Chapter Twenty-Four
Casper didn't feel any different that one fully anticipated morning but he felt like he should've been. Casper just thought that this age - his age - sixteen, was the age. It was the age you finally grew into your looks and looked good in them, it was the age where you got through all your classes with no sweat and it was the age when everyone suddenly noticed your existence and wanted theirs to be linked to it - you had everything going for you.
Yes, it was the year you dreamed of ever since you were young; the pinnacle of success and on an easy road of further prosperity and to live a life of luxury and little worries. And it all started right there and then, on that one morning of your sixteenth year in the world - or so your five-year old self thought because that was all kids looked up to in their youth; getting older.
Sadly, for Casper, it was a bitter disappointment.
He woke up that morning; still small and scrawny and his eyes being too big for his face, his baby fat still intact and the same puny little hands; still with the same mindset as the day before, groggy and below average; and still with the same empty inbox as before. He was even presented with a huge spot on his forehead, Casper liked to think that it was his way of his body shaking him into reality and hating is life even more. At least his hair was attractive - but it would be, after spending so much time to turn it into (what looked like) an effortless perfection.
After spending a long time in a state of depression in front of the mirror the smell of bacon came wafting into his room. His mother hadn't gotten up early and was hunch wearily over the grill as he walked into the kitchen. She turned to him and gave a bright smile like she always did, forgetting about the bacon and sausages sizzling on the stove and engulfing him in a hug.
She had already put up the celebratory signs he was accustomed to every year and he knew they'd be appearing all around the house along with balloons. He smiled, some things never did change.
"Happy Birthday, Darling," she cooed, squeezing him tight. Casper just stood there until she let him go when the bacon was in threat becoming charcoal, muttering to herself of how just yesterday he was crawling around the floor and calling her mummy.
Casper rolled his eyes at her am and kissed her on the cheek and sat down at the dining table before she made a bigger fuss of him. She would always baby him on his birthdays more than she usually did.
When it was put out, a full breakfast with his runny egg yolk and all, he was already drooling and dug in quickly. Although it looked as if he was shovelling in everything without thought he really did appreciate and savour the breakfast that he rarely got for his mum on weekdays. His mum really was the best cook in his opinion. She smiled at him from the other end of the table, a slight sadness in her eyes as she ate her own.
It was a comfortable silence between the two, they didn't have to say anything but rather just feel each other's presence and that was enough. Casper hummed contently, buttering a bit of toast to plunge into his beans. Of course, with his mum's overpowering problem with sticking her nose where ever she swung it, that silence didn't last long.
"So who's the girl?" She asked suddenly then taking a sip her tea cup in hand in a casual way as if she wasn't dying inside to know.
Casper almost choked on his black pudding, he heaved comically. When he was finally able to breathe, tears streaming at his eyes he gave his mum a long, wide-eyed stare. "I don't know what you're talking about," he squeaked unconvincingly. It was pathetic really; if he and James were supposed to be hiding their great big homosexuality from the world minus their friends then he had to get better at lying under pressure. Although, he wasn't lying exactly: James wasn't a girl - Casper knew that for sure - but that didn't mean his mum wasn't catching on all the same.
Casper's mother raised an eyebrow at him. Yeah, he was screwed.
"You've just been... a lot happier lately. You smile a lot more." She smiled into her tea before setting it down, looking him straight in the eye with a fondness."You can't tell me there isn't someone."
Oh, mum.
He was so close to telling her. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to just expose everything and all the insecurities that he'd been dealing with throughout his and James' relationship. He wanted her to know just how happy he was. She was his mum. She would understand. But then, there was that feeling that she wouldn't and he couldn't live with that either.
So he didn't.
"Just - Just with my birthday and Christmas coming up," He shrugged with a tight smile."Christmas break means no school!" he cheered silently with his hands in the air, waving his fork around like a mad man. His heart skipped with guilt and his smile was tight. His mother laughed at him anyway and patted his head again before picking up her empty plate and walking out of the room. Casper sighed, a mixture of relief and pained guilt.
