Everyone want us to recover. It's not an easy process. People slip up. They fear disappointment.
Trying to recover from an eating disorder is difficult. You've tried so hard to be thin, and then thinner. Everyone thinks they will be able to pull out of it, you can't. I know what it's like. I still skip meals. I've sat in front of the toilet trying to make myself sick. Your mind is still fixed. Seeing someone thinner than you is difficult, you might still see that as your goal. You might purge or starve again. It's not something to be disappointed in. It just means you haven't had the best day.
Once you've self harmed, take cutting for example, you keep thinking about going back to that habit.
When bad things happen your mind is "cut,cut,cut."
That's the worst thing the need to cut doesn't go away.
I haven't cut since February 16th. That was until last night. I'm keeping it hidden from my family. I cut today too.
It doesn't mean that I've ruined everything it just means I hit a bump in the road on the way to recovery.
I'm scared when my friends find out they're going to be disappointed in me.
I don't think it's a one time thing. I think I'm starting the habit again.
I'm sorry.
It's so easy to slip back into old habits. It's been nearly three months since I've cut but the temptation is still there.
If anyone and I mean anyone has relapsed please message me. If you feel like relapsing please talk to me. I'm here if you need me.
I love you guys stay strong <3