Handball is my life. I simply cannot wait to get out of school and run to my handball practice everyday. I loved my team to the core and usually we all got along pretty well. Of course there were sometimes when pressure got the best of us, and those were the moments when coaches and players got their claws out sharply. We've always been able to work out our differences, but there was this one time where I thought my future in the team was over.
It was Saturday. We had been training hard all week long to give our best in the first game of the season. The other team was good, but we were now proudly four times champions of the regional league, and we'd be five times champions this year. We all wanted it, especially our coaches that pushed more and more to get even better. I didn't mind the pressure, it made me play even better than usual. But some others simply couldn't handle it, and that's when everything went south.
Darlena and Heide are not only sisters, they're twins. To sum up, if you mess with one of them you mess with them both. I personally had never had a fight with any of my teammates, only Valerie when we had that awful fight that almost broke us apart. Other than that everyone pretty much liked me, but that morning during the game Darlena was simply not focused. I usually do not reprimand my teammates, it's not like I'm the captain. But that day Darlena was simply asking for it.
"Dee, over here" I shouted for the fifth time that day as I ran into the circle but she completely ignored me and tried to give the ball to Valerie, who had three players blocking her. Needless to say we lost the ball and they scored. I was getting frustrated with the situation very quickly, so I decided to just talk to her in the half time.
"Dee listen. They're not blocking me. Lift your head before you pass the ball, alright?" I said trying to be the least hostile I could. I didn't want to be rude, I just wanted her to listen to me. If her scoff was anything to go by, I predicted I was about to be completely ignored. And so I was.
During the other half I decided to take the matter into my own hands. I tried to steal the ball as much as I could and score. I made two or three more points when I saw by the corner of my eye Darlena was anything but happy at me. I shrugged it off though. It's not like it was my fault.
"Come on Jessica, it's a team sport. Look for your teammates" I heard Nick shout for the fifth time and in my desperation I tried to give Darlena the ball but the pass was intercepted by the other team.
The other team was shortening the difference, and if we kept this up we were definitely gonna lose. I did my best to keep my mind clear but the situation was just drowning me. I didn't feel like myself anymore, not with Darlena and Nick pissing me off all the time.
After a few minutes I saw Nick making signs for me to go the bench. At first I was a little bit surprised. Nick never ever benched me, and I hadn't done anything bad. Valerie patted my back, mumbling something of me getting a rest so I obeyed and went to sit down. I figured maybe Nick wanted to give me a few minutes to rest and then he'd put me back. After almost ten minutes passed and he didn't do such a thing, I got up to stand by his side.
"Nick, can I go back in?" I said to the man that had his eyes posed intensely on the game going on.
"Have you cleared your head? Because I don't know what the hell was that in there" he barked at me roughly, which completely took me aback given the fact I hadn't done anything.
"What do you mean? Darlena..." I tried to explain being that Nick had missed how rude my teammate had been towards me with no explanation.
"Sit. I don't have time right now" he stated coldly and I felt slightly hurt by his attitude. Still I went to sit down, being that I didn't have much of a choice.
The game was over and luckily we had won. I had decided to put the entire episode behind me. We had won and that's all that mattered. Now in the changing room I went to congratulate my teammates when Nick got in for his speech before we were allowed to shower and be decent people again.
"I must say girls, I was not impressed today. You were simply not focused today" Nick said and we all lowered our heads a bit. We knew we hadn't reached our coach's expectations for the first game of the season, but we'd do better the next week. That was until Darlena proceeded to unleash all her anger against me.
"It wasn't our fault. Jessica was too busy bossing us around to even shoot a properly" she spat venomously at me and suddenly all eyes were on me.
I'd have thought someone would have said something to help my case, but when I looked around I didn't get the feeling of anyone wanting to defend me. If anything they just looked at Darlena as if she had revealed the unspoken truth. All except Valerie and Jazz of course, who immediately took my side.
"That's not true Darlena. She didn't do that" Valerie frowned at her and almost instantly Heide got up to look at Valerie dead in the eye.
"Dee is right. Jessica thinks she's better than any of us and spends the entire game talking instead of focusing on her own mistakes" Heide said taking a stand for her twin sister.
I didn't mind though. I knew what they were saying wasn't true, and Darlena was simply too frustrated with herself to admit her own mistakes. What really set me off was Nick not saying absolutely nothing in my favor.