After he finished his breakfast he continued to get ready, taking extra care with his eyeliner, even putting a little blue to match his tie and then sat on his sofa waiting until there was a metallic clatter of the letterbox and a knock on the door.
He felt giddy as his guilt subsided when he opened the door to James, smiling wide. James turned, slightly startled, but composed himself when he saw Casper. He glanced around the street quickly and inside Casper's house before leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek.
"Happy birthday," he murmured softly against his skin, the smell of his aftershave freshly strong wafted over Casper, before he leaned back, his face red. Casper blushed.
It felt weirdly intimidate. His cheeks still tingled and buzzed with James' touch and Casper smiled shyly.
"Casper is that you off!" His mother called from the living room and both boys jumped, James almost slipping off the step and Casper automatically grabbing part of his jacket to stop him from falling as James grasped out. The stood there frozen in position before they burst out laughing, releasing that momentary amount of tension and anticipation for the worst.
"That's us mum, see you later," Casper said back through a chuckle and ushered James through the door before their laughter woke up his dad if his mum hadn't already.
They walked to the end of Casper's garden path and onto the pavement.
"So... are you doing anything tonight?" James asked hesitantly, looking at Casper through a curtain of black hair. It had almost gone past his shoulders now and sometimes he would even put it up in a pony to keep it out of the way when he was gaming or playing the guitar, if Casper was there those activities wouldn't last long as there was something about James in a pony tail that got him going. He had called it his Seductive Pony out loud once a few weeks back and James had never let him live it down to date.
"Mum does something every year for my birthday, so yeah."Casper replied breezily. There was no doubt James wanted to spend the night with him doing certain birthday things, but for him birthdays were a family thing, they always had been. Casper had never had a birthday party with all his classmates invited - his mum and dad simply couldn't afford that luxury and Casper, even at a young age understood and so declined even the mention of parties when he was younger (plus the fact if the whole class was going he'd also have to invite James, which he really didn't want). Casper didn't mind one bit. It was the one day of the year where he was certain that he got his parents for himself and they were all together. "She even takes the day off to bake my cake and decorate the house." He smiled fondly. The best year was when he was seven and he'd come home to the house decorated with dinosaurs; his latest obsession at that age and a cake shaped like a triceratops; his favourite dinosaur.
"Oh." James could hardly keep the disappointment out of his voice and Casper could see him visibly deflate.
Casper eyed him."Look, I know you've probably wanted to spend my birthday with me and it's not that I don't want you to but it's just that my mum, you know we have this thing that I-"
"No, it's fine." James interrupted hastily with a reassuring smile."Honestly. I can't say that I didn't want to see you but I understand."
James' shoulders were still slumped and Casper nudged him until he retaliated with a smile. He wanted to hold his hand instead to reassure him but with all the people around, all heading to the same wretched place he couldn't but it was working anyhow as James tackled him and Casper shoved back, completely innocent to those witnessing it.
Casper wondered if by this time next year, if they were still together, that James would make one more addition to his unspoken family tradition.
Casper blinked. It was thoughts like these that made him sort of scared of just how intense his feelings were for the boy currently trying to jab him in the ribs. He shook his head of them for now, he didn't need to think about it and instead went in for the kill and speared James instead with his hand when he was least expecting it.
"Ah," James cried, clutching at his side."You little shit."
Casper full out laughed at him and it continued like that the whole way down to school.
James had to run up to see Mrs Preacher, the maths teacher, when they arrived into the school building. He promised to see him later with a lingering gaze and then was off. It felt sort of lonely without James by his side, making his way through the school building, not because he was a desperate little fuck that needed him around 24/7 but because he had always arrived to school with James and only the rare occasion without. It was weird going walking without James shoving at his side, trying to trip him up or - more recently - a brush of fingertips or shared smiles. But still, he wasn't some sad little girl that needed him about all the time, he could handle things by himself, especially something so simple like walking past fellow students, even if he hated every one of them. He held his head high.
Although he didn't feel any different as a person he felt as though everyone should see it as he paraded down the school corridor, catching a few eyes but mostly it was the usual mocking looks for his eyeliner and lip piercings. He felt sharp and happy as he found Daisy straightaway running towards him with a big smile on her face and crushed him into a hug as he got close.
