♂
My hands trembled as I hurried back into the house. The sound of my own footsteps echoed and I felt like I was going crazy. The pounding in my chest was loud enough to be heard from the outside. I rewind. Going directly to my office and I sat at the computer.
I typed into the search bar:
SHERILYN LAWRENCE
This is crazy. This hole thing is insane. I opened the book again to see her name on it once again verified my feelings all over again. This is insane.
It wasn't long before the computer showed me what I was looking for. A page appeared that showed Sherri and Warner at last years label review. Encased in a couple pages on her and her time with Warner Brothers. It was nothing.
I hit the back button scrolling through more of the result only to reveal the same thing. A whole bunch if nothing. Nothing about her personal life. Nothing about my girl.
So I moved on.
I swallowed and I typed the next named into the search bar.
HAZEL JAMESON
Skier.
Lawyer.
Doctor...
No, no, and no.
I tapped my pen on my desk as I tried to think. What did I have to give it for it to give me what I wanted?
I looked at the notebook again then back at the screen.
JAMESON PRINCE INTERVIEW
And there it was first page.
The Daily Journal:
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
PRINCE
paige jameson
Known around the world for his infamous Purple Rain, the legend, Prince, sits down with the Daily Journal to speak on music today, his album MUSICOLOGY, and the future.
I flew out to Minnesota with jitters in my stomach, he agreed to the interview. The Prince we all know, the eccentric, erotic, purple one... was anything but when I pulled up to the estate. He was indeed larger than life while standing 5 foot 3. A white blouse with red cherries had let me in. The place was massive, much bigger than I remember. But all of that is besides the point.
He was different from what I expected. Very soft spoken, nothing much to say about himself other than the music. Some call it shy, but I'd call it private. I walked in not expecting to know nothing at all. I listen to the music, did the research and yet I still knew 'nothing at all.'
I looked up scrolling to the bottom before reading the rest.
This was giving me nothing.
I spun around in the chair then opening up Amara's notebook. A place holder was placed in her last pages.
Today I met Mr. Prince. I got to see Paisley Park too. Hazel yelled at me. That hurt my feelings. I don't want to go back, with Uncle Tom and Tony. I just wish I could stay here. I feels like home here. This place is BIG. Bigger than I thought-
I stopped reading and I looked up.
Where did I see that?
Bigger than I thought...
I sat back at my computer and I scrolled to the top of Hazel's article and I skimmed as I read again.
'The place was massive, much bigger than I remember...'
I felt a knot in my throat as it all started to click. I felt like I was choking and hyperventilating all at the same time as Amara's notebook dropped once again to the floor.
"Oh my God... Paige..."
♀
"Hello hello..." his voice fluttered against my telephone line and I grinned.
"Hello." I replied and he laughed.
"Can I ask who I'm speaking with?" He teased and I looked at the door.
"It's me..." I replied and he chuckled a bit as if he didn't believe it.
"Prove it." He spoke and I grinned.
"Prince..." I whined and he laughed.
"Tell me what you're wearing..." He asked and I gasped.
"Prince..." I scolded him and I didn't get. What's wrong with him. Why does he have to be like this?
"Come on..." he begged and I looked down at myself still damp from my shower as I sat in my yellow robe and I bit my lip.
I looked out my bedroom door to see Jeanie asleep across the hall after I forced her to. I closed my door just enough and I heard him call out to me.
"You there?" He spoke and I smiled.
"Yes Prince..." I answered and he laughed.
"Humor me mama..." He begged and I swallowed looking at myself deciding to just...
"Well... It's my silk robe. It's yellow... and it rests right below my hip. Kind of the way your shirts do..." I started explaining and I heard him moan a bit and I grinned.
"Like right above that scar on your thigh?" He asked and I didn't know what he was talking about.
"What scar?" I asked and he laughed.
"You've got a scar on your right thigh mama." He spoke and I got up to look in the mirror as he told me where it was.
"You looking in the mirror?" He asked and I nodded as if he could see me.
"Yes..." I told him and he guided me.
"Well... if I'm right... about where my hands sit on you waist if you move your fingers just far enough down to right before you're halfway between between your hip and your knee.... that's where it is. On the outside of your right thigh." He instructed and I did what he said. My fingers trailed beneath the silk and I lifted it and I turned in the mirror and there it was.
I ran my finger against it and I swallowed.
He knew my body better than I did.
"Is it there?" He asked with voice sending trembles up my spine, I rewind.
"Yes... but how did you know that?" I bit my lip and he was quiet.
I knew for sure I've only really been with him once. That first time. He's fooled around but never all the way like that. Not after that.
I mean I thought it was me at first, but then I came to my senses.
Whatever it was must have been a sign. Slow things down.
I don't want to end up in a repeat of last-
"I know you because I love you..." he admitted and I loved hearing him say it.
"Everything about you keeps replaying in my mind over and over and I can't stop..." He continued and I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Don't stop now. Keep going." I grinned and he begun laughing.
"You are something. God I miss you."He sighed and I smiled.
"I thought waiting until the end of the tour would be best but I didn't expect the stuff with Warner and this-" he spoke and I interjected.
"Waiting? For what?" I was anxious. What is he talking about?
"Sherri it wasn't really waiting, it was just..."
"Prince finish your thoughts. You're not making any sense." I instructed him to quit it with the broken sentences, but he was silent. As if he was waiting on me to put it together, little did he know the longer he stayed silent the more I would blow this out of proportion.
