"S-Santiago..." was the only word that escaped my mouth when I saw him lying on his stomach and was drenched with blood. My lips quivered. Napaupo ako. Pakiramdam ko nawalan ako ng lakas. I went numb. Nanghihina akong lumapit sa kanya. My heart was racing and my whole body was trembling. A heavy feeling started running through my veins.
I flipped him over and rested his head on my lap. Pansamantalang gumaan ang loob ko when I checked him. He was still breathing but it was ragged. I have to hurry and get him out of here.
I tapped his cheeks, "Santiago.. wake up. M-malapit na tayo, okay? Naghihintay s-sina Emilio sa dulo ng hancienda."
His eyes were closed and he looked like he was in deep pain. The rain poured even stronger. I tried to lift him but I failed. My legs were weak. I raised my head when I heard the patter of the guards' steps.
"Nandun sila!" I saw flashes of light coming from the woods. Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Santiago. Salty tears mingled with the drops of rain that rolled down my cheeks.
"Come on, Santiago.." my voice croaked. Inilibot ko ang tingin sa paligid hoping to see Emilio and Jose. But they're not around. They're not around. They must be waiting at the end of the hacienda. They can't help me. I'm all by myself.
Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang marinig ang mas papalapit ng mga guwardiya. I held Santiago by his arms and tried to drag him. Halos bumaon na ang suot kong sapin sa paa sa putik pero hindi ko pa rin mailayo si Santiago sa lugar na 'to. He was to heavy for me to carry alone. Gusto kong tawagin sina Emilio. I want to shout for help.
Ang lakas ng loob ko kanina na magagawa ko 'to, but now, I'm losing hope.
"Tumigil ka!"
I sank to my knees
I hugged Santiago, covering him with my trembling body. I promised to bring him back. I promised. But I failed. Now, he's dying and I'm gonna get caught. My fingers curled into Santiago's wet cloth. Despair has enveloped me.
"Huliin niyo ang babaeng 'yan at dalhin pabalik sa kulungan ang lalaki," a baritone voice said. I hugged Santiago's unmoving body even tighter. I was clinging unto him.
"I'm sorry.." I whispered. "I'm sorry, Corazon. I'm sorry, Antonio. I couldn't bring him back."
Biglang may humawak sa braso at hinila ako patayo. "Ack!" I yelped. I could feel his nails burried into my skin. "Fuck it! Let go!"
"Sasama ka samin." Hinila niya ako palapit sa iba pa niyang kasamahan.
"No! Let me go!" I struggled. I know it's hopeless but shouldn't struggle for my life at least?
"Mukhang mamamatay na 'yang si Iglesias, tinyente. Dadalhin pa ba natin 'yan pabalik?" tanong ng isang payat na lalaki sa isang matanda ngunit matipunong lalaki.
Pinahid ng tinyente ang tubig ulan sa mukha nito, "Huwag na. Itapon niyo na lamang ang katawan niya sa ilog."
"Masusunod."
The thin guy walked towards Santiago. Mas lalo akong nagpumiglas. "Goddamn it! Wag niyo siyang hahawakan!" Sinipaan ko ang tuhod ng lalaking nakahawak sakin dahilan upang mabitawan niya ko.
"Puta!"
I quickly rushed towards Santiago but before I could reach him, a loud sound of gunshot reverbrated throughout the woods. Sumubsob ako sa putikan dahil sa gulat. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for the pain to stung.
Pero wala akong naramdaman. Agad kong kinapa ang aking likuran to check if there was blood or wound, pero wala. I quickly opened my eyes. Tumambad sakin ang katawan ng lalaking papalapit sana kay Santiago kanina na wala ng malay.
I looked over my shoulder. I hitched my breath as another batch of tears started streaming down my cheeks as my eyes landed on Antonio and Emilio.
I bit my lower lip, "Thank God." It was the last thing I said before darkness conquered me.
-
"Ayokong maging katulad mo," I muttered with hate and sadness emerging from my chest. I clutched my fist while staring at my brother. Everything he sees in his room, binabato niya kung saan-saan. Three nurses were already preventing him from struggling and the other was trying to inject sedatives into his body.
Tears streamed from my eyes but still I did not look away. I watched how he throw things across the wall, how he pushes his nurses away. I watched how he destroy himself. Every night, you're like this. Did they hurt you every night? Gaano kadalas ka nilang saktan para maging ganito ka? You just helped other people and this is what you get in return? You get damnation in return. Hindi ka na tulad ng dati. Where's the Kuya Kevin who is composed, calm, cheerful? The only Kuya Kevin I see today is the remnants of the old him. The broken one. They returned your kindness by breaking you. Di mo man lang kami inisip.