"Happy birthday!" she said loudly, earning a few looks from those around about them which Daisy ignored by shoving a small, blue bag in his chest.
"Open it! Open it!" she danced on the spot excitedly.
"Alright, alright," he laughed at her but felt the spark of excitement all the same as he prized open the bag. "No way!" He looked up at her, his face in utter happiness." Daisy!"
She laughed knowingly. "I know."
In the small bag was two All Time Low tickets for their show in February, one that had sold out in the matter of minutes and he had regrettably missed.
He attacked her in a hug and laughed before letting her go to look back at the tickets as if they weren't real and would just disappear. "It's from all of us," she explained."Me, Lucy, Daniel and Logan. I tried to get Darla into it but she has something else, apparently." Her voice became bitter at Darla's name, as if to curse it if she could.
"I love it." he gushed.
"Yeah, I can tell," she laughed. "Plus you can invite James ." Daisy smirked as Casper blushed, catching onto his thought process of having two tickets. She linked their arms and led him to a table where Hedgehog and Logan were sitting at.
"Happy Birthday, Little Man!" Logan cheered as they spotted Daisy and him approach the table. When they got closer, taking up two seats he added," at least now you won't be totally jailbait for dear old Jimbo."
Casper screwed up his face at him."And how many times have you made that joke?"
Logan looked away, waving his hand."I have no idea what you are talking about. That was a onetime deal. A rare moment of absolute, pure wit that shall never be seen agai-"
"I remember hearing it multiple times on the phone last night." James said, walking up to the table and placing his hands on Casper's shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze, Casper hung his head back and smiled at James who returned it warmly before letting go and grabbing a seat beside him. "Mrs Preacher wasn't in her class." He explained to Casper as he gave him a questioning look for being so quick to get back.
"You need to get new jokes, mate." Hedgehog commented to Logan from the end of the table with her head in her hand.
"So, we going out tonight?" Logan asked excitedly, ignoring her.
"Can't," Casper shrugged."Mum always has something planned on my birthday."
Logan cooed mockingly and Casper rolled his eyes.
"Whatever, we can just go out without you." Casper frowned at that but didn't say anything. Although he was going to miss out time with his friends there was no way he was cancelling on his mum.
"And go where?" Daisy enquired."It's winter, Logan. In Scotland. I am not dragging my ass about this god forsaken town just to get frostbite."
"It was just a suggestion," Logan huffed defensively.
The table continued to gang up on Logan, who took it in stride and they eventually all ended up planning another get together at his that weekend to ease his loneliness.
"Please don't invite a load of people again." Daisy warned him.
Logan made a high noise of protest."Big parties are the best!"
"'I like big parties. They're so intimidate.'" Casper quoted automatically, English class was really getting to him, plus he actually liked the book.
"Casper..." Logan looked at him hesitantly. Shaking his head as Casper was a clueless child."That made no sense whatsoever."
Casper gave him a pitying look and could see James huff into his hand beside him. He didn't even try to correct Logan.
"As long as Darla doesn't start one of her stupid games again, I'm good." Daisy sighed, riffling through her bag, giving up entirely with Logan.
"I don't know, Daisy. The last game was pretty great. The best game yet, in fact." James looked directly at Casper as he said this. Casper flushed red but a pleased smile formed at his lips and he moved his thigh so it was touching James and hooked his ankle around his to show that he agreed entirely.
Logan and Daisy made a similar noise of disgust while Hedgehog was in a usual indifferent state, but clearly amused at the other's reaction."As... cute as that was, Davidson." Daisy gave him a pained smile." I think we all need to be reminded that not everyone has a happy memory of that game of Gay Chicken." Daisy said this softly and Hedgehog shifted in her seat uncomfortably, a flush of shame that hardly appeared on the usually self-composed girl.
"But you patched it up in the end, eh?" Logan said cheerily, slapping Daisy on the back a little too forcefully, she yelped and Casper flinched as Hedgehog punched him full forced in the stomach followed by a slap from Daisy once she had stopped rubbing her back. "I get fucking abused by you two."
