Chapter 6
Sunday went by in a hangover blur and by Monday I was starting to feel my normal self again, just with a pounding headache that seemed to never want to go away.
Why did I drink? It seemed I was a light weight to say the least but I continued to abuse my liver for the fun of it. I blamed Sarah.
Sarah and I had gotten so close lately and I was glad. It was harder to work in a place without your family around you to go home to. Still, knowing Sarah was a good friend of mine made the whole ordeal a little less daunting.
I was sorting out the boxes that had come through the door this afternoon on the staff room floor. There were loads of them, boxes full of contents needed. You had toothbrushes and bars of soaps, which I had to organise in to their own boxes.
It seemed as if the exciting stuff just wasn't coming my way today.
I took me almost an hour and a half to organise all of the boxes and by the time they were done, my boss came barrelling in to the room.
"Have you done the boxes?" She asked as she made her way to the coffee machine. I would have killed for a coffee right about now.
"Yes ma'am." I stated back. She nodded her head as she studied the coffee before her.
"Great, I now have another task at hand for you, Collins."
Great.
"What's that?" My stiff body managed to scramble up from the floor. I swear I heard my back squeak and crack as I moved.
"I need you to take these boxes to another room. They can't stay here, they're just in the way."
"Sure. No problem." I tried to smile through my pain. To be fair, I just wanted to go home. I loved my job but I didn't like working when I felt like this. "Where?"
"The stock room." Okay, but I didn't know where that was. "Top floor." The words made my heart beat as Aaron came to mind. Top floor? Was my life going to get any more coincidental?
I started to grab a the boxes and luckily they weren't too heavy. I managed to pick two up at a time and take them to top floor. I used the staff elevator and thanks the heavens we had one. It made life so much easier.
As soon as I got to top floor with my two boxes, I felt antsy as if I was looking out for something, someone. Deep down, I was. Aaron King. I didn't know why I was waiting for him to pop around the corner, maybe I was hoping for it at the same time I was nervous about it. What would I do if I saw him? I could fight him off yesterday but I didn't think I had the strength to do so today.
I opened the stock room on top floor and quickly pushed them inside. I went back down to grab the last two boxes and did the same routine.
However, as soon as I got back to the stock room, before I opened the door it was as if my body knew there was a presence inside. I could feel him before I even knew he was there, before my brain had time to catch up with my body.
Shit. Was he really in there?
I was sweating from pulling the boxes around and now I was nervously sweating because the man I had been trying to avoid was now behind the door.
I put the boxes down before my feet and took in a deep breath. I was already starved of the most important thing I needed and I hadn't even caught sight of him yet.
I had to be brave. I mean, if I just left these boxes here then I would have a right earful from the woman in charge. She wasn't someone you could mess with lightly and quite frankly I wasn't really in the mood for an ear bashing.
With another deep breath, I opened the stock room door. The squeak the door gave out was enough to get the attention of the man inside the room.
He wasn't even meant to be in the stock room, no inmates were allowed but here he was, breaking the rules and all of my resolve, yet again.
"I know you're in here." My voice echoed slightly off the bricked walls but I couldn't see him. Was he really hiding?
Soon though, he came out from the wooden frames of the shelves and he presented me with all his glory. He was suited head to toe in grey sweats, just like everybody else, but he seemed to make it... hot.
Shit, I really was going to hell.
"Chloe?" His voice was questioning as if he really couldn't believe I had turned up.
"Don't get too excited, I'm not here for you. I've got boxes to take to the stock room." I tried to sound like he wasn't effecting me by just standing there. It was difficult when all I could feel was the electricity and the fire of lust and desire I always felt when in close proximity with Aaron.
"You're still here." He shrugged.
"Have you really been waiting for me?" I asked. I didn't know why but the thought really flattered me.
God dammit, Chloe, can't you be strong for once in your life?
"It doesn't matter." His answer was blunt but truth be told, I didn't really want to know it. I tried not to look at him in the eye, I tried not to stare at the way his muscled body took over the stock room with power and authority.
I just tried to stay normal.
"Look at me." His voice came out demanding.
"I can't." I said.
"Why?"
"I..." I trailed off as I began to shook my head. "You shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here." I shook my head some more.
"Well I am." He was always so straight to the point. "And so are you."
"Like I said-"
"I know." He cut me off. "But that doesn't stop the fact you're not looking at me. It doesn't stop the fact that I can feel you and the way you're reacting." He took a step forward. "And I know you're not scared of me. We're over that shit."
"I'm scared because my fucking job is on the line!" I snapped as the anger inside of me bursted through the bones of my skull. I was angry at him and mostly, I was angry at myself. I was angry because I just wanted to get Aaron out of my mind, away from all my fantasies.
I wasn't allowed to want him. I wasn't allowed to think of him in anyway but as an inmate. He was a part of my job, nothing more and nothing less.
So why couldn't he get that? Why couldn't my body understand that?
"Chloe." His voice caught my attention and all the hairs on my neck stood up. "Tell me you don't want this at all, tell me and I'll leave you alone for good."
"I don't want this." I tried to sound convincing.
"And mean it."
"I don't want this." I said more firmly. "I don't want anything to do with you, okay? This is my job, everything I've worked for. Do you know how much I have to lose?"
"I get it." He nodded his head. "I've got fuck all to lose, don't I? I'm rotting away in this fucking prison cell. I can't go home, I can't sleep in my own bed, I can't eat my own meals, I've lost everything and to top it all off, I'm known for killing a guy who didn't deserve it and I've got to live with that."
"I didn't mean-"
"I know what you meant." He shook his head. "You're right. I'm being selfish and I'm not thinking. This was all a mistake." Even though those were the words I needed to hear, they weren't what I wanted. I was dissapointed. Maybe I wanted him to turn around and make me feel okay about wanting him.
