I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE! Please don't hate me.
It's not the end of the story, by the way :3
Disclaimer: It may be triggering..?
<3 xo
Joolii
Please comment, vote and fan! (Don't hate me too much!)
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“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?”
“I swear.” I spoke shakily, avoiding eye contact with everyone and just looking at my lawyer like she had instructed.
“Now, Miss Lane. I understand that that night was traumatic for you but would you please tell the jury what happened?” Maria asked, her voice kind.
“Erm, I had an argument with Andy.” I recalled.
“And what was this about?”
“I'd slept with someone the night before because I was drunk and jealous of his girlfriend. We weren't together then, so...”
“I understand. Then what happened?”
“Well, I'd stormed out and wasn't intending to return until later that night as I knew the rest of the band would be there. When it was dark, I was making my home when I heard someone speak behind me. I carried on walking, though.” I stopped talking as the tears welled up in my eyes. I looked up at Andy who bit his lip, looking pretty guilty.
“Then what, Rose?” Maria questioned.
“Well, I was grabbed from behind and dragged into an alleyway.” Tears rolled down my face as I remembered what happened afterwards.
“Would you like a glass of water, Miss Lane?” The judge asked.
“N-No, I'm fine.” I declined, wiping my eyes.
“Carry on, Rose.” My lawyer smiled sadly.
“Then, he hit me a few times. I fell to the floor and he kept telling me to shut up. He, erm, raped me after that and said that it was our little secret.” I broke down then and the jury had sympathetic faces on. There were shocked gasps when people heard the truth of what had happened.
“Thank you for that, Miss Lane.” The judge said, smiling sadly.
“No further questions.” Maria spoke, sitting down.
“Mr Valentine?” The defence lawyer stood up and looked at me, waiting for me to stop crying.
“I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, Miss Lane. But how do you know it was Peter York who attacked you?”
“I-I heard his voice.” I answered.
“Ah, yes. But you were upset at the time; you would have chosen any of them. You just happened to choose my client.” He said, crossing his arms.
“Objection!” Maria shouted.
“Withdrawn.” Mr Valentine smirked.
“Now, let's go back to that night. You say that Mr York raped you yet he didn't seem to have any marks on him nor you, Miss Lane. Didn't you fight back?” I looked at him straight in the eye and felt all hope fall away from me.
“No.” I said quietly.
“What was that?”
“No, I didn't fight back.” I said louder this time.
“And why's that?” Mr Valentine asked.
“Because I was scared. I thought I was going to die so I let him do what he wanted. The last thing on my mind was fighting back.” I answered, looking down.
“I understand but I'm sure you did something. My client didn't have a scratch on him. Now,” he walked a little closer to me and looked at my hands. “I've noticed something, Miss Lane. Do you self-harm?”
“What?”
“Objection! Relevance?” Maria stood up, glaring at the defence lawyer in front of me. I could see that Andy had his head in his hands whereas the other guys were whispering to each other quietly.
“Where is this going, Mr Valentine?” The judge asked, his voice worn out.
“I was merely getting to the point, your Honour.” The lawyer spoke, gesturing with his hands.
“Get to the point quickly, if you would. Can you answer the question, Miss Lane?” The judge questioned.
“Erm, yeah.” I admitted, feeling apprehensive. Only now could I feel the large number of people looking at me and I felt like running away or hiding from their view.
“That means that you would do anything to cause pain to yourself. Is that true?”
“I guess.” I said, biting my lip.
“I'm told that you self harmers will make up elaborate stories to draw attention to yourselves as that is what you crave. Couldn't it be possible that you have made up the story about being raped by my client as it was convenient for you? There wasn't any DNA found on you and the semen from the rape kit wasn't enough to use. Peter York's fingerprints weren't found on your clothes or your body.” The lawyer said, raising an eyebrow and looking proud of himself. My eyes almost instantly began to water but I blinked the tears away. I had to answer his question.
“I didn't make it up. He raped me and I know he did. I have never made up anything to draw attention to myself and your assumption about self-harmers is wrong. We don't all want attention so don't you dare tell me I made up my rape. Peter York raped me in that alleyway and left me for dead.” I spoke, determined to get my point across. Maria gave me a smile and Andy looked proud.
“You may think that but you don't have any evidence, Miss Lane. I apologise for my wrong assumptions as you put it. I just have one more question, is Peter York related to Samantha York, the girl who constantly bullies you at school?”
“Yes, he is.”
“Is the rape charge on my client an act of revenge on Samantha York?” He asked bluntly.
“Objection, your Honour!”
“What are you insinuating, Mr Valentine?”
“Withdrawn, no further questions.” He spoke, going to sit down.
“Alright, we shall reconvene at one thirty. Court is adjourned.”
Everybody cleared from the courtroom and I looked for my lawyer.
“Good work, Rose. That was really great.” She smiled as I nodded, on the verge of crying. I left the room in search of Andy. He was standing against the pillar and when he saw me, his eyes lit up. I, on the other hand, felt like I was going to break down.
Andy wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed onto his shoulder.
“It's alright, sweetie.” He comforted, kissing the top of my head. I cried for a while before sniffing and lifting my head.
