Disclaimer: Standard applied
Summary: Autumn last year I was rejected. My boyfriend fell in love with another girl. The man who rejected me is still my boyfriend even now, and the girl he loves is still my best friend. And even now they still love each other.
Note:
Past/Thought
Present
PROLOGUE
He looked at me, the way how he had been looking at me lately. He didn't know it of course, but the way he looked at me, it hurt me a lot. He did not have to say anything just with that look it told me everything. I swallowed and forced a smile, he didn't smile back at me. I knew where conversation would lead to, I just pretended that I didn't know. Well, I didn't want to know.
I bit my lower lip, harder than usual. I realized that I hurt my own lip when I tasted the tangy flavor of my own blood. I didn't care. My hands clenched on the skirt I wore. We sat face to face and yet not talked about anything. His black coffee and my milk tea frozen since long time ago. I wondered how long we had been sitting here. I could hear the sound of the crowd around us, it was like we were the only ones who sat still without saying anything. I really didn't like it.
I took a deep breath, trying to ease the pain in my chest. I couldn't remember the last time we spent some time in a terrace cafe like this. Lately he'd been busy, and I knew the reason why. I shivered a little when the autumn breeze blew through my body. I had a scarf around my neck but it didn't help much. He narrowed his eyes to see me, I could see some worry on his handsome face.
"Are you okay?"
Slowly I nodded my head and smiled, I could feel something in my throat that made it hard to speak, "Don't worry…"
"I think we better get going now, it's getting cold," he murmured as he stood up. His eyes didn't look at mine as he did so.
I sighed as he walked around the table to reach me. He helped me to readjust my scarf and he took my hand to help me stand up. Again, he acted like this. I didn't know what to do anymore. Right after he left a tip on the table he took me by the hand to leave. He always treated me like this. Like a fragile Chinese porcelain that would break if he didn't treat it carefully. He was always like this.
He walked beside me and said nothing. I stole a glance at him. He had changed a lot. I'd known him for twelve years, God that was a long time. I knew what he was thinking , I knew he was struggling against his own thoughts and feeling to tell me what had been on his mind until now. I sighed secretly thinking he was too kind for his own good. This man would never have heart to break me.
He didn't know but he'd already broken me.
-"I love you…."
I had known since last week, when I accidentally overheard him confessed, that this day would come —the day where he would be honest to his own feeling. It hurt to think about it, so I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about anything that would only bresk my heart worse.
-"But I… I can't, I'm sorry…"
-"I understand…"
The conversation had happened last week but I just couldn't forget it. I wasn' t suppose to hear that, but I did. I can't forget it—the way she looked at him, how he clenched his fist as she gave him her answer, and the emptiness I felt as they looked at each other. I couldn't keep pretending anymore.
I took a deep breath. I had to face it, sooner or later it would happen. If I could choose, I actually wanted it to happen fast. Like ripping off a bandage—you do it quickly so it would hurt less.
We walked through a park. The autumn breeze shook the trees gently and made the leaves fall to the ground. It was October already, I couldn't believe it. Time flew too fast. We walked slowly. He always tried following my small foot step, he might not realize it, but I knew he walked slower whenever he was with me. I smiled sadly, twelve years was a long time.
I tilted my head to look at him. He was scowling, but that didn't make him look bad. He was as handsome as usual. Not the kind of pretty boy like those idol boys. His kind of handsome was rather rough—manly and strong—but somehow beautiful. He was the kind of man you could depend on. I had depended on him, maybe too much.
He clenched his teeth, I could see the muscle in his throat bob up and down just like he wanted to say something but couldn't. I pretended not to notice and said nothing.
I moved closer to him and hugged his arm. He looked at me questioningly but I said nothing, just sighed and rested my head on his arm. Just one more time, I wanted to be spoiled, I knew after what would happen today, he would hate me.
"What's wrong?" He asked, I knew he worried about me. Usually I never acted this way. His scowl went deeper, I knew he was really worried but I just couldn't tell him the truth.
I didn't look at him. I hugged his arm tightly as if I didn't want to let go. I really did not want to let go. The warmth of his body made me feet somehow relax, but I knew better—after today—it wouldn't be the same again.
"Nothing," I said, "It's just cold."
I couldn't see the look on his face but I knew he was scowling, "Are you okay?" he asked me, he stopped as he asked. He looked at me with deep scowl of worry on his handsome face, "Do you feel dizzy?" he put his palm on my forehead to check my temperature. He winced when he felt the heat, "You have a slight fever…"
I shook my head, "It is just because the weather is too cold." I pulled back from him, his touch was too much torture for me, Don't be nice to me when you don't mean it. I bit my lower lip, again. I knew today I had acted strange and so did he.
He lowered his head and looked at me, almost hovering over me, "Today's kinda cold," he murmured taking off the leather jacket he wore, "You've taken your medicine for today, right?" he talked softly to me. He put the jacket on me, ignoring my pout as he did so. He sighed, "You're so pale."
I just laughed weakly, "Don't worry, I am okay! The little blue men came with green men and disturbed my sleep last night… That's why I am pale." When he kept looking at me with that same expression I just sighed and smiled, "Why don't we just go home? I'll be okay…"
"Yeah you're right…." His voice was somehow faltered and weak, I knew there was something he had to tell me and I had a feeling that I knew what it was.
He didn't say anything and stayed silent while scowling. I waited for him to say it. Sooner or later, he had to say it. I wanted to hear it now. I didn't want to wait, because I knew it would just be same. Finally, he would hate me.
-"I'll tell her…"
-"It'll hurt her…"
-"….I know."
I looked at the tall young man. I had known him for such a long time, I'd spent more than half of my life with him. But the person who stood in front of me today, I didn't know him anymore. I wondered when he'd gotten so tall? When did he get all of those muscles? Since when had he got those scratches on his chin, since when had he shaven? The man who stood here, was no longer the seven years old boy I knew twelve years ago. The person who stood here, was a twenty year old young man with strong arms and piercing eyes.
The man who stood here was no longer the boy who had loved me once.
He opened his mouth and started to say something.
"I…"
-"…don't love her"
"Have someone else on my mind…"
I felt like everything around me blurred and I felt dizzy, my legs felt like jelly but I tried to stand still. I did not want to ruin my plan—a plan that I'd been preparing for this day.
"We can't be together anymore…" he said almost whispering.
I looked at his brown eyes. He looked at me. I knew all of this would happened but I was just too ignorant to accept the truth. No, even if I had to go to the hell for this, I wouldn't stop. I didn't want to lose him,ever.
"No…" I tried to be calm.
He narrowed his eyes to look at me, "…Orihime?" he called my name.
"If I had to lose you, I'd be better off dead, Ichigo…"
-prologue: end-