"You've been waiting with me is what you're saying, right?" I started rambling and with him staying silent I felt the need to keep going.
"It's because of everything with Cat and Sheila... Right? I know it's all really complicated and so complicated to the point where like
I don't even know where to begin to clean this up. And the magazines... oh god the magazines and the cameras and the headlines..."
"Mama..."
"Prince you're driving me crazy...." I kept at it and his laughter stopped me as he added.
"I wish I was there to make you stop... You over analyze so much you don't even see what's right in front of you... it's crazy..." he spoke and I kind of felt bad.
"I don't even know what I'm not seeing because you're speaking all cryptically. If you would just talk Prince..." I got upset and he signed. And I know, here I was again self-sabotaging again.
"Sex." He spoke and I took a deep breath.
"You want me to tell you why I stopped?" He asked and the only words I could find to say was...
"Yes..."
"I stopped because... Because it felt different. To you it was probably just sex but to me, it felt different..." he spoke and I swallowed.
"I can't do casual with you. I can't have it mean nothing. Not with you." He spoke and I sat down taking everything in.
"It's kind of like we were going through the motions. The I love you's and all. I tried to fool around and now I find myself more connected to you than I thought... And it's not the same." He spoke and I felt my heart break.
"I don't want to keep doing this if we aren't on the same page. I thought asking you to move in with me would prompt the conversation, but it hasn't. I was gonna ask Jackie, but then you said you didn't want me to. I just don't like not knowing." He added and now I was confused because I don't really understand where this is going. Not anymore.
I turned the chord between my fingertips and I swallowed.
"Not knowing what?" I asked.
"What I am to you?" He asked and I didn't know what he wanted me to say.
"You're my boyfriend." I spoke and he cleared his throat.
"Is that it?" He asked and I was confused.
"Prince what are you saying..." I asked and he struggled to find the words to say.
"Yeah I'm your boyfriend now, but what about four or five years from now?" He spoke and I bit my lip.
"Where do you want to be four or five years from now?" I asked and he was quiet for a minute.
"No, don't get quiet. This is bothering you so tell me." I scolded as he tried to fall back onto the silence I brought him out of and he took a deeper breath before his voice rung again.
"I want to have a wife... A house... Maybe a kid..." he spoke and my heart stopped.
"That's where I'm at, and I know it's unfair to put that on you right now but that's where my mind is. That's where I'm headed with this and if this isn't that then..."
"Do you think because I said I wanted to keep things business related that I was playing games with you?" I asked and he didn't say anything.
"Prince..." I wanted him to answer me but he didn't.
I sat back against the bed frame and I started to get upset with the lack responses he was giving me in this conversation.
"Prince I need you to talk to me." I begged and he added.
"Nothing, forget it." He spoke wanting to leave the whole subject alone.
"I quit..." I spoke and he answered.
"What?"
"I'm quitting. I'll call Warner in the morning." I told him and he started trying to back track.
"Sherri you don't have to do that." He spoke and I shook my head.
"Prince... I'm choosing you. Can you let me choose you?" I said not wanting to argue about it much longer and he didn't get the chance to even reply as I moved on.
"So five years? You want all this and a whole child in five years?" I laughed biting my lip and he laughed.
"Yes."
"So if all things go according to plan you're saying I'll be Mrs. Nelson in four then?" I teased and he swallowed.
"That doesn't scare you does it?" He asked and I grinned.
"I don't scare easily, I've told you this Mr. Nelson... if you thought telling me this would run me off. You're sadly mistaken. I just hope you know this changes everything." I advised him and he chuckled back.
"Everything?"
"Yes. Everything. And now that I don't work for you I got some things I need to tell you." I spoke and he was intrigued I'm sure.
"Like what?"
"I think Cat's an ass." I spoke and he busted out laughing and I smiled laughing a bit too.
"Really?"
"Yes. I really don't like her. The way she touches you and looks at you... God it drives me crazy. I know it's the act, so I wouldn't tell you to stop it's just God... her... it felt so good to take her spot that day you know. Even though I was terrified..." I started rambling and he answered.
"You were scared?"
"Prince, I was terrified..."
"I couldn't tell... but then again I don't think was thinking at all." He added and I leaned my head against the foot of the bed staring into my reflection as his words warmed my ears.
"I just saw you... and I went blank." He continued and I bit the inside of my cheek.
"You went blank?"
"It was like everything I was doing just slipped away and all I saw was you."
"You really like me." I teased and he laughed.
"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked and I swallowed.
"Yes."
♂
I would be lying if I didn't say I felt literally sick to my stomach as I sat at my desk staring at her name on screen.
paige jameson
Jesus Christ...
The phone in the compound rung and I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Instead I got up going over to the side of my office where the boxes Sherri sent back where piled and I started digging through them.
Records, letters...
No no no...
I got upset throwing the stuff on the floor as I tried to think. Where were they?
And that's when it hit me. My bedroom closet.
I hurried out the my office dashing up the stairs as I went into my bedroom turning on the lights and I grabbed the step stool dragging it to the closet and I set it up. I grabbed the black box from the top of the closet bringing it down to the ground as I sat next to it.
"There you are..." I said to myself as I dropped it on the floor and I opened it.
I started digging through the remnants of what used to be the best years of my life.
