He was both her first and last love.
The first time she saw him, he had been nothing but an illusion. An image created by a friend of his. An image created by someone, who loved him as much as she did. At that moment she thought he was beautiful and seemed kind. She hadn't been in love yet. Their first encounter could have been better. It had been embarrassing!
*
She acted tough all the time, as if nothing could hurt her and as if she didn't care about a thing, yet it was all a lie, an act – a good act. Everyone knew that she lived in an abusive household, but no one tried to help her out. She was on her own. Not that it ever had been different – it was the only way of living she knew. As far as she could remember there never had been a time at which she was save. Only one person gave her security and educated her. So, she was able to read and write, do simple math and understood the principles of economy. Such knowledge was quite helpful. Unfortunately, she hadn't had many chances to use or improve it in her home village. The village was too small and isolated. As long as her uncle was alive, he could support and practice with her, but without him things would get harder. Somehow she would managed, she told herself.
With her reading knowledge she was able to read a few medical books, which her uncle had given her, and therefore learned how to heal – at least a little bit. With the little bit of mathematic knowledge she was able to save money, which she then saved up for her own sake – one day she would leave this godforsaken place and live a peaceful life! This knowledge was helpful when she met a stranger called Judar. Judar was the key that set her journey into freedom into motion. He was at fault for her falling in love and she was thankful for that.
When she first met him, he acted like he knew everything and was the strongest, but pretty soon she saw through his act. Years ago he had been kidnapped by a crazy cult and was used – abused – by them to take over the world – or better said to destroy the world. Now he was back in his home village and decided to help the people there to rebuild it. The village was poor and the people there had a hard time with their harvest. For some unknown reason the soil around the village was of poor quality, which made it hard to grow food there. Furthermore, most of the villagers were older people, who lacked the strength to work on the fields all day. Judar wanted to help, because he felt responsible to a certain extent. If he had never been born, if he had never been born as a magi, the people wouldn't had to suffer like this. She felt sorry for him. Of course, it was not his fault and no one besides himself was blaming him for what had happened so long ago. She decided to help him out. Why? Well, she didn't know, it just felt right to offer her help. A friendship blossomed between them. He was the first to listen to her and who understood her.
One day he brought a noble to the village to help with the field work, surprisingly the noble was not bad – a crybaby and useless for anything else, but he was useful on the fields and this was all that mattered. She, on the other hand, used her medical knowledge to help the elders to get better – whatever had happened years ago had also caused a huge damage to the people here. Since she wasn't omniscient, she needed the wisdom of the older women to make the medicine. The time she spent with Judar and his people made her smile, made her forget what awaited her at home. For the first time in a long while she felt good, needed, useful and at peace. Moreover, she opened up to Judar, although that guy acted rude and like he didn't care. They were pretty much alike in this regard. Not that she would admit something like this out loud. Differently than him she was empathetic and tough – at least in her dreams. Denying their similarity was hard and useless, yet it had something amusing. She had a strange sense of humor.
Judar also opened up about his past and his inner thoughts, his feelings about his past and mostly about his king and only friend, with whom he was about to conquer the world or at least take back what had been stolen from them – that guy sounded like an asshole, just like Judar – and thereby her love story was set into motion.
*
When she first met the person called Ren Hakuryuu, she was on the ground with her father towering over her. She did not fight back often, but sometimes she couldn't stand it anymore and tried to fight back. It was stupid and she knew it. Compared to her father she was weak and had no skills to defend herself. She couldn't give and give and give all the time. She couldn't take one beating after the other all the time. She couldn't let herself be treated like this all the time. Her brain told her that she deserved better, but also told her to accept how she was treated because there was nothing she could do against it. Inside of her was a war going on. Fighting for her freedom was something she wanted to do, but couldn't because she lacked the power and the courage. Living a life in constant fear and abuse was a life she didn't want to live, but had to accept if she didn't fight against it. Oh, how much she hated herself for her cowardice and laziness. She wanted to be a strong person, a warrior, but in the end she was nothing but a stupid little girl – she was nothing but talk or better thought, because she did not even talk, since she was too cowardly.
Judar had led Hakuryuu to her house. Not that he had sensed anything, but he was so happy about having his friend and king back at his side, so he wanted to introduce her to the greatest king vessel of all! Her impression of said king vessel whenever she listened to the Magi's jabbering, was a negative one, contrary to her first impression of him, when she had only seen the image Judar had provided her with by magic. To her it sounded like the perfect description of a power-hungry tyrant, who did not care about anyone or anything but himself and looked down on everyone else. A typical ruler of the Kou Empire – well, a typical ruler in general. A typical man. They were all the same, according to her. Never had she met someone, who was different. They all were nothing but monsters. Just like her father! It was a shame she couldn't do anything against that monster!
