He'd lied.
That's what my mind was screaming, even as my body was urging me to rush toward him.
Instead, I sat still as a statue in my pink chair, my hands clutching the velvety fabric of the cushion underneath me in desperation.
How could this be happening? I wondered, unable to come to terms with what I was seeing. The last time I'd laid eyes on Jax, he'd been kissing me goodbye before getting on a bus bound for basic training. He'd left with promises and declarations, all of which turned out to be a lie.
My letters came back undeliverable, my emails, unanswered, and the boy who'd said he'd come back for me, had never set foot in our home town again.
I'd been certain he was dead. What other reason could he possibly have for disappearing the way he did? I'd mourned him the way you mourn your first love, with tons of tears, depression, and eventually, putting him on a pedestal where he would forever be the love of my life.
And it had all been a lie, because here he was, in the flesh, a gorgeous, breathing man. The truth hit me in the gut like a balled up fist. He hadn't left me because he'd had no choice, it had been his plan all along.
Jax was never going to come back for me, or marry me. That was why he'd been so adamant about not having sex. He was a bastard, but apparently, had some semblance of morals.
Rage filtered through my frozen limbs, but it quickly fizzled out when I remembered where we were and why.
Jax had ordered this harem fantasy? This is what his deepest wish was, to be married to multiple women? To have a different flavor every day?
The need to flee was overwhelming. Not only had my world just come crashing down around me, but the man I'd always viewed as the love of my life was about to have sex with other women, right in front of me?
I suddenly couldn't breathe.
I tried to concentrate on breathing deep in through my nose and out through my mouth, while I helplessly watched the scene unfold before me.
"You will call me Master," Jax said to the room, his voice strong and clear. "If I ask you to do something you don't like, you always have the option to say no, but if you're all in, I'd like you to obey my commands and stick to your role in this fantasy."
I looked around to see all the women nodding their consent, and slowly did the same when his eyes swept around the room.
Would he know me? The shape of my body, the color of my eyes? Even in this flimsy excuse for a costume, would Jax realize who I was and remember?
It didn't appear so, when he walked over to an ornate table to pour himself a glass of Scotch.
Jax brought the glass of amber liquid to his lips and sipped slowly, his eyes taking in the entire scene, then lingering on each woman as if checking off items on a mental list.
Glass in hand, he strode to the center of the room, crooking his finger at Kyrie, and my heart plummeted.
Eager, her eyes sparkling with excitement, Kyrie eased off the bed and walked slowly and seductively toward Jax.
"Yes, Master," she said, voice low.
"Take off my shirt," Jax ordered, a soft smile playing on his lips as he watched her reach up and begin undoing his buttons.
His shirt fell open to reveal a well-defined chest, toned abs, and a dark smattering of hair that led down into his dress pants.
Jax had definitely developed, and was even more gorgeous now than he'd been at eighteen.
The sight of Kyrie's hand on his chest, and that stupid smile on his face as he looked down at her, were filling me with a jealous rage. I'd never felt this way before... hot and shaky, my vision blurring with an anger so acute I wanted to murder my best friend.
I had to get out of there...
I rose slowly, my eyes sweeping the room as I tried to find the quickest exit, when I heard, "You, come join us."
My head whipped up and my stomach dropped when I realized he was talking to me.
I looked to Kyrie, who just smiled and nodded with encouragement, as I wondered what the hell I should do. Did I run, and leave Jax with Kyrie and the rest of the harem to do God knows what? Or did I cross to him and see what happened next?
Although my mind was screaming, run, my feet propelled me forward.
My breath was coming in shallow pants when I reached them, and I worried I was about to have a panic attack, but I managed to stop in front of them and lift my eyes to meet his.
This is it, I thought. He'll definitely know who I am now.
But nothing registered on his face, and his eyes just flitted from me to Kyrie, then back again.
"Kiss her," Jax said, and all hope that he'd recognized me evaporated.
I swallowed, looking to Kyrie to see what I should do.
Kyrie dropped her hand from Jax's chest and stepped toward me, her hand brushing down my arm as she leaned in to whisper in my ear.
"You can say no," she assured me, adding, "or, you can go with it."
I looked to Jax, who was watching us with heated eyes, then back at my friend as I tried to figure out the best course of action. That's when I realized I wasn't ready to leave him yet. If I left now, I'd probably never see him again, and as my gaze flitted over his face, I realized how much I'd missed him.
Taking my lack of response as a yes, Kyrie lifted her hand to remove her face mask, but I shook my head. There was no way I was going to allow Jax to see my face. If he didn't know who I was, there was no way I was going to reveal myself and risk him leaving. Not again. I wanted a little more time with him before that happened.
I lifted my hand, running it up Kyrie's arm and over her shoulder to cup the back of her head, urging her closer. I closed my eyes as our lips touched through the silk fabric between us. The face masks made the kiss a chaste one, but I could still feel the soft plumpness of her bottom lip, smell the musk of the oil she'd applied, feel the heat of her breath on my face.
I pulled back slowly, lifting my eyes to Jax.
His green eyes had darkened, making them look almost black. One hand still held the glass, but the other had moved down and I realized he was stroking his cock through his slacks.
Warmth filled my veins at the sight, and my body immediately reacted, as if recognizing an old lover. Even though we'd never had sex, we'd explored each other's bodies in every other way possible, and my body was eager for him to finally finish the job.
"My pants," Jax said, eyes on me, so I inched close enough to bring my hands to his waist, unhooked the clasp and eased down his zipper.
He must have indicated that Kyrie should take his shirt the rest of the way off, because she moved behind him and helped him out of it while I eased his slacks down his hips.
"Shoes," he said, his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth as if I'd done something wrong.
I lowered to my knees and slipped the loafers off of his feet, then reached up to pull his pants the rest of the way down. He lifted one foot, then the other, allowing me to pull the slacks the rest of the way off. I folded them neatly and set them aside, but when I would have risen back to my feet, Jax stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.
I raised my head, and even though I knew what he was about to say next, I was still shocked that I was right.
"Pull out my cock and blow me."
My mind scrambled, even as my pussy throbbed, and I paused, unsure if I could go through with it.
Sensing my uncertainty, I heard Jax call, "You, come take her place," and I knew he was going to switch me out for one of the other girls.
Could I do this? Just blow him like a stranger? Wasn't that degrading? Wouldn't it break something in me?
On the other hand...
Could I watch someone else put their mouth on Jax? Give him pleasure? Wouldn't that be a million times worse?
Not wanting to speak and risk him recognizing my voice, I made a noise and shook my head, then ran my hands up his thighs to show him I was willing to do this.
I didn't want to chance looking up and giving him the opportunity to push me away, so I focused on the task at hand, and reminded myself that this was Jax. I knew his body as well and my own, and I knew how to give him pleasure.
And that's just what I'd do.