"Then stop bringing up unwanted memories," Daisy sniffed at him, fiddling with a pink pen.
"You started it!" Logan retorted childishly.
"Just drop it, mate, yeah?" Hedgehog said to him, grasping his shoulder and getting up, swing her bag over her shoulder.
Logan gave a splutter, swinging his head between the two girls before giving an incredulous, loud groan and thumping his head on the table just as the bell went off for registration. There was a loud clash of simultaneous scrapes of chairs. Hedgehog was already off in the direction of the modern languages base with Daisy running off after her, her note books clutched to her chest and bag still half open. James and Casper had gotten up, bags in hand but still Logan hadn't moved.
"Don't worry," James assured with a playful smirk to the target of the group's amusement though mental torture."I'm always on your side."
Logan slipped his head up to him, still resting on the table to give him a thankful look, finally gathering his bag up in his hands and standing to go to class.
"What about you, Little Man?" Logan said to Casper, throwing his arm around him and pulling him close. Casper was forcibly smooched into Logan's bulging muscles that strained under the containment of his school shirt."We guys gotta stick together, eh?"
"Daisy expects me to be on her side." Casper served him nonchalantly, pushing away slightly to look up at him to then give a side smile. "But I'm sure I'll take pity on you towards the end."
Logan grinned."That's good enough for me." And they made their way to registration.
~*~
His friends thought it funny to mention it was his birthday in every class that day and because his teachers were also all assholes they all complied with singing that dreaded song that Casper was so ready to find means of time travel and assassinate the guy who made it up. It wasn't all bad though, at least his admin teacher, Mr Fraser was such a stick in the mud he didn't even acknowledge Casper's birth date but rather stared James down in submission and asking why it was even relevant to the lesson which had Casper snickering under his breath until he choked, making James laugh after sulking throughout most of the class and getting them both in trouble.
At break, Daisy brought out a vanilla cake for him (Casper wasn't that fond of chocolate cake for some reason. It was just too much chocolate in one place) and he didn't even care that the whole cafeteria had their eyes on the group as they all screeched that one celebratory song at him that would later rue. He couldn't even blow out his candle properly from laughing.
He was all over content as he made his way home with James in tow. A casual, but flirtatious, banter flowed between them and dripping with innuendos, Casper walked with a bounce in his step, his happiness and the day's excitement was oozing out of him and infected James in turn who was openly laughing as Casper spoke, his hands twitching around as he spoke so fast that he continuously tumbled over words but still James was oddly distracted, keeping his right hand close to his jacket pocket and then looking at the blue back hanging at Casper's wrist, one that Casper hadn't parted with since this morning, with a sort of withered look.
Casper was halfway through explaining his profound love for the new The Great Gatsby film they were getting shown in English - which totally didn't have anything to do with Carey Mulligan or Isla Fisher but just because it was bloody fantastic - when James grabbed his jacket sleeve. "Let's uh... go this way." He nodded his head sideways to a short back alley between two houses leading into a cul-de-sac that in turn lead onto the very edge of the local park, a great wide open space of green. The alley was isolated, as was the street. Casper and James walked in a comfortable silence until Casper saw James struggling with his jacket pocket.
"James," Casper started, feeling a bit amused as James turned red at the ears."What are you-"
"I was going to give you it earlier but er... here you go." He finally prized whatever he was struggling with from his pocket and thrust out a little package onto Casper's chest, embarrassed.
Casper was touched. For some reason he hadn't even thought about James giving him anything, it was sort of a subconscious expectation after getting nothing from each other through the years. But there it was in his hands, a gift wrapped in green aliens and millions of cello tape, a few rips here and there that was obviously attempted to be covered up with bandages of cello tape but to no avail.
Before Casper could started crying like a little girl he snatched the present and opened it eagerly all the while James watched intently. As Casper tore away the paper a soft, gray-ish blue scarf was revealed.
