My eyes shot open Sunday night, only to reveal more darkness infront of me. I gasped a little, wondering why it wasn't morning yet. I was for sure I fell asleep hours ago... why is it still pitch dark? I felt around me, hoping to feel the soft sheets below me or Brooke beside me. The funny thing was, there were no sheets below me and no Brooke beside me. Infact, I couldn't even see the moon or bright city lights from out the window. There wasn't even a window beside me... or even a bed to lay on. I was sitting up, my back against a cold metal wall, and everything was absolutely silent.
"What the hell...?" I breathed, looking around. I tried to search for any source of light, but I could see none. I grew confused and worried, wondering where the hell I was.
It was Sunday night... I had dropped my mother off at the airport, did my homework, and went to bed. That's all I did today. How did I manage to get here? Where even am I? the last thing I remember was falling asleep. I was alone... but I fell asleep. I remember that I did, so how the hell did I get here? I didn't wake up before this and just leisurely walk out and sit down wherever I was...did I?
Well...unless I'm dreaming.
"Shit." I muttered. I'm dreaming; I have to be.
I sat back and looked around again, feeling the muscles in my stomach start to churn. If this was a dream, then I'm scared. If it wasn't, then I'm still scared. I'm scared no matter what, and I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I watched the blackness out infront of me, waiting and anticipating the moment something terrifying pops out or I start to hear voices or I'm jolted back to concsiousness by my own cowardly self. I shut my eyes and vigorously shook my head, trying to wake myself up. But I couldn't. From the numerous and countless nights that I have dreamt about the unknown, I could never get myself to wake up manually. I had to wait and wait; for something to make me scream so loud that I wake up and start to cry. Just like everytime, I'll probably just cry like a little bitch.
"You are a little bitch." a voice said. My eyes widened and glanced around, but of course I saw nothing. Absolutely no one else was here, and I was alone.
"W-what?" I stammered, still looking around to find something; anything.
"I said you're a little bitch," the voice said again. "A coward, if you will."
I sat back and stared off, trying not to freak out. I couldn't tell if the voice I was hearing was from outside my mind, or straight from it. It sounded so familiar....
"No I'm...I'm not." I squeaked in defense. The voice laughed.
"You're so stupid, Ashton," it mocked. "You say you're not stupid but you really are an idiot."
"What's going on?" I shrunk back, still looking around. Was there someone talking to me? Was someone messing with me? Who was this voice? "Who are you?"
"The only sence you have left in you." the voice said back. My heart began to pound and my hands started to sweat. I wanted to get up and run away, but I couldn't. My feet wouldn't move. I can't just run away like I always do; I felt trapped and I didn't know what to do besides stare with my eyes wide, and my fear filling every ounce of my veins.
"Wh-what is this?" I whimpered. I have to be dreaming...this is ridiculous.
"Oh. You think you're dreaming?" the voice taunted. I looked down and thought about it's words. Was I dreaming? Was I actually asleep, and this was all just a figment of my imagination?
"Yes," I said awkwardly. "I have to be. This...this is impossible."
"Exactly," the voice laughed. "But are you dreaming?"
"What do you mean?" I said in a shameful tone. I shook my head again, wanting more than anything to wake up. I don't care if I'm jolted awake in a pool of sweat and tears...I just want to wake up.
"You've messed up, Ash." it taunted me. It laughed and I felt as if a million eyes were suddenly upon me at once. I shrunk back against the cold wall, wishing that I could sink into it and never be seen again. My eyes widened at the words it said, and I felt my heart sink.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You know exactly what I mean!" it bellowed. I shut my eyes. "You're a fucking liar, Ashton!"
"No..." my voice trailed off. I thought about my mother, and my conversation that I had with her yesterday afternoon. Since that conversation ended, I haven't been able to do much except think about everything either of us said. "I didn't lie."
"You lied to her face, you idiot!" it yelled, causing me to flinch and shut my eyes. The voice sounded like it was right up to my face; shouting and yelling profanity right next to me. "Don't tell me that's not true, because you know it."
"I didn't mean to..." my voice trailed off and my body felt weak. "...I didn't know what to do."
"Huh. That's an interesting theory, Ashton."
"Stop saying my name."
"Why, Ashton? I thought you were smart enough to figure this all out by now."
