Said and done.
As soon as the front door slammed, Louis ran for his room. Searched for his phone, looking at the screen. He knew Harry would call. He knew it.
Since Louis and Harry did that last Saturday, as soons as William was gone, turned around or blinked, Harry was there, over him. And now would not be any different.
And Louis didn't felt bad. He didn't care. He just wanted to show he was better - and he was.
Instead of a call, a text.
I'm coming over.
And Harry did not even signed.
Louis decided to brush his teeth again. And wash his face.
All he could think is how much he hated William. Asshole.
He wanted to do anything against him. Anything.
He looked at the bedroom and gathered the dirty clothes. He would have to wash them apart so that his mother did not smell weed and vomit. Louis had never smoked and never wanted to know what it was like. Getting stoned only with alcohol was already good enough for him. He liked the feeling.
And then he waited a little longer.
Before, he'd always wondered if Harry would drive, where he would park it, if he would leave any mark that he was there... Now, all he wanted was for him to arrive soon.
And the bell rang.
Harry was there, smiling with his hands in his pockets. He was cold.
"I know William isn't here", was what he said.
"I know you know", Louis opened the door wider. The throat suddenly became dry. "Come in, be my guest."
Harry entered the house, taking two steps into the hall. Balby's houses had the same formats. Hall, staircase, on the right the kitchen door, and on the left the living room, with a little hallway to the back, and in some a bathroom down the stairs.
"How are you feeling?", Harry asked, his back still to Louis, facing the stairs.
"Well", Louis closed the door. That was a lie, but it didn't matter.
What now?
Harry always dragged him into the bedroom. Louis would have to drag him just now?
"We should go", was what Louis said.
And then he passed Harry and went up the steps, feeling the other accompanying him. Louis slept in his bed a few hours ago, saw his face against his, saw how worried he was... Nor did they look like those people who were dumbfounded in Harry's kitchen... they now looked like those two teens who were cheating someone. A brother and a boyfriend. Now they just seemed like that.
They arrived in the room and Louis didn't know where to stay. Would he wait for Harry to come and then kiss him? Would he expect Harry to kiss him first? Is not that why he came here?
"How are you?" Harry asked as he entered the room. He didn't look at Louis, he studied the room, as he did every time he went up there. Maybe he was looking for a Chemistry book with unresolved questions, whatever.
"Better, though I've been here for just a few hours, right.", his voice was more sarcastic than he'd liked.
Harry didn't awnsered. And it was time to act.
Louis stepped forward and let the air out of his mouth. He was closer to Harry. He could smell him from there.
"I know why you came here, so..."
Harry smiled.
And then Louis was already against his body. His nose hit Harry's, and they rubbed their cheeks together, unwittingly. The skin on Harry's face was softer than Louis remembered.
This is about William , Louis thought, while his mouth was about to meet Harry's, you're only doing it because you're better than him.
Louis opened his eyes, and Harry frowned, as if wondering why Louis did that. But why? It was all that Harry was looking for in Louis; sex. And all Louis was looking for in Harry was revenge.
"I can do this", Louis whispered, perhaps to himself, his mouth almost touching Harry's.
They were almost together. Harry was not going ahead, nor was Louis. They just breathed into each other's mouths. Louis waited for Harry to kiss him, but nothing happened. His breathing grew hot, and Louis moved forward.
It was always Harry pulling Louis' lip, but now Louis pulled Harry's. He gave the impulse forward...
I can do this...
Harry's mouth was cold, because he was walking outside at night. Hm, so he came walking... there wasn't the risk of the car being seen... he was cold because he came walking... the same hands that were in the pocket of his coat, now was in Louis' neck, pulling him forward.
And his lips were so soft, just like his cheeks. Louis could feel Harry's lips warming against his.
Louis put his tongue between Harry's teeth, forcing them open. Louis never had to do this, never asked Harry to open his mouth. Because it was Harry that always asked him.
But Harry opened it, as if hesitating, as if he was surprised that Louis did that.
But then Louis felt his tongue with Harry's, together. It made a strange noise, but he couldn't hear anything. Just kissed him. After all, all they did this week was kissing. Just that. They were like two boyfriends in the beginning of courtship... it was calm.