Hakuryuu hadn't been alone, when he saved her. Judar had been there as well. She and Judar had been very surprised, when suddenly plants were growing out of Judar's pockets. Plants she had never heard of or seen before. Judar on the other hand just smiled and said that his king was back, so he would go and greet him. Back then she hadn't understood, why he said this or how his king was connected to plants, but she said nothing. If Judar wanted to believe that his king was back, why stopping him? Maybe he was indeed right and she soon would meet that person, who Judar seemed to love so much. Then she could see how great his king really was. She was ready to change her mind about him, if he gave her a good reason to do so. Her first impression of Judar wasn't the best either, but they had become friends very slowly. Well, maybe "friends" was too much to call them at that point, but they were on their way to friendship. Therefore, maybe Judar's king wasn't as bad as it had sounded in his stories.
The day they first met, Judar had brought Hakuryuu to her house. Judar had the habit of not knocking – she only knew about this, because she had seen him entering other people's house without doing so. He had brought her home from time to time, but until now he had never entered it. So when he pushed open the front door and stepped inside, it was also his first time inside her house. Hakuryuu was a bit hesitant, since he felt it was wrong to enter someone else's house without permission, but when he saw the scene in front of him, he forgot his concerns and manners and acted without thinking much. Judar wasn't any slower in his reaction and while Hakuryuu took care of her father, Judar helped her up and brought her away from the angry shouting man. Under other circumstances she may have worried about Hakuryuu or had refused their help, but back then she was just too tired. She hated her life so much. She hated her own weakness and how she was not able to change anything. All she wanted was it to end. She was so sick and tired of all this crap.
When Hakuryuu come to her room, Judar had brought her there, after taking care of her father, she looked at him for the first time in person and was amazed by how young and soft he looked. Somehow she had imaged him to look more serious and hard. More like one of those buffy soldiers she had seen. But he looked so different. Yes, Judar had shown her images of his king before, but she people could change over the course of time. The last time Judar and Hakuryuu had met was three years ago. A lot could happen in this time.
His pleasant appearance was calming and she was happy that he didn't look like she had imaged or else she would probably feel more uncomfortable. It was embarrassing enough for her that those two had to witness such a scene and had to rescue her. They probably saw her as a weak woman now. Well, she was weak and she was a woman, but this didn't mean she wanted to be viewed as such. There was more to her than that!
She was so embarrassed that she did not even dare to look Hakuryuu in the eye. However she took a short glance at him. His scar, the mismatched eyes and the mole on his chin were the first things she noticed and what she remembered. She had a huge problem with remembering faces and therefore with recognizing people. This may be because she barely looked at others. How should she remember someone, when she did not even know how that person looks like, since she hadn't looked at them properly? But like Judar, Hakuryuu had a memorable face. There weren't that many people with a scar and mismatched eyes out there. Also his clothes were different from those around him. So remembering and recognizing him was easy – the same applied for Judar with his long black hair, red eyes and his extravagant clothing style. Compared to those two she looked quite boring with her black hair – a little bit longer than Hakuryuu's – and blue eyes. Nothing special.
Judar and she sat on her bed. He stroke softly over her back, a gesture she hadn't thought would come from him, since he always seemed so distant and cruel, while she cried. Although she was sobbing and shaking she hadn't realized that she was crying. Her mind was busy with processing what had happened just a moment ago.
"We should leave for today", Hakuryuu said in a soft voice.
He had bend down on his knees and placed his hand on her left shoulder – Judar was on her right. From a logical point of view this was the best choice, however she didn't want to leave her uncle alone. Until now her father had never done anything against him – it almost seemed like he was afraid of her uncle –, but this could change as soon as she was gone, even when it was just for a day or two. Therefore she declined Hakuryuu's suggestion and thanked him and Judar for their help. She had managed to survive until now, so she would survive a few more years. However, the two men were not so easy to get rid of and extremely stubborn. After a long discussion they convinced her to leave with them for the day. They would go to Judar's house and spent the night there, tomorrow they would go back to her house and see, if her father had calmed down. Of course, the two had no intention of leaving her with her father at all, even when he had calmed down, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't attack her as soon as he was alone with her again. Unfortunately they also couldn't take her with them. There was a battle ahead of them and none of them wanted to involve her in it. It was not her fight and there was no reason to unnecessarily endanger her life. So, they had planned to leave her with Judar's relatives. Tomorrow they would only get some of her things and then bring her back. That her uncle couldn't leave the house was a problem, but neither Hakuryuu nor Judar had put much thought into this matter, since her father had never attacked her uncle, so maybe the other man was save.
