"For falling for you after you died,"
John stared at Alex, absolutely stunned, his mouth hanging agape just a little.
"Y-you what-" John stammered, cut off when Alex leaned forward to connect their lips- but John hadn't made himself tangible, his mind a mess, and Alex slipped straight through.
As John's head was inside Alex's, he suddenly hissed in pain, gasping as a million images and memories flashed through his mind's eye- but they weren't his memories.
John watched a man walking away down the street, a suitcase in hand, but in a flash a woman was dying in his arms and his heart throbbed with pain, a second later John was thrashing under crashing dirty waves, his lungs burning as he struggled to find oxygen. John yanked his head backwards with a yelp, groaning in pain and clutching his head in his hands.
"John- I'm sorry, are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?" Alex gasped, oblivious to what John had just seen.
John slowly lifted his head to look at Alex with wide eyes, his hands shaking. All the trauma from Alex's past had just been shoved into his head all at once, and the pain was unbearable. He tried opening his mouth to speak but no words would come out, his lip quivering. Alex reached a hand out to John but he snapped away as if Alex was his kryptonite, refusing to touch him.
"John, are you okay? Did I do something?" Alex frowned desperately, wishing he could comfort him somehow.
"I think it's time to head home Alex," John murmured, shakily standing up, his head still throbbing.
"No, John what's wrong?" Alex pushed, trying to grab his hand and pull him back down, but his hand passed right through. John pressed his lips into a thin line, shaking his head. Did Alex try to kiss him? If that happened every time they touched John couldn't be near Alex, never had he felt so much emotional agony at once.
"We- we can't-" John muttered quietly, shaking his head.
"Why not?" Alex frowned, standing up too. "I like you, I think you like me, it's not-"
"I'm dead Alex!" John snapped, tears prickling his eyes and making them shimmer softly. "This is part of the whole 'forgetting I'm a ghost', y-you can't- we can't- this won't work," John stammered, his hands shaking as he clenched and unclenched them.
"We can make it work! John please," Alex pleaded desperately. "You can't make me fall for you and then just push me away!"
"I didn't make you fall for me, you did that on your own! And how do you think I feel? You've been pushing me away for four years Alex!" John cried out, the sparkly blue tears dripping down his cheeks and leaving glittering trails along his glowing cheeks.
Alex's eyes widened and he bit his lip, raking a hand through his hair.
"John, I'm sorry, I never knew- I-I want you now, I-" Alex tried to protest but John shook his head, wiping his eyes hastily.
"Well you're too late, because I'm dead now." John mumbled bitterly before taking off through the roof, disappearing out of Alex's sight.