I dumped the box over onto the ground as pictures of Sherri fell all over the floor as well as clothes and books she left behind. But none of that is what I was looking for.
I picked through the things and there it was, like a light at the end of the tunnel. The small photo album Sherri made of those last... I didn't want to think about it.
But I knew she was in there.
I started ferociously flipping through the pages past all the photos she took of me...
God she was so good at that....I flipped past another...
I turned this one to the back to see her handwriting on a single sheet of paper.
I ran my fingers against the grooves of her words and I felt something run down the side of my face.
I saw the water droplet fall onto the plastic film and I wiped my face quickly rubbing my nose as I kept flipping.
And there it was, the only picture in the album not of the shoot. There she was... Mimicking one of the photos Sherri took of me.
That when I remembered her exactly. The little girl brought to me in the mist of everything.
God, how could I forget...
I flipped the page and a note fell out. I picked it up reading the words and my heart stopped.
♀
"Are you sleeping?" He asked as I blinked my eyes hard again knowing I had that flight in just a couple hours.
"No..." I spoke and he laughed quietly against the line and accused me again.
"You're lying." He spoke and I grinned pulling the cover up over my shoulder.
"I'm not sleeping, does it look like I'm sleeping?" I asked and he chuckled.
"Well I wouldn't know, we're on the phone."
He's such a smart ass.
"I'm not a smart ass." He laughed and I stopped.
"I said that out loud?"
"You did..." he added and I grinned.
"Well I'm not asleep, I'm close but not quite there yet." I added and he took a deep breath. I changed the subject.
"Are you tired?"
"I can't be... I miss you too much. I haven't spoken to my Sherri in a while." He spoke and I grinned.
"Well I'm here... talk away..." I instructed as I closed my eyes letting out a soft yawn as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
"Did you hear what I said?" He spoke and I nodded.
"Yeah you miss me. I miss you too." I answered and he laughed.
"You're asleep." He said and I was getting tired of him saying that.
"Well what did you say?"
"I said you can sleep." He said and I tucked the phone beside me and I closed my eyes.
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did." He shot back jokingly and I knew he was lying.
"You just wait til I see you."
"For what? What you gonna do?" He teased egging me on.
"You know, you talk a big game over the phone." I yawned and he laughed.
"You just wait."
"Are you really gonna quit?" He asked softly and a smile appeared on my face.
"Yes..." I told him and he was quiet.
"Are you getting nervous now Mr. Nelson? Cold feet? Is my dedication scaring you?" I teased again as another yawn escaped my lips and he chuckled.
"So I'm gonna see you tomorrow like for real?" He spoke and I repositioned myself in the pillows.
"Have you not been seeing me this whole time?" I laughed and I knew that wasn't what he meant.
"I mean you're not gonna be all weird in front of people the way you usually are, are you?" He asked and I thought about it.
"Well there's Jeanie, so you can't get wild or anything. But I'm not weird in front of people." I told him and he laughed real hard.
"That's a lie. You hardly let me touch you." He spoke and I didn't think that was right.
"I pretty sure I let you kiss me just so people could take a photo on more than one occasion. I'm pretty sure I went out on that stage..." I yawned and he added.
"You were forced to do that."
"But I did it."
"I just don't want you to look back as if someone's watching. Like you're scared to be with me. I don't like that." He said and I rubbed my eyes.
"I don't think I do that."
"Well you do."
"I didn't know I did that." I admitted and he sighed.
"It's fine baby. What time do you get back?" He asked and I looked at the clock whose red glow burned my tired eyes.
"You'll probably be at the venue by the time we get there. Do I really do that?" I asked a little hurt by the idea that he would even think that I'd be scared or embarrassed.
"Yeah... I always just put it off. You know because of the boss employee thing. And Warner and Cat..." he spoke and I sighed.
"I'm sorry..." I told him and he laughed.
"It's Alright. You can make it up to me." He offered and I bit my lip.
"Alright... how?" I asked out of curiosity and he was quiet for a moment before uttering two words.
"Paisley Park..."
"What does that mean?" I asked and he laughed.
"Just remember Paisley Park..." his spoke seductively and it felt like his voice was at the back of my neck and I clenched my legs tighter around my arm that rested between my legs.
"Hmmm okay..." I grinned and he laughed.
"What are you doing now." He spoke in the same tone sending shivers up my spine.
"Hmm stop it." I laughed.
"Stop what?" He spoke and I grinned repositioning myself.
"Stop talking like that." I told him and he laughed.
"I'm too vulnerable this late. Got me catching feelings. Take some of that bass out your voice." I instructed and he laughed harder.
"You're so tired."
"Prince I'm so serious stop it." I told him as I pushed my blankets off. Now it's all freaking hot and uncomfortable.
"Jesus." I complained as I turned on the fan and he laughed.
"Is that a fan?"
"I promise on everything I'll hang up on you." I warned one last time and he breathed deeply into the phone and I sat up as the tingling went up my spine.
"I can help you..." He spoke and I shook my head.
"I had this dream about you already... So I don't understand..." I said and he laughed.
"Really?"
"Mhmmm..." I yawned and he asked.
"Was it good?"
"Mhmmm..."I told him and I could tell he wanted to know more but to be honest I wasn't even sure if this wasn't a dream right now.
God it's so hot.
"Is this a dream right now?" I asked tiredly and he laughed.
"No..."
