"I like this place, everyone treats me nice. Some are a bit crazy though."
- Ed Gein, Buffalo Bill.
FIFTEEN
ONE THING THAT KEPT BUGGING me at the back of my mind was what Banshee had said. I had been too caught up in the moment to dwell on it. If he had loved his mother as dearly as he claimed to, loved that she had hit him and abused him, then why did he regret not killing her sooner?
Was he just that twisted? Or did she do something in between the time she stopped abusing him and the time he began to fantasise killing her? I rested my head against my elbow and sighed.
I hated that Banshees words made me feel like I was being blown back into my past for reasons I knew all so well. It was tragic and I never wanted to admit it but perhaps Banshee and I were similar. "Thank God for diplomatic seals." I whispered as I pushed open the doors of my apartment complex and walked into the cool atmosphere.
The elegance of the building always struck me hard because of the stark contrast it had with the prison. I shook my head at the modern decor, eyeing the chandelier. "I don't even deserve all this "
Just as I reached the elevators, my phone buzzed and I noticed that it was from Diana. It was a text. I hate you but I miss you. We need to talk. OK? - D.B
I rolled my eyes at it and stepped out of the elevators. If I needed to talk to anyone, it was Mirabel. I hadn't seen her in days and she hadn't replied to my email about the file. Despite my aching trust issues with everyone in the building, I couldn't wait to relay the information I had gotten to Mirabel to see what she thought of it. The person I had been recording with for the past few days hadn't cared or aided me.
It seemed like my recordings were beginning to lose relevance. It irked me.
When I pushed open the doors to my room, I realised that it was unlocked and there was someone inside already. Standing at the window by my bed was the person I had been wanting to see.
Mirabel.
She came to find me.
___
I watched her eye the mess I had made on the bed and cleared my throat. "I don't know why you haven't been recording with me but I have a lot of information to tell you. I managed to squeeze out a lot of things from Banshee."
She turned away from me and stared out the window instead, shaking her head a little. "You seem to always want to talk about that man."
I raised a brow. It was true because Banshee had taken up half my mental capacity and in many ways, my physical strength. But wasn't that my job? "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"
Mirabel turned back to me, and insincere smile on her lips. She crossed and uncrossed her stocking covered legs. "I'm not complaining. It's simply because most people who do the project are not nearly as invested in it as you are."
"Perhaps I just like doing an honest job." I shrugged, not liking the manner in which her tone cane across as.
Mirabel chuckled humourlessly and waved a hand in the air. "Aria, there is nothing honest about what we're doing in this place."
"It doesn't matter if the people we're lying to are sinners too."
"Sinners." She tested the words in her mouth. Her eyes were boring into mine, and then she scoffed. "You're right. It doesn't matter if we lie to people who have sinned, does it?"
I didn't reply. It seemed rhetorical.
Standing up and walking round to my computer, she tapped a button and it came on. "What did you want to tell me?"
All of a sudden, I didn't want to tell her everything. Perhaps it was the way she had looked at me, or a tone in her voice, or simply the fact that I was wary of everyone. But something told me to hold a little bit back.
"Listen to this." I started.
And I told Mirabel everything that Banshee had told me about his childhood. Hidden in my tone was a hint of pride that I had managed to get as much out of him. Perhaps Mirabel would understand that his childhood contributed to what made him what he was. I told her everything.
Everything but the letters. Everything but his promise to tell me what he thought was going on. Everything but my promise to him.
And when I had finished, Mirabel, unlike what I had expected, remained impassive.
After a moment of silence, she sighed. "Victimisation."
I spun around to face her. "What?"
She frowned at my reaction. "Perhaps you think we're stupid, and that's your personal judgement, but I'm not stupid enough to not know everything you told me is bullshit."
"You don't believe me?"
"I do. I know he said that to you, Aria, but-" She paused, a brow shooting up. "Do you believe him? Trust his words?"
I looked away. "I...I don't know."
She folded her bony arms across her chest and scowled. "Aria. The man is singing like a proverbial canary. He's spilling his spineless guts and it's been eight days out of fourteen. Yet, you think you've had him all figured out."
That's not what I thought. If only she knew how confused I was. How much I felt like I had the weight of a dead body on my shoulders.
"Do you think a man like Banshee started killing because his mother pushed him around now and then?" She queried, eyes narrowed.
"It was physical and mental abuse."
"So he killed her, and he started killing because of that? That's ridiculous. He didn't kill people that looked like her, no. Nicholas killed everything and spent hours crying over their mangled corpses before running away. How do you even believe anything but the fact that he's a mad man with no justification?"
"He-"
"I'm not the person analysing your interview but I can already sense your naivety, Aria."
I shook my head. "But I saw the scars. He doesn't even know I'm telling you this so why would he lie?"
Her eyes rolled in disbelief. As though she couldn't believe I could be so naive. "Anyone can self harm. It's a useful prop." She watched me wince and scoffed. "The fact that you think he doesn't know you're telling me shows how much you trust his words."
"I don't trust him!" I protested.
"Then why tell me all this bullshit like I'm going to want to understand him or help his case?" She muttered. "Why tell me anything at all? You're supposed to be speaking to a recorder, not me."
