered against the rugged downpour of rain. It even wetted the curtains and the table across with its hard splash.
Judge watched it, nonchalant of the copious rainfall brought by the wind that moistened his tees. It's five in the morning and the sun hasn't shone yet. Si Judge ay gising na gising pa rin. He got an hour sleep but stayed wake for the rest of the hour until his body clock told him it's morning.
"Rise and shine, asshole," Judge said when he heard a groan and followed by the sound from the bed sheets. He slightly turned to see Jeru. Nakaawang ang labi nito habang umuupo sa kama. Nakasabit ang ilang aparatus sa katawan ngunit pilit niya itong tinatanggal. On the other hand, Jung was sleeping soundly, seated on the chair beside Jeru's bed.
"Anong oras na?" Jeru asked hoarsely.
"Quarter to five. Dinala ka namin dito mga hating gabi." Judge averted his eyes to the outdoor's scenery where the rain didn't stop since it fell. "You should be thankful for the rain. It saved you."
Jeru's voice was weak and hoarse. "I didn't ask for it."
"So you're disappointed?" Judge muttered softly without taking off his eyes from the downpour. "Tell me Jeru, how are you so fearless?"
Jeru sighed but didn't emit any words.
"Did it hurt?"
Lumikot ang mata ni Jeru. Sandali lamang ay dumapo ang tingin niya sa mga sugat niya sa kamay. Mamula-mula pa ang mga iyon at ang iba ay nabendahan na.
"Did it hurt?" Jeru repeated. "I don't know. I think yes... I just didn't feel it— I refused to name the feeling and buried it deep down. I thought it was gone but it didn't. I should have known that buried things tend to grow as time passed. It was like I bottled up my emotions and it just exploded when they needed to. It hurts like hell. I needed to let it out."
It's seven in the morning. The sun didn't shine. The rain subsided but it didn't stop. It was still dark, the heavy clouds were depriving the sun from breaking through. Jung was up. Suot pa rin nito ang maduming t-shirt dahil sa nagkalat na na abo at pinalala pa ng ulan. Mukhang mahirap na itong tanggalin. Kanina pa itong masama ang tingin kay Jeru na nakapikit ang mata kahit kanina pa gising.
"I know you're awake Jeru," Jung said, in a warning tone. His arms were already folded across his chest, while standing infront of Jeru. "Huwag mo akong dramahan Jeru. You mother fucker pussy. Get up so that I could kill you with my bare hands."
Jeru immediately opened his eyes, with his furrowed brows who met each other out of irritation. He's done with his disguise and pushed away the blanket. He stood across Jung, Jung was towering him completely. Jeru was tall but Jung was taller. Jung was pretty matured with his quite toned biceps and broad back while Jeru's lanky yet lean. He has a smaller frame compared to the other guy.
"Did you just call me pussy?" Hindi makaniwala si Jeru sa kaniyang narinig.
"Oo, bakit?" Hamon pa ni Jung. "You know what? You didn't grow up at all. Para ka pa ring batang nag-tatantrums! Matalino ka sanang tao pero alam mo 'yon may pagkasaltik ka minsan."
"S-saltik?" Jeru trailed softly, barely keeping his cool. "Take it back!"
"No!"
"I will kill you!"
"Sige akala mo dahil may mga sugat ka hindi kita papatulan? Come here, I will show you how to fight right like a real man."
Napabuntong-hininga si Judge habang pinipihit ang dook knob para makalabas na sa kwarto. The both lads were making a lot of messy noises. Like a loud thud, probably from a chair who have fallen on the hard surface. It was immediately followed with a lot of groans and grunts.
"Magpatayan kayo." Ngisi niya. "Unang mamatay, talo."
Pagsarang-pagkasara niya ng pinto ay marahan siyang napahilig. Napapikit pa siya at hinimas ang ulo. Nakakapagod lang siguro ang araw na iyon. Parang doon lamang nanuot ang pagod at sakit sa buong katawan. Hindi niya iyon maramdaman kanina dahil mukhang namanhid ang katawan niya buong magdamag.
"Lyca?"
Slowly, he nudged the young teen's shoulders. She was in deep sleep, it took a while to wake her up. Lyca was comfortable on the bleachers but immediately winced when she felt Judge's poke in her shoulders.
"Judge?" She moaned, in complaint. Ngunit agad din nanlaki ang mga mata niya at biglang napatayo. Napagtanto niyang hindi pala panaginip ang binata at totoo itong nakatayo sa harapan niya.
"Did you sleep here? Shit—right. How could I forget! Sorry hindi ka nahatid kagabi," Judge said, obviously worried. "Ihahatid kita ngayon sa bahay niyo. Ako na mag-eexplain sa inyo—"
She shook her head. "No need. Okay lang."
"I'm really sorry. Ang dami lang kasing nangyari. This week has been really tough... This week is hell."
Lyca's teeth clamped his lower lip. "R-right."
"Did it show?"
"H-huh?"
"In my face? You know... Hell. Do I look miserable?"
"No! You look good, probably just tired. You need to rest."
Napangisi siya at umupo siya sa tabi ni Lyca. Kasabay nito ay ang pagbuntong hininga niya. Lalo pang napahigit siya ng hininga nang makita ang ina ni Jon. Dumaan ito sa harap nila, kasama si Jon at ang tanging nagawa niya ay napayuko lamang. Hinatid niya ng tingin ang papalayong bulto ng mag-ina. It seemed like, Jon was discharged today. It's a good news after the misfortunes they had these past days.
