I turn over to my other side and collide with Rocky. His soft fur encases my face and I pull him into a warm hug. As my sleep begins to apart from me, I feel my body and how its laying on my soft, spongy bed. My forehead creases as I try to remember how I got here from last night. My mind gets tangled in its thoughts and I begin to recall my heartache from last night. I try to recollect my thoughts and decide to get up. My feet touch the cold floor. My body begs for food but it's the one thing I want least. I've been eating less and less now, I just have no desire for it as I used to. My weight has gone down. I can see my new pronounced cheekbones in the bathroom mirror. My eyes still have the deep red circles around them. My lips, dry and pale, looked as if they receive no blood. I stretch my skin out as I look at myself and see that my color has faded too.
I grab one of my old jackets and cover my exposed skin. Alice notices me walk into the kitchen, "Scarlett...?" I turn my head to see her reading a magazine on the counter. "Yes?" My voice is strained. Alice grips her coffee and takes a sip, "The medicine you ordered last week arrived today." She maintains her lips pursed. "You didn't tell me you were going through depression..." Her voice turns stern, something rarely heard from Alice. I suddenly don't know what to say to her. "I-I didn't think you..." I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry."
Alice lifts herself off the wooden kitchen stool, leaving her coffee behind.
"Is it Henry?"
I feel the rush of tears flowing to my eyes. I close them and, with my navy jacket, wipe away the escaping tears. I bring my hand to my mouth. "Mhm..." I mumble. She takes me into a hug, one that I've needed for a long time. "How about this? You take your pills, I'm gonna go out and grab us some lunch?"
"I'm not really hungry..."
"I'll bring you the smallest portion, but you really have to eat."
I nod and she replies with a soft smile. She disappears out the kitchen and closes the main door. I listen to Alice's advice and take the instructed amount of pills. After going around the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes and wiping the counter, I walk upstairs. I go into my room and close the door behind me. Rocky leaps off the bed to greet me. He's always extra hyper when Im sad, just to lighten my mood. I start arranging my clothes into my drawer, in front of my bed. In my hands I held my soft blue tie dyed shirt that I made back in high school. With my fingers, I feel the softness of the old shirt and I suddenly hear a scratch. And a bang on the floor. The sound continues and Rocky begins to bark. My hands start to tremble, I drop the shirt.
The scratches continued, they sounded deep. Whatever was doing the noise took their time with each scratch. Rocky keeps barking and I finally build up the courage to turn around. My eyes scatter around the entire scene. The wall behind my bed had the words "Your body" scratched into them. Whatever it was kept writing more words. And the more it wrote the more shavings fell on the floor and on my bed. My heart begins to pound and I start to breathe quicker. My eyes knew what they were seeing but my mind did not believe it was real. "No no no..." I whimper as the next word was completed. My feet begin to go backwards, "Please! Please stop!" I scream. Finally the last word was completed. "Mine" The tail of the "E" was long and was dragged out an inch. I stare in horror at the full sentence. "Your body is mine."
The last breath of air escaped from my lungs. "This can't be happening again! I thought you were gone!" I screamed through my sobs. "What do you fucking want?! You're not real! You're not real!" I fall to my knees. "Leave me alone!" My voice fills the room. I stumble back up and manage to get control over my legs to walk towards the door. I turn open the knob and a face of a girl meets with mine. Her face is icy blue matching with her darker blue lips. Her hair is damp as if she ran in the rain. She was wearing wet clothes, leaving a huge puddle under her feet. My eyes couldn't comprehend.
I started to panic and I backed away from the door. I fell back and started pushing with my legs towards the back of the room. She took two steps towards me, leaving little footprints. I start to cry harder, "Please. Please stop." I finally bang my back against the wall. I'm cornered. She takes one more step and tilts her head towards me. "Wha-?" I whisper. She points to the carved wall and then looks back at me. I break out in a cold sweat. My heart begins to drop, feeling heavier each passing second. The air supply to my lungs finally stops. I start to gasp for air and I feel myself being pulled into a pit of darkness. My eyes roll to the back of my head and the weight of gravity pulls the rest of me the the floor.