"Figure out what?" I whimpered. This was all making absolutely no sense. Who was talking to me? Was I dreaming? Was this all fake...or real life?
"Oh, you poor sucker!" the voice had angry laugh now. "Don't you see it? I'm just the voice in your head, telling you right from wrong and I've been this way the whole time! I'm that part of you that lives and breathes to do bad shit, and I only come out when you've really fucked up. I'm your conscience, but I'm only here to tell you the wrong. I've been here for years...telling you right and wrong but excluding the right. And now I'm here to tell you that you've really fucked it all up!"
A gasp caught in my throat, and I choked and coughed on it, looking up with squinted eyes. My heart was a violent pound in my chest and my nerves were beginning to get the best of me. I tried my best to do what I've been told to do at times like this; take slow and steady breaths. But I couldn't...I was washed over with so much realization that I couldn't think about anything except the situation I was in. It made so much sense.
I was more than scared at this point. I was fucking petrified.
"Stop," I cried. "I didn't mean to lie to her."
"She went home while living with your lies," the voice laughed. "That must really suck."
"Shut the fuck up!" I staggered to my feet, fighting against the weakness in my knees. I sniffled a few tears and drew in a sharp and forced breath. "I didn't...mean to do anything!"
"Then why did you do it? Why didn't you just own up to it all?"
"Because I couldn't!" I yelled, screamed. I couldn't have told my mother everything that I have managed to do in the past years of my life...she would think I'm a freak again. "I just couldn't, okay? And you've never helped me with anything!"
"Ashton you do know I'm not an actual voice, right?" it asked boredly. "I'm just a figure of your weird imagination. I don't fucking exist...I'm just the part of you that manages to screw up every great thing that comes into your life."
"Don't throw symbolism into this, you fucking prick," I spat, still looking into complete darkness. "You're fake...you're just fake."
"I'm you," it said calmly. It hushed and cooed to me, making my muscles quiver and me fall back to the floor and begin to cry.
"Fuck off." I spit out my words, feeling the hot tears roll down my cheeks. My breaths were forced and jagged, and my head felt light. I grew dizzy, whipping my head from side to side as the voice in my head began to laugh.
"How can I?" it chuckled. "You can't escape your issues, Ash."
"Don't call me that." I hushed under my breath.
"Oh... sorry, is that name only for your girlfriend? She's the same way, Ashton."
And that's when I really felt it. I felt the feeling in my muscles fade away, my mouth go dry, and my heart try to break out of my chest. My stomach dropped, my eyes widened, and I wanted to cry some more. The mention of her made me bubble up in anger, wanting to find every aspect of this dream and destroy it. I wanted to wake up and stop being told I've fucked up. I know I have, and it didn't help to be yelling at me about it.
It was pitch dark wherever I was... but I could still see them. I could see all of them. Every single person that has ever laughed at me... or pointed their fingers at me or called me stupid... they were all standing infront of me; Laughing and yelling at me. I backed up against the wall as far as I could, looking around to the figures of people standing over me. They laughed hysterically at me... like I was some circus animal. They shouted at me in hazy voices, telling me to man up and suck the tears back into my eyes. They yelled and screamed at me, even though they weren't actually there.
Was I actually dreaming? Of course not. I was trapped and caged inside of a nightmare.
"Get out," I whimpered, tangling my fingers in my hair and shutting my eyes. Voices were everywhere, saying all the same things:
"You're a liar."
"You're a hypocrite."
"All the booze wasn't worth it, was it?"
But they wouldn't stop. I was sweating, and I was on the verge if breaking down if I haven't already. "Get out get out get out!" I shouted back, forcefully shaking my head. It was obvious this was a nightmare, and it was the worst one I have ever had in my entire life.
"You say you hate it when people make fun of you," all the voices were finally gone, except for the oringinal one that has been yelling at me this whole time. "But think back to just a year or two ago. You were stupid, immature, and YOU were the bully. How does that feel?"
"I d-didn't know..." I stuttered. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry does nothing. And I guess you really don't understand how powerful that stuff can be."
"What?" I asked. "Wh-what stuff?"
"The things that make people think they're fine," it said. "The drinking and the smoking and the stealing. Don't you love how that stuff makes you feel? Remember all the times that stuff made you forget about how much you fucked up with your parents. Everytime you got high or beat some innocent person up you felt ontop of the world, didn't you?"
