Katzengefluster (AFF or Ao3)
Bobby's had crushes before, but none of them have ever been as strong as his crush on Hanbin.
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"Again, Bobby?! Are you kidding me? Why can't you get this today?"
Bobby winced at Hanbin's scolding tone, leaning over with his hands on his knees to avoid looking at his leader. This was the fourth time Hanbin had called him on screwing up the same move, and the frustration in his voice was mounting.
"Cut him some slack, he's working hard." Jinhwan cut in from beside Bobby, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you serious?" Hanbin shot back at Jinhwan, the look on his face incredulous. "If it were Yunhyeong, I'd be a little more patient, but Bobby is not getting a pass just for working hard."
"Hanbin—" Jinhwan started, before getting cut off.
"Don't argue with me about this," Hanbin said, before glancing over at Yunhyeong, "and you, don't look offended. I know everyone's abilities and I'm just being honest."
"You're being rude." Jinhwan countered, crossing his arms over his chest.
Hanbin's steely gaze swept to Jinhwan for a moment before returning to Bobby. "Bobby is usually one of the best at picking up choreography, and today's he's the worst. If there's an actual reason for his constant lapse in concentration, I'm all ears. But I know there isn't because if there was he would have told me."
Bobby looked up to meet Hanbin's eyes, his face flushed from more than just exertion. Fuck, he thought to himself, why does he have to be so damn attractive when he's angry? "Sorry," Bobby said, before standing up again, "you're right, I don't have any reason, just having an off-day."
Hanbin stared at Bobby for a few seconds before turning to Jinhwan, raising his eyebrows as though inviting him to comment on Bobby's admission. Jinhwan just shook his head and got into position again. "Good, let's try it again. Bobby, please try to turn yourself on for the rest of the practice, okay?"
Bobby couldn't help but crack a smile at Hanbin's comment, even though he knew it was slightly dangerous to do that when Hanbin was annoyed. He heard a snicker from his left and sought out Junhwe's face in the mirror, grinning when he saw that he wasn't the only one who'd found Hanbin's comment amusing.
Hanbin was quick to notice the shared expression though and turned around again to stare at the both of them. "Junhwe," he started, not nearly as annoyed as he was moments ago, but clearly having little patience for the added interruption.
"Sorry," Junhwe said, still grinning despite Hanbin's attention being on him now, "but if you want Bobby to turn himself on maybe you should do a little striptease for him?"
Bobby lost it at the comment, laughter bubbling out of his mouth before he could stop it. He wasn't alone though—Donghyuk was laughing even harder, and the others seemed ready to follow suit. Luckily for them Hanbin was in a good mood (despite the frustration over Bobby's ineptitude) and he shook his head before turning back around to face the mirror.
"You guys are all idiots." Hanbin stated, which brought laughter out of everyone (Hanbin included). Bobby was grateful to Junhwe for the save. He didn't want everyone else to suffer through an annoyed Hanbin, just because he couldn't focus today. More than that, though, Junhwe's joke had made Hanbin laugh, and Bobby didn't think there was any better sight in the world than a happy Kim Hanbin. Watching Hanbin laugh made Bobby's heart flutter wildly in his chest, which probably wouldn't help him focus, but then that was sort of his bigger problem today anyway. The whole reason for his inability to concentrate on the choreography was standing directly in front of him.
Bobby had noticed months ago that his feelings for Hanbin were starting to change. What had started out as protective, older brother affection, and what had changed into a humour-filled, crazy best friend attachment, was now slowly turning into something different. Every time he looked at Hanbin he felt like smiling, he felt like everything was right in the world, that he could overcome anything as long as Hanbin was there at his side. Hanbin's extreme touchy-feely attention no longer bothered Bobby—in fact he found that he actually enjoyed it. Any time he saw Hanbin being physically close to the other members he was alarmed to find that it actually made him just a little jealous.
He knew he was likely heading into some dangerous and awkward territory, but Bobby refused to do anything about it. He enjoyed Hanbin's attention too much to want to consider it a bad thing, so he willingly allowed himself to be blind to his own growing attraction until it was too late—which is exactly where he was at this very moment. Unable to focus on dance moves because he was too busy staring at Hanbin's ass.
Luckily it was a first-time offence, which would give him a chance to figure out how to work around this. It's not like he could tell Hanbin the truth—sorry, can't concentrate cause I keep thinking about grinding up against you—so he'd need to come up with some way to combat his feelings quickly before they dominated his every thought.
He wasn't very good at hiding things, though, at least not without some help. But that brought forth a whole new set of concerns.
