Affection
Taeyoung moves his body away from mine slightly. "Sorry," he mumbles, looking down at his hands. The other couple jokingly snickers at us before turning back and continuing their conversation.
I frantically look around the bus in embarrassment. Luckily, it is pretty vacant and the two people across from us are absorbed in their phones. I let out my breath. PDA makes me nervous.
He sheepishly looks back at my red face, like a puppy that got too excited and now feels guilty.
My eyes fixate on his lips. There are smudges of red lip tint on them. I chuckle a bit, taking my finger and trying to wipe off the colour. He watches my eyes as I rub his lips. My brow furrows when the stubborn tint barely comes off. Rather, it looks like I've spread the thin layer over his lips more.
Although, if I must say, it looks kinda hot.
"It won't go away." My words trail off when I look up to his eyes. We stare at each other for a bit, and I grow nervous thinking that he might kiss me yet again. But he lets out a deep sigh while turning to face the front of the bus. His body slumps down a bit, his eyes closing.
"This is going to be a hard day," he mumbles to himself.
I watch him in confusion. Hard day? Why? Because of me? What the hell did I do? I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window for the rest of the ride.
***
"We're getting off at this stop," Koko turns to tell us. I'm woken up from the daydream I was in. Taeyoung's eyes finally open.
He takes my hand and we walk off the bus together. Koko leads the way to the amusement park.
"Have you been there before?" I ask her.
"Nope."
"And you know where you're going?"
"Honey, you just need to pretend that you know." She turns to pat my head. Max laughs at her.
I sigh in defeat. Sure enough, she leads us to the right place. It's cute and not as small as I expected but there are people everywhere. We get our tickets and look at a park map while Max scans the tickets on some app.
"Oh hell yes," Koko exclaims pointing at their biggest roller coaster called Atlantis. I feel my stomach begin to churn. I lean into Taeyoung a bit. His arms come around me, hugging me from behind. He points at some other rides, talking to the other two. I just stand sheepishly, his body shadowing mine, nervous as I hear his excitement.
This asshole loves rides, doesn't he? I'm in trouble.
"Let's do this one first, ease ourselves into things." Koko points at a ride called the Gyro Drop. When we walk over to it I notice just how high it is and how fast the contraption drops down. My stomach begins to hurt and all of a sudden I feel the urge to pee. I take a step backwards and softly hit Taeyoung.
He hugs me from behind again, his head resting on my shoulder. "Do you not like heights?" He asks me.
"Uh..." It isn't really the height that scares me. I can stand on top of a mountain looking down quite easily. It's different if I am falling off of it.
"You'll be okay. It isn't that fast," he says as he squeezes my body reassuringly.
Not fast? Yeah right.
The wait in line isn't that long, to my dismay. I sit beside Taeyoung. He grabs my hand, squeezing my sweaty palms.
"I hate you," I whisper as the ride starts to roar into life.
"What?" He yells over the noise.
Then we're spinning, moving up higher and higher off the ground. My eyes clench closed as tight as possible. The one minute feels like forever. I feel like I'm losing my mind, literally, like it's going to leave the constraints of my skull and get left behind in the air. Not a sound leaves my mouth because my teeth are clenched so tight. I'm squeezing Taeyoung's hand so tightly that I lose the feeling of my hand. I'm so terrified when the ride finally comes to a halt at the very top that I feel like my teeth are going to shatter from clenching them so hard.
Then we fall, and if my face wasn't so distorted from the blast of wind hitting it, I'd probably will myself to cry.
And that idiot? He's laughing in delight.
When we reach the ground I keep my eyes closed for a moment longer. Taeyoung pries his hand out of mine and lifts up the bar.
"Sohee?" He gets out of the ride and pulls me down. When I open my eyes everything looks too pale. I hold his hand as we walk out.
"Are you okay?" He asks, concerned.
"I'm fine." I'm able to say. Koko and Max meet with us.
"That was lame, let's do something better next," Koko says, her face composed and even bored looking.
"I thought it was fun," Max says, a smile on his face.
I laugh softly, sarcasm peaking through. They all look at me. "Are you okay?" Koko asks.
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine." I shake it off and they do as well.
I force myself to survive through two more fast-paced rides, each one ending with three open-mouthed smiles on the other threes faces, and a grimace on mine.
But now I can feel this constant tense anxiety take its toll on my body. I am already exhausted and can barely keep up with them when walking to the next one. The next one.
Someone help me.
We stand in front of the line for the roller coaster, my least favourite kind of ride. As usual, they are all excited.
I need to leave. There's no way I can survive through this one. I start shaking my head, having an inner battle with myself.
"Sohee, are you okay?" Taeyoung's concerned voice asks and this time I don't lie.
"No," I softly say before leaving the line. He calls out to me and pushes his way out of the line as well.