*
When it was time to depart for Judar and Hakuryuu, she left with them. Without any warning she had appeared before them and stated her business. Of course, Hakuryuu was against her coming with them. Judar, on the other hand, couldn't care less. He often teased her that she was only interested in Hakuryuu and tried to snatch his king away. Yes, she was interested in Hakuryuu, because she had never met a royal before and Judar's stories about him and his powers had made her curious. But she had no intention of stealing Hakuryuu away from Judar. Why should she? Her intention was to get free and see new things. All her life she had dreamed about leaving her home village and travel the world. She wanted to use all the things she had learned and wanted learn even more new things. Hakuryuu and Judar were the best opportunity! It was now or never! Beforehand she had talked about it with her uncle, who also was the one who gave her the courage to really make this decision. Night after night she had thought about leaving, but hadn't had courage of doing so. What would happen to her uncle? What should she do, when she didn't get along with the other two? Would she find her way home? What should she do, if she got lost? There were so many "what if" and uncertainties that she was paralyzed by fear. However, in the end she made her move!
Somehow she convinced Hakuryuu to take her with him. Maybe it was, because he couldn't order her to stay at home. If she wanted to leave, she was free to do so. The question was just, whether she would go with them or on her own and the thought of her alone in this repeatedly changing world made Hakuryuu feel uneasy. Slavery was abolished, but this didn't mean that there weren't any bad people out there that still caught others and enslaved them – it was just hidden behind the face of "business". Someone like her was easy meat for them.
So the three traveled back to the Kou Empire together. She kept her distance from the two, because for one she did not trust them enough – enough to follow them, but not enough to get too close – and because she felt she would only interrupt their privacy. They seemed so close with each other. Maybe they were more than king and servant, she had thought, but not dared to ask. This was none of her business. However, she asked a lot about her surroundings and the general state of the world. In her little village the big changes were neither seen nor heard, so when she left and saw all those huge buildings, the new ways of transport and the strange deceives used by people, she was intimidated and amazed likewise. Hakuryuu never had talked and explained so much in his whole life like he did in the days he spent with her, but he didn't mind it. At first it had been quite awkward between the three of them – Hakuryuu was not good with strangers or making friends – but over time it got better, which was due to her constantly asking question and Hakuryuu always answering. Judar didn't know much about the world either and listened silently to his king.
When they had to take a break and stayed at an inn, they all slept in one room, because they had to save money. Of course the first times no one was comfortable with it. Hakuryuu used his djinn Zagan to create a curtain for her side of the room, so she had her privacy.
As soon as the atmosphere between them got better, the evenings also got more entertaining and weren't as dull as before. Hakuryuu and she often talked about different recipes or she would share her little knowledge in medicine with him, while he taught her the Torran language. In one of the cities they traveled through he had bought a scroll with an ancient text for her, which she was now studying. In the evening Hakuryuu would make them a nice cup of tea – Judar didn't appreciate it thou. She, on the other hand, enjoyed it very much. Also Hakuryuu taught her a lot and someday she was brave enough to ask him about his past. Thanks to Judar she already knew a few things, but she wanted to her his version of the events. She wanted to know about his childhood, about the time after his brother's death, about his decision to fight his own empire and why he had left it only one year after he freed it from the evil organization. He was hesitant at first and only gave her a brief summary of his life – until now no one had really listened to him or cared about his life, so he felt uncomfortable to share it with anyone. What if he got judged again? Ignored again? What if she would look down on him or tell him that the traumatizing events he had been through did not matter and he should just get over them? He was afraid of getting rejected and hurt again. He had enough of this.
She didn't mind, when he didn't want to talk about his past, then she wouldn't ask any further. Instead she told him about her past, which wasn't anything interesting. Nevertheless he seemed to be interested. Their conversation turned longer and longer every day, so sometimes they would fall asleep on their chair instead of their beds. The only one complaining about this was Judar, because he couldn't get enough sleep due to them talking all night long. No one cared about his whining. If it really was that bad he could sleep somewhere else or say something. But he kept silent all the time. Maybe because he wanted to listen to their conversations or because he actually was asleep and only complained because he had nothing better to do. Or he didn't like the fact that his king made friends with her. Maybe he felt lonely? No one knew. When Judar and she were alone they got alone pretty well, so it could also be that he was afraid that she would stop being his friend. So many possibilities.