Louis grabbed Harry's arms, and pushed him to the bed. They stopped the kiss as Harry fell on the mattress, his mouth red and wet. Louis fell over him.
And when Louis searched through Harry's mouth, he was pulled up by the waist. It seemed so easy.
"What are you doing?", Harry asked, his hands firmly at Louis' waist.
"This is why you came over here", Louis smiled and kissed Harry again.
Harry pulled Louis up again, making a wet noise as they stopped kissing.
"You're not sure about that," Harry's voice faltered at the beginning of the sentence.
Louis wanted to ask why he came then, but he felt his body warm as he faced Harry. He paid attention to the white skin, the big hands around the body, the heat...
And kissed Harry again, forgetting the question. And Harry kissed him back, for a few seconds, until he pulled him again.
"You parents are coming."
"I don't care", Louis put a hand on the mattress next to Harry's ear.
Louis was on top, trying hard not to touch the underside of Harry's. He just wanted to kiss it for a while, before it happened.
It's because Harry kisses well, Louis thought, that's all.
One leg of Louis stayed on top of one of Harry's. It was the biggestt bodily contact they had besides their mouths together. And yet it seemed wonderful.
Harry pulled Louis' waist again.
"What's your problem?"
Louis licked his lips, drying them. He stared up at Harry, noses almost together; breaths hitting each other.
While I'll be away, building my life, you'll be here, trying to survive.
Louis could only think of that. Revenge. In doing anything to make him feel better, anything that made him better than William.
But betraying William make him better or worse than him? Make him what? Lower and dirty than his brother Louis wouldn't be, right?
Louis looked at his hand next to Harry's ear, and felt ashamed. God, what was he thinking? This is what he was? He looked like a whore.
Look at you. Do you think you will get in any college with your grades? They're pathetic.
His lip trembled and his eyes burned. And as he stared at Harry, his hand on his waist and incredibly handsome, Louis dropped a tear.
Louis stepped off Harry, pulling his legs away from him.
"God, Louis. What's wrong?", Harry sat down at the same speed.
He drew a lot of air into his lungs. He opened his mouth but said nothing.
you already know your place
William's voice echoed in his head. It was clear and looked stronger. They seemed true. What if they really were? If Louis were an asshole?
"What's wrong?", Harry asked again.
"I think ...", Louis' voice was too tight to continue. Maybe if he said more he would start sobbing.
"Are you feeling something? Do you think you're still drunk?" Harry leaned forward, his face close to Louis'.
He seemed so worried, so nervous.
"N-no."
Louis crawled to the headboard and leaned against it. His hands shaking.
"So what's the problem? Why you're crying?"
"I think you should go", Louis said and swalloed.
Harry stared at Louis curled up on the edge of the bed. Louis felt like a child.
Harry stood up and stand in the middle of the room.
Just go away, Louis thought.
And he was. He circled the bed, and as he was about to leave, he came back, striding.
"Did William said anything to you? Anything about why you missed class?"
"What?" Louis lifted his head. "No."
Harry sat on the bed again, his hands clasped together in his lap.
"What did he say?"
Louis blinked and breathed through his mouth, preventing his crying.
"Nothing, he didn't said anything."
Harry straightened on the bed, making a serious face.
"I will not leave until you tell me."
Louis stared at Harry, hoping his face was not red or swollen. He was going well, swallowing the crying.
"But he didn't said anything," Louis sniffed. "Actually, I don't know what just happened."
Harry stared at Louis, frowning. It was even frightening.
"What did he tell you?"
How did he know?
"Nothing, damn it," Louis nearly screamed. And as if everything were reversed, a tear trickled down his cheek.
He felt like a child again. Small and helpless, weeping.
"I don't believe in you," Harry said, in the same tone as before. He looked controlled, while Louis looked annoyed, shouting. "I'm not going..." Harry pulled one leg up onto the bed and pulled his boot "out of here while you...", he pulled the other leg, doing the same process of taking off his boots. "Don't tell me the truth."
Louis licked his lip, lifting his head. Harry took up too much space on the bed, his long legs stretched out. His feet were very close to Louis.
"Do you think I'll really talk about my problems with you?"
"See!" Harry went forward. He was still a little serious. "There's something. C'mon, what did he said?"
Louis swallowed. He was almost out of breath. His body still complained, he needed to sleep more, he needed a time without Harry and William. It was a lot for a Wednesday.
