"Get away from me," I hissed at him looking around to make sure no one could see us.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from here." I said quickly and hurried to my car- OH, I had no car today. JJ had dropped me off. This was just getting worse.
"Sera, please wait."
I swung around. "Ben, you have ruined my life."
"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"
"No. This job was my life, don' you get that? I needed it, I need it and now it's all ruined and everyone in the office thinks I am a total slut who is trying to sleep my way to the top."
"But that's not true."
"Try tell that to Samantha and Ness who basically cornered me in the bathroom and accused me of being the office ho."
"What?" Ben stepped closer to me. "Do you want me to talk to them?"
"NO! No. Please. You have done enough. "I started walking towards the entrance, but Ben was hot on my heels.
"How are you getting home?" he asked.
"I'll hitch hike if I have to."
"And land up on the news in a ditch tomorrow, I don't think so. I'll take you home."
"Not a chance in hell." I continued to walk all the way up to the security boom. I ducked under it and walked out onto the busy road.
"Please don't. It's not safe standing out on this road."
I swung around and looked at him. "It's safer out here than it is in there." I said pointing at the building that had once felt like a happy sanctuary. A place where I could just be a normal person. Where no one knew my history and I could just be Sera. The playing fields were level and it was a place where, through hard work, I could make my way up because I was good at what I did. Now it was none of those things.
"Please come back inside, or at least let me take you. If you don't want to drive with me, let me get someone to give you a lift."
I shook my head. "I'll call JJ or Bruce, one of them will be able to fetch me."
Ben stared at me as I pulled my phone out and called. JJ answered immediately.
"Hey. Please can you come and fetch me from work. It a No 5." I said. This was our code. No 5 referred to Coco Channel who always wore red lipstick, which in our langue, meant code red. We only ever used this under the most dire of circumstance, usually pertaining to my dad when I couldn't speak about it over the phone.
I heard JJ jump. "I'll be there in ten. Stay put." And then he hung up. I looked over at Ben, "He'll be here to fetch me soon."
"Then I'll wait with you."
I shook my head and felt the tears well up in my eyes again. "You're just making this all so much worse by being here with me now. It's only confirming everyone's suspicious." I glanced behind me back towards the building and there, as sure as day, a few faces were standing by the window looking out at us in curiosity. I turned away from them quickly feeling more ashamed than I had in years. "If you care about me, if you ever really, truly felt anything for me, you will leave me alone and stop making this worse."
I looked up at him and a tear rolled down my cheek. "I do care about you, Sera. More than I've cared–"
I cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, you fucking love me!" I laughed at the absolute absurdity of the statement. "You don't even know me. You know nothing about me. You don't love me, you have no capacity and space for that, I'm afraid you just love yourself too much."|
Ben looked at me with absolute sadness in his eyes. "I'll come around later and we can talk about this."
"No you won't." I snapped. "You will forget I even exist and you will certainly forget I live next-door."
I turned my back on him and to my relief, heard his footsteps moving away form me. He was finally gone, and I was finally alone.
**
When I got home and had spent sufficient time ranting and raving with JJ and Bruce, I poured myself a cup of coffee, adding a few tots of liquor to it- because it was that kind of fucking day- and headed outside to my thinking tree. I had a lot to think about. It was early evening already and when I got there, I found a note on the bench with a flower laid across it. My heart raced—Had Ben also discovered the one spot in the world where I could be away from him? Fortunately, I noticed the name 'Snow White' written across the envelope. With a big sigh of relief that my hiding place was safe, I quickly tore open the envelope and pulled out the cutest little invitation:
Hear ye! Hear ye! Our fairest princess, Li Hau, hereby cordially invites all the noble ladies and gentlemen of the land to join in celebration of her birthday.
The handwriting looked adult, so I assumed she must have actually followed through and gotten her parents' permission. At the bottom she had written, Pleez!
How can you say no to that? Sure, it would probably be a bit awkward going without having met her parents first, and considering that I was fourteen years older than her, but why not? One, it would get my mind off Ben. Two, it would get me out of the house so he couldn't come knocking or tapping, and three, it would give me a chance to finally catch a glimpse of Superdad, which I know JJ would be desperate to do.
***
The next morning I went past a dress-up shop and bought a sparkly pink wand that I knew she would love and wrote in the card...
So all your magical dreams come true.
My wish for this little princess, more than anything else, was that she could keep on believing in magic for as long as possible. If only magic wands really worked and you could just wish away all the bad. We could all use a bit more magic in our lives.
With all the cars out front, it looked like the entire world had been invited to her party—Mind you, six is a big deal!—I tried not to think about what had happened at my sisters sixth birthday party. How my dad had arrived late smelling of booze and had caused such embarrassment when he'd started singing happy birthday too vigorously and had knocked over the table with the cake on. Thoughts like these just made me more determined than ever to help my sister and at the same time, made me panic. I needed my job, and at the same time, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it much longer. And the advertising world is a small one, no doubt word would have spread about me- I'm sure Samantha would have helped that along. And since no one was really prepared to hear, let alone accept my version of the events, I'm sure stories of me would probably gain momentum like the stories I'd heard about Ben.
Yes, this party was exactly the distraction I needed when I walked into a literal zoo. Her parents had obviously pulled out all the stops. There were jumping castles, a petting zoo, pony rides and a woman dressed up like a Princess reading stories and painting faces. It was quite a sight to behold. I felt nervous and awkward walking into a place where I knew no one, other than the birthday girl, but I had to be brave. After all, I had promised JJ that I would sneak some photos of Superdad.
As I got closer and people started coming into focus, someone stood out from the crowd. I noticed her immediately; you couldn't help it. She had to be Miss China. No, that title was not even vaguely adequate. Miss Milky Way was probably more like it. I'd never seen anyone so beautiful before- not even Cindy. She was tall, ridiculously so, like a svelte runway model. She had those long well-toned limbs designed especially for ballerinas. Her hair was dead straight, enviably black and shiny, and her features were perfect. They looked like they'd been airbrushed, smoothed, polished and put back on her face in the most geometrically appealing way possible then finished off with a bit of photoshop. Her features were familiar though. She was clearly Li-Hau's mother. There went JJ's notion of divorced parents. What man would divorce her? She walked towards me and even though I was a full-blown straight girl, my breath quickened.
"Hello. Can I help you?" She spoke slowly, with the kind of condescending tone that only someone really beautiful could get away with.
"Hi, sorry. I'm Sera. I met—" But as I was about to finish the sentence Li-Hau came bounding up to me.
"See. I told you she was real, Mommy!"
"Snow White?" her mother asked.
I gave her a smile. "It would seem so."
Her mother sort of looked me up and down over her perfectly shaped nose—no doubt wondering how I had been deemed "the fairest of them all."
"When I wrote out the invitation," she explained "I honestly thought it was just another imaginary friend." She didn't sound particularly happy about the fact that I was real.
Li-Hau shook her head. "Told you!" Then she took me by the hand and marched me away. "Come. I want you to meet my friends."
As Li-Hau walked me towards the crowd, I spotted Lerato, who gave me a little wave and smile, so I went over to greet her. I was grateful that I knew another adult there at least. While Lerato and I exchanged pleasantries, Li Hau let go of my hand and ran into the crowd. "Daddy! Snow white is here!" she yelled—Daddy? I turned and my entire universe shook—