“I want to go home, Andy.” I spoke shakily.
“I know baby but you did great in there.” He smiled. I shook my head furiously but Andy caught me by the chin and pressed his lips to mine softly.
“I love you and I know you can do this. I believe in you, darling.” He kissed my forehead and wiped my tears away before releasing me and taking my hand. “Let's go and join the others, Rose. Forget about this for now.”
If only it was that simple.
*
When we reconvened in the courtroom, Peter York had been cross-examined again. He denied everything of course and he didn't look at me once. After two statements from either lawyer later, I found myself waiting in one of the rooms. The jury were deliberating over my rapist's innocence. I tugged my sleeves down and felt Andy's grip tighten around my waist.
“Whatever the verdict is, just remember that you got up on that stand and told people the truth. That's all that matters.” He spoke into my hair, kissing my head at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to respond to him, I was too nervous. My mind was left reeling by the whole trial and I felt I'd been kicked in the stomach repeatedly. Maria, my lawyer opened the double doors and looked at me with a weak smile.
“The jury's back.” Those words made my mind just stop.
“Surely, that's too soon! Isn't it?” He asked Maria. What she said back to him I didn't catch for my mind had just shut down.
Only when several people were simultaneously calling my name, I had become alert again.
“Rose, we have to go.” Andy said softly.
“Oh, erm, okay.” I stood up and smoothed out my skirt, fixing my jacket too. He took my hand and walked me to the back doors of the courtroom before whispering that he loved me and then leaving. I took a steady breath and went to take my seat next to Maria in front of the judge.
“Foreman of the jury, would you please stand?” I watched as a tall man with a receding hairline stood up as spokesperson for the twelve jurors.
“On the rape of Rose Lane, how do you find the defendant, Peter York?”
“We find him...not guilty.”
I heard shocked gasps all around me. I could have heard CC's and Jake's enraged voices but I wasn't sure. Maria placed a hand on my back in comfort whereas Peter York's family cheered. Samantha shot me a smirk but I ignored it. The judge ruled that Peter York was free to go and court was dismissed. People milled around to see how I would react or what the two lawyers would say. I stood up shakily and just stood there, looking at the seat my innocent attacker had just vacated. I watched him come over to me but Maria warned him to stay away. I didn't really register his retaliation and I felt two arms around me. I didn't return the hug as I just stood there, limp. I knew it was Andy, I could smell his familiar scent. I knew the others were crowded around me too but I couldn't bring myself to talk because I knew that if I did, I would completely break down. I wouldn't give the jurors who ruled against me or anyone else the satisfaction. Maria Young shook my hand and smiled sadly.
“I'm sorry for how this played out. I really hope you can put this behind you now and start again.” I watched her leave and heard Sammi call my name.
I was escorted out of the room and all of a sudden, I was outside and being put into a car. All of my senses came back and I searched frantically for Andy. I realised that he was right beside me as the car began to move.
“Andy!” I gasped. He looked at me and his face softened.
“Baby, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say.” He spoke, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me closer. He buried his face into my neck and squeezed my hand.
“Rose, we were not expecting that. I'm absolutely disgusted.” I heard Sammi say. She looked back at me and I saw her face, she was furious.
“I can't believe it either. The bastard deserves to go down.” Ashley spoke, sounding angry too.
I just nodded, still in shock with what had happened. The drive home wasn't long and before I knew it, I was walking inside. Nobody said anything to me because they didn't know what to say. Andy was silent too as I stood in the doorway, fiddling with a loose thread on my jacket.
“I'm going to sleep...” I mumbled, wanting to get away from all the pairs of eyes on me. I'd had enough of that for the past few days. I was in my room and I did what I did yesterday, change into something more comfortable. After that, I rummaged under the bed and found the box containing the razor blades. I opened it and selected the sharpest one; I knew which one that was just by looking at them. None of the blades were the same; they all had different markings on them.
I clutched it into my hand and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I glanced at myself in the mirror but I had to look away, I disgusted myself. I sat down on the cold tiled floor and lifted my sleeve up. Before I did anything, I let the events of what had happened today wash over me. The thing that surprised me was that I wasn't even crying. Maybe Andy was right; maybe I was stronger that I gave myself credit for.
I looked at the edge of the blade.
Maybe I wasn't.
I pressed it against my skin, cutting a very deep straight line.
One.
The rape was my entire fault.
And I did it again.
Two.
I deserved it.
And again.
Three.
I disgusted myself.
I didn't stop there.
Four.
It was my fault that Peter York was innocent. I should have done something.
I changed wrists.
Five.
Why didn't I fight back?
Six.
I didn't deserve Andy, he would be better off without me.
Seven.
I absolutely hate myself and it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here.
The amount of cuts on each wrist had to be equal.
Eight.
I deserve to die.
I placed the blade down and looked at my finished masterpiece. There was blood everywhere and it didn't stop flowing down my wrists, painting the tiles red.
I closed my eyes after watching the blood fall from my wrists. I closed my eyes and waited for everything to just stop.
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OH MY GOSH.
*sobs*
*le dramatic music*