He closed his eyes, but mine remained wide open. I saw him lean forward, and I panicked. As soon as I felt the warmth of his breath, I shut my eyes closed and stood up briskly.
"I... Um..."
Fortunately that was when the bus came. Unfortunately, we had to take it together sitting side by side in an awkward silence. He felt the embarrassment of rejection, I felt like disappearing.
It suddenly became so real. This thing with Orson was not just fantasy, it was happening. I started wondering about how many other girls he had kissed, would I just be one among many? Would he be faithful to me? I thought about Kenneth and Lady again.
"Mum?" I didn't see her when I entered the house.
"Oui?" I heard her voice from upstairs.
I went up to meet her, she was in her room arranging a few things.
"Mummy," I whined as soon as I saw her.
"What's wrong ma chérie?" She stopped what she was doing, went to sit on the bed and tapped it.
"Orson said he likes me," I sat beside her.
"Il a fait quoi?! (He did what?) How could he? Want me to beat him up for you?"
"Maman."
"Sorry," she chuckled. "So, what's the problem. Don't you like him too? If you don't, just be upfront about it."
"No, it's not that. I just... I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"I don't know," I laid on the bed talking as I looked at the cieling. "What if it doesn't end well? What if he hurts me?"
"Ah. I see what's going on."
Mum laid on her back as well, then she turned to lay on her side and asked me to face her.
"I don't think I ever told you that before I met your dad I had a fiancé."
"Huh?" I raised my brows. "You?"
"Yeah," she giggled. "I knew other men before I met your father. When I met him I had a fiancé. But even when I knew he was hitting on me, I didn't tell him about it. Though after a few encounters your dad asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no."
"Mum!"
"What? A fiancé is not a boyfriend," she used her innocent voice. "Bref (Anyway/signaling change of topic), your dad came to France for a special course in architecture. We spent a lot of time together during the few months he spent there, and when it came time for him to go," she paused a bit, as a nostalgic expression covered her face, "I followed him."
"Just like that?"
"Well, I'm leaving out all the details, but basically that's what happened. Every other thing seemed meaningless if he wasn't with me. I knew he was the one. So, no matter how scared I was, I met up with him at the airport, and I never regretted my decision. Not everyday was perfect, but those were the happiest moments of my life."
She sat up, and pulled me up as well.
"Ma chérie, the truth is, not everyone gets the chance to experience true love. It's a special gift, offered once. The same way lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. It's almost impossible to have true love twice in a lifetime. So when you get it, when you know you have it, you should hold on, never let it go. But you'll never get it, if you're too scared to reach out for it. I'm hoping that one day you'll find your own. Maybe it's Orson, maybe it's not, but you'll never know if you just sit back because you're too scared. You're still so young, don't fill yourself with worry."
Mum stroke my cheek then gave me a warm hug.
"You don't have to be afraid," she said. "Even if you fall, there are so many people that will be there to catch you."
She was right about everything. Her words chased away the panic and uncertainty I had just minutes ago.
"Thank you," I hugged her back already looking forward to seeing Orson the next day.
She didn't say anything. That was the signal. Tiffany didn't say a word after I told her about my feelings. Yet there I was happily going in for a kiss like a dummy. When I woke up on this awful Tuesday morning, I hoped it was all a dream. There was no way that highly embarrassing moment actually happened. But my sweaty palms and the outstanding speed of my pulse when I saw her as I entered the building, proved to me that something had happened the day before.
I immediately adverted my eyes from her and rushed to class. It was all real. I thought I read the atmosphere correctly but I was mistaken. There is no one on this earth that doesn't fear rejection from the person they care for. It's a feeling that scrapes your heart.
"If you sigh one more time," Quincey said, "I'm going to pull out your lungs."
"Really?" I took a step back wondering if that was even possible.
"Try me."
"Yeah, I'd rather not."
We had a little break in the morning between classes so Quincey and I met up as our classes were right next to each other. He had his back leaned on the wall behind him, as I stood in front of him but looked to my right. I knew Tiffany was close. We were on the same floor this morning, not too far away from each other. If I took a couple of steps forward to my right, then turned to my left I would have been in the corridor where her class was. Our other classmates were around, I heard side talks and laughs all mixed up, but I tried to listen attentively to the noise from her corridor believing I could be lucky enough to hear a bit of her voice.
"What's the matter?" Quincey asked. "Something bothering you?"
"Hmm, yeah," I wanted to take off what was on my chest, "it's Tiffany. I don't know what to do."
"What happened?"
"Well, yesterday we were alone at the bus stop and I-"
My instincts made me swallow my words. The same way your brain knows not to jump off a cliff, or stand in front of a train, because it's instant death, I knew not to tell Quincey that I had tried to kiss Tiffany.
