How was your day, my dears? I hope it wasn't as tiring and challenging as mine. Have you ever experienced having to deal with a problem that you did not cause but must deal with it anyway because andyan na and only you can solve it? I try to laugh it off. I tell you, sense of humor is the only thing that is keeping me intact. And of course Wattpad and comments from you, dear readers :)
Anyway, as you can see by now, Richard and Dei are in an adjustment phase of their relationship, and what makes it harder is Dei's indecision on whether she wants to commit or not. It's a dilemma that's similar to have a delectable slice of cake and being too full to eat it, but if you don't, someone else will grab it and you would hate for that to happen.
So what's a girl to do? How does she turn him down if he's being so sweet and difficult to say no to? How does she commit if he's too distracting that it may affect her focus on academics?What would you do if you were in her shoes?
Enjoy reading :)
Dei was running a fever the day after she and Richard argued about the bar incident. She stayed home and refused to answer Richard's calls, regretting her impulse to go out last night. Her pessimism was getting the better of her, she was wondering why Shaan attempted to kiss Richard despite being in front of Tom, and with Paddy nearby. Did Richard encourage her? Based on what she saw, he didn't. But she knew she was over-analyzing but she couldn't help it.
She hated this feeling of helplessness. This is what she disliked about falling for someone or being in a relationship. The inability to control her emotions and be at the mercy of someone's actions gave an overthinker like her a lot to think about. But she also knew it was her indecision to move forward with their relationship that gave them complications. Richard was ready to take their relationship to the next level. She was the one with baggage and a lot of considerations.
She didn't want a commitment yet because she wanted to focus on her studies, but she was falling for him so fast and hard. If she decided for her and Richard to remain friends, it would mean opening the possibility of him dating Shaan, since they wouldn't have a commitment to each other. The mere thought scared her.
She took her phone and called someone she had not talked to in a long time.
"Hello, Dei?"
"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry did I wake you up?"
"No, it's only 9PM here. Well this is a surprise, what made you call?"
"Hmmm. I don't even know if you're the right person to call."
"This is about a guy, I guess."
"I'm sorry Ron. Maybe I should just hang up."
"No, if it bothers you, talk to me. Things have been over between us for more than a year. I've moved on."
"But you're still unattached."
"Personal choice. Come on, enough about me. What's bothering you?"
"I'm seeing someone from school. He's also Filipino but he lived all his life here in the US. We've been dating exclusively for a few weeks now. Then last night I saw a friend of ours try to kiss him in a bar. He warded her off but...."
"Dei, don't make the same mistake you did with our relationship. Stop overthinking. You said he warded her off, isn't that a good thing? Give this guy a chance."
"But what if this girl keeps trying and eventually he gives in?"
"Ouch. I guess you're referring to me."
"Ron........was it the same for you with Diane? I can talk about it now, I'm sorry I never gave you the chance to explain. I'm just trying to understand what happened to us. Maybe if I do, I can decide if I want this thing with Jay to continue."
"Dei, Diane was just friendly. She's a neighbor, she's close to my mom and visits our house sometimes. I know it's a little daunting for you to know that someone like her visits us at home. I started confiding in her when you became distant."
"But you were kissing her, Ron."
"Yes, and I deeply regret doing that to her. She was there for me as a friend when you caught us. I was drunk and I made a pass at her."
"But she didn't stop you, right?"
"Maybe because she understood I needed that moment to feel better about myself. I don't know."
"Do.......do you still see her?"
"She's still a friend, we're still close."
"So it's possible for him to succumb to this girl sooner or later? Please Ron, be honest with me."
"I don't know him, Dei. It's hard to say. Over there, things are done differently."
"That's what worries me. Here, they just fall into a relationship naturally. And I'm scared about the physical side of the relationship, you know I want to wait."
"Then don't give in. If he likes you enough, I'm sure he'll understand."
"But what if that causes him to move to this other girl?"
"Then he doesn't like you enough, Dei. It's that simple."
-----
She took a nap after ending her call with Ron. By late afternoon, her doorbell rang and she opened the door to find Richard looking haggard and solemn-faced.
"Dei.....can we talk?"
She silently pulled the door wider and stepped aside to let him in. She gestured for him to take a seat, and she purposely sat a safe distance from him.
"How are you feeling? I was trying to call you today."
"I'm ok. Was running a fever earlier."
He quickly moved closer to touch her neck and forehead. "You're still warm. Do you have meds for the fever? Have you eaten anything? "
"Yes I do have meds and no, I don't feel like eating."
"Dei......goodness. You have to take care of yourself. Wait, I'll be back."
He left before she could stop him. Twenty minutes later, he was back with some Bouillabaisse soup and fever medication. Dei was touched and at the same time embarrassed.
"Jay, you didn't have to do this."
"Ano ka ba, I would have done this earlier if you just answered my calls. Come on, eat...."
He blew on the hot soup and fed her. Dei had no choice but to eat, he wouldn't allow her to feed herself, thinking she would merely let the soup grow cold because she was still angry with him. Halfway through the bowl, she held his arm.
"I'm stuffed, Jay. Really......"
He took the bowl to her kitchen and got a pitcher of water and a glass. He poured water for her and popped a pill from the foil pack for her to take. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her when he noticed she was shivering. Worried, he transferred to the couch beside her and took her in his lap to hug her. He kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly.
"Why are you so nice to me Jay? I'm still mad at you."
"I know it's easy to jump to conclusions based on what you saw. But I'm not doing anything to betray your trust."
"Jay, I take relationships seriously. I don't sleep around, nor do I don't jump into relationships just like that."
"So what are you implying, that I sleep around? Or that it's easy for me to jump from one relationship to another? Dei, pareho lang tayo. I'm not taking us lightly. I don't play or fool around."
"I'm sorry."
"Have a little faith, ok?"
"I've been through this before. I saw my ex making a pass at someone he said was just a friend."
"That's not the same as what happened last night Dei. Shaan tried to kiss me, not the other way around. I'm not like your ex. Sana yung kasalanan niya, wag mo naman ipasa sakin. I haven't done anything to betray your trust."
That effectively shut her up and made her sorry for judging him. She snuggled to him, enjoying his closeness, loving his scent.
"I'm sorry I over-reacted."
"Happy na lang tayo, ok? Don't worry about Shaan. I'll talk to her."
"No, wag na. Let's just move on from what happened."
She swallowed her well-prepared speech and closed her eyes. She was all set to tell him that she preferred they remain as friends, but seeing him now, being held in his arms did things to her. It felt good to be here, nestled close to him. His warm palm rubbing her back was comforting, his scent was addicting.
I'm sick, I can't do this today. I can't say my piece, not when he's taking care of me like this.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.