*
Sometimes they also had to sleep in a tent, since no city or village was nearby. This kind of accommodation was cheaper than an inn, but also far more uncomfortable. Although the three of them got along better every day, it was still a bit awkward to sleep so close to each other – at least Hakuryuu and she had problems therewith, Judar didn't mind at all. For him it was more problematic that he had no bed to sleep in and was constantly complaining about this. Thankfully the times they had to use a tent were quite few, so they hadn't had to bother much with Judar's whining. He was such a pampered child – if it weren't so annoying it could be funny.
On one day of their traveling through the dessert a small incident happened, which caused the three to split up. Hakuryuu and she have fallen into a cave, at least she had thought it was one, while Judar was somewhere else on his own. According to Judar he had been outside the whole time and had searched for them, because they had suddenly disappeared. Due to the fall she had lost her consciousness, which she regained after Hakuryuu woke her up. He had looked very worried. She started to worry too, when she saw that there was no exit, she could not even she the hole they had fallen into. Hakuryuu took the lead and told her that they had to move forward in case they wanted to get out of here. It was not hard to understand, since there was no exit nearby they had to search for one and right now the only way they could take went straight ahead.
The cave was dark, cold and wet. All things she greatly disliked, especially the combination of all three was more than unpleasant. Seemingly Hakuryuu felt her uneasiness and offered her his hand, so they wouldn't lose each other, he had said. Without any complains or remarks she took it and followed him closely. Getting lost was the last thing she wanted, especially getting lost on her own. For a second she also worried about Judar, since they didn't know where he was. Was he also in the cave or still outside? Was he fine? He probably worried about them. Well, no certainly not – Hakuryuu would be the only one Judar may worry about, if he was worried.
With every step they made she panicked more and more inside. What if they never got out of here again? She didn't want to die! She hadn't left her home just to die in such a way!
Hakuryuu's hand was comfortably warm and she only let go of him, when they had to pass through narrow passages and it was better to hold on to the walls instead of him. He was always close to her and spoke words of comfort every now and then. Moreover, he asked her from time to time whether she was fine, whenever he did this he looked back at her and smiled. Her opinion of him got better over their little journey in the cave. He was just as kind as he had appeared in the image Judar had shown her – she couldn't believe that Hakuryuu really had done all the things Judar had told her about him. But why should Judar lie to her? Somehow this didn't make any sense. Did this guy have some kind of split personality or did she miss something important? Was he just playing nice? But he wouldn't gain anything from being nice to her. Maybe he was nice, so she trusted him and then he would use her to get out of this cave? She had heard of such things before. So, while she panicked over not getting out of here, she was also busy with trying to figure out whether she could trust Hakuryuu or not. A part of her wanted to trust him, but another part of her told her to stay away from him. It was quite annoying, confusing and exhausting.
Hakuryuu on the other had was busy with searching for a way out. If he were alone he would use Zagan to simply force his way out, but with her behind him he didn't dare to do so. He didn't want to scar her or hurt her – if they forced their way out, she might get hurt and he didn't want that at all. Unfortunately, it seemed like there was no end to this cave and no exit. It was plain obvious that she didn't feel well and was scared. He tried his best to comfort her, but he knew he wasn't good at such things. No one had ever taught him how to comfort someone. All he could do was asking her whether she was fine and assure her that they would find a way out. He hoped they would do so. And hopefully Judar was alright as well. Since Hakuryuu had all their baggage, Judar would not even have a tent to sleep in. However, he didn't thought much about the Magi. His priority was to get her and himself out of this cave. Luckily they weren't any crossings, so he couldn't chose the wrong path for them. The path they used was linear, only a few times they had to press themselves against the wall and watch out not to fall in another hole. Somehow this cave was strange, so he even assumed that maybe they were in a dungeon. But shouldn't Judar knew whether there was a dungeon nearby or not? And wouldn't there be more monsters? Belial's dungeon hadn't had any monsters, but he had given them another task. In this one, in case it was a dungeon, neither were there monsters nor did the djinn gave them a task. Maybe the task was to get out of here? Well, whatever it was, it was unimportant. Also he kept his assumption to himself. There was no reason to scar her with it.