"Yesterday you?" He urged me to continue now curious as to what I wanted to say.
"I... had a little talk with Tiffany."
"Yeah?"
"Told her I like her."
"Uh-huh."
"That's it. She blew me off."
"Really?" He lifted a brow. "That's strange."
"Why? You know something? Did she say anything about me?" I was desperate for any kind of information.
"Well, not explicitly," Quincey scratched his forehead. "But there's no need, it's quite clear."
"I thought so too."
"You have nothing to worry about concerning Tiff. Maybe she just wants to take things slow. It's all new to her you know."
Oh. It hit me. That's right.
The explanation Quincey gave made sense. I wasn't the problem, it was my approach that was wrong.
"Why didn't I think of that?" I said. "I was only thinking about myself. I probably messed up everything when I leaned in to kiss her. I can't believe I- I mean...," my mind confirmed to me what my mouth just confessed and I froze. "I didn't... do anything..."
My voice was barely audible. The cat was out of the bag, it was too late. So I bravely shut my eyes, protecting my face while waiting for my head to be cut off. However, nothing happened.
"What are you doing?"
I slowly opened one eye and saw Quincey with a confused expression on his face, he hadn't moved at all.
"Er...," I let down my hands and stood back straight, rubbing the front of my neck destabilized. I didn't understand why I could still breathe.
"You tried to kiss her and?"
"You're... OK with that?"
"It's none of my business," he took a step towards me.
"Still, I thought you'd break my bones or something."
"Why? I've already told you I like you for Tiffany."
I let out a breath relieved that I didn't destroy the progress I had made with Quincey.
"However," he said, "you know the rule. There's only one rule."
"Don't hurt her."
"Exactly," he tapped my shoulder a little hard so I winced a bit. "Which means, you have to concentrate on her and only her. Which means, you turn off your oozing charm for the other ladies. I don't want her caught up in fights because of you. Girls can be quite mean."
"You think I have an oozing charm?" I tapped his shoulder.
"Watch it," he frowned.
"Sorry."
"What I'm saying is that you're a naturally nice guy, too nice. It can be misleading for some thirsty teenage girls."
"I don't think I'm-"
"It's hardly been a month since we started school and I've already heard two group of girls talking about you, and how you went out of your way to help them with a thing or two."
"Really?" I tried to think of who it could be, but I didn't even remember.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't be nice. Just turn it down a notch, set boundaries. Got it?"
"Yeah. I understand."
"Hey Orson," Brandon called to me from the other end of the corridor. "I've been looking for you. Do you have your history book? I forgot mine, Miss Jenkins is going to kill me."
Quincey and I took a few steps towards him. As we talked I realized I was now at the entrance of Tiffany's corridor. I turned a bit, and sure enough there she was talking to someone. I guessed it was Shannon I saw her back and Tiffany was facing my direction. Our eyes met for a second, then she had a quick look at Brandon and Quincey, as the latter, moving back a bit, dodged playful punches Brandon was throwing at him.
*******************
"Ah, there he is," I tickled Shasha's tummy when I noticed Quincey at the other end of the corridor behind her, then I slowly walked away whistling.
I could hardly believe it. She finally admitted she liked him, just like that. Though Quincey hadn't put it in words, it was basically a done deal on his side as well. The only thing left was for them to talk to each other and then the puzzle would have been completed.
"How did you know?" Shasha caught up to me and set her arm around my neck.
"It's the way you look at him," I replied.
"That's it?"
"You should see the way you gawk at him," I giggled.
I told her how happy I was for her then asked how much she liked him. Is it deep? Is it just a fling? Did she plan on confessing? She was shy about it so she didn't say much. I remembered what mum said about trying not to be pushy, so I breathed in and calmed down. I assured her that I'd always be on her side, and do everything to help her make it work.
Before we left the corridor to go the ladies' room, I turned back again to see the guys but I only saw Brandon and Orson, Quincey was hidden behind the wall.
I never thought, even for the slightest moment that between Brandon, Orson and Quincey, Orson was the one Shasha was referring to. I didn't even notice anything. I was so obsessed with getting her to be with Quincey, I didn't stop to think that it may not have been what she wanted. If only I had known I... Well things would have been different. I would still have my friend by my side.
"By the way," Shasha said as we came out of the washroom after crossing paths with Cindy and Lady, "how is Lady holding up?"
Shasha had been quiet on the whole issue as expected, she didn't involve herself in it. However, I knew she was worried as well because Lady is someone she likes a lot. They often have fun singing at Lorenzo's on karaoke nights and they have the same passion for clothes and makeup.
"She's not OK," I replied. "So we are going to have to be there for her, surround her, do our best to make her smile."