I'm sitting on a nearby bench, my lightheaded head in my hands. He sits beside me, a hand lying on my back.
"Sohee? Do you feel sick?"
I groan. I feel like such a loser today. I want Taeyoung to enjoy himself, I don't want to be a burden to him. But here I am, about to pass out.
"Stay here for a second." He gets up and I can hear his feet tapping against the pavement, jogging away from me.
My blood pressure must be low because the lightheadedness does not seize, and yet I don't quite feel like I will actually pass out. I feel an intense craving for hydration of any kind. My heart must have been racing ruthlessly for too long a period of time.
I hear him return after a while. He lifts my face and grabs one of my hands. Something is placed in my grip. An ice cream cone.
"Eat it." I stare at his concerned face for a bit. The guilt attacks me, he is so sweet, and he is missing the ride.
I sombrely lick the ice cream, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world.
His hand pats the top of my head, stroking my hair. "That's my girl," he lightly sing-songs. I almost choke on the ice cream. I look up at him with big eyes. He's staring at my mouth with a small smile. Then he quickly leans in and pecks my lips. My heartbeat quickens in shock, mouth agape.
"There was ice cream..." He trails off before giving me a dorky smile.
"I'm sorry," I spit out.
"For what?" He asks, stroking my hair again.
"I know you wanted to go on that ride."
"Sohee-yah, I've been on that ride about ten times in my life. I don't need to go on it again," he laughs at me.
"Oh..."
"Do you not like this?" He asks.
"What?"
"Rides."
"Oh... not really. They make me feel sick," I mumble, looking down at my shoes.
"바보 [Fool], you should have told me that. Why did you make yourself suffer?" He lifts my chin up to look at him.
"I didn't want to be a party-pooper." I pout.
He laughs at my choice of words, then he abruptly hugs me, his face nuzzling into the crook of my neck. "귀여워 [Cute], why is my Sohee so adorable?"
My cheeks burn with heat. He's so affectionate today, and his attention on me is something I've never experienced before. I've never had anyone treat me like this, as if I am the best thing they have.
His head leaves my neck, arms unwrapping. He stands up and holds his hand out. I pause, looking at him with awe, amazed that this beautiful guy likes me of all people. I place my empty hand in his and stand up.
"Let's go on the kiddie rides," he says while texting Max on his phone.
And we do.
Apparently, it's a good experience for him since he's never actually gone on them before. At first, I'm extremely embarrassed as I get on a teacup ride with Taeyoung and two little girls. But Taeyoung takes no notice of us standing out. He plays around with the little girls as they spin the wheel. I just watch him, smiling.
We go on a ride where we shoot at targets, and we were both so competitive that we went on again after to try and beat the high score. We did.
We shared amusement park food too, my favourite aspect of parks.
Now we're on a carousel, me on a white horse with paint chipping away. Any embarrassment I felt prior is completely gone as I laugh with Taeyoung, who is hoping from horse to horse, slow dancing to the music. He laughs while walking back over to me, leaning on the horse that I sit on.
"Yah... you know what." He takes out his cellphone. "You look like a birthday card." He takes photos of me while I laugh in embarrassment, hand covering my face.
"A birthday card?" I ask.
"The prettiest birthday card I've ever gotten." He leans in and kisses my nose before taking another photo of my surprised face.
"Ah, your cheeks are red." He takes another photo before pinching my cheeks.
"Ugh, please don't," I roll my eyes. The ride stops moving and he holds his arms out to help me get down.
I feel like a girl, just a normal girl with a happy life on a date with her boyfriend. It is so easy to forget about where I am, what is happening in my life and instead just focus on the moment.
"I'm going to text the others," he says while typing. Soon enough we meet up with Koko and Max, who look absolutely exhausted.
"You alright?" I ask.
"Yeah—just—too many rides. Tired. Need food." Koko says between pants, Max looking just as wiped out.
"Why do you two look so happy?" Max asks.
"Hyung, did you know kids rides are actually a lot of fun?" Taeyoung says excitably, eyes lit up like a child. I grab his arm, smiling at his adorable face.
They look at the two of us before shaking their heads and turning away.
"What?" Taeyoung asks. We follow them.
"Let's get food and drinks. What do you feel like having?" She asks Max.
"Mm, how about 짜장면 [jjajangmyeon], or 짬뽕 [jjampong]?" He says.
"Cool, let's go." She looks at us for acknowledgement.
An hour later we're eating noodles in an outdoor place, Koko filling our shot glasses with 소주 [soju]. Uh oh.
Taeyoung looks over at my pale face, "Don't drink it if you don't want to," he says, sounding concerned. I'm sure flashbacks of the last time he saw me drunk are moving through his mind.
I pause before taking the shot with the rest of them. One shot of this won't kill me, right?
. . .
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Love,
Sooaura