"Stop," I pleaded. "I beg of you."
"That stuff... mixed with fear and worry... damn. It really changes a person, doesn't it?"
"What are you even saying here?" I shouted. "I barely do that stuff anymore!"
"I know you don't as much," it said casually. "But what about her?"
I froze where I was, and my heart seemed to stop. Time froze, and everything was still pitch black. Please, don't mention her.
"Who.. who are you talking about?" I asked dumbly.
"Aw... poor Ashton," the voice replied. "What are you gonna do when Lovey starts to hate you?"
"Shut up," I spat. "Shut the fuck up you fucking jerk you don't know her you're... you're not even real! Shut up shut up shut up!"
"Sometimes life has a way of repeating itself." the voice said softly. "Goodnight, Ashton."
And just like that, it was gone. It vanished in an instant before I could say anything else. My eyes shot open, reality came back, and I screamed. I jolted myself awake, fell off the bed, and hit the ground with a thud. I scrambled up to my knees, letting my blury vision focus as much as it could. I couldn't see a thing; just the faded image of my home. I grabbed my glasses off the floor beside me, shoved them on, and blinked my eyes. I was sweating, shaking, and scared of everything. I realized how dark it was in the room, so I dashed to the light switch. I turned them on, leaned back against the wall, and stared off into nothing.
And just like that, I cried again.
...
*Brooke's POV*
I woke up monday morning a little later than I was planning to, but I guess I was still tired from Friday night. I barely remember it, except for the fact that it was fun as fuck. All we did was drink and smoke and talk about meaningless things... but it was a good time. And even though it was almost 3 whole days ago, it was still tiring me out. I'm still really weak to these things, and I guess their effects on me are more powerful than usual.
I've realized that Leila and even her friends are really chill people, and I don't know why Ashton hates them so much. Of course I have no idea what happened between them all in the past because I didn't live here, but from what I can tell it probably wasn't that bad. Maybe Ashton is just overracting. I know he does that alot, so I shouldn't really think it was all that bad.
I rolled out of bed with a sigh, both tired and a little sad. I didn't see Ashton at all this weekend, and I don't think that's ever happened before. I know he had a lot of things to do with different people, and I hope he got all that done. I hope that he found out what's been bothering Michael and helped him with it, and I hoped he had time to talk to his mother. She left yesterday, and unfortunately I didn't have enough time to say goodbye. But even with my hungover self on saturday, I know I had to give them both space so Ashton could talk on her last day here.
I wonder why she had to leave so suddenly. Surely she could've spent more time with her son? I really wanted her to stay for good, since I think that would really help Ashton, but I guess she couldn't. There must be a reason as to why, and I guess I'll have to ask Ashton later today. She was a really sweet person, and I hoped she liked me as much as I liked her. With all that in mind, I huried to get ready for school, throwing on the first pair of denim shorts and gray tank top I could find. I put my somewhat dirty hair into a pony tail, and put on my usual makeup.
Over time my makeup look has evolved from barely anything, to a little eyeliner and mascara. It was necessasrily natural looking, but it wasn't so heavy I looked like a racoon. I guess that was alright, right? I liked the way it looked, so I decided to keep it. I quickly brushed my teeth, ate an apple in the kitchen, and waited for my mother to come downstairs. As I stood with my back to the counter, I was surprised to see my little brother walk in to grab his lunch.
"Hey," I greeted.
"Hi." he said quietly, not looking me in the eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, confused on why he wasn't looking at me.
"Steven," I said. He looked up and stared at me, obviously waiting for me to keep talking. "You alright?"
"I know what happened with mom and dad," he said. My heart sank. "You could have told me."
For a couple moments, I didn't know how to respond to that. I know I could have told him... but I didn't want to. There were a shit ton of reasons why I didn't want to tell him anything. I looked at him with sad and regretful eyes, and he just shook his head and turned to leave the room.
"I'm sorry," I spoke up. "I should have told you."
Steven turned around and looked back at me, but shrugged again. I decided to keep talking to try and make him feel better.
"You're really young you know?" I said, thinking about Ashton. "And I just didn't want to scare you."
"I get it.." he said, stepping closer to me. "It does kind of scare me."
"It'll get better," I assured, praying that I was right when I said this. "I promise."