I shrugged away her accusations. Vaguely, I thought she meant that his case could be helped. It made me shiver. He's on death penalty. Nothing can help him.
My confusion was morphing into anger. "Why would he think making himself the victim is important in the first place?" - if all we want to know is why he did it.
Mirabel stopped tapping her foot.
I stopped biting my lip.
"Look, that's none of your business." She sighed. "Just do your job."
Ugh.
"You don't understand. The point is," I stressed loudly. "Banshee has told me a lot of stuff and I'm desperately trying to connect the dots. I'm trying to know why he did it. I'm trying to be tactical about th-"
"Well, stop!" Mirabel yelled suddenly. Her loudness ceased all words I had wanted to say. It echoed around the room and left us both stunned. She lifted a hand and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Jesus Christ, Aria."
I stayed silent, momentarily stunned.
Mirabel filled the silence. "Listen. Your job here is to connect with the minds of these criminals, to get information from them, in any way you can. Preferably by trying to make them relate to you. Tell them things, make them have a trigger response to what you say. If you have to incriminate yourself, do it."
"Incrimina-"
She cut me off with a clean slice. "It is not your job to figure out why, leave the dot-connecting to the people above us."
I went back to the phrase that stuck to me like glue. "Incriminate myself. What do you mean?"
She laughed without a trace of humour, as if remembering something she regretted. "I wouldn't advice it."
I was hitting dead ends with every conversation we had. I couldn't see through her but it seemed I was transparent as I stood before her.
I sighed, sinking into my bed. I was getting tired and upset but I wasn't a quitter. I wasn't going to let Diana down and my curiosity wouldn't let me walk away. "Mirabel," I muttered. "Give me an inch. Everyone is being weird, and maybe it's just my paranoia but I'm freaking out about every little thing."
She looked up at me once my words had escaped. She looked up and sighed deeply. Her eyes held something deeper now. Pity? Something as vague as a poker face. But before I could dwell on the possibility that Mirabel would hlp me, she blinked and it was all impassivity.
"You want my advice?" She said, her voice filled with glass shards.
I shrugged, uncomfortable after her pregnant silence.
"Just do your job." She stressed. "And if you can't do it, then just fucking leave."
I felt my brows rise so high. Her cuss words sounded odd. She looked proper, with a pressed skirt suit on and black low-heeled shoes.
All of a sudden, I felt angry. I wanted to hit something. Why the hell was she in my room if she was just going to berate me?
"You did the project once, right?"
Her head snapped up.
Like lightening, her eyes flashed quite intensely. Her hand flew to her throat like she had heard something appalling. Her voice was hushed. "How do you know that?"
Woah. "Frank told me."
She shook her head. "No, don't tell me." She moved backwards, shaking her head vigorously. She stood up quickly. "No. I don't even want to know that you know." She muttered. "You're not supposed to know that."
My mother always told me to pick my battles and it had stuck with me. It was impossible to dwell on every sentence she said and fight it tooth and nail so I focused on the most pressing thing, ignoring the reason why she didn't want to know that I knew.
I stood up too, to match her height. "But I know now. And by your reaction I'm sensing something happened. You need to either tell me what happened or advice me."
She picked up her small purse, clearly ready to leave. "Aria..."
I stepped towards her to block her path. "Why did you come here today then if you're not going to answer my questions?"
"To remind you to do your job.." She said. She sounded different, like reminding her about the project affected her.
I pushed a stray hair back into my bun. "That's what I'm trying to do."
She watched me for a few seconds, with an internal battle inside her, and then turned away.
She reached into her bag and lifted an A4 paper. It was my email to her that she had printed out. "I came here to talk about this." She handed me the paper. "You don't need the file. You're not allowed access to a copy so I can't give it to you if I wanted it."
Her change of subject couldn't even irk me because what she was saying was ridiculous. "Why?"
"Policy."
"That's rubbish. How do I know what to say to trigger him if I know nothing about him." I said, throwing my hands up in defeat. "How the hell am I supposed to do anything but go around in circles? Where-"
I was cut off yet again.
"You don't need it." She said, louder, with emphasis. And because of the thickness of her voice, I stopped talking. She pushed past me and took the few steps to the door before pausing.
She stopped as though she couldn't leave without letting me in on something at least. She turned. "The file wouldn't help you anyway." She wasn't looking at me but down at her bony fingers. "Aria, I wish you understood how much this project is just as about you as it is him."
For some reason, I felt cold.
I took a step back. "What does that mean?"
"I did have advice for you earlier on but you never took it." She said, reaching for my door handle. "On your first day, I told you to leave. You didn't listen. Now all you can do now is your job."
And Mirabel pulled open my door and closed it shut with a tiny click that sounded to me like a metaphorical bang.
Just as I was about to make my decision to leave this job simply from the few sentences that Mirabel had spoken, I received a text from Frank.
I opened it instantly.
Would you mind having an interview tonight? Banshee specifically requested for you. The details are in your email.
- Frank T.F
_____
Not-so-fun fact about Ed Gein: After the death of his mother, he became demented. In an effort to feel close to her, he started skinning women (both alive and dead) who looked like her and fashioning skin suits out of their hides.
AN: I solemnly promise to never wait this long before I update again! You have the right to hate me. Thanks for getting me to 40K+❤