How do you seduce a man? I've got no clue. Aaron doesn't like me. We don't talk. He's Emma's friend. I have literally no chance.
Fuck my life.
It's a long day. We're out in the field for photography and taking pictures with a tripod is significantly easier than head-balancing. It's a cold day so everyone looks a bit pissed off all wrapped in coats.
Then it's History. They don't do cool history anymore. It's all from the last century. I was hoping for some medieval obscure facts but nope. Just "what are the factors that led up to the First World War?"
Yawn. At one point I'm staring at my pencil case, open and scattering pens onto the desk in front of me. I raise my hand and try to remember how I opened that locked door a lifetime ago.
Move.
Nothing happens. It's like I'm shouting into an echoing abyss. No powers for me.
The thing in my head chuckles.
After the thoroughly uninspiring lesson, I head to lunch. After lunch is a free period where I have a chance to escape.
I don't. I head to the library, pull out my History work, and plot the Great Seduction of my Sister's Best Friend.
We don't share any classes. He does Art, Music and English. I don't know enough about him to know if we share interests. He carries a guitar case sometimes. Maybe we share that.
Yes. We'll start a band together and then I'll do him. Excellent plan.
Not.
I guess I just have to convince Emma to invite him over one day. Then I'll make my move and Bob's your uncle.
A sudden cacophony of voices hits me like a shovel to the head. I look up to see a group of the "popular" kids are messing around and have caught the attention of the tired-looking librarian. One of them, a tall, athletic, square-jawed boy called Bradley, has a textbook open over his head like a bonnet. He's looking up at the librarian standing over him with the kind of fake smile where you know the second she turns away he's going to laugh at her.
We don't run in the same circles, Brad and I. He thinks I'm weird, and I think he's an arrogant moronic douche-bag. Honestly, I bet he barely even considers me part of his radar. We share Psychology. That's it.
But I file his name away for later.
After the break, it's another Psychology lesson. I head into that closely followed by Bradley and his raucous group of friends.
Soon it's time to go home. On the bus back, Emma is still laughing and joking with her friends. I sit next to Sophie, both of us in dead silence, and wallow in how tired I am.
After a second I sink into my seat and use her shoulder as a pillow. She grumbles and tries to shove me off. 'You're so annoying.'
'You're annoying,' I shoot back, closing my eyes and snuggling closer. She huffs, her breath tickling through the roots of my hair, and wriggles away from me.
The thing in my head pokes and prods, but I fight her down. I need some bloody sleep.
Next thing I know Sophie is elbowing me awake and we're getting off the bus. I drag my feet all the way back to the house.
Emma is the first through the door. Mum is still at work so we have it all to ourselves.
What to do? Watch a film? Play a game? Do some homework?
Stagger up the stairs and fall into bed.
Excellent. I close my eyes and let sleep overcome me.
Next thing I know, I'm in a forest. It's dark and wide and empty - nothing but me, the wide-spaced trees and the moon, leaking a faint white glow all around me.
Something calls me from the depths. Not a voice - a feeling. Like something is reaching out to me through the tall, thin trees. A hand, palm up and fingers outstretched.
I lift mine, searching for grip on this imaginary hand. My fingers close around nothing. With a pang in my chest, I take a step forward.
Still, the feeling calls to me, so I keep walking, roots and underbrush crunching underneath my feet. I need to find whoever it is who beckons me. If I find them, I am free.
I brush against a tree, stumbling into a patch of moonlight. I look down. Below me is grass, as thick and lush as velvet, bleached grey and silver in the moonlight. A sweet little glade in the middle of the forest.
I turn my head to the right.
A moonlit lagoon spreads out in front of me, nestled in a rolling hill. The water laps at the rim; even in the dark it seems cool and sweet - perfect for a dip. I can't remember the last time I wasn't burning.
This is what was calling me. Pure, fresh, clean water to quench my thirst, to dive into so to cool my burning body.
I walk to the edge, onto a small hill looking out across the rippling mirror.
I close my eyes and let myself fall forward.
'Eve, no!'
Something hits me harder than a battering ram, knocking the wind out of my lungs and throwing me back. I swear my neck cracked.
I'm gasping, for some reason nearly sobbing, my heart pounding. For a split second I think this is somehow the demon's fault, but then I come back to myself, and I'm being hugged, smothered in red hair.
Emma. She's got me in a choke-hold. Now she's crying. Her tears drip down my shoulder.
I peek behind her. The stairs stretch down beyond her. Taking a leap headfirst down them would have been very painful indeed.
Another murder attempt from the demon in my head.
*
I give up. School is no use in this equation. Aaron hates me. I'm dying from exhaustion. I just need a bloody day to be me and myself again.
If I can ever be her again.
As it was, a new strategy has been decided. I am being babysat. The latest possession has Emma beyond the point of no return; she needs a way to control this. Control me.
Mum agrees. Tonight I am sleeping in my mother's bed, which I haven't done since I was a toddler.
Dad had been in it too back then.
Either way, tonight I am protected. In the morning my alarm doesn't ring and me and Mum spend the day chilling out.