But Harry was there, and it looked like he was not going to leave for a long time. Both the bedroom and his life.
"I don't want to talk about it, seriously," Louis' voice was harder, and he wanted to clap his hands over it.
"When you're ready I'll be here."
"I'm serious."
"Me too."
"Fucking hell, Harry," Louis pulled away from the headboard, feeling his eyes burn again. Harry was being annoying. "I don't know if you have a brother or whatever, but I'm sure if this brother shouted in your face that you suck, you wouldn't want to say that to everyone."
Louis' chest rose and fell, and then he sobbed. He wanted to stop crying; It was so shameful, so low. But it was so strong. It hurt so much. William was his brother, and everything he said had weight too. Louis wanted to not feel that way.
He lowered his head, drying his eyes. This was so humiliating.
"I have a sister," Harry said. His voice was so low he could only hear hoarseness.
"How cool," Louis sniffed. He pulled his feet away from Harry, shrinking even more.
"She is in college."
"I don't care."
"And she always says that I study too much."
Louis let the air out of his mouth in frustration.
"Congratulations, my brother tells me quite the opposite."
Harry shifted in bed, and the mattress shook.
"You should not listen to what he says."
Louis wiped his face again. Jesus, it must have look awful.
"Are you going to tell me what to do?" Louis laughed bitterly. "Look at us, I'm cheating on my brother, and you're his boyfriend, I think we're too fucked up to give advices."
Harry laughed, and looked up for a few seconds.
"I think William is more fucked up than we are."
For a moment Louis felt indignant. Harry was William's boyfriend, and was he saying something like that? At some point in their relationship, Harry should at least have liked William... and now? If he really liked him, would he say something like that?
But then he felt nothing. He didn't care about William anymore.
Fuck William.
He was just a big... nothing.
"Look," Harry continued. "You have fun kissing me when you want."
Louis felt his face warm, but it was already hot from the tears, so it did not matter.
"Go away," he said. "You're just talking bullshit."
Harry took a deep breath, and went a little further.
"Do you know what I do when my sister says that?", Harry was staring at Louis, but Louis was afraid to face Harry from close range. "I keep studying."
Louis let out the air through his mouth, almost snorting. He was tired, He had to sleep... it was too much. And Harry kept filling up... saying useless things. To Louis, everything Harry said was useless.
Before, Louis only saw Harry at school or with William. He had never had a serious conversation, never talked for more than five minutes. But then, here they were, together... and still had sex. They had sex. Louis could hardly believe he had done that.
"Louis," Harry whispered, as if the subject was too serious. "Why did you kiss me like that?"
Louis didn't look at Harry, he continued to stare somewhere far away.
Why did he do that?
To show that I'm better than William, Louis thought.
But would he confess? Of course not.
"You wanted to do that or...", Harry tried to continue.
"Go away."
"No, Louis," Harry shifted, and the mattress stirred together again. "What you..."
"You should leave."
Louis leaned back against the headboard, swallowing everything in his throat.
"Louis..." Harry said lower.
And Louis closed his eyes. He really wanted to rest, to rest from Harry. In fact, he did not even know what he was still doing there, talking to him. Louis had no more patience - he didn't want to.
The bed moved again, and Louis cringed. He was afraid to open his eyes, he knew there was something there. He could feel it in the air. In fact, he could smell Harry's breath.
"Kiss me again like that."
The hairs on Louis' arm twitched. When he opened his eyes, Harry's face was there, right in front of him. He swallowed hard.
This should be some more of Harry's little things, some order or whatever. Harry always told him to do things; lie down in bed, take off his shirt and now kiss him.
It was not that hard to do. He could?
But before he could whimper, Harry kissed him, releasing the strong air through his nose. His body hit Louis', clumsy. Harry was much bigger compared to Louis, his shoulders could hide Louis very well, they could stay on top of him.
Harry kissed Louis. Kissed. He kissed because he wanted to... and he still had asked.
Louis breathed, then opened his lips. Harry's tongue was hot, and softer. It didn't even seem like they'd kissed each other a little while ago... had they kissed?
Louis couldn't be sure, he couldn't remember anything else. Harry's mouth was so close to his, so soft it made him forget everything.