James coughed awkwardly, looking to the horizon on the left of him," I know it isn't any concert ticket." He indicated vaguely to the blue bag hanging from Casper's arm as if it was insulting him. It's just I - uh... noticed you didn't wear any winter stuff and... your were always getting cold and I don't want you to get sick, because you always do, it's actually weird how sick you always are, and I- I wanted to get you a whole set - y'know a scarf, gloves and a hat and all that - but I didn't have enough money so I just got you a scarf - which! If you don't like I can totally just take back, no worries. I'll just-"
Casper ceased James' panicked babbling with an eager kiss. There was a clatter of teeth as Casper had been grinning too wide and James had been in the middle of embarrassing himself but was soon amended as Casper tilted his head and leaned into it. He had been careful to look quickly around them in case of accidental onlookers but there was none that he could see.
The broke apart after a while, breathless. "Thank you," Casper grinned," I love it."
He was clutching at the scarf, which felt good and warm in his hands but not as warm as James was next to him or the way his cheeks were burning as he smiled up to his boyfriend. Without hesitation Casper wrapped it around his neck and almost sighed as the cold winter air was blocked from seeping down the gap of his shirt collar from his neck and down his back. James was already fussing with it, straightening it up but looking pleased.
"Daisy helped me out with it," he admitted, embarrassed."But I did think of the idea all on my own!" He added hastily. Casper burst out laughing at his manifest pride that Casper took a sudden deep affection for, in all honesty it was freaking adorable.
"Aye, that one," he drawled not because he didn't believe him or anything but just because he could.
"Shut the fuck up, Faye." James frowned, still fiddling with the scarf, his knuckles brushing Casper's jaw as he did. Casper shivered at the feeling. That last kiss had reminded Casper that he and James hadn't properly touched each other in a while, naked skin on naked skin - okay, so maybe Casper was majorly sexually frustrated. But, James.
James, thinking Casper's involuntary shivers were due to the poor Scottish weather and started pulling on the scarf even more until Casper slapped his hands away.
"It's fine." He assured, his hands wrapped around James' wrists to stop him from fussing further. He stared up at James, blue eyes latching on to green and Casper was struck again with the need. He wanted to lean in and kiss James' slender, pale hands; kiss each finger tips and feel the rough calluses beneath Casper's tender lips and then pull James' down onto them - but that was weird, too intimate and personal. And kissing him again was too risky because this time he knew he wasn't going to stop for a while, they were too out in the open.
Instead Casper broke eye contact and sighed, leaning into James' chest, wrapping his arms around him and felt the instant pressure of James slacking his body onto his, his head leaning into Casper hair and the hold around his own. The smell of his cologne was potent, along with a manly musk that hung around him mostly after football practice. Casper remembered that he and Logan had been training at lunch and then straight after James and Casper had P.E. which had also been football thanks to class majority. Casper would have much rather done basketball - he was actually good at that. Still, he couldn't say he didn't enjoy watching James play, much like he enjoyed watching him with his guitar. It was something James enjoyed, something he put his whole soul into.
It wasn't that Casper liked James all sweaty and drenched, though he couldn't say he didn't like the look of his slick skin whether it was under the burning lights of the stage or running around a field pointlessly chasing a ball, but that lingering smell of man just got to Casper. It reminded him that James was everything he hadn't dreamed of nor expected but now everything he wanted and more.
Casper wondered what he smelled to James - obviously the smell of his shampoo and burnt, frizzled hair from his hair straighteners was going to be the most dominant at the moment as James nuzzled into his hair, applying that small, familiar pressure that Casper knew was a kiss.
There was a distant, but close bark of a dog and Casper was forced to move out of James' reach and leave the comfort of fellow human warmth and back into his own that wasn't doing much good at all. He also missed the feeling of James' firm chest on his instantly.
They made their way over to a park bench and sat there, their linked hands, hidden to any passersby with Casper snuggled into his new scarf feeling all over content until it got too cold and the prying thought of his mother waiting with her usual table of presents and cake, worrying where he was became too much to ignore, did they continue on their way home with the clouds turning pink, a materializing moon in a pale wake, and the day fading away into to a soon night sky.
I thought I'd give you lot this before I disappear for two weeks for these dire times of stress and tears, more commonly known as exams. I hope you like it. So until then my friends!~
Comments and votes are much appreciated!