-
"Thankfully, she's going to be fine. This is unfortunately very common with patients that are affected by depression." The muffled voice infiltrates my mind. "Do you know when she will be waking up? When we can take her home?" A familiar voice says. "Well, since this was a suicide attempt, we do need to keep her in observation for a bit longer. Just to make sure she's safe."
"I just can't believe she would do that..."
"Thank goodness you found her just in time." Said a third voice. Another familiar one that started a feeling of warmth in my heart. My eyes are not yet open, and I still do not have the ability to speak but I can hear the people around me. I have little strength to open my mouth. "Suicide attempt?!" My mind starts racing over the last few memories I had acquired. And then I remember. Her. That girl. My heart begins to pump harder, faster. I start to freak out and pull on my IV cords. The nurses come in. I know it's them from their cold gloves. They try to grab my limbs and a sharp pain is inflicted into my thigh. A wave of calmness rushes over me. My heart slows down and my body goes numb.
-
A warm hand holds mine so delicately. I try to think of where Ive felt this feeling. The thick fingers, the delicate touch. My eyes begin to allow in the blinding hospital lights. I blink a couple of times to adjust to the white light. The air feels crisp and clean. My head turns to my arm to find an old smile that I missed. "Henry?" I question with a soft voice. "You're awake!" His eyes widen. "Mmm, it feels so good to hear your voice." I say, staring into his light eyes. "I can't believe I almost lost you..."
"Lost me?"
"Yes, you overdosed on your depression medicine."
"No. No, I didn't."
"Scarlett, you took 6 pills."
"No. I took 2, that what it said on the label."
"Darling, Alice found you completely passed out and the only thing in your system were those pills that you took too much of."
"Henry, I'm telling you. I didn't overdose. I passed out."
"Scarlett I..."
"No! It's true, in my room, I saw something and it scared me so much I fainted."
"Scarlett, look at you. You've lost weight, your eyes are bloodshot, you have red circles, you were barely breathing when Alice found you. I just can't help but feel responsible for this." His insensitive call out on my features angered me.
"Yeah. I know. I look horrible..." My eyes begin to glare on his oddly well styled hair and his clean clothes. Also the fact that his weight has maintained the same and he seemed to be getting a full nights sleep regularly. The scene causes my eyes to narrow. "... you haven't changed though. I guess we can see who cared more about what we had."
"You can't possibly-?"
"Yes! I am! Because of your attitude that day we stopped talking. And I called you countless times- I even fell into this hole of sickness because of you. Because I couldn't stand being without you, I turned into this! Clearly the road was a lot smoother for you."
Our conversation was interrupted by the doctor. "I see you're awake! How does it feel?"
"Feels the same."
Her smile fades and she looks awkwardly at her papers. "Well good news, a few more days and you're outta here!"
"Fantastic doctor, I'll be sure to be counting the days!" Henry cuts in.
"Alice is taking me back, no need to go out of your way. You don't like my house remember?" I jab at our last argument.
The doctor senses the tension. "I'm going to check in on a few other patients and I'll be right back!"
The next few days were dull, full of routine. As each day ended, my fear to return home increased. "Did they not see the words on the wall? Did I really mix up the pill numbers and imagine the whole thing?" These were the thoughts that came to my mind every day. But eventually, the day arrived and Alice picked me up with Chris and drove me back to our house. Chris has now agreed to stay with me in the house while Alice worked, then when she finished her shift he would go back home. This was the plan till I "got better". I also asked to sleep downstairs on the couch. I decided to avoid the upstairs completely, I didn't want to bring back any more memories from that day. My actions were now monitored, but I only hoped that someone else could witness these things just so they wouldn't think that I am insane.