Would Jinhwan still help him once Bobby told him the truth?
~
"So that's where I'm at." Bobby finished explaining, having just spent the last fifteen minutes cuddling with Jinhwan on his bed and vaguely explaining the changes in his feelings for Hanbin. As usual, Jinhwan had been receptive to Bobby's concerns, listening patiently and promising that he wouldn't judge him.
"Honestly, Jiwon-ah, I can see it in the way you look at him. You're smitten with Hanbin, just admit it to yourself." Jinhwan teased, carding a hand through Bobby's hair.
Bobby frowned and pressed his face into Jinhwan's chest, eyes shut tight as if that would somehow make everything better. "I can't be, hyung," he whined, "it wouldn't work."
"Why not?" Jinhwan asked, prepared to let Bobby talk it out if he needed to.
"Well, for one thing I don't think he likes guys? He writes songs about girls, after all, and he talks about girls."
"Do you write songs about guys?" Jinhwan asked.
Bobby sighed. "No. I write songs about girls."
Jinhwan pulled on Bobby's earlobe. "Then you can't use that as a determining factor." Bobby didn't answer, so Jinhwan prodded a little more. "Why else do you think it wouldn't work?"
"Well, we're two guys," Bobby began, "I don't think the public would be accepting of that for idols."
"Aren't we all still under a dating ban anyway? So it's not like that would even matter for a few years, because you wouldn't be able to come out about it even if you wanted to."
"True," Bobby said, "but still, don't you think our fans would be upset? I don't want them to stop supporting us because of it."
"What makes you think they would? Don't you think our fans would want to support you?" Jinhwan asked, even though he knew exactly why Bobby thought that way. Best to let him talk it out, though.
Bobby frowned and skimmed his fingers over Jinhwan's arm, playing with the end of his sleeve. "Well, some of them would be okay, I think. But a lot of them would be upset, fans always get upset when idols date. Plus this isn't us dating girls, so they'd probably be upset because they felt like we lied to them? Like we sing songs about girls and say we love them, but then it turns out that we love a guy instead, so they'd feel betrayed. And what if a lot of them don't even accept gay guys? They'd hate us." Bobby squeezed his fingers around Jinhwan's arm, wanting his hand, but Jinhwan was still playing with Bobby's hair, so he'd take the closest thing he could get.
"I won't argue that, you probably would get a lot of fans that didn't understand and didn't accept. But those are people that don't have to deal with it, maybe they don't know anyone who's gay? Maybe you guys would be the first experience they'd have, and you'd influence a bunch of people to be accepting instead of blindly hating." Jinhwan let go of Bobby's hair and offered his hand, smiling when Bobby laced their fingers together.
"I think you're giving us too much influence, hyung."
Jinhwan laughed and squeezed Bobby's hand. "Nonsense. You might not change the minds of older people, but our generation and younger, we take our cues from people we look up to. You'd change minds, Jiwon."
"This doesn't even matter anyway, because I don't think Hanbin likes guys." Bobby whined, wondering how he was going to be able to get over these feelings that had slowly built up for Hanbin. They were together all the time, both at home and in the studio writing. Everything he did revolved around Hanbin. His distraction during dance practice had proven that it was going to affect him. He needed to figure this thing out.
"Honestly, I don't think Hanbin really likes guys either." Jinhwan said, grinning when Bobby craned his neck around to look up at him.
"What? Then why are we having this conversation?" Bobby asked, his voice high with disbelief at Jinhwan's comment. If Jinhwan thought Bobby's affections were a dead end, why was he even engaging the conversation? Better off to tell him to get over it instead.
"I mean it, I don't think he likes guys. I do, however, think he likes you." Jinhwan watched as Bobby's expression changed, mouth going slack the way it did whenever Bobby was deep in thought. Jinhwan waited for him to think it all out, content to wait and watch for the time being. This potential romance between the two rappers was exceptionally important to cultivate in the right way, and Jinhwan didn't want to rush either of them.
Bobby didn't answer for a bit, instead focusing on playing with Jinhwan's thumb as he mulled over what he'd said. Bobby wanted to ask Jinhwan why he thought Hanbin was interested in him, he wanted Jinhwan to give him a long list of evidence that proved that Hanbin liked him back. But the idea of being in love with Hanbin still scared him. What if things got awkward? What if they started fighting? He and Hanbin never fought, rarely even disagreed. But what if things changed if they got closer? What if Hanbin's temper (that was exceptionally patient for Bobby) got short with him instead? What if it changed their entire team dynamic?