While the rest of the team was showering, me and a couple players more had to come back to the fields for the first division game. Mike always called us to play with them because we were the best players in the team and he wanted us to get used to the competition. I avoided contact with anyone and just decided to go so I could go home as soon as possible. In my way to the fields I found Nick texting on his phone, so I walked by him to say goodbye but he didn't say that back.
"You need to calm down Jessica. I'm serious" he said while looking at the screen of his phone.
At first I thought I had heard him wrong, so I turned around to look at him very confused with this whole situation.
"What do you mean?" I said setting my heavy backpack on the ground.
"What you heard. I don't know what happened today, but you got all nervous and it affected your game. You need to leave those things outside the fields" he instructed still hadn't abandoned his phone to give me a look.
"What? But Darle-" I started saying but he cut me off again even more mad than before if possible.
"I don't care what it was. Keep yourself together and show me you can have a cold mind in the fields. That's what I need of you. Otherwise I'll be forced to bench you like I did today" he said his voice with such a finality I found it useless to argue with.
I didn't say anything as I picked my stuff and left. Never in my life I had felt more underappreciated and rough treated in my life. It affected me so bad I wanted to ran back home with tears in my eyes. Probably would have if I hadn't bumped into someone on my way there.
"I know I' lost 4 pounds but you still cannot tear me down Jessica" I heard Mike playful voice, one it wasn't usual to hear these days as he kept me steady so I wouldn't fall.
"Sorry" I mumbled and was willing to keep going but he didn't let go.
"Wow, wow. Are you crying? What's the matter?" Mike said changing to a concerned attitude when he took a good look of my reddened puffy eyes.
"Nothing. I just wanna go home" I insisted but it was useless. I'd have to give Mike an answer for him to set me free.
"Bullshit. Come on, what's wrong?" he said with so much interest I decided to share my situation with the only one that had cared for me that day.
"I just... I don't wanna play anymore. Please don't make me" I said breaking down in tears even when I did my best not to.
Sensing the situation, Mike took me away where no one could see us. I knew we were running out of time, we had to be out there in a few minutes. But I simply didn't care anymore. I didn't want to play.
"Hey, hey it's alright. You don't need to cry. I'm sure we can figure it out" Mike said and it did some good to my soul to know someone there was thinking on me.
"Sorry" I said and did my best effort to calm myself down.
"I realize it's a bad day for you. We can talk about it later, I promise, but right now I need you to be strong and go to the fields. We'll leave this for later. Now I want you to go there and be the Jessica that kicks ass I know you are. Alright?" Mike said and even when it took all the strength I had left for that day, I did as he said.
He was being so honest and caring I couldn't say no. After all, playing with the first division was really cool and I got to be with my two best friends a little bit longer. Jazz doesn't usually play unless their golie gets injured, but it was nice to have her there. During that game I ended up forgetting what I was mad for and just enjoyed myself. Mike put me in and I pulled out some very interesting moves, ended up scoring like 6 points. The older girls congratulated us for the game, especially me who they said I really kicked ass. And with girls 3 years older than me! It made me feel proud of myself, and if Nick and the rest couldn't see that then fuck them. I simply wouldn't play anymore if I was so awful to them.
On the way back, Mike offered to give me a ride and I accepted, thinking I needed to let out of myself everything that had happened today. I filled him in with what had happened today and he completely took my side, which made me feel a lot better.
"I'll talk to Nick tonight, don't worry. Just get some rest and I'll see you on Monday. Alright?" Mike said as we were parked outside my house.
"Thank you Mike, really. See you on Monday!" I said and walked into my home for a very deserved bubble bath.
As another episode was playing on my phone with Netflix, I got lost in my thoughts that still rounded what had happened today. Mike's talk had eased me a lot, and my heart filled with the hope of someday playing for him and not for Nick anymore, who clearly couldn't stand me for one more second. I broke my head thinking what would be best and I came out with a plan. I'd let Nick get his way and I'd bench the entire season and the next one, and would only play for Mike if he still wanted me to. That way we all win, or at least I convinced myself of it.
Monday came too fast for my liking, and I found myself dragging my feet on my way to practice instead of cheerfully skipping there like any other time. Even when I had a plan, I didn't feel like coming to practice. The only thought of listening to Nick's voice irritated me to no end.