*
Both of them somehow had managed to get out more or less unharmed. It was definitely an experience she didn't want to repeat, Hakuryuu agreed on that part and he also had no intention of letting her go through something like this again. While searching for the right path they had to deal with a caving ground, which caused them to even fall down deeper. This was the moment in which Hakuryuu was sure that the cave was actually a dungeon. Still he kept this from her. She had been scared enough. If one wanted to search for a positive side of this journey, one could mention the strengthen bond between her and Hakuryuu. Whenever she got scared or felt unwell, she would hold Hakuryuu's hand and even at night she would now sleep next to him in the tent. Although it had been awkward at first, both of them got used to it quite fast. Hakuryuu didn't want to send her away and she didn't want to be on her own at night. Hakuryuu made her feel save. After they had fallen down in the cave, Hakuryuu had searched for a place where they could rest. She had been hurt, tired and scared. She had needed a rest! When he had found a place they had sat down and soon after she had been fallen asleep on his shoulder.
Now she would fall asleep right next to him, while holding his hand. It would be lie, if he said, he wouldn't like it. Actually he enjoyed it very much and it reminded him of his childhood, when his brothers were still alive. Whenever he had been scared or sick his bothers would stay at his bed and hold his hand until he had fallen asleep. Sometimes Hakuyuu would tell him a story in a soft voice – Hakuyuu was a good story teller as long as he hadn't had to make the story up himself, this was Hakuren's specialty. Sadly Hakuryuu came more after his oldest brother and wasn't good at making stories up, however she was pretty good at such things – she was just too shy to share her stories with them. She didn't want them to laugh at her or think she was strange.
*
When they reached the Kou Empire she was disappointed. She had imaged a more glamorous empire. Hakuryuu has told her that the Kou Empire was in a bad state because of various reasons and was now slowly returning to its former glory thanks to his cousin, who had taken over the throne after he was forced to leave his country. And still she had expected something else. The palace, on the other hand, didn't let her down. It was quite an impressive place!
The three of them were greeted by a beautiful young woman, who turned out to be the current empress and Hakuryuu's cousin. She was amazed by the other woman, who was probably around hers and Hakuryuu's age. She wouldn't be able to lead a country in a time of crisis. Well, she couldn't lead a country anyway – she was too fearful. The citizen of this country should be very happy to have such a strong, beautiful and smart person as empress.
However, during the greetings she felt left out, felt like she was not welcomed. It was only logical that the empress, whose name was Kougyoku, focused on her younger cousin and on her friend Judar first. She was a stranger. Despite that she was still welcomed and got a bedroom with a luxurious bathroom next to it. Before she joined Hakuryuu and his family for dinner she wanted to take a bath. Also her clothes needed to be cleaned. Without Hakuryuu and Judar she felt a bit lonely, but those two had better thing to do at the moment than to bother with her. They also had come home after a long journey and surely wanted to be for themselves a bit. The difference was just that for them it was home, for her it wasn't. At least not now, in the future the palace of the Kou Empire would be her home – hers, Hakuryuu's and their children's home. But for now she felt like a fish out of water. Not a pleasant feeling. After the bath she took a look at her stuff, which had become more over time. In some of the cities they had visit they had bought a few things – and in some they also could take part in festivals. Wonderful memories! Hakuryuu had bought her a hairpin and some other jewellery. She liked the hairpin the most, because it was Hakuryuu's first present to her. He had given it to her during a festival – it was the first one she had ever attended. Judar had stayed at the inn, for no particular reason. Maybe he just didn't like festivals? Who knew? She hadn't cared much back then, since she was so excited. Hakuryuu was calmer about it and helped her to pick out some nice clothes. Whenever she was with him, she felt so happy and save. She loved listening to his voice – it was such a nice voice. At the end of the festival Hakuryuu and she had sat on a grassland while looking at the stars at the night sky. Back then she had made a comparison between the man Judar had shown her, the man Judar had told her about and the man right next to her for the first time. Her first impression of Hakuryuu had been a good one, when she had seen the images Judar had shown her, she had thought that this guy was a nice and kind person. However Judar's stories about his king had changed her mind, but during their journey she never could see the monster she had imaged because of Judar's stories. Right next to her was a young man, who cared a lot about those who were dear to him, who loved other strongly and believed in them, a young man who had endured a lot and was wronged so many times and still was so kind and strong. He was really amazing.
*
Hakuryuu was both her first and last love, and Judar was responsible for it. Because of Judar she had first heard of Hakuryuu, because Judar led his king to her house, she was saved and met Hakuryuu in person. Due to being saved and finally having the chance to leave her village, she followed those two and got to know both of them better. And because of their journey she slowly but steadily felt in love with the man named Ren Hakuryuu, who took so much care of her, taught her so many things and who listen to her story without judging her.
Judar was responsible and she couldn't thank him enough for what he had done. Never had she imaged to find so much happiness in her life and never had she imaged to meet a wonderful person like Hakuryuu. Thanks to Hakuryuu and Judar she finally had a family and friends and an optimistic view of her future.