We're stretched out on the sofas, watching Grease. Mum loves this movie. Perfect for a day like this.
I've seen this movie so many times I start zoning out in the middle. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my phone resting on the coffee table.
I glance at Mum. She's watching the TV.
I stare at the device. How had I done it in the hotel?
Taking a deep, silent breath, I reach out with my mind. I hit something dark and hateful and evil, and try to touch it.
With a chuckle, the thing touches back.
I can barely swallow the noise I make as the whole world flickers and surges, the burst disappearing as quickly as it came. On the table, the phone rattles like it's been shaken.
Mum starts, looking at the phone. I fight the demon back down, shoving her into the back of my mind and forcing her to stay there. I grab the phone like I'm checking it.
'Who's texting you?' Mum demands. Her voice is sharp.
My screen is blank. I flash it at her. 'Nobody. It's just a spam email.'
She's watching me, film forgotten. Something in her eyes is calling me a liar, so I prickle.
'Nobody texted me,' I say. The thing in my head surges forward, taking over my tongue. I watch, frozen inside, as my mother's pupils swell and her face goes slack. My mouth keeps moving. 'My phone didn't even move.'
She blinks, her pupils screwing into pinpoints, then back to a more normal size. She swallows, her mouth snapping shut like a glasses case. Her eyes clear, near enough blank, she shoots me a bland smile and turns back to her film.
I wet my lips. My heart does a two-step against my rib cage.
What have you turned me into?
The thing chuckles. A SURVIVOR MY DEAR
*
Emma comes home last today. I meet her at the door, take the work and homework from her and head upstairs with barely more than a 'thanks'.
For all that I worried about being left alone with this thing, being locked in my room is calming. The rustle of paper as I smooth out notes generous people have copied for me, the smell of ink, the hills and valleys of pen marks on the paper...I can finally stop thinking.
I lay everything out on the bed in front of me, and grab my laptop.
The thing is quiet. I can't imagine she will stay that way for long, so I get to work. Something that isn't pain; isn't fear; isn't a taunting laugh echoing around my skull. Just a girl trying to do her homework.
What a strange place for solace.
*
They leave me alone until dinner. I don't really feel hungry - when was the last time? - but I descend into the kitchen anyway. The others are sat around the table. A place has been set for me.
I drop into my assigned seat without a word. The others are still fussing, passing around the bread to dip into the rich red pasta sauce. Emma passes one to me and I take it. Refusing would have been noted, I think.
Emma is talking. 'I talked to everyone today and they say they're freaking out about Uni. I think it's finally hitting them: we're all adults now.'
I've never felt less like an adult. You have to feel human to feel like an adult.
'It does hit you quite suddenly,' Mum says. She sounds like she knows what she's talking about. I suppose she would. 'And it never hits you just the once.'
Emma makes a noise of agreement. She shoots me a quiet look under her lashes. Her voice changes tone: 'Mr Chevalier says if you need any help with your application, he's ready and willing to help.'
I fight back a groan. Last month, University was the biggest thing on my mind. Now I can barely even think of it. How the hell can I manage university and a baby? Let alone one with some demon in it. Would it even be a baby at that point?
Yuck. I need to change the subject. What were we talking about? Right, university. I force my voice to stay level. 'I'll keep that in mind.'
The table falls into silence. My wrists itch. I turn my good one over as I lift my spoon to my mouth.
ASK HER ABOUT AARON
I hide my frown behind my food. What about him?
Emma is picking at her food. I consider my next words.
The sound of cutlery clinking is filling my mind.
'Can I ask you a weird question?' My mouth blurts. I wince. That came out creepier than intended.
Emma, for her part, widens her eyes at me. Mum gives me a shocked look. Sophie is too busy talking to the cat, staring at her from under the table, to notice anything amiss. Emma shares a look with Mum. 'Umm, sure.'
'Can we have people over?' At the raising of her eyebrows, words trip over themselves to escape my mouth. 'I just--what with everything--something normal-maybe-I don't know.'
Emma double blinks. 'You want people to come over?'
Digging for courage, I sit the tiniest bit taller. 'Yeah. Maybe a movie night. I just...want to feel normal.'
Emma looks at Mum, who looks at us both. She takes the lead. 'Yeah,' she says like it's a difficult question. 'That sounds good. A movie night would be great. We could invite your friends.'
'And Emma can invite hers. Aaron maybe.'
Emma blinks again. 'Uh...sure. I'll ask.'
A smile flickers on my lips. Maybe my cheeks would crack if I try too hard.
'When were you thinking?' Mum asks me.
TOMORROW, my wrists flash. I press them into the edge of the table so hard they burn. 'How about Friday, after Sixth Form?'
Mum is looking at Emma. 'Uh,' my sister says. 'I guess I can ask people tomorrow.'
A silence stretches out. Even Sophie sits up and eats normally, ignoring the cat for once.
I catch a flash of my mum watching me out of the corner of my eye. I look at her, a frown picking between my eyebrows. She glances at Sophie, just for a second. 'Have you thought about what the doctor suggested?'