"When will dad come back?" He asked. My brother isn't stupid, but I can tell that he can be very oblivious to some things. And to be honest, I have no fucking clue where my father was or when he was coming back. I don't want him to, but I guess my little brother was oblivious to what kind of person our dad is.
"Soon enough," I said. "And again I'm sorry. I just have to be a good big sis, right?"
"Right," he laughed. "Okay I have to catch the bus."
"I'll see you later!" I called after him as he exited the kitchen to leave the house. I pushed the guilt I had out of me, and waited for my mom.
...
I walked up the steps and entered the courtyard, looking around. It was as it is usually, and I looked around for either Ashton or Leila. I spotted Ashton across the way, sitting alone on the bench. I started off towards him, making sure not to look to the sides of me. I saw Nick nearby and I shuttered, and when I saw Jessie I wanted to throw up. She's been acting really weird around me lately, and I didn't know why. She was either really hostile and angry towards me, or she looked like she wanted to burst into tears. I'm glad I was only friends with her for a short time, because I now know that she's just a handful.
As I kept walking, I heard skimpering footsteps behind me. I turned around to see Leila running up to me with a bright smile on her face.
"Hey!" she said happily, giving me a hug. "How are you?"
"Great," I laughed. "And you?"
"Really good," she giggled. "Thanks again for coming over on Friday. I had a lot of fun even though all we really did was look at the ceiling and laugh our high asses off."
"Exactly," I agreed. "And I needed that too, so thanks."
"Yeah no problem!" she smiled. She paused and took her phone out of her pocket, and focused on the screen for a couple seconds. Her lips curled into a smile as she read a text, and then her face lit up.
"Yessss!" she cheered.
"What?" I asked out of curiousity.
"One of my really rich friends is having a party this weekend," she explained. "And her house is HUGE and full of really great beer. Say, you should come with me!"
"Me?" I asked, surprised.
"Yeah! It's gonna be really fun and I wouldn't want you to miss out." Leila replied.
I was quiet for a little. We hung out once... and half of me thought that would be the end of it. The other half wanted to be her friend because she's nice and chirpy and whatnot, but I wouldn't expect her to ask me to hang out again. But I guess she must like me a little more than I thought if she was willing to invite me to a party of some person I didn't even know. I don't really have good luck with big house parties... considering what happened when Nick played me and then that one where everyone made fun of Ashton. I thought about it some more, and wondered if I should go or not.
"It'll be really fun," Leila sang. "Come on!"
"Alright alright!" I laughed. "I'll think about it."
"Okay! Well then I'll see you soon." Leila finished with a big smile, before turning on her heels and rushing off. She has a lot of energy, and I could only imagine why.
I turned back to the direction I was headed, and spotted Ashton still sitting alone. There was a geometry book in his lap, with a piece of paper on top that he was hastily writing numbers and equations over. He was looking down and haunching his shoulders a little bit, and I don't think he noticed as I walked right up infront of him.
"Ashton-" I tried to say.
"I didn't mean to!" He whimpered, looking up at me at an instant. He had wide and scared eyes, and his voice was weak and high-pitched. As soon as the words left his mouth, his eyes widened even more, and he slapped his hand over his mouth. I furrowed my eyebrows at him in alarm, stepping back and staring at him. Ashton stared back, now absolutely silent. I waited and he waited, and we both said nothing.
"Um..." my voice trailed off. "What?"
"What?" Ashton asked.
"Huh?" I replied, confused.
"Uh," He said awkwardly. "Good morning."
"...Good morning," I said slowly, sitting down next to him. I looked from the sloppy math problems in his lap, to the blank expression he had on his face. He didn't look at me, he stared off into nothing.
"Whatcha working on?" I asked to break the silence, wrapping one of my arms around his torso and rubbing his back a little.
"I have a test today." Ashton said quietly. I nodded, and pecked his cheek. He fortunatey looked down at me. My heart stopped at the sight of his blood-shot eyes, and the bags underneath them. I had to use all my strenght to not widen my eyes, and I just stared at him, taking in the way he sat so limply, and how his eyelids drooped as well. He shot me a slow and small smile, bringing one of his arms around me and planting a kiss on the top of my head. I opened my mouth to speak, but I was interrupted by the bell ringing. As soon as it did, I saw everyone around us start to walk to the first period of the day. Ashton looked back down at the math problems in his lap, before stuffing it all into his backpack.