"Of course you'd say no. A person in a dream will never admit its a dream." I spoke and he chuckled.
"You need to sleep." He added and I smiled.
"I am asleep and this is a dream..." I concluded.
"Okay mama..." he spoke and I grinned on the inside.
"I knew you'd admit it. That's that reverse philosophy..." I yawned and he laughed
"Psychology..."
"Mhmmm..." I said as I felt my body seep into the sheets and he spoke softly.
"Do you want me to hang up?" He asked and I shook my head.
"Naw, I guess you can stay on....."
| June 27, 1987
Sherilyn's Bedroom
Orange County, New Jersey
"Sherri!" I heard Jeanie and her voice startled me awake.
"I'm up I'm up..." I shook awake and the telephone was glued to the side of my face and I peeled it away. I felt the numbers imprinted on my face as I tried to rub it away.
"You aren't up!" Jeanie freaked out as I got up and she handed me my clothes.
"I can't believe you're gonna make me miss Prince..." She said upset as she tried her hardest to gather my things and she went to hang up the phone.
"Woah... wait." I tried to halt her as she put it on the hook dropping everything.
"What?" She said scared and it was too late.
I looked at the phone on the hook and I shook my head.
"Never mind." I sighed and she begun throwing my things in my bag again.
I rubbed my eyes as I got up and stopped her and she looked at me.
"I got it." I told her and the way she looked at me was so horrible I could tell she was so disappointed in me. But I was certain I wasn't going to let her down.
"Go by the door. Call a taxi. I'll be ready in 5." I told her and she nodded.
As soon as my sister left the room I ran to my bathroom washing up quickly as I struggled to get my clothes on. The phone rang and I pulled my boot up my calf as I hopped over wobbly to get it.
"Hello?" I spoke and the voice was one I knew.
"You're back home?" Warner asked and I sighed.
"No I'm about to catch a flight back." I spoke and he concluded.
"To the tour? With Jeanette?" He said and I scoffed.
"Yes Tim." I spoke and he started disagreeing immediately.
"What did I tell you? I thought we agreed, business and personal separate." He reminded and I shrugged.
"Well then I quit." I told him and he was silent for a second before replying.
"What?"
"I quit." I spoke and I hung up the phone and Jeanie yelled upstairs.
"They are here!" She spoke and I hurried down the stairs.
The man had already took our bags to the car as I hurried Jeanie into the yellow box on four wheels.
I got in the warm box and I looked at him as I slid in the back seat closet to Jeanie.
"To the Airport please." I spoke and he looked in the mirror and he gasped.
"Hey you're the Prince girl!" He spoke then lifting the magazine with my face on it and I smiled nodding and he laughed loudly.
"My wife will not believe this. She loves that Prince. Is he would you mind signing this for me?" He handed the magazine back to me with a pen and this made absolutely no sense.
"You want me to sign?" I spoke as he got on the highway and I grabbed the magazine scribbling my name on it.
"My wife is not going to believe this..." he said as I slid the magazine back through the partition and I looked at Jeanie who laughed to herself as I widened my eyes and mouthed.
"Who knew?"
The ride to the airport was quite short after that exchange. To be honest I was grateful for that because even though Jeanie was excited to see him and was excited to have to tell her.
Basking in the knowing of this is too much.
Too much for now.
I got her through security quickly and we were the first to board the plane. She begged for the window seat and who was I not to let her get what she wanted? The long plane ride was sure to spark conversation between us too, but I wasn't expecting this.
"So you're going to move in with Prince?" She asked and I looked at her.
"What?" I asked and she didn't back down.
"To Minnesota..." She spoke and I looked into my now sweaty palms and she continued to stare.
"I was gonna tell you-" I started and she finished.
"At the concert?" She concluded and j hate to say it but she was absolutely correct.
"Please don't be mad..." I told her and she shrugged.
"I'm not mad, I just... I thought you two broke up?" She said and I stopped just as what she was saying really clicked.
"What? No... no no..." I told her and she laughed.
"Well that's a relief. I felt bad for wanting to see him so badly."
♂
I got back to the office. And I sat in front of the telephone and my computer screen as I starting putting this together.
The sound of me continuously clicking my pen over and over and over filled the room and I didn't know how to feel.
There's no way.
She would've told me there's no way.
This is all just a joke. A stupid joke. It's not real it can't be.
But Why? Why now....
I could go to the source, call Sherilyn and ask what's going on. But if it's wrong she'll think I'm crazy. But if I'm right then what?
It adds up. It all adds up.
I looked down at the page before me where I wrote it all out seven times.
Paige
Last time I saw her: 1994
Born: 1984, 1985? December I think...
Now: With three year old... had baby 18? 17?
Amara
About to be 10 next month... she was born 1994
June.
If she was born in June she had to be conceived in like... October or November of 1993.
Sherri
Broke up with me:
February 10 1994...
My heart started racing as I scribbled it out again starting over from the beginning.
Paige....
I'm just going crazy. All of this has me going crazy.
She knew Eddie...
Oh my God...
I picked up the phone and I dialed the number not being able to wait any longer.
I sat as the phone rang. Over and over.
"You've reached the voicemail box of...."
I hung up the phone picking it up then dialing again.
"You've reached the v-"
I hung up and dialed again.
The phone rung once before an answered and I waited. I heard breathing and I waited for her to tell me what I already knew. Because she knew.
But to my surprise she was silent. Just silent.