Lucky for me, that day Carl was with us most of the practice. While Nick was away, I was cheerful and active, ran like never in my life and beat everyone in the abs race (basically we make abs until we can't anymore). Carl was more than happy with me, but as soon as he switched with Nick my entire demeanor changed to the opposite pole. I was moody, lazy and simply did everything half machine and my coach noticed it. Once practice was done with, Nick asked me to stay behind to have a little talk and I silently complied. It'd be no good for me to act bitchy with him, I'd simply ignore him the best I could.
"Look Jess I wanted to apologize because of what happened on Saturday. Mike called me that night and told me your side of the story. I guess I was just too tense to listen to you" Nick said and likely he expected me to easen up my attitude but I didn't.
"It's fine, it doesn't matter" I shrugged my shoulders with a look that screamed 'can I go now?'.
"Um ok. I guess we're good then" he said but I said nothing to confirm that statement which only increased the confusion in my coach's eyes. "Ok, well... see you tomorrow. I need you all on your best for Saturday" he said and went back to his white board to make up new plays but I stopped him.
"I won't be playing on Saturday" I simply stated and saw how he dropped his marker when he heard me.
"What, why? Are you hurt?" he asked while getting on his feet but I was quick to shake my head.
"No. I simply don't want to play" I said as if it wasn't such a crazy thought I had just said out loud.
"This is a joke right? What's the matter?" Nick said and I decided to give him a piece of my mind.
"Well obviously the team thinks they're better off without me and my bossing around and without my nerves affecting my game. So I'm simply taking a step back" I said consciously using the same words Darlena and Nick had said to me that day and that the rest of the team had backed up with their silence.
"Jessica I know you're mad at me, but I already said I'm sorry" Nick said not quitting on his annoying irritated tone of voice. "Now I better see you on Saturday on your best behavior".
"If you force me to go, then I'll go" I said in a calmed tone of voice that touched every single last of his nerves. "But don't put me in the fields because I'm not going to play".
"I've heard enough of this. You're doing as I say. Period" Nick spoke down to me as if I was just some petulant child he was forced to deal with, but I remained in a rebel silent that made clear he had not won that argument.
He already knew I'd get away with it. He couldn't force me to play, and if he benched me then he'd be doing exactly what I wanted. He simply dismissed me with a deep sigh and I was quick to grab my belongings and walked out of there. I wouldn't play for a coach who thought to low of me, so I guess it was for the best.
That night I had a phone conference with my two best friends and I told them the news of me not playing anymore in Nick's team. They sounded worried, I mean who wouldn't? Absolutely anyone who knew me would realize how huge this decision was. I had played with the same girls since we were like 8 years old. It sucked it all broke apart just because of Darlena's wimp.
"But it's not about Darlena precisely" I admitted to my friends on the other side of the line. "I give two shits about what she thinks of me. It was Nick's response to it what really set me off" I said as a few anger tears welled up in my eyes. Lucky for me there was nobody in the room to witness that.
"Yeah I know. I'm really mad at him too. You didn't deserve being treated that way. We should have said more Jessie" Jazz apologized in her own way as I could picture her hazel eyes wide open with a sad light in them.
"Nah, it's ok. I rather handle this myself. It's good to know I have you on my side thought" I said as I smiled to the phone I was talking to, just as if my girls were there with me. They always had my back.
"Of course you do" Valerie said sounding as determined as the situation called for. "I have your back on this, so just do what you have to do. We understand".
That was a hard stand to be honest with you. I knew how much Nick could take from Valerie if she acted wrong, but she didn't care in the slightest. We all rathered to back up each other and lose everything if we had to, as long as we never leave each other down. That's what true friendship feels like.
The next day I went to practice with plans of pissing off my coach as bad as I could. I knew it could probably earn me a punishment, but I had the captain on my side so I wasn't counting with that happening. When I directed myself to the fields, a strong hand came out of nowhere and firmly held me back so I couldn't take another step.
"Hey, what the-" I said as I quickly whipped my head to see who had taken hold of me when I found Mike's angry eyes staring at me. "Heeey Mike" I said and my voice trembled a bit, not knowing what I had done.
"Walk with me. We have to talk" he simply said before he started marching me to the punishment room, just in case I had plans of doing otherwise than what he had ordered me. Ugh nooo. What did I do now??
Once we walked in, I could smell what this was about. Nick stood there looking extremely pissed off at me, his arms folded on his chest making him look even bigger than what he was. A chill of fear went down my spine when Mike shut the door loudly behind me, leaving me trapped with them in there. It was just like I had been thrown in the hungry tigers cage.