"Come on," I said, standing up. I held my hand out for him, and all he did was stare at it. He glanced up from my palm to my eyes, and he looked scared. I drew back and stepped back as well, looking at him with nothing but the pure confusion I fely bubble up inside of me.
"Ashton?" I asked slowly. He didn't say anything; he just looked down to his hands that were clasped together in his lap, until he put one in my hand. I helped him to his feet, and we walked in total silence all the way to art class.
...
The final bell rang for the day, and I was exctied to get the hell out of here. It was....a really weird day. Everyday here is weird and tiring, but it was especially today that really made me uneasy. Ashton was quiet during art, quiet during lunch, and even quiet during english. Usually, he gets in a verbal battle with Mr. Perkins or gets in an argument with Jessie, but he did none of that. Or usually we always look over at each other at the same time and smile at one another, but that didn't happen either. Everytime I looked to his spot at the back of the room, he would sit with his arms crossed over his chest, his foot nervously tapping, and his eyes glued to the floor. Everytime I looked at him, I grew more and more concerned.
There's only two things I can think of: either something happened with his mom before she left, or he had a bad dream last night. Either of those thoughts made me shutter, and it also stressed me out. This stuff always stresses me out, because I just want him to be alright.
I got up from my desk and threw my bag over my shoulder, feeling Jessie stare me down as I walked over to Ashton. As I approached he looked up and met my gaze, before smiling a little bit and holding out his hand for me to take. I took it, and wrapped his long fingers around mine. We walked out of the room, and I found myself waiting and anticipating for Ashton to say something cute or witty, but he was silent. I glanced up at him, and he was looking out infront of us with his facial expression still blank. He looked so tired, it made my heart shatter.
We made it to our group, who were all standing there and talking. As we approached they all looked over to us, and I instantly looked over to Michael. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. He held a look in his eyes that said, 'I'm sorry for being a dick last week.' I nodded my head to him, and I guess we just appologized to each other through facial expressions.
"We need another band practice thing," Calum said to Michael, Luke, and Ashton. "You guys can come over if you want?"
"Yeah I'm up for it," Luke said positively. "Michael? Ashton?"
"Yeah sure," Michael nodded. All eyes went to Ashton, including mine. He was once again staring down at the ground, and the grip his had on my hand was almost painfully tight. His eyes shot up at everyone looking at him, and he stepped back.
"What did I do?" he squeaked.
"What?" Calum asked. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over to jam."
"Oh," Ashton said awkwardly. "I can't."
"Why?" Luke asked, tilting his head to the side.
"I have a headache." he replied. His grip on me released, and he stepped back from everyone. I tured to him, looking at him with sad and worried eyes. I was hoping he would look over to me and see what I was trying to say to him, but he did not. He glanced around to everyone staring at him, before he just walked off.
"Shit." Michael muttered. I turned back to them, and now I was being stared at. They all looked at me like I had the answer, but I didn't.
"I don't know." I said sadly. I peered into the direction Ashton went, and he was walking alone and slowly with his hands in his pockets and his back to us. I sighed and looked back to Michael for an answer.
"Well don't look at me." he said. I sighed again.
"I'll figure it out," I said to everyone, before waving goodbye and starting off to get picked up to go home. As I walked alone I saw no sign of Ashton anywhere. I had no idea where he went, or why he seemed so down and tired today. There was so much of me that wanted to run to him and hug him and tell him it was alright, but I don't even know if he's still here. I was about to sigh again, until my phone vibrated in my pocket. My eyes widened to see I had a text from Ashton.
"can you please come over" was all it said.
...
By now it was about 9:00pm, and I have been at Ashton's practically since school ended. Of course I had no problem with that, and luckily for me as the hours went by Ashton became less and less quiet. I tried to get his mind off whatever was in it, and as much as I wanted to ask him about it I felt like that would just make him sadder. We worked on math for a while, did all of our other homework and just hung out for hours. And by now he seemed to be less tired and more like his smiley and cute self. My mother hasn't called, but oh well. I guess she knows I'm with Ashton, and I know she trusts him a lot after everything that has happened.