I wiped my tears. "This is what you get for being too kind. Does helping others make you happy?" I closed the room's door saka mabilis na naglakad pabalik sa silid ko. Sa kalagitnaan ng mahaba at malungkot na hallway ay muling nagsipatakan ang mga luha ko. I stopped midway at napaupo habang nakasandal sa pader. Muffled sobs wracked against my chest.
The pain was overflowing that I couldn't take it anymore. Years. I've been keeping this pain for years. When will it stop?
-
Slowly and reluctantly, I opened my eyes. But I closed it again when I felt a sharp pain on my knees.
"Damn," I cursed. I sat up and removed the blanket that was covering me. Itinaas ko ang palda ko hanggang sa ibabaw ng tuod. I sighed when I saw my knees. May gasgas dito pero mukhang nalinisan na. Napansin ko ring iba na ang damit ko. I was already clean. Wala ng bakas ng mga putik na natamo ko kanina.
Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong silid. May gaserang nakapatong sa mesang katabi ng kinahihigaan ko na siyang nagsisilbing ilaw sa buong silid. I was in my room in Tandang Sora's house. I blacked out after Antonio and Emilio arrived. Hindi ko na alam ang nangyari pagkatapos nun.
Quickly, I drag my feet out of the bed. Lumabas ako ng silid saka tinungo ang sala. I stopped when I saw them gathering on the living room. Tandang Sora and Corazon were sitting on the sofa while Lola Adelina was sitting on the couch na katapat ng kinauupuan nina Corazon. Jose was standing beside her. Emilio was standing near the door and was talking to a guy I don't know. My eyes roamed around the room in search for Antonio but he wasn't around.
"Kristin," Corazon said at mabilis na lumapit sakin. Namamaga ang mga mata nito, halatang galing ito sa kakaiyak. Mukha ring pagod na pagod ito. Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. What happened to Santiago?
"Corazon.." Nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong niyakap.
"Sobra akong nag-alala sayo," her voice croaked. "Noong dinala ka dito nina kuya Antonio nang walang malay ay halos mabaliw ako. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin dahil pareho kayong walang malay ni Santiago. Huwag mo nang gagawin 'yun sa susunod."
I hushed her, "Ayos lang ako, Corazon. Pasensya na't pinag-alala ko kayo." Hinimas ko ang likod niya para patahanin. "Si Santiago? Kumusta na siya?" I asked.
She hugged me tightly, "Kristin.." Mas lalo akong lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa naging reaksiyon nito.
"B-bakit? Anong nangyari sa kanya?"
"Maraming salamat."
Natigilan ako sa naging sagot nito. "H-huh?"
Umalis siya mula sa pagkakayakap sakin. Pinahid niya ang mga luhang patuloy pa ring tumutulo. Isang ngiti ang sumilay mula sa mukha nito. "Kung hindi dahil sayo wala na si Santiago ngayon. Maraming maraming salamat."
Nawala ang kabang nararamdaman ko kanina. It was replaced with relief. My stomach twisted in knots after hearing what Corazon said. Just a simple 'Thank you' and the news of Santiago being okay was enought to make me smile withour forcing it. I brought him back. We brought him back. A strange feeling has enveloped me. It was light. Magaan sa loob.
Is this what my brother felt everytime he helped others?
Tumango si Corazon saka ako muling niyakap. I hugged her back. My eyes landed on Tandang Sora who was looking at me. A genuine smile was painted on her face. She mouthed the words, 'Maraming salamat' and it made my smile grew bigger.
Pagkatapos nun ay pinaupo ako ni Corazon sa sofa. Napagalaman ko rin ilang oras lang pala akong nawalan ng malay. She excused herself saka pinuntahan ang silid kung saan nagpapahinga si Santiago. Dito siya dinala dahil mainit ngayon ang mga mata ng gobernadorcillo kay Santiago at sa pamilya niya. Kahit kina Lola Adelina. Si Mang Gonzalo naman ay mabilis na umalis sa mansyon kasama ang pamilya niya. Emilio's troop helped them escape. Nakakalungkot lang na nadamay sila.Pinaghahanap na din ang mga tumulong kay Santiago na makatakas at kasali na ako doon.
Bringing Santiago back in his real house would be a bad idea. Tandang Sora's house is the best place to hide since it's secluded. Dito ginaganap ang mga patagong pagpupulong ng Katipunan. Santiago's parents sent a doctor to treat him. Nag-aalala man ay hindi sila pwedeng dumalaw dahil bantay-sarado ang mga guwardiya sibil sa bawat galaw na kanilang gagawin.