When Louis released the air, he relaxed his body. He didn't know why, and didn't understand how, but it seemed that whatever he was carrying broke loose. The whole weight was gone, and it was just him and Harry.
He and Harry.
Kissing, breathing...
Louis didn't know where to put his hands, he didn't know if he could touch Harry. He just lay there, straight, feeling the lips of Harry moving in his, playing with his tongue, blending his breath.
And Louis needed to breathe.
When Harry went back, Louis pulled a lot of air, like when he leaves a long swim. He hated the noise he made.
"Sorry," Harry said.
He was sitting next to Louis. How did he sit there without Louis noticing?
"W-why?"
"You were... suffocated"
Louis licked his lips. He felt cold, and the room was starting to get dark. He had no idea what he was doing, he didn't know anything else.
Why he wasn't like that when he kissed Harry? Why was he feeling his heart pulsing like that?
"No... I wasn't..."
He looked at Harry, and his mouth was red and wet. He gasped, and before he could think, he leaned forward and kissed him. Harry didn't hesitate, didn't think... just kissed him back too.
First, they didn't touched, didn't done anything other than just kissing. But Harry held Louis by the waist, and Louis headed toward Harry. And they kissed more. And Louis couldn't stop... he looked so...
The garage doorbell rang, and Harry squeezed Louis.
But Louis did not stop kissing Harry, not for a second. He could not. He didn't want to.
"The garage," Harry managed to say.
Louis looked around. The room was alone in the gloom, the sun was already fading; should be almost 7pm. Louis' parents should be coming into the house... And Harry was here, lying on his bed.
This was so wrong.
"I can lock the door," was what Louis said.
Harry frowned, but Louis was already out of bed. He locked the door and came back very fast. Sitting on the bed, next to Harry, Louis took a deep breath, thinking. But he didn't wanted to think. He wanted Harry.
And when he paid attention to what he was doing, maybe a few minutes later, he was beneath Harry, kissing him. And they continued. They continued until the gloom became shadow, until the mouths became numb, until they lost their meaning.
------------------------------------------------------------
"And you did what?"
"Nothing." Louis sighed.
Liam pointed a fork at him.
"I don't know who is more asshole, William for being an asshole by nature or you for sinking more into this shit."
Louis rested his head on his left hand, letting out a yawn. "I don't know either."
"And will things stay like now?"
Louis shrugged.
"I don't know, but my thoughts have changed, I think."
Liam grimaced and studied the food, then filled his mouth.
"Are you guys together or something?"
"No," Louis said quickly. "Not even close, I just said that my concepts of family and affinities with some people have changed, but that doesn't change much."
Liam laughed, and Louis grimaced. He would die for a bed right now.
He and Harry stayed in the room until 1am, and Louis had to take Harry to the door in the cold. The best was in the goodbyes. Harry kissed Louis in the hall, and they almost froze their lips. And Louis dreamed of it. He felt strangely well.
"Are you going to take a class now?" Liam asked.
"History of Art."
Louis and Liam left the cafeteria, and Louis wanted not to stare at every corner. What if he saw William and Harry making out? What if last night was nothing?
God, what the fuck.
They hadn't had sex or anything, but it seemed so intense, so deep that Louis couldn't explain. He never thought he could kiss a person for so long and still not get tired.
So if he saw them together...
But he didn't. And when he went home, Liam was not in the parking lot to take him with the Jeep. He should have said something. Liam had never left Louis alone, he knew of the condition that no one, no one from the last year used a school bus. That was a joke.
Then Louis took off his tie and sweater, and started walking down Weston Rd. It was about twenty minutes from Balby Carr to Louis street, Westmorland. He had so much in his head that he didn't care at the moment, but he would curse Liam at some point. Why the hell didn't he warn Louis that he could not...
Louis took a deep breath as he saw the Volvo standing in the driveway. Expensive fucking car. Harry was there, and so was William, too.
But when he stood facing the house, ready to enter the hall, he saw Harry. He was sitting on the brick step, wearing his school uniform, still in his tie. Louis could not think straight, then went into the yard, heading for the hall.
Harry got up and gave way to Louis. They said nothing. And Louis didn't even wanted to. Was Harry waiting for William?
But when they entered the house, there was no one.
And then Louis turned, and Harry began to kiss him.