My mind blanks. 'What doctor?'
Mum's lips flicker into a frown. 'The doctor ar the hospital.'
I can almost hear gears whirring in my mind. Then it clicks. A groan escapes my throats and I glare at my food. 'I'm fine.'
'They can help-'
'I don't want their help,' I interject. I spoon up some more of the pasta. 'Can you please just leave it?'
Mum has a disappointed look on her face. I brace myself for round two.
But then she sighs and lets it drop.
I can't believe I won that one.
*
YOU TEST MY PATIENCE
I groan, scratching my wrist where the words burn me. 'I'm doing my best.'
A growl rips through my brain, followed by an explosion of pain. I squeeze my eyes shut, tears burning in the corners. Sucking a breath of air through clenched teeth, I curl in on myself, pressing my head into my knees. My arms bracket my head like a shield.
Not that it helps.
I'm not letting her win, I tell myself. The metallic tang of blood coats my tongue.
Her talons scratch at my brain, carving out rivulets. A squeak of pain escapes my mouth.
She can't... I try to tell myself, win. Something trickles down my face and I just can't. 'Okay, I'm sorry!'
The demon retracts her claws. Slowly. I lie there in a patch of wet tears and sweat, struggling for breath.
Everything hurts.
And the demon is fucking laughing.
Something ashy and gross flares up in my belly. I force myself to sit up, to ignore the screaming in my bones. 'I'm doing what you want!'
The laugh stops. Dead.
A chill fills the room. My voice starts to shake. 'I am. I just...there has to be a plan. I can't just go around jumping any man I come across and causing chaos.'
My wrists itch. DEMONS ALWAYS CAUSE CHAOS. They flash again. IT'S OUR THING EVE
'Well...' I groan and throw my hand up. 'That crown guy said he'll kill both of us if I let you win, so--'
CROWN GUY
I frown at the words
WHO IS CROWN GUY
'He's-'
The demon lets out a roar. I flinch. My wrists itch. YOU REFER TO...and that crown picture again.
I stare at the picture. The thing in my head feels alight with energy. Not any good kind. 'Yeah. Him.'
DO NOT EVEN SPEAK OF HIM
This is interesting.
HE WILL NOT HAVE ME
'You're scared of him.'
Pain explodes once more in my brain. I gasp and reel, but then it's gone. Perhaps she has lost joy in torturing me.
HE IS NO FRIEND OF YOURS
'I know,' I say, one eye shut against a migraine threatening to swell in my brain. 'But he said he would have to kill us. So...perhaps it would be better for you to just let me handle this. You get what you want, and I keep my body.'
I DO NOT MAKE COMPROMISES WITH YOU
I feel her room. My body braces by itself. 'Just give me until Friday!'
The thing pauses.
Thank God - ow. I see my chance and I take it. 'I've arranged an opportunity. Let me take it.'
The thing is silent. I can feel her seething.
'If I don't, you can punish me.' The words froth from my mouth. I don't even really know what I'm saying. 'I get it. Just give me Friday.'
The thing grunts.
I WILL HAVE YOU
But she falls still.
Did I...just win?
*
I'm back in with Mum that night, and I have a full night's sleep. Images of my family being flayed alive are still fresh in my brain as my alarm goes off and I get up to jump in the shower.
'Eve, what are you doing?' Mum asks me. Her voice is thick from sleep.
'Getting ready for school,' I reply.
Mum sits bolt upright. 'Maybe you should leave it for another day, Eve.'
'Can't.' I manage a smile. 'I have a History test tomorrow.'
Mum frowns. 'I can call the school - explain what is going on-'
'No!'
She flinches and stares.
I swallow back an apology. 'Stop trying to fix this, Mum. You can't.'
Her eyes widen slightly, but she doesn't speak. Perhaps she can't.
I turn away and get ready for the day.
*
It's a long one. I keep to myself because screw other people. Emma tries to hover but I wait until she's found her friends and then I get the hell out of there.
Every time Aaron pops into my peripheral vision, I get as far away from him as possible before the thing can start up again. All of this, from the people who I have grown up with, the tests they tell us will shape our lives and that over-hanging sense that while we're stood here looking around, searching for some clue about the path our life will take, we're already walking it, and we're wasting time - all of this is meaningless. I look back at the girl I was last month and I wonder how I ever thought that life was kind.
Life was bloody hard. But I'm not done yet.
Then we're on the way home again, and Emma makes a point of sliding in next to me. She stares at me until I notice her staring, then smiles. 'I spoke to my friends. It looks like a few are happy to come over.'
'Oh.' I press my lips together. 'Great. Who?'
She blinks. Her smile shifts but stays in place. 'Well, Holly, Ella...Aaron said he wanted to hang out anyway, so...'
'Great. Sounds amazing. Thanks, Emma.'
I must have sounded genuine because she grins at me and stands up to return to her friends.
I run my good hand through my hair.
See, I told you I'd get it done.
The demon rumbles but my wrist stays the same.
YOU HAVE
I have a chance.