"She's mine isn't she?" I spoke nearly choking on my own words and the phone was silent.
"Hazel..." I called her name and she was quiet but I knew she was there.
"Sherri's her mother... She's my daughter..." I spoke voice cracking as the tears began to profusely run down my cheeks and I waited for her to answer.
"Paige." I called her by her real name and the silence, the wait was unbearable. But she knew the answer.
"I... I can explain..."
♀
| June 27, 1987
Sign O The Times Tour
Rotterdam, Netherlands
"Alright, I'm think before the concert tonight we could probably go shopping? I bet you'd want something new to wear?" I asked and she grinned looking around as I walked down the brown carpeted hall of the hotel, I completely exhausted.
That was completely opposite of Jeanie who was on some kind of high. I think her heart was beating so fast that I could hear it on the outside of her body. So I asked again?
"Jeanie?" I grinned and she looked back.
"Yeah?"
"Shopping?" I question and she shook her head no.
"I actually just need you do do my hair and makeup. I've been waiting for this day forever." She said as I approached my door and I put the key in.
"SO you have an outfit picked out already?" I laughed as I opened the door and she walked in turning back to look at me.
I should've known, was that even really a question. Of course she did.
Just then I went to close my door and I heard crying and some commotion in the hall.
I felt a pit in my stomach which forced me to go check it out instead of ignoring it. Which is what I wanted to do in all honesty.
I turned back to the hall to see Vonnie arguing with someone in the hall. I'm pretty sure it was Jennifer.
"Please please, you know I have to go." She grabbed on to Jennifer and she pulled away. I walked out the room approaching them quietly trying to hear what's going on.
I thought they would've left already. I looked at my watch, the bus would be leaving any minute now.
"I'm not watching her again. It's not fair. " Jennifer spoke and she ran her hands through her hair and I spoke up.
"Watching who? What's going on?" I asked and Jennifer walked away quickly leaving just me and Vonnie as she stood in front of her door and the crying was muffled behind it.
"What's going on Vonnie?" I asked and she swallowed.
"Please don't make me leave Miss Lawrence." She begged and I looked at her confused.
"Who is that crying?" I asked and I tried to push past her and she stopped me.
The cries got louder and I then realized that that cry was a child's. I pushed open the door and there stood a child who's tears muffled once she saw me.
She stood there in a white shirt and black slacks with two pink socks. She stuck her thumb in her mouth as both Vonnie and she stood silent.
"Oh my God..." I spoke getting down to her level and she walked over to me clutching her blanket between her fingers and looking at Vonnie.
"Vonnie?" I spoke and tears were now in Vonnie's eyes as well. She started to stutter.
"Who's baby is this?" I asked and she wiped her face.
"She's mine... well my sister..." she spoke and my heart stopped.
"What is she doing here?" I asked and she hesitated as she picked her up and she walked back into the room and I followed.
And there it was.
A step up with toys and pampers. Food and bottles. She'd been here for a while.
"Vonnie?" I asked again as she begun to pace the room and she cried.
"She's been with me the whole time. I got called back for the tour and I couldn't pass it up. I couldn't. I don't have any family, any friends. This was it." She spoke and I didn't understand.
"What about your mom?" I asked and she looked back at me and her eyes said everything and she didn't have too.
"When you gave me the position with Eddie I knew I couldn't skip out. So everybody helped. We took shifts."
"So you all have been keeping this from me?" I spoke astonished and she sat down on the bed and the baby laid her head against Vonnie's chest.
"You were going to make me leave. Like you did with Jillian." She spoke and my heart broke.
"She doesn't have anyone, She's only got me... and it's not fair." She started to get worked up and to be honest I wasn't trying to go through this for a third time.
Last night with Prince going through...
This morning with Jeanie...
I can't take it anymore.
"Okay okay... calm down." I told her as the tears weld up in her eyes again and I looked at my watch.
"Give her to me." I told her and she looked confused.
"Sherri..."
"Give her to me and you get down there and catch the bus to the venue. We will figure it all out later." I told her and she got up handing the baby to me and she had the prettiest hazel eyes. God those eyes did something to me.
Vonnie walked over grabbing her things and headed for the door.
"What's her name?" I asked and she looked back at me.
"Paige." She spoke and I looked at the child in my hands.
"Paige."
The door closed and I took a deep breath looking around. This was no way to keep a child. God...
This was an abomination.
I picked up this Paisley printed bag that I assumed was for the baby and I begun putting some of her clothes, bottles and other things she may need inside.
"Alright Miss Paige." I sighed as I threw the bag over my shoulder and I opened the door.
"Woah..." I heard a voice and I looked up to see Jeanie and she looked startled.
"A baby?" She said and I rolled my eyes as she laid her head on my shoulder.
"Don't ask." I told her as I went back to my room and Jeanie had already set up shop in the bathroom for her hair and I put the baby down on the bed and I turned on the television set.
"Alright... how do you want it?" I asked and she grinned.
"Like Sheila." She said and my eyes grew. I did not expect that.
"Well alright."
I got the spray bottle and I started on her hair and I looked back at the baby once more.
"Am I mean?" I asked and Jeanie looked at me in the mirror.
"Kinda..." She spoke and I swallowed.
"Really?" I asked and she shrugged.
"I mean... sometimes I just don't mess with you." She spoke and I thought of what Vonnie said and that broke my heart.