"It's enough of this cat and dog fight you've been having. You hear me?" Mike said glaring at both of us, but especially me, probably being aware by now of the incredible attitude I had thrown Nick yesterday.
"I'm tired too but what do you want me to do man?" Nick said completely exasperated with my incurable behavior.
"I don't know! But I need her and you know it" he said and I smirked. "And you don't smirk so much or I'll find a replacement soon" Mike was quick to silence me with his threat but I showed myself unimpressed by it.
"Pst, I dare you to" I said rolling my eyes with my eyes folded on my chest.
SMACK SMACK
"Owww what was that for??" I squirmed as my hands shot back to protect my butt from Mike's big hand.
"For acting like a queen, untouchable. That attitude you've been displaying doesn't work here and you know it" he glared at me so intensely I had no choice but to lower my head. "Expect more of that coming if you decide to keep up your attitude. I'm gonna leave the two of you to talk on your own now. I want this situation settled" he spoke harshly to us, directing himself more to Nick than to me I suppose.
The room went deathly quiet as soon as Mike shut the door behind him, leaving us both Nick and I refusing to look at each other as we both had our eyes stubbornly trained on the white walls. After I memorized every single stain on them, I decided to break the silence with a loud huff.
"I'd like to go home now" I said trying to erase any trail of emotions from my voice. Needless to say my coach wasn't thrilled by my statement, and he didn't delay to let me know.
"Oh you're going home, after we've talked about this... thoroughly" Nick said hardening his expression at least the second I glanced at him by the corner of my eye.
"Fine. What do you want to talk about so badly?" I said not letting down my hostile attitude not even one bit, which I was likely to regret soon enough.
"Our team has something special Jessica and you're only making efforts to ruining it" Nick accused me harshly and I quickly backfired all I had inside.
"Yeah? Well it wouldn't kill you to show it" I snorted while looking away with the best arrogant look I could muster in the moment.
"Wow, wow. Show what?" Nick was quick to ask while lifting his eyebrow at me.
"That I'm special! That you need me, that you think I'm a good player. You're on my ass all day but you never tell me the things I do right" I said finally letting out my tears that flowed unwillingly across my flushed cheeks.
And then he came with the infamous question many people ask me these days.
"Why couldn't you let me know you felt this way?" Nick said sounding more confused than upset because of my statement. I tried to pull myself together before I allowed myself to look at him and only gave him a shoulder shrug for an answer. "Fine. Have it your way then" he said and before I could blink he had me bent over the table that was right next to me, with a speed and skill that took me by surprise.
"Nick let go!" I shouted as I squirmed against the heavy hand that was pressing my back so I couldn't lift from my position.
"No. We have got to talk about this" he said putting an emphasis in the word 'talk'.
"And we are! You don't have to do this" I tried to plead him but it came out more like a whining which I know it irritated my coach.
"Huffing and shrugging shoulders is not talking. Perhaps this will incentivize you a bit to express yourself with words" Nick said and as my struggling had died down a bit out of exhaustment he raised his big sized hand in the air and let it fall harshly over my butt causing a dry pop sound shoot through my ears. As one second went by, I swear I felt Nick's exact hand mark on my throbbing cheek as the burning increased.
He didn't give me much time to react between smacks, just enough time to feel exactly what I described before. Just when I thought the pain really couldn't get worse or that he'd just run out of energy another forceful smack was place in some random place of my upturned backside. I kept my hands on the table, my fingers grasped to the edges fearing that, if I protected my butt Nick would break my hand with one of those smacks.
"Must say, I am very much disappointed in you Jessica" Nick said as an opening statement to start his speech but I had plans of participating of it actively.
"Same to you" I mumbled under my breath before I felt a painful smack delivered to the connection between my thighs and butt. Crap that really hurt!
"I know you are. I gave you reason for that" Nick said calmly but I noticed a slight tremble in his voice. I knew it wasn't a light matter for him to let down his players, but he was human after all. Or at least I think so. "Now that doesn't give you the right to abandon your team" he continued once trusting I'd be quiet now but I was far from that.
"They abandoned me first" I growled loudly as I clenched my teeth together. I simply couldn't let go of the fact that the girls who are supposed to have my back had remained silent while Darlena spoke bullshit of me. Needless to say, another hard smack followed that sentence. Oh shit, it was a rain of them!