Habang wala akong malay ay ginamot ng manggagamot ang mga sugat ni Santiago. Natanggal nila ang bala mula sa tagiliran nito. Fortunately, it didn't damage any of his major organs.
Napalingon ako nang mapansin si Emilio nagalakad palapit sa kinauupuan ko. He sat beside me, "Kahanga-hanga ang iyong ginawa," he commented with his head turned towards a different direction.
"Maraming salamat."
"At isa ring kahibangan. Isang kahanga-hangang kahibangan." I raised a brow. I don't know if I'd take that as a compliment or an insult.
"Uh.. Thank you?"
"Sa tanang buhay ko ngayon lamang ako nakakilala ng babaeng gagawa ng ganung kahibanagan." He turned his head only to look at his feet. Isang ngiti ang sumilip sa mukha nito. "Hindi ko man alam kung bakit at paano mo nalaman ang pasikot-sikot sa tahanan ng mga Del Bosque, sapat na na ipinahamak mo ang sarili mo para kay Santiago upang sabihin kong hindi ka nga ispiya."
I cleared my throat, "Hindi ko naman niligtas si Santiago para patunayan sayo o sa lahat na hindi ako ispiya. Ginawa ko 'yun dahil isa siyang kaibigan. Naging parte na rin siya ng buhay ko. Naiintindihan niya ako." Literally, he understands me. He can speak english. May mga salita siyang hindi naiintindihan because he is using old english. Pero hindi lang naman 'yan ang rason. Sa tuwing nao-OP ako sa mga pulong ng katipunan, sinasamahan niya ako. By "sinasamahan", it means he's teasing me. He knows I like Antonio because of our first meeting. Kung saan, nalaman niyang pinagnanasaan— that's what he calls it, but it means na may pagtingin ako kay Anotnio. "Saka, kahit na hindi ko man siya nakasama ng matagal, hindi ko pa rin pinagsisisihan na iniligtas ko siya. Mahalaga siya para kay Corazon. Mahalaga siya para kay Antonio, mahalaga na rin siya para sakin."
Silang tatlo ang pinakauna kong itinuring na kaibigan sa tanang buhay ko. They're not just friends, they're family. I value them the way I value my family. I have a phobia of losing my loved ones. Everyone has. You can't imagine a life without these people who made a big impact in your life.
Tumingin siya sakin with amusement in his eyes, "Napakatapang mo upang ipahamak ang iyong sarili para sa taong hindi ka naman masyadong malapit."
Napayuko ako at napangiti, "May isang tao kasi akong ayaw na makitang mawala sa mga labi niya ang ngiti. Mawala ang ningning sa mga mata nito. Dahil ang mga 'yun ang siyang nagligtas sakin. Ang mga simpleng bagay na 'yun ang tumutulak sakin upang patuloy na harapin ang bukas."
Karlos told me to give the golden pocketwatch to the person I want to protect. I've already given it to Antonio. I want to protect the smile he gave me that has saved me from drowning in my own darkness. I want to protect the smile that saved me fron the pain I've been keeping for years. Gusto kong protektahan ang taong muling nagpasaya sakin, ang taong nagpamulat sakin mula sa kadiliman ng galit upang makita ang gandang kayang ibigay ng buhay.
I looked at Emilio, "Ganun ka din naman diba?"
Napatingin siya kay Corazon na naglalakad papunta sa kusina. He smiled, "Oo."
It's amazing how the mere existence of a person saves the other. Hindi mo alam, pero naililigtas ka na pala ng taong 'yun kahit na wala siyang ginagawa. Just my merely existing.
"Nasa baba si Antonio. Hindi mo ba siya pupuntahan?" he asked, changing the subject.
I stood up and grinned, "On the way." Napakunot naman ang noo ni Emilio sa sagot ko. Pero hindi ko na ito pinansin saka mabilis na lumabas ng bahay. Pumunta ako sa madalas na tambayan ni Antonio sa tuwing nagpapahangin siya. Sa bench na katapat ng bintana ng silid namin ni Corazon. Pagkarating ko doon ay agad ko siyang nakita. Nakaupo siya sa bench habang nakasandal sa pader. He was silently staring at the sky. I smiled, "Antonio!"
I saw him flinch before turning his head. Instead of answering or smiling back, inalis niya ang tingin sakin at ibinalik ito sa kalangitan.
That's weird. Usually kapag tinatawag ko siya, he'll greet me or atleast smile. Ibang-iba ang naging reaksiyon niya sa dati. Is there something wrong?
Lumapit ako sa kanya at naupo sa tabi niya. "May problema ba?"