Jinhwan watched Bobby try and evade the question, practically hearing the gears in Bobby's mind whirring madly. There was obviously a lot of fear in Bobby's thoughts regarding all of this, and Jinhwan didn't want him to psych himself out of going after the relationship. He squeezed Bobby's hand and wrapped his free arm around Bobby's shoulder, hugging him tightly to his chest. "Don't you want me to tell you why I think he likes you?" Jinhwan offered, when it felt like Bobby might shy away from asking.
Bobby looked up and met Jinhwan's eyes, nodding at his question. Maybe he'd feel a little better if he heard Jinhwan's thoughts on the matter.
Jinhwan smiled at Bobby in a supportive way before beginning. "So the three of us have known each other for a long time, and I've always watched the both of you closely, to learn how you work. You've always been an open book, easy to read, but Hanbin shields himself a little more. He's opened up quite a bit with us, I think losing WIN had a lot to do with that. But he still tries to hide parts of himself sometimes, but I catch them." Jinhwan brought his hand back up to Bobby's head, fingers playing with his hair. "He's different around you then he is when you're not there."
Bobby's attention pricked up at the comment—it was actually something he'd always been curious about, whether or not Hanbin acted differently around him. "How so?" He asked.
"This might sound like a cheesy romance movie, and yeah I know I watch a lot of them so keep quiet," Jinhwan cautioned, smiling when Bobby grinned at his warning, "but it's like you can see him lighting up any time you walk in a room. His eyes are glued to you, and he smiles in such a ridiculous way, like a kid who just got handed his favourite toy."
Bobby smiled and buried his head into Jinhwan's chest for a moment, elated at the revelation. "Does he really?" He asked, looking back at Jinhwan again.
Jinhwan nodded, grinning at Bobby's cute reaction. "I swear, I know Hanbin's moods, and there are a lot of times when you're not there, and he's frustrated or upset and barely keeping it in, but then you walk in and it's like his patience completely resets. He's laughing and smiling, when only seconds before he was one misstep away from yelling at someone."
Bobby knew he was probably sporting an exceptionally dopey looking grin at Jinhwan's words, but he couldn't help it. He was elated to know that his mere presence made that much of an impact on Hanbin. Not that Bobby ever found himself frustrated or annoyed as often as Hanbin did, but any time he was feeling down about anything, looking at Hanbin or hearing his voice always lifted Bobby's spirits. It was nice to know the feeling was mutual.
"There were a few times during WIN, when he'd still be up late working on stuff and you'd gone to sleep, and I'd go in to check on him. He was always different during those nights than he was whenever you were with him. He almost kind of seemed a little lost, a little hopeless, whenever you weren't there. He whined a lot more."
Bobby laughed at the comment. "Yeah he whined to me a lot during those times," he recalled fondly, "it was cute, actually." Those nights were the first moments when Bobby had felt his feelings changing and shifting, and every time he'd reached out to console Hanbin through a moody re-write of a song, Bobby had found himself falling in love with the feeling of having Hanbin in his arms.
"I'm glad one of us found it cute," Jinhwan chided, "I found it a little irritating."
"Maybe he whined differently to you than he did to me." Bobby mused.
"Probably," Jinhwan agreed, "but that's just it, really. He acts differently around you, he shows an almost vulnerable side when he's with you, that he never shows when you're not around. The only time we've ever seen him like that was last December when you went to the US."
"Really?" Bobby said in surprise. He knew Hanbin wasn't the type to show weakness, so it always surprised him when Hanbin would admit it in front of him. But to hear that he never showed it to any of the others, ever, was a little surprising too. "What happened when I was away?"
Jinhwan grinned, remembering that week rather well. "Ah, he was cute, I have to admit. He randomly cuddled with whoever was around; I think Yunhyeong probably got it the worst."
Bobby laughed. "What, he didn't go to you?" Bobby found that a bit surprising. He'd have expected Hanbin to gravitate to Jinhwan when he wasn't there.
"He tried," Jinhwan said, "but I told him to suck it up and stop whining, it was only a week." They both laughed at that, and Jinhwan squeezed Bobby's hand again. "I was a little surprised, to be honest, how much he missed you. He almost always had a mopey expression on his face that week."
Bobby smiled and buried his face in Jinhwan's chest again, secretly pleased to hear he'd been missed. While he'd been overjoyed to be home again, to see his family and old friends, he'd been alarmed to find himself constantly thinking of Hanbin during the day. He looked back at Jinhwan, blushing just a little at the look Jinhwan was giving him, like he thought Bobby was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. Given how much Jinhwan did enjoy romance movies, Bobby wasn't really surprised. "You know he never once told me he missed me when I was away? We talked a few times, but whenever I asked him if he missed me, he always told me no."