"Alright..." I told her as I begun to fluff her soft hair and I grabbed my makeup bag.
"I'm not putting a whole bunch on you..." I told her and she laughed.
"Why not?"
"Because you're a baby..." I told her placing a line of eyeliner on her and she stayed still.
"And to be honest less is more." I told her and I put a bit of mascara on but nothing too much. I stood back and looked at her and she grinned.
"If you want I can ask Jackie to fix you up more when we get there." I told her and she smiled.
"Jackie is here!" She exclaimed and I laughed.
"Mom didn't tell you?"
"Mom didn't tell me anything." She told me and I twirled some of her curls and she smiled.
"Well hurry up. Let's see her." She said pushing me out the bathroom and I went over to the mirror pulling my hair up and throwing on a simple button down and a pair of leggings.
I turned back to see Paige staring at the TV with a pacifier in her mouth and I sighed.
"You want to go to the concert?" I asked and she didn't pay me any mind.
I looked at her hair and I grabbed my spray bottle.
I sat on the bed next to her and she looked at me. I sprayed her hair and she pulled back like she was wondering what the hell I was doing. I laughed as she grabbed at the bottle.
I gave it to her and she looked at it as I scrunched her hair into a better style. Fingering through her loose curls. She didn't say anything. She just tried to squeeze the bottle and I took a deep breath.
"You don't talk?" I asked and she looked at me still mute and I sighed.
I reached for the pacifier in her mouth taking it and her bottom lip quivered as if she was going to start again. The crying.
"Ah ah ah!" I said to her loudly as she stopped the water works and she looked at me.
"Your words. Use you words." I told her and she reached out to the pacifier and I held it back.
"Say please..." I instructed and her lip began to quiver again but it didn't phase me.
"Please..." I instructed and she reached again taking it from my hand then laying down on my lap.
"What did they do to you?" I sighed running hands through her hair again and the bathroom door opened suddenly and there she stood looking like an extra from Purple Rain. I tried to keep myself from laughing.
"I look good right?" She asked and I bit my lip changing the subject.
"You ready?" I asked changing the subject and she nodded getting her ticket and putting her backstage pass around her neck.
"Are you not going to dress up?" She asked me as I got up off the bed and I looked in the bag for a coat for the baby.
"No... I've been to so many." I spoke and she grinned.
"Not even for Prince?" She spoke and my heart fluttered and I rolled my eyes.
"Shut up and let's go." I told her as I looked through the clothes for the baby and no coat.
Why doesn't she have a coat?
I gave up settling for just putting on her shoes. I picked her up.
Jeanie opened the door and she nearly screamed.
"Big Chick!" She said staring at him excited and I should've known better than for Prince to let me go on my own.
"You must be Jeanie?" He spoke and she nodded.
"Pleased to meet you." He laughed and I looked at her as she stood in awe.
"You can breathe Jeanie." I laughed and if she was this bad after just seeing Chick, only God knows how she is going to react to seeing Prince.
"Baby?" Big Chick asked and I held Paige up up in my arms.
"Her name is Paige." I swallowed as I put her bag over my shoulder and he offered to take it for me.
"Thank you. Do you know where I could get her a coat?" I looked at him as I followed Jeanie out the room and Chick looked at me as if he was still confused and immediately I understood what he was getting at.
"She's not mine Big." I told him as his eyes went back down to normal size and I sighed.
"Jesus Christ...Big..." I shook my head laughing at the thought of that.
♂
"I can explain..."
Her words echoed in my head as I started to feel sick to my stomach. I put the phone down for a second as I tried to get myself together.
I can explain?
All you've got is an I can explain?
I leaned over to the side and just like that all over the floor.
Shit...
"Prince?" I heard my name coming from the receiver and I unbuttoned my shirt and wiped my mouth.
God why is it so hot.
"Prince are you there?" She spoke and I rubbed my eyes.
"Someone needs to explain this to me. Right now." I gagged as I got the phone back up to my ear and I felt like I was breaking out in a sweat. I slipped out of my shirt wiping my forehead and she replied.
"Prince it's late... I could come by in the morning..." she offered and I shook my head slamming my fist into my desk.
"No! No... you came here... you came here and you let me talk..." I started getting sick again but this time I grabbed the trash can.
"I'm sorry..."
"YOU LET ME OPEN UP TO YOU ABOUT HER PAIGE... why are you doing this..." I gagged again but I swallowed.
"Prince..." she tried to stop me and I shook my head.
"You explain this to me now Paige. Right now." I spoke to her and she started breathing hard and I didn't have time for that.
"Paige." I ordered and she started to cry.
"I don't know Prince. I don't know that's why I came to you. For it to make sense. It doesn't make sense." She started talking real fast and I swallowed.
"What doesn't make sense?" I asked and she swallowed.
"Anthony...." she spoke and that's when it became real.
"Tony?" I asked and she gasped.
"Yes, how... how did you know that?" She spoke and I immediately knew what this was and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Your mother know you here?" I asked and she didn't reply, just as expected.
"Great. Look I'm not getting in the middle of this." I said as I looked at the floor at the vomit seeping into the carpet.
"Prince."
"Sherri's getting married and you want me to stop it? What do you think this is? A movie?" I laughed and she sounded upset.
"How do you know Mommy is getting married?"
"You drag your sister into it too. How'd you get her to play the part so well Paige? Is her name even Amara?" I asked and she shot back.