I wanted him to kiss me so I could forget about all the worries. Push me against the wall so I didn't have to feel the guilt.
He didn't.
Instead, he turned away.
"I'm sorry." I said. I didn't know what for. Maybe I was sorry because I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe I was sorry because I wanted to make him feel better.
I wasn't even the tiniest bit relieved about the whole ordeal. I felt worse now that I knew this was all a mistake to him. I felt worse because I fucking wanted him and for a small second somebody like him wanted me.
"Don't be." He answer was short and clipped.
I opened my mouth to say something else but I really wasn't sure what to say. It was difficult and I had never been in a situation like this one.
With a small frown, I forced myself to turn my back to his and walk away.
I shut the stock room door behind me and realised I had left the boxes outside of the door. God fucking dammit.
I couldn't go back inside the room. I couldn't face Aaron again after that ordeal.
I left the boxes in the hall way. I had no other option. I walked away from the door and the boxes on the floor like the walk of shame.
Except this time, I was walking away from nothing whilst wanting everything.
Aaron
As soon as she left, I took a deep breath. Being in the same room as her felt as if it were getting harder and harder each time to refrain from touching her. I wanted nothing more than to turn back around and make her see that I can give her everything she's been missing whilst keeping her job and her dignity in tact.
I knew that wouldn't ever be easy.
I tried to convince myself that I was only acting like a horny teenager because I haven't had sex in years, but I look at other women around the prison and I don't feel a fraction of what I feel when I'm around Chloe.
My ex never even made me feel this way.
Maybe it was because I knew it was difficult to have her. Maybe I liked the challenge, maybe I liked the way she looked so innocent and naive.
If only she knew just how cruel the world was.
Still, I didn't ever want to break that bubble she was in. It was refreshing for me to see that someone thought the world was a good place, that things weren't as bad as they seemed.
She was positively positive and it was engaging.
And now I had to stay away from her for good. She had made it perfectly clear and I didn't blame her.
It didn't really make it any easier. I wanted her beneath me and that was that.
I left the stock room quietly and made my way back downstairs in to safer territory without a hiccup. I walked back to my cell and laid back on to my bunk.
I turned around, like I always did, and I laid there to think. I needed to think rationally and I needed to stop thinking of her.
"You okay, bro?" Heft's annoying voice did nothing but spur the underlying anger I had. Was I sexually frustrated or was I just plain angry because I couldn't have what I wanted? I didn't know.
"Fuck off, Jeff." I growled.
"What's crawled up your arse and died today?" He shot back. "It's like you've just been sent down to years in jail... oh wait." His voice was sarcastic and I seriously was going to knock his head in if he didn't shut up soon.
"Has anyone ever told you that your voice is fucking annoying?" I turned around from the wall to give him a deathly stare. He looked back at me blandly. I gave it to the guy, he wasn't ever afraid of me.
I wished he was. Maybe then he'd shut up.
"Look who's cage has been rattled." He rolled his eyes my way as he grabbed his magazine off the floor.
"Seriously, I will fuck up your face."
"I think I know what's wrong." He cocked his head to the side and his curious stare did nothing but anger me more.
"You don't know anything."
"It's that pretty little prison guard, isn't it?" I glared at him. How the hell did he work that one out? "I see the way you look at her."
"You don't know what you're talking about." I snapped. I moved back until I was looking back at the wall.
"That wall isn't going to save you, you know?" He asked. "I was dragged up by a mother who had men over every night. They undressed her with their eyes whilst I sat at the dining room table having dinner. I know a look when I see one, it's all I've ever known."
"So what?" My resolve was slipping and quickly too. Jeff knew a lot. He was wiser than I could ever be and a lot stronger too. Not physically but mentally. He was okay here, he could cope. I couldn't. I wasn't meant to be here.
"What do you mean so what?" He asked. "She's pretty, King, but you know it's bad news."
"I'm all about bad news." I would know from experience. "But she's just so innocent."
"You want her because you want what she's got. Naivety. Maybe you were naive before but you're not now and you want it back in the form of her. That's not going to get you anywhere but locked up for longer. You want to get out sometime don't you?"
"Jeff, if I'm not here for life then I'll be nearly dead by the time I get out of here anyway." The thought depressed me more. "I can't help the way my body feels."
"To be honest, I am quite shocked. I didn't know you could feel, so this is going down in record history. I'm glad I am your cell mate so I could witness such a thing."
"Jeff, seriously." I snapped. "This isn't a joke."
"You've got it bad, son."
"Do you know how pissed off I am?" I turned back around like the fidget I was today.
"Well considering you've threatened me many times in a short space of time then I would say yes, I do." He mumbled.
I ignored him.
"I'm stuck in this fucking cell, wanting a woman I can't ever fucking have. I'm stuck here counting these tiles over and over and over again thinking about how different it would be if I wasn't here. I would have met her someone else, a bar perhaps and I would have taken her home. I would have my own bed to lay her down in, my own stuff to show off. I would have a life, Jeff, a fucking life and a reason for her to want me too."
"How do you know she doesn't want you?" His voice was not sarcastic anymore but compassionate. Something I had never heard from Jeff.
"I thought she did, I still kind of do. But these walls make you go crazy and I don't know whether what I'm feeling is what I want to feel or whether they're real." I shook my head. "I sound like a soppy bastard."
"That's what women do to you, pal. They make a strong man fall to his knees. It's just you're so sexually frustrated you're becoming even more insane." He patted my bunk. "You need to unload. I'll plug my customised headphones in and leave you to it."
"Fuck up." I snapped. I didn't think masturbation would work this time. Not with her. I mean I had tried but it was never the same.
I just wanted her, not the thoughts.