"Did he?" Jinhwan laughed, half surprised to hear it, and half not.
"Yeah. I called him before going to the airport to get the plane back, and he told me he hoped I missed my flight." Bobby laughed too, remembering well the conversation. He'd known Hanbin had been joking, of course, but now he understood the teasing even more. Hanbin had missed him, and he'd missed him so much he hadn't been able to admit it. Bobby's heart swelled with affection at the thought.
Jinhwan shook his head and smiled. Hanbin was honestly fascinating, he thought, so mature and capable at times, but then an utter bratty child at others. "He's such an idiot sometimes," Jinhwan said affectionately, "I'm happy he's so close to you, though. I think about what the team would be like, if we had someone else and not you. Someone Hanbin didn't gel with so tightly."
Bobby grinned at Jinhwan's musings. "You guys would be screwed if I wasn't here."
Jinhwan laughed. "He'd be a nightmare without you, honestly." Jinhwan fixed Bobby with a grateful expression. "We'd all be worse without you here." Sometimes Jinhwan thought about that, about what things would be like without any of the six in the team. Every one of them brought something different, and Jinhwan truly thought they were as strong as they were because of the way they all complimented one another, not just vocally, but personality-wise.
Bobby smiled and squeezed Jinhwan's hand. "Stop killing yourself with overly sentimental thoughts, hyung." he scolded teasingly, smiling widely when Jinhwan met his eyes. "We're a great unit, and all six of us are going to debut together one day."
Jinhwan smiled back, wrapping his arm around Bobby again and craning his neck to press his lips to Bobby's forehead, kissing him softly. "You and your never wavering positivity," he said, voice full of affection, "I'm really grateful to have you around, Jiwon."
"Me too, hyung," Bobby replied, squeezing Jinhwan's hand, "as hard as it's been, coming here truly was the best decision I've ever made in my life. I don't even want to think about what things would be like if I'd stayed in the States. Not having all of you," Bobby shook his head, "ah, I can't even imagine it."
Jinhwan laughed. "Now we're both getting stupidly sentimental, this is terrible."
Bobby pulled himself out of Jinhwan's embrace, sitting up but still holding his hand. "Thanks for the talk, hyung," he said, "it helped a lot."
"Did it?" Jinhwan asked, pleased to hear Bobby's admission.
Bobby nodded. "Yeah, it really did."
"So are you going to tell him?" Jinhwan gripped Bobby's hand with both of his, hoping for an affirmative answer.
"Yeah, I will. I don't know when, but eventually." Bobby was feeling much more confident about his feelings for Hanbin after the chat, especially given Jinhwan's positive reaction to his admission, but he wasn't about to rush into anything. Just because he was ready to tell Hanbin, that didn't mean Hanbin was ready to hear it.
Jinhwan nodded. "Alright, that's fair enough. Any time you need to talk about it, I'm always here for you."
Bobby smiled and pulled Jinhwan closer, wrapping both arms around him. "I know you are, and I appreciate everything. You're the best, hyung, really you are." He pulled back a little, but kept his hands on Jinhwan's arms, looking him in the eyes. "I'd be lost without you, honestly."
Jinhwan bit his lip, feeling tears forming in his eyes. "Ugh, Bobby! Are you trying to make me cry? Because you're doing a good job, asshole." Bobby laughed and Jinhwan followed suit. "We're pathetic."
Bobby grinned and leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to Jinhwan's cheek. "I'll take pathetic, as long as we're together." He jumped off the bed after making the comment, just managing to avoid Jinhwan's fist.
"Shut up!" Jinhwan yelled at him, amused but still a little embarrassed at how easily emotional he got over the group. He couldn't help it though—they truly were brothers, and he loved all five of them dearly. He hoped this thing with Bobby and Hanbin was going to work out, because he wanted them to be happy, and he felt pretty confident that no one in the world could possibly make either of them happier than each other.
Bobby grinned and winked at Jinhwan before leaving his room, his heart and shoulders feelings infinitely lighter after getting everything off his chest. Of course now he was faced with an admission to Hanbin, but he'd deal with that in due time. For now he'd just monitor the way Hanbin acted around him, judging for himself exactly how he impacted the object of his affection.
~
Bobby couldn't take his eyes off of Hanbin—the stylists had done him exceptionally well today. He was slightly annoyed that he actually felt a little nervous around Hanbin at the moment, far too attracted to him for a photo shoot. This was potential dangerous territory.