Inalis niya ang pagkakasandal sa pader saka inayos ang upo. "Bakit mo ginawa 'yun?" tanong niya pabalik. There was coldness in his voice.
Nagtataka akong napatingin sa kanya, "Ang alin?"
He sighed, "Ang ipahamak ang sarili mo. Bakit ka sumugod sa mga Del Bosque nang hindi man lang sinasabi sakin o kina Tandang Sora?"
That ticked me off. Sinabayan pa ng tono sa pananalita niya na hindi naman niya ginamit sakin noon. I raised a brow, "Bakit? Pag sinabi ko ba papayagan mo ako? Hahayaan mo akong gawin 'yun? Hindi, diba?"
He raked his hands through his messy hair out of frustration, "Kristin, inilagay mo sa panganib ang buhay mo. Kung hindi ako dumating o kung hindi dumating sina Emilio't Jose, baka.." He gripped his hair."Baka nabaril ka na ng mga guwardiya sibil na 'yun. Paano kung hindi ka na nakabalik?" His voice was trembling.
"Antonio, nag-aalala din ako para kay Santiago."
Tinignan niya ako. At doon ko nakita ang ekspresyon nito sa mukha. There was a glint of fear in his eyes. His lips trembled, "Pero dapat hindi umabot sa punto na ilalagay mo ang sarili mo sa bingit ng kamatayan."
Why are you wearing that expression?
"Antonio—"
"Hinayaan mo sana ako na gawin 'yun."
That, I wouldn't do. I promise I'd protect you. Kakaunting oras nalang at makakalaya ka na sa gapos ng mga kastila. I want you to see the future. The future that all of you worked so hard to achieve. It may not be perfect, but it has freedom.
"Edi napahamak ka din. Nakita mo ba kung gaano kadami ang mga guwardiya sa haciendang 'yun? Hindi tatalab ang basta-bastang pagsugod, Antonio."
"May mga plano ako, Kristin. Hindi ako basta-bastang susugod, may mga plano ako—"
Padabog akong tumayo."Then, you should've told me! Sana sinabi mo at ng may naitulong ako! Sana sinabi mo hindi 'yung basta-basta ka nalang na mawawala at hindi magpapakita."
"Ginawa ko 'yun dahil alam kong hindi kita mapipigilan kung sakaling sasama ka sa plano ko!"
"Alam mo naman palang di mo ko mapipigilan, bakit mo pa ako tinatanong ngayon?" I bit my lower lip, "Antonio, ginawa ko 'yun dahil kaibigan ko si Santiago. Ginawa ko 'yun dahil mahalaga siya sa inyong dalawa ni Corazon. Ayokong makitang malungkot kayo. I don't wanna see your expression when you first heard of Santiago's arrest. It was heartbreaking."
Why are you worried about me? Alam kong malalahanin ka, alam kong hindi mo hahayaang mapahamak ang mga taong malalapit sayo. But, why are you this worried about me? Why are you making a big deal out of this? I got out of that place alive. Can't you just be happy?
I refused to look away. Even as my lips trembled, I didn't look away. I looked into his eyes. I was looking for answers.
His expression softened. Napahilamos siya ng mukha. Natagalan siyang sumagot, "Ayokong mapahamak ka. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung sakaling may mangyaring masama sayo."
Doon na nag-umpisang kumalabog ang dibdib ko. Every word was filled with emotions I am not sure of.
My hands clenched of shaking fists, "Why?" It was the only word I could utter.
"Kristin.."
"Bakit? Bakit, Antonio? Why do you always blame yourself? Sa tuwing may nangyayaring masama sakin, palagi mong sinisi ang sarili mo. Is it because I'm your responsibity? Responsibilidad mo ba ako kaya ka nagmamalasakit?"
He looked at me, "Kristin.. Hindi."
"E bakit?!"
Natigilan siya. He looked at me but he remained silent. I saw pain and hesitation in his eyes before he turned his face away from me.
I walked away. I didn't let him utter a word. Once again, my emotions turned jagged. Minsan, ang sarap umasa. Pero minsan nakakapagod din. Nakakapagod ding ikaw na ang mismong sumasagot sa mga katanungang gustong-gusto mong sagutin ng taong gusto mo. I don't just like Antonio, okay? It's something even deeper. I wouldn't be feeling this way kung simplemg pagkagusto lang ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.
This is my first time feeling something like this towards another person. Gusto ko mang sabihin sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko, hindi ko magawa. I'm afraid of rejection. What if he won't reciprocate my feelings for him? What if ako lang pala ang nagbibigay ng meaning sa lahat ng kabutihang ginagawa niya? What if mali pala lahat ng mga iniisip ko? He may have changed me, I may have tried crazy things like risking my life, but I'm still a coward. Natatakot pa din ako sa rejection. I'm still selfish, in a good way.
