When I open my eyes the next morning, I find it isn't actually morning, but early afternoon. I don't feel the familiar dread of finding myself alive for another day. Instead, it's almost as if I'm looking forward to the day ahead. More specifically, looking forward to seeing the gorgeous greek god sleeping in the living room. I mentally slap myself for being so cliché, but greek god is an understatement when describing Parker Grant. I've only known him about a month and he's already got himself embedded under my skin, along with the fear that he might be digging his way straight for the stone that I call my heart. Despite this, I hope that he isn't in the next room when I walk out, showered, dressed and teeth brushed.
From the snores emanating from the couch, I know he is. It's to my relief that he's still asleep. I'm not sure how I should face him. Or how I can face him. For some reason, everything feels awkward between us, even with him just asleep. It felt exceptionally awkward being in the same room. In the clarity of the day, the kiss we'd shared seemed different. I know for a fact I should have kept him at an arm's length. Too much trust, too soon could be deadly.
Forgetting the moment is much easier said than done, especially when I can't seem to get his damn eyes out of my head for more than moments at a time. I'm almost angry with myself for being so vulnerable. What in the hell was so damn different about this man that he's got me almost in love with merely the idea of him. I clench my fists, my earlier mood forgotten and dumped down the drain along with the rest of the sappy thoughts.
Besides, we're not normal people. Normal people meet in bistros and go on dates and fall in love slowly and sweetly. Normal doesn't work for us. We're assassins. We don't get attached and we certainly can't fall in love. I'm living proof of why we shouldn't. Too many emotional ties can be hazardous in our line of work, and I'm lucky Nickolas escaped before anyone tried to use him against me. I stare down at the sleeping man, wondering how someone with so much blood on his hands could possibly look so much like an angel. I sigh and turn away, a tiny bit of me hating him for making me feel these things I'd only ever felt once before. If that one time had left me in such pieces, what could the second time entail?
I'd prefer not to find out.
Instead, I grab one of the room cards and hurry out the door before Parker can wake up and smile at me with those perfect lips. I walk the little ways down the hall towards the elevator, and press the button. It takes a few seconds, but the bell dings and I step in, not completely comprehending the people already in the elevator.
"Oh, em, geee. Aimee, this is Adrianna, Zane's new partner." I blink, at the sudden mention of my name and turn to Veronica. She's standing there, in all her regal blonde glory with a petite Asian friend who, by the look of it, would rather be anywhere else. Asian girl looks at me, then turns away bored.
"Uh-huh," She yawns.
"So, where's Grant? Finally find someone worth his time," She sniffs, looking me up and down. I remember how they'd flirted openly on our way back from the airport, Zane obviously too oblivious to notice how much of a whore his current girlfriend is. I almost feel good about tearing them apart, considering how much better off he is without her.
"Asleep, where I left him," I smile, ignoring the glare Veronica sends me. "How about Zane? I'm meeting him for lunch, did he mention?" I ask, tilting my head slightly. Veronica seethes even more, clenching her teeth.
"No."
"Oh, I thought he would have." The elevator reaches the ground floor and I step out and into the lobby. The two girls file out, the taller blonde glaring daggers at me as I cross towards the main desk. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind the desk, my raven hair falling in uneven curls all around my shoulders. I hadn't bothered to style it in any specific way, deciding on a casual look for the lunch.
The knee length pencil skirt I have on is a little tighter than I remember and the stupid heels are already hurting the soles of my feet, but it was a pain easily ignored.
"Just down this hall, and take a left. The lunchroom is there," The dark skinned man behind the desk smiles at me, and I nod back.
"Thank you."
Before I can hear his response back, I'm making my way down the hall, smoothing my black blouse. The reservation is in twenty minutes, but I suppose being early is best in a case like this. Sort of like how you would show up early for a job interview. In this case, I will be buying this job.
I sidle up to the door, checking my watch for the millionth time, then glance up and around the waiting room. The clatter of knives and forks, spoons and platters fills the room. The chatter of people all around, the smell of the food drifting through the air and into my nose makes my mouth water. My stomach growls.
"Good morning, sunshine," A cheery voice says in my ear. I blink, surprised for the billionth time. It wasn't something I think I'd ever get used to. I'm torn between feeling joy or anger, so I settle for brooding silently. "Already out and about, I assume?"
"Yeah," I answer back, hesitating at the door to the lunchroom. It's a bright place with a pale yellow interior and dark wood panels and floors. Slightly older fashioned, but still pretty none the less.
"Well, I'll be here, eagerly awaiting any juicy gossip while you're wined and dined by Mr. CEO and Co." I roll my eyes, looking around the tables, bored. "I'll just have to make do with chocolate chip pancakes with a side of reese's pieces." I wrinkle my nose.
"What the hell kind of brunch is that?"
"Definitely not a healthy one, I assure you."
It was only when I really take in my surroundings that I see him.
He's sitting at a table with four chairs, two of which were taken, one by him. He's facing me, a grin on his face as he looks at the man in front of him. I already recognize him. He's sitting with Zane Casteel. My target.
Nicky. The partner I'm supposed to be having lunch with. The partner I'm supposed to woo. Nicky. Nicky is Nickolas. How on earth am I so stupid. Nicky is Nickolas. It feels like my breath is snatched out of my lungs, the wind had stopped blowing and the noise had completely stopped. The world had stopped. Time had stopped. I felt like every single memory of him, every single one of those damned memories came back to the surface.
I really am an idiot. Why in the world would I think that reliving these stupid moments with someone else would ever be a good idea? Why would I think that the second time around things would be any different?
Then another thought popped into my head. Something wasn't right. What was Nickolas doing at a wine company? Let alone a wine company being investigated by the government. This was no mere coincidence, there had to be something much larger at play here, I just didn't know what.