"You think I'm lying? About Amara?"
"I know you're lying! Sherri wouldn't do that! I've known her longer than you remember?" I told her and she was quiet.
"And Paisley, God you really did a good job."
"Prince I'm not lying." She spoke and it broke my heart that she of all people would do this to me."
"Okay." I answered already over it and she raised her voice.
"You think I'd come all the way out here and put myself through this to lie to you?" She asked and I wiped my mouth.
"I'm not getting in the middle of this..."
"You've got to be shitting me. YOU ARE THE MIDDLE OF THIS! You think this was easy for me? You think I wanted to come out here to see you? You think I wanted to argue with my sorry ass husband over this? Every. Single. Night... you're an asshole if you believe I'd do that. If you believed I'd put myself through that for you? You? My mom was right about you. It's your fault. People don't care about you because you don't care about anyone but yourself! I shouldn't have come." She began to sob and I didn't want to hear it. The yelling and bitching, just like Sherri.
You don't know a got-damned thing and you're accusing me.
My fault? My fault?
That's one thing I didn't miss from her
"So now this is about me? It's my fault?
"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT ITS YOUR FAULT! YOU SCREWED IT UP!" She yelled and I shot back.
"Me? Screw everything up? Wow! Okay, I guess Amara not knowing me is my fault too?"
"You were the closet thing I had to a father. But more importantly you and mom were the closet thing I had to a family after Vonnie and you know that. You KNOW THAT. I came here because I know my mom still loves you. I came because I couldn't understand why. What is it about you that she can't let go of? Why is she marrying Tony if she wants to be with you? It doesn't make sense. I never knew what happened. And she wasn't going to tell me. If it wasn't for Auntie J I wouldn't even know you were Amara's father. So don't you throw that shit on me. You got a problem with that take it up with mom." She shot at me and I never expected in my wildest dreams that she would talk to me like that. And before I could even find words to say, she was back at it.
"I don't want my sister to grow up with no one like I did. If she can have her family in her life she should. She deserves that.
So here I am.
Trying to figure out are you even worth it? Are you worth me breaking her heart? Are you worth me having to tell her her father was right here the whole time and she just didn't know it? Are you worth me going against my mom? I went against my mom for you and you accuse me of lying. Are you even worth it Prince? Cause if you aren't you can let me know now and I'll take her home." She spoke and I fell silent. For once in my life there was no tune going in my head, no song on my lips, no thought in me head. It was just silent.
She lied to me. Sherri lied to me.
She lied to me.
But it now it's time the truth comes to light.
"What do you need me to do?" I spoke up and she took a deep breath.
"No, first you tell me what you did."
♀
The hallway was dark and the walls felt like the were vibrating with the screams from the crowd on the other side.
Jeanie stayed close as I walked toward the stage.
"You're back!" I heard a voice and I turned around.
"Jackie!" Jeanie yelled and I smiled as she ran into her arms.
"Oh my GOD LOOK AT YOU!" Jackie gasped as she saw Jeanie and I laughed as I held Paige up in my arms.
"I know right?" Jeanie agreed and I looked at the time.
"You're gonna sit with her, in the lift right?" I asked Jackie and she looked at me totally disregarding what I just said.
"Who's baby is that?" She spoke and I felt like that was besides the point.
"The lift?" I asked again and she nodded.
"Yeah... yeah no problem. The baby?" She agreed and that's all I needed.
"Where are you going?" Jeanie asked as I started to walk away and I sighed.
"It's too loud for her up here and I'm exhausted. I'm going to take her to the back. You'll be fine, Jackie is with you. Okay?" I asked and she nodded.
"Thanks Sherri." She said hugging me and I smiled.
"You're like the best big sister anyone could ask for." She spoke and I grinned.
I heard the intro starting and she shook in her bones.
"Girl you better go. Before you miss it." I laughed and she hurried to Jackie as I walked Paige to where the dressing rooms.
I looked at the names on the doors and I stopped once I saw his. I opened the door and I walked in.
Finally.
The exhaustion came over me as I pulled out her blanket and I laid her down on the couch.
I took a seat too and I closed my eyes. Just for a second.
And just then I felt two clammy hands on my face and I opened my eyes to see her pacifier in mouth standing on my lap.
Waking me up seemed to make her laugh.
"What? That's funny?" I asked and she giggled as I closed my eyes again and she opened my eyes with her fingers. And I couldn't help but laugh too.
"You are something." I grinned and she smiled.
"Paige... you know don't look like a Paige." I grinned and I knew she couldn't tell what I was saying.
"I would've thought everything else before I thought you were Paige." I grinned and she kept feeling my face and I sat up putting her down and she started to wander.
She went to the door bouncing up and down to the music and I grinned.
"So you like that?" I spoke and she looked at me.
"I like him too." I grinned and she put her hands on the door and I think she wanted to know what was going on.
But I couldn't let her go. It's too loud. Especially for a kid.
I looked around the room for something and I saw the walkie on his table and I grabbed it switching to channel seven.
"Vonnie?" I spoke into it and immediately there was a response.
"Ms. Sherri?" She questioned and I sighed.
"Do you think you can bring by a set of those headphones you guys use to block the sound?" I asked and she replied.
"The noise canceling headphones?" She asked and I clicked back.
"Yes." I spoke and she chirped back.
"Where are you?" She asked and I answered.