I stopped nang mapansing nasa gate na pala ako ng bahay ni Tandang Sora. I opened the gate saka lumabas ng bahay. I let my feet drag me to wherever it wants.
I sighed. Mas masakit magpaasa ang mga lalaki mula sa panahong 'to. Ganito pala ang makalumang pagpapaasa at umaasa.
"He was right." I stopped on my tracks when I heard that familiar voice. I searched for the owner of the voice and it landed on a little kid sitting on a tree branch.
My brows curled upward. "Karlos?" Kahit papano ay lumiliwanag na. The sun was already rising kaya kitang-kita ko ang itsura ni Karlos. He's got dark circles around his eyes. His skin was pale and he looked thinner. Mukha siyang pagod at walang tulog. "What happened to you?"
"I'm fine."
"I did not ask if you're okay. I asked, what happened to you?"
"You don't have to know." He cleared his throat, "That guy was right. You shouldn't have done that."
Humarap ako sa kanya saka namewang. "You too? Can't you just be happy with what I did?"
He rolled his eyes heavenward. And damn this kid for being such a brat. "You may think what you did was right but Kristin," His eyes landed on me. Seryoso niya akong tinignan, "It was fucking wrong."
I squinted my eyes, "If you have nothing good to say, just shut up, Karlos." Muling bumalik ang inis na nararamdaman ko kanina. "You've been gone for weeks and now you're gonna lecture me again with what's right or wrong? Can't you just be happy that Santiago is safe? Can't you just be happy that I got out of there alive?"
"Kristin.."
"What, Karlos? You want me to do everything you say? Because you're the angel of time, I have to do everything you tell me to do because you know what's gonna happen next?"
"Kristin—"
"Yes, you brought me here. But, this is my life! Mine. I'll do anything I want with it. I'll do anything even if it means risking my life for the people important to me. You don't tell me what to do—"
Napaatras ako nang sumigaw ito nang bigla itong tumalon papunta sa kinatatayuan ko. "The future is fucking messed up!" He scowled with blood-shot eyes glaring at me. My eyes grew wide as I hitched my breath. Kung nanibago ako kay Antonio, mas nanibago ako kay Karlos. He wasn't the sly brat he was. The Karlos in front of me was a different person.
Umatras siya at napaupo.l while clutching his head. I composed myself by clearing my throat. "W-what do you mean?"
"Nothing," he answered.
"Tell me."
"I said nothing, okay?!" Karlos' skin went ashen. I quickly ran to him and catched him when he started fainting. Pero agad niya akong tinulak palayo.
"Karlos!"
"I'm fine. I don't need your help."
He stood up saka ako tinalikuran. "I'll fix it." He said before disappearing into thin air leaving me a question, unanswered.
-
Pasensya na kung chaka ang update ngayon. Sa office ko 'yan isinulat. Kung maraming typos, plano ko pong gumawa ng major editing sa lahat ng chapter kaya wag kayong mag-alala.
Nga po pala, abangan niyo ang Kabanata 34. Bakit? Wala lang. Kasi masaya kung aabangan niyo. Masaya din kasi ang mangyayari sa kabanatang 'yun. Bakit masaya? Kasi masaya para sakin. Lololol. Basta abangan niyo nalang. 4 chapters nalang ipupublish ko na ang prologue ng new story ko. PROLOGUE lang po. Nagfofocus pa din ako sa MHK.
Nga pala ulit, may facebook at bagong twitter account na pala ako. Pafollow nalang at pa-add sa mga may gusto lang. Doon, pwede niyo akong kausapin, kulitin, maging kaibigan. Doon din, mas updated kayo sa kung anong mga ganap sa MHK. Sa instagram din, pwede kayong bumisita. Nagpopost ako ng mga illustrations ng MHK. Pero minsan may mga kakaunting pasilip sa susunod na kabanata. Ahahahah.
'Yan lang po. Masyado ng nagiging mahaba ang kabanatang ito. 3717 words na, ay 3720 na pala. Lol. 3724 na. Ay no, 3728 na. Lolol. Ge. Bye. ≥﹏≤
P.S. Masarap po sa pakiramdam ang comments at votes ≥﹏≤
P.P.P.S.S.S Mas trip ko 'yung dating Xander Ford.
P.P.P.P.S.S.S.S. 'Yung mas may humor pa ang Otor's note kesa sa story— wala? Oh, okay.