So for the first time ever in my career, I backed out. I turned on my heel and made my way back the way I came.
"-Adrianna?"
I don't respond. Right now, I didn't need his voice in my ear, reminding me of last night, reminding me of what I'd seen back in that lunchroom. No something definitely wasn't right. I take my phone from the clutch I hadn't realized I'd almost broken and send off a text to Zane.
Sorry, can't make it. I'm feeling absolutely horrid, sore throat and all. Don't want to spread it around. Enjoy!
I don't wait for the reply. Instead I turn off my phone and hurry out into the sunlight and heat of Florida. I slip on my sunglasses and hail a cab. Slipping inside, I'm ambushed once again with that annoyingly beautiful voice.
"Adrianna, what's going on? You're tracker says you're outside-"
I shut off the earpiece, and stuff it into my clutch. Then grab the tiny GPS located in the interior of my bra and throw it out the open window.
~~~
It's not like I really know any hotspots in Florida. I'm not sure where to go, really. All I know is I need to get away. But the only place that truly came to mind was the cliff sides of Punta Canoas, the sea crashing down below, the ocean spray somehow reaching up towards me. The childhood memory rises up from the ashes, reborn once again, uninvited. But it's welcome, as the taxi drops me off as close to the cliffs as he can get. They're beautiful as I walk along the side, listening to the waves crash against the cliffs down below.
It takes me back to the farm, with the horses, and the chickens and the grape vines, the guavas, the pitahayas. And the sea crashing. Forever in the background of all the memories stuffed deep into the black hole.
I shouldn't have brought them out, because along with the calm and peaceful memories lurk the ones that are the reasons nightmares still haunt me.
But it's just so hard to stuff them back into that box and throw them down the hole that is forever engraved in my heart. So hard to detach myself from them. Oh what I would give to be able to toss them away, never to have to remember all that blood and the body parts.
It's not something a twelve year old should see. Ever. But the scene had been sitting right there in my living room, waiting for me to come out from hiding. It was like whoever had done it had splayed everything out specifically to haunt me. Now, fourteen years later, it still haunts me. I wonder if that's why they did it. There really couldn't be any other reason.
My mother. My father. My two younger sisters.
It's like yesterday I was running through the grapevines, giggling, as my mother called out for me in the distance. That perfect innocence.
Nickolas was nothing compared to that heart ache. He's but a drop in the ocean. The cliff side reminds me too much of home. Especially the smell of salt in the air. So I sit myself down on the edge and dangle my legs, watching as wave after wave crashed down below. I suppose an escape would have been necessary eventually. Considering I haven't had a break in the last few years. I'd just thrown myself into work, drowning out every other thought with the need to complete my mission. I scoff. Lot of good all those missions did. Sure, I'm rich. Not a want in the world. But the sacrifice is the human connection. It's all gone.
Not all gone...
I ignore the voice, pushing it down with every other thought. It's not something I should think. Parker....
"What the hell are you doing?" I blink, wondering if maybe I was suddenly hearing things. Wouldn't completely surprise me. "Hey, I'm talking to you!"
I turn my head and look up at an angry looking Parker, his green eyes hard and his thick arms crossed over his chest. I blink again.
"Sitting."
"Oh, no shit, Sher-fucking-lock. What I'm asking is what the hell made you decide to disappear," He snaps.
"Nothing," I tell him calmly.
"Yeah, cause you just randomly decided on a trip to Nowhere-ville to watch the waves," He scoffs. "Sure, sure, and I'm Beyoncé."
I look up at him, squinting slightly. "I can't say I'm not surprised. You're disguised quite well," I tell him, getting up carefully, not wanting to flash Parker my underwear, and dusting myself off. The anger is evident on his face, and I try my best not to laugh."Anyway, I was just on my way back. I just needed some time to clear my he- Hey!" I look at Parker, narrowing my eyes.
"What?"
"How the hell did you find me?" I ask, hands on my hips. He shrugs, this time it's his turn to avoid the question.
"No way in particular. Listen, we should talk about the ballet recital tonight-"
"Nu-uh. How'd you find me?"
Parker looks at me for a good minute before sighing. He walks up to me slowly, then reaches down and grabs my hand. I stay completely still. I'm still unsure how exactly I feel about this change in the relationship.
"There's a tracking chip in the earpiece," He sighs, looking at me sheepishly. "Now it's your turn. What spooked you so much that you almost jumped ship," He motions to the cliff. I watch him for a second, taking in how the stubble was becoming thicker on his jaw, the way his lashes curved. I took my hand out of his, and walked past him.
"Nothing spooked me."
"Come on, something happe-"
"How about you stay out of it?" I snap, glaring at him. "How about, for once, you mind your own goddamned business, Grant?" My voice is as sharp as the knife tucked in my blouse. "From the moment we met, you've over stepped every boundary. This time, stay out of it. It's got nothing to do with you. Why do you even care?"
It's a long time before he says anything. He just looks at me, emotions whirling behind his gaze, too fast for me to name each. And in the first time in a very long time, I feel the panic of loosing someone set in. That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know what you just did was wrong but you still did it anyway. I could practically feel Parker withdrawing from me. Feel the warmth that I had woken up with replaced with the cold presence of loneliness. I did it to myself, really.
"I care because I like you, Adrianna. I care about you, damnnit." He's so blunt about it. Like it's the most normal thing in the world. I burst out laughing. Parker blinks. "Was that funny?"
"No, not really," I tell him, growing solemn. "But you'd do better off not liking me, Grant. Not caring about me. Everyone around me only gets hurt." I tell him, then turn and head back to the hotel.