"In the dressing room." I told her and that's all she needed to know I looked back to the door and Paige was gone.
"Paige?" I called out and I should've known she wasn't going to answer.
I looked around under the vanity but to no avail. My heart started to race before I spotted two little feet behind the clothes rack.
She was playing hide and seek.
"Paige? Where are you?" I spoke and I could hear her giggling.
I walked over to the rack pushing the clothes out the way and her eyes got big.
"I found you!" I grinned and she came out running into me.
"Let me see this..." I told her as I took her pacifier away and her mood changed.
"You can talk to me..." I spoke and she hesitated.
"I'm Sherri.... can you say Sherri?" I asked and she looked at me.
"Sherrriiii..." I spoke again and she repeated.
"Mommmyy." And my eyes got big.
"No no no.... Not Mommy, Sherri..." I spoke and she pointed at me.
"Mommy." She spoke and I just gave her back the pacifier and the door opened.
"It's me?" I heard Vonnie's voice and I looked toward the door.
"Good. Come in." I told her and she smiled.
"Woah, you brought Paige." She said and I nodded.
"Does she know how to talk? I feel like she's old enough to." I told her and Paige ran over to Vonnie.
"She doesn't really. A couple of words. Bonnie... for Vonnie... baba... for the pacifier..." she tried to remember and I swallowed.
"What about Mommy? Does she say that?" I asked and she shook her head no.
"No. She knows I'm her sister. Not Mommy." She spoke and I swallowed.
"I mean would she call someone else Mommy, other than your Mom?" I spoke and she shook her head.
"I've never heard her say it. She knows what it means so she wouldn't say it. Unless it was Mom. Why did she call you that?" She asked and I shook my head no.
"I was just wondering."
"Yeah she's two... I know she should be talking way more but she doesn't. I don't know why." Vonnie spoke and I nodded.
"Maybe she just hasn't found the right occasion." I spoke as I stood up and I got the headphones and I got Paige to let her go.
"Don't ever do this again okay? If you need help, tell me." I told her regarding Paige and she nodded.
"I'm sorry." She spoke and I nodded.
"Don't be sorry. Just be better. She's a child. She needs stability. And you shouldn't just let anyone watch her. You gotta have a level of trust. You can trust me. As long as I'm here you've got help. Okay?" I told her and she nodded.
I put the headphones on her head and Vonnie kissed her cheek.
"You're gonna rock out lil P." She laughed and I smiled.
"Rock out!" Vonnie laughed and Paige mimicked her to the t. Putting her hand in her face too.
Vonnie opened the door and I laughed as I headed out with her and I heard hurried footsteps running down the hall.
"Hey Vonnie... Is she her-" He didn't get to finish his sentence before I emerged from the frame and he grinned his face lit up and I stood there as he walked up to me not caring at all taking my face in his hands and placing his lips on mine and I grinned and didn't hold back this time. I bit his bottom lip as he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer until my chest was flushed against his and I smiled.
"Ew..." I heard a little voice say and he pulled back to look at Paige and I grinned.
"Oh so you can say 'ew' but not Sherri?" I looked at her and she chewed on the side of her pacifier.
"I thought Jeanie was older?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.
"Jeanie is supposed to be up in the lift watching you. This is Paige."
I told him and he kissed my cheek.
"I didn't know you had another sister?" He spoke and I laughed.
"I don't." I laughed pointing to Vonnie.
"This little one is Vonnie's little sister." I added and he grinned.
"Cute kid..." He spoke as he let go going back toward his dressing room.
"I gotta get changed. Help me?" He bit his lip and I looked at Vonnie and she took the hint taking Paige from my arms and he grabbed my forearm pulling me toward back into the room.
He closed the door locking it quickly before forcing me against the wall and his lips went to my neck and I giggled as his lips tickled against my tender skin and I felt my feet leaving the ground as his fingers entangled themselves tightly around my hips lifting me and I didn't know where this was coming from.
"Hey hey...." I put my hands on his shoulder halting him and he, breathing heavy, looked in my eyes.
"Where's this coming from?" I laughed and he some another kiss from me and I grinned.
"God it's just different." He kissed me again tasting me a bit longer and I smiled.
"You're gonna be my wife." He laughed and seeing him say it made it different.
"What?" I swallowed harder and he let me down.
"I thought that's...." He started and I could see the panic he was internalizing and I liked making him nervous.
"Jesus babe I'm kidding." I laughed as he exhaled and he hugged me tighter than expected.
"Don't do that..." He spoke in my ear and I looked at the time.
"Okay get out of your clothes." I told him and he pulled away from me and the look in his eyes told me he took that all wrong.
"Slow down slick, you've still got a show to do." I told him as I untied his collar and he bit his lip as my fingers went to the zipper of his jumpsuit and he grinned.
"What's five minutes?" He spoke looking me up and down and I felt like a million butterflies dance up my spine as his tone got a little murky.
"I think they can wait five minutes." He spoke as my eyes traveled down his chest to his navel and his damp skin loomed with possibility... I looked away.
"Paisley Park." I added and he scoffed.
"Paisley Park?" He spoke and it was like it finally came to me what he meant by that.
"You wait. Like I'll wait..." I told him as I went over to the rack grabbing his next fit before handing it to him.
"The longer the wait, the better the catch." I advised and he bit his lip staring at me as I grabbed the bag and I headed to the door.
"Hurry up, they are waiting for you."