Hanbin approached him, the smile on his face faltering when he noticed Bobby staring. "What's wrong, hyung?" Hanbin asked, automatically assuming something looked off with his styling.
"Nothing," Bobby responded quickly, "you uh, you look really good."
Hanbin frowned. "Huh?" He and Bobby were not in the habit of complimenting one another, especially not regarding their looks, so the comment sounded strange to Hanbin's ear.
"You look really good," Bobby repeated, swallowing around the lump in his throat, "you uh, you look really handsome, the way they styled you." Good job, loser, Bobby berated himself in his head, that wasn't awkward at all.
Hanbin's frown deepened for a second before he smiled. "Oh, well, thanks." Hanbin stared at Bobby for a moment, and Bobby really hoped he wasn't blushing, but then Hanbin spoke up again. "Hyung, you actually look really good today too!"
Bobby couldn't help himself—he smiled at the compliment, his heart beating just a little faster. "Ah really, you think so? Thanks, Hanbin-ah!"
Hanbin's smile turned to a predatory grin. "Nah I'm lying; you're still ugly." Hanbin winked at him before clapping a hand to his shoulder and moving off towards the photographer, leaving Bobby standing in shock.
He should have expected it. He should have known better. He couldn't be mad about it either, Bobby knew that. He and Hanbin always insulted each other—always. He couldn't just change things and expect Hanbin to follow along. The important thing was that he had complimented Hanbin, and Hanbin had recognized the compliment. It might take him a while to accept that Bobby was complimenting him, but the more he heard it, the sooner he'd become comfortable with it.
Bobby looked over at Hanbin, standing next to two of the other models, who were trying to include him in their conversation. Bobby grinned as he watched the scene. He could sense Hanbin's awkwardness from across the room and it made him feel a little bit better after his own awkward moment. He slowly made his way over to them, listening in as Hanbin spoke, stilted sentences about training and song-writing. Bobby barely held in his laughter. He suddenly thought about Jinhwan's comments though, and decided to test out his observations. He approached the trio and stood next to Hanbin, slipping an arm around his shoulders, and just like Jinhwan had stated, the moment Hanbin noticed Bobby next to him, his entire demeanour changed. The awkward shyness slid away, replaced with something a bit more confident. Hanbin smiled at Bobby, and Bobby smiled back before engaging the other two in conversation.
A few minutes later the photographer called for the other two, leaving Bobby and Hanbin alone again for the moment. Hanbin immediately turned to him, a pleading look on his face. "Don't leave me alone with anyone; I can't make conversation."
Bobby laughed and tightened his arm around Hanbin's shoulders, drawing him in closer. "Ah you, why are you so awkward? I mean you're beyond shy with strangers, it's so weird." Bobby teased, though he found it endearing.
Hanbin frowned at him. "I blame my parents; they didn't make me make friends as a kid."
Bobby laughed at the explanation, pleased when Hanbin laughed too. "Were you really that bad?"
Hanbin shrugged. "I was always a loner at school. It's not that I was bad at making friends; I just never really tried?" He grinned, watching as Bobby continued to laugh at him.
"Did you have any friends at all as a kid?" Bobby asked, turning his head to look at Hanbin, losing himself just a little in his eyes. Hanbin in eyeliner was fucking dangerous, Bobby thought.
"Eh, a few."
"Did you actually hang out with them?" Bobby asked, guessing Hanbin's answer solely on his facial expression. "I'm gonna say no, you didn't?"
Hanbin laughed and slid his own arm around Bobby's waist, cuddling in closer to him. "I always wanted to do my own thing, I didn't really care about having friends. My parents were my friends."
"That's so weird," Bobby replied, still amused, "I was terrified of my parents as a kid. I mean I loved them more than anything, but I was glad to be away from them during the day at school."
Hanbin was silent for a moment, but Bobby watched his mouth slowly turning up in a smile. "You know, I don't think my parents ever scolded me for anything? I'm trying to think of something, but I don't remember ever feeling afraid of my parents. I wasn't even afraid of my teachers."
Bobby shook his head. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" One thing he found impressive about Hanbin was his ability to speak comfortably with anyone, regardless of position (in a work environment, at least). Hanbin was equally comfortable sharing his opinion with senior producers as he was sharing them with his group members. If Hanbin had an opinion on something, he always shared it, and he always fought for it. Bobby respected that a great deal.
Hanbin grinned. "It's probably gonna get me in trouble one of these days."
"Undoubtedly," Bobby agreed, "but I still think it's an admirable trait. You fight for your opinion, that's a good thing." He met Hanbin's eyes, pleased at Hanbin's somewhat surprised expression. Maybe he ought