"I'll leave that to you," Shasha pinched my cheek.
No matter how fond she was of Lady, she still set up a wall between them. The door to her heart has been locked since she was fourteen. All those who came afterwards stayed behind that thick wall. Fortunately Quincey got to know Shasha right before the door closed, and in spite of everything, even now, I still like to believe that he was able to slip in before she locked it.
I hope that one day people will be able to see the sweet side of her instead of the haughty princess she makes herself out to be.
After lunch, I told Quincey I wanted to talk to him, so we went out of the cafeteria to the area students or teachers usually gather for snacks or coffee. I was still excited from what Shasha had told me earlier. Of course I wasn't going to tell him, but I wanted to be a hundred percent sure that things would be smooth between them.
He started by scolding me because I still hadn't told Shasha about Orson.
"You know," I said, "the only reason this situation is on ground is because I'm scared I would be torn between them, the same way I've been torn between you and Shasha for six years, because you can't stand each other," he looked away uneasy with the way I phrased that, so I went further. "You hate her so much you can't bare to be in the same room with her. She's like an allergy to you huh?"
I bit the side of my cheek to stop the smile that was coming. I had to look serious for Quincey to fall into my trap. We were sitting at a table, face to face.
"It's not like that with Shannon," he said.
"Really?" I retorted.
"Yeah," he answered trying to comfort me. "I assure you, I don't see Shannon that way."
OK keep it up, I encouraged myself, feeling that smile trying to push through. We're almost there.
"Are you just saying that because you know that's what I want to hear?"
"No," Quincey quickly replied. "I'm saying it because it's the truth. I mean... sometimes I may have...," he trailed off then sighed.
"You may have what?"
"No, actually... To be honest, I've never felt that way about her."
Yes, yes, this is good stuff!
"I see," I controlled my voice ignoring the inner me that was bouncing up and down. "So how do you feel about her then?" I pushed for more. But Quincey didn't answer.
It didn't work, he caught on to me. So I decided to go in full force. He was tough but I had decided that this time I would be tougher.
"Let's not do this," Quincey had stood up to walk away, refusing to answer me, but I blocked him.
"Why?"
"I don't want to have this conversation."
"I'm just going to say it," He was itching to cover his ears.
"Tiffany."
"You like Shannon."
It was out, I finally said it and I'm glad I did. He didn't react, trying his best not to show any emotion.
"You like her," I insisted, "don't you?"
Still nothing. I got tired of his stoic face and decided to try another approach.
"Well, newsflash... Shannon doesn't like you," I kept my eyes on him watching out for any twitch, any movement of the tiniest muscle on his face. "But you already know that right? Just the other day, she was telling me how much she. Hates. You."
As soon as his brain processed what I said, Quincey's cold expression crumbled revealing the face of someone facing his greatest fear. I was too rash. But I didn't think that he would be very shaken by it.
"Quincey...," I reached out to touch his arm, but he turned away from me.
His back was now facing me, but he turned away too late because I was able to get a glimpse of the face he tried to hide. It was the face of a stranger, but at the same time the face of my friend. He had an expression I had never seen on him before. It was like his feelings were trapped deep down somewhere helplessly trying to come out, but not finding a way to. He had been bolting too many things in. What kind of spell did Shasha cast on him? What kind of hold does she have on him that he becomes so sensitive to a simple comment like that?
I moved closer, and placed a hand on his back.
"D-did," Quincey's voice was a bit shaky so he paused for a moment before trying to talk again. "Did she really... say that?"
It was now hard for me to tell him that I was just teasing, but I had to.
"N-no," I muttered. "She has never said anything like that, I was just trying to... Um... Sorry."
He threw his head back letting out a breath like he had been holding his respiration for minutes.
"Tiffany you...," his angry voice was not pleasant to hear. "You little..."
"Sorry!" I moved away. "Bad joke sorry."
He brushed past me and this time I let him go, I had done enough.
"Hey!" I still wanted to say one last thing though.
"What?" He barely turned back.
"Useful tip. Her favorite flavor is strawberry," I wanted to redeem myself.
"Strawberry?"
"Anything strawberry always puts her in a good mood. Sweets, ice cream, cake, even lip balm."
He cracked a little smile staring into space. He seemed to be remembering something pleasant.
"What?" My curiosity got the best of me again. "Does strawberry mean something to the both of you?"
His smile faded and he looked at me with his straight face. That was my cue to be quiet. He walked away, but stopped after a few steps.
"Quick tip," he said looking over his shoulder. "Talk to Orson, the guy's feeling dejected."
He didn't wait for an answer and just went on his way waving to me without turning back.
I couldn't have been more excited for what I thought was about to happen. Orson and I, Shasha and Quincey, it was going to be a dream come true.