As I layed down on Ashton's bed in a pair of his sweatpants and the shirt I wore today, I watched as he did what he usually did every night: brush his teeth, wash his face, and take out his contacts. I stare at him all the time when he does this, and I'm not really sure why. Well..I stare at him a lot anyways. I sat up as he came back into the room, sitting down across from me and looking out the window. I guess he was staring at the moon that hung in the sky, and I watched and waited if he would say something.
He's so beautiful. I suddenly thought to myself. I blushed a little at my own thoughts, and silently laughed at the fact that I always think those kinds of things to myself. Ashton glanced over to me finally, and our gazes met. I guess he had noticed that I was staring at him, because a small grin crept onto his face.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," I chuckled. "Just enjoying the view."
Ashton laughed and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything we were both interrupted by my phone vibrating beside me. I cursed under my breath, wondering who the hell was texting me right now. Astonishingly, it was my mother.
"Where are you?" it said.
"Ashtons" I replied, praying that she won't make me leave. I set my phone down in my lap and looked up at him, and he was staring at me with those wide eyes.
"Is it your mum?" he asked.
"Yeah.." I said. "I don't know if she wants me home or not."
"O-oh," he stuttered, nodding his head. I leaned in a little closer, looking at him to elaborate. "Okay."
"I mean I've stayed over here on a school night before," I tried to assure him. "A lot of times, actually."
"...Yeah," Ashton said queitly, looking down and nodding his head. "I guess you're right."
"So with that in mind..." I replied. I took my phone back into my hands as he looked at me, and I shut the device off. I tossed it onto the floor, causing a smile of relief to pop up on Ashton's face.
"Thanks," he laughed a little, looking out the window again. I could tell by the sudden look in his eyes that he wanted to say something, but I didn't really have an idea of what it could be. I didn't say anything, hoping that he would speak up first. He glanced up at me briefly, before quietly laughing and looking away again.
"You alright?" I asked, amused.
"Uhhhh..." Ashton's eyes awkwardly wandered around the room, and his mouth broke into a little smile.
"Remember that one time," he said. "It was like after we crashed that party and everything was really awkward and stuff.. and then uh, like you layed down right there," he pointed to the spot where I was sitting now. He sounded a little ashamed and even a little dorky as he spoke. I wondered what he was going to say.
"Yeah," I replied. I thought about that night, and I remembered it to be maybe the first time I really saw how easy words can hurt Ashton. I remembered the way he sobbed and scared me to death. "I remember that."
"And then we fell asleep," Ashton kept going. "And then you.. and I... like-"
I rembered the way we fell asleep that night. I remember feeling like I was Ashton's mother that he did not know yet, with him in my arms until he slowly drifted off into sleep while sniffling the last of his tears.
"Do you want me to hold you, Ashton?" I asked, catching on to what he was probably talking about. Ashton had a look of a lot of fear and worry in his eyes, and my mind told me a lot of possibilities as to why. Was he scared to sleep alone?
All he did was nodd his head, pleading that I do so with his eyes. They were bright, but scared. Scared of what, though? I didn't know, and as much as I wanted to know, I kept quiet. I felt as though bringing up whatever it was would just scare him more. But besides that, with what he was saying made my heart fill up with warmth, so I sat back with my back against the pillow and opened my arms.
"Come here," I said softly. Ashton really took no hesitation to crash into my arms, laying half on top of me, half not, with his face nuzzling into the crook of my neck. His movements were so quick and desperate, as if he felt he was depending on me for something. I don't know what that something is, though. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin ontop of his head, keeping one arm draped over him and the other hand running up and down his back. He hugged me tighter, cuddling up against me like a little kid. He's done this before and I've done the same to him...but for some reason right now it felt like he was really, really scared of something.
We both remained silent, and even though I wanted to ask him a million questions, I kept to myself. Ashton did to, and as the minutes passed I could hear the way his breahting got heavier, indicating that he was falling asleep. Did something happen that I'm not aware of? He's only ever so quiet like this when theres something on his mind or if he's upset. I really don't know what could have possibly happened within the few days we weren't with each other...
I prayed that it wasn't that big of a deal...maybe Ashton's just overracting. Maybe he was, and maybe I should do what I had told him to do before; not worry so much about things. Maybe he's just tired, but not the reason that I'm thinking. Maybe I shouldn't care so much.