"You're right. I am in dire need of sleep. I badly want to escape this bullshits already," Judge said. "My life have been always miserable yet I can't bring myself to get used to it. Tuwing matutulog ako, pinipilit ko pa ring magising. Sa paniniwalang magigising akong okay na ang lahat. Everyday, I wish that life won't be so cruel to me and give the euphoria I always want. Somehow, they will yet they want my tears in exchange," he chuckled without humor. "Life is so cruel."
Lyca gently touched Judge's hand. At first, she was hesitant but when Judge's hand stayed unmoving... She wanted to touch it, to fill in the comfort he needed— She did. Lyca caressed it softly, feeling the warmth of his palm that didn't seem to melt his loneliness.
"Life maybe cruel but the creator isn't. He's fair and just. He gives chances to the ones who earns it. He gives mercy to the people who needs it. He punishes people who deserves it. He is just."
"Why am I in pain? Do I deserve it?"
"No, no Judge," she whispered. "He gives us blessings everyday. I think we're blinded and mistook is as pain. He may give you pain now but remember that He is fair. He will give you the euphoria you deserve. Ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay maghintay. Wait for His perfect time, it will come."
"Happiness? Do I even deserve it?"
Funny how Judge desired for happiness yet there's a soft voice in the back of his mind saying he does not deserve it. Actually, he doesn't opt for happiness— he just wanted the pain to go away. He took euphoria as an escape from pain. Sa tingin niya ay sa pamamagitan ng kasayahan ay mawawala ang sakit. Nawala nga ba? Hindi niya alam.
"Yes?"
A loud squeal from the other line made an involuntary movement out from his voluntary muscles in his arm to shove his phone away from his ear.
"Judge!" It was still high-pitched, but his ears could bear it, thank god.
"Jules? Wait— why are you calling me? You're in the country?"
She squeaked, again. "Yes! Surprise!"
"Kailan ka nakarating?" He asked.
"Ngayon lang! Please pick me up! I'm really jet-lagged. Ang sakit ng ulo ko."
"I can't Jules. Si Akello na lang or si Dad—"
"Please pakibilisan! Thank you!"
Jules cut her off and dropped the call. Judge sighed. For a person who's jet-lagged and stressed Jules was enthusiastic when he arrived to pick her up. Wala namang choice si Judge kung hindi sunduin si Jules. Sa ginawang pagtawag pa lang nito sa kaniya kanina alam niyang buo na ang desisyon magpasundo sa kaniya. Jules have this power to order people around, should he say manipulating people.
"If hindi mo ako susunduin, hindi rin ako aalis dito. Sige ka, dito na lang talaga ako matutulog! Masakit pa naman ang ulo ko. Feeling ko magkakalagnat ako—"
"You're a med stud. Gamitin mo ang pinag-aralan mo."
"Judge!"
He sighed. "Fine. I will be there."
Masigla itong kumaway-kaway sa kaniya habang papalapit siya rito para tulungan sa mga bagahe. Agad itong lumapit sa kaniya para bigyan siya ng yakap pero napahinto ito. Sinuri ng babae ang kabuuan niya. Mula sa magulo niyang buhok hannggag sa madumi niyang t-shirt at pantalon.
"Anong nangyari sa'yo? Saang gubat ka napunta?" Kunot-noong tanong nito sa kaniya. "What happened to your hair? Bakit ang dumi ng shirt mo. Ano bang nangyari sa'yo?"
He shrugged and didn't say a thing.
"Naging taong grasa ka yata."
Judge glared at Jules. "Where's your things?"
Jules smiled lopsidedly. "I asked dad for a car. Hali ka na pasok ka sa kotse. My baggage's already in there."
Bahagya siyang napahinto, pilit iniisip kung saan patungo ang usapan nila.
"What the fuck Jules," Judge cussed in his breath when he realised what's happening. "Ayaw kong pumunta!"
"Come on, Judge! It's dad's birthday! Ngayon na nga lang tayo buo, ayaw mo pang sumama."
"Jules, please. You know I cant."
Jules struck her bottom lip, exaggerating a pout. "Judge, please. For me?"
--
The huge prestine facade of the abode whom he once called home stood sturdy and elegant. The soft cream paint covered the walls says a lot of feminine touches. From the neatly arranged chartreuse plants on pot to the tall woody vines crawling on each enormous pillars, serving to add beauty to the already majestic shelter.
It was beautiful, just like how it was two years ago. Even though, it looked the same and all the things were at the right places. Why did it doesn't feel the same?
Sa katunayan, parang hindi nagalaw ang mga gamit doon. Naroon pa rin ang figurines na ginawa nila noong bata pa sila. Ginawa nila ito mula sa clay na siyang hilig ng ina. Ang mga larawan ay maayos na nakasabit sa ding-ding. Maging ang mga upuan at ang paboritong mesa ng ina habang nag-uukit ito ay naroroon... Parang hindi ito nawala, parang hindi ito tinupok ng apoy.
"Wow," he said, lacking with jolliness. "It looks really the same. It's amazing how we find replacements for everything."
"Judge," Jules warned, depriving his thoughts from getting further. "Tama na. Let's just greet mom. Si dad din, naghihintay na 'yon."
It was a beautiful woman. Her beautiful smile. Her beautiful eyes. Her beautiful laugh. Her beautiful soul. She was like a sun. The first person he wants to see in the morning like the sunrise. And the last one he wants to see before he closes his eyes every night like the sunset.
"Hi mom." He trailed the lonely hallway, getting nearer to the woman who was undeniably magical and angelic in her white dress. "It's nice to see you again." His voice cracked. "Damn, I m-miss you s-so much."
###