"Are you going to be SMACK quiet SMACK now Jessica?" Nick said as the sound of the five quick smacks he had applied resounded around the room. I found myself nodding my head furiously at that. I didn't want anymore of those but I seriously doubted he was done with it.
"Yesss yes. I'm sorry" I was quick to spit out as my legs kicked a bit with the force of the smacks.
"Oh, are you now? Well that's the first time you've said that in the whole week" Nick said before resuming the task of covering every inch of my exposed backside with hard smacks until I was sure it must have been bright red. "I made my mistakes, but I apologized for them. I sincerely apologized to you but it didn't matter much in your head, did it?" he took a pause to look at me dead in the eye but I was quick to bring back my attention to the table.
"I'm sorry Nick, please" I said as a couple tears rolled down my cheeks when I felt he had lifted his hand again. I really couldn't take anymore. The man had a mean swing!
"You should be SMACK SMACK The attitude you displayed these days was unacceptable SMACK SMACK You do not talk back to me SMACK SMACK and you do not tell me 'no'. Are SMACK we SMACK clear SMACK?" Nick asked as those last three smacks came down in a fast pace that made me lift my right leg to the point I almost fell down of the table. Probably would have if it wasn't for Nick's firm hand on my back.
"OWWW Yes, we are! I won't do it again. I'm sorry" I cried out loud fearing my backside was about to break in two. Of course that had never happened, but I didn't want to tempt any of the three eagles to try.
Five more swats were delivered to my throbbing backside as I laid limp over the table, having accepted my fate long ago. I felt Nick's hand lift but this time I felt a soft reassuring pat on my shoulder, indicating me it was all done with. Oh thank God! Just after my sobbing had died down considerably I heard my coach's voice again.
"You're not irreplaceable Jessica, nobody in this team is. But I hope you know I'd hate to replace you. I want you in the team because I think you're an excellent player and have a bright future ahead of you if you want it." Nick explained to me while I was bawling like a little girl that didn't want to listen the truth. I liked feeling important and untouchable, but my coach was right. That wasn't an attitude of a four times champion team. I had to change.
I pushed myself from the table and back on my two feet and quickly dried the remaining tears that had stained my blushed cheeks. Only then I lifted my eyes to meet Nick's. He wasn't upset and frustrated anymore. I guess neither was I.
"I'm sorry though. I never imagined you felt so frustrated and I should have been there for you" he spoke to me softly and warmly, so his words were like a hug to me.
"I forgive you too" I smiled at him to let him know we were cool after all.
"I believe Darlena and others will need that forgiveness too" Nick sighed as he crossed his arms on his chest. I knew what was going through his head. He hated punishing us, and I didn't want him to punish the other girls. They were still my team after all.
"You don't have to Nick. It was just a stupid fight, Darlena acted out of spite. I can forgive her if she just admits she was a bitch to me" I said the very first words that came to my mind and seconds later that heavy hand of his swatted my thigh as hard as he could. OUUUCH.
"Language, but yes. She certainly will. Don't worry about it" Nick said and placed his hand on my shoulder to give me a friendly squeeze. "I'll see you tomorrow... on time" he clarified as his brows furrowed a bit.
"Yeeees, I will. See you tomorrow Nick" I said quickly grabbing my backpack and getting out of there before he could scold me about anything else.
I walked home and I texted Jason the whole way there. He wanted to know if I had fixed things with my coach, seeing as he was extremely worried that I had threatened with quitting handball. Quitting? Not in my language. And much less quitting handball, which I've already said is everything to me. School? Yeah I would, but then you know who would murder me with his own hands and then drag me back to school. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
That night I slept over my stomach but with a content smile. I knew I wasn't the most important person in the team, but my coach valued me and that's all I needed. I woke up early the next morning so I wouldn't be late for school. I didn't want to start the morning with the left foot. I wanted to keep my butt clear of smacks for at least a week or two.
"Are you out of the woods finally?" Paul asked with a smug look when I entered into the classroom for my classes with him. I didn't reply as I went to take my sit, wincing when I thought how badly it hurt to sit down just yesterday.
"So they told you, huh?" I said while peeking from beneath my hair Paul's expression, just in case he was mad at me as well for the attitude I showed to my coaches, but his face was relaxed and friendly. That certainly made me feel better.
"When will you ever learn to talk about your feelings, hm?" Paul smiled at me friendly and I couldn't help to shrug my shoulders once more.
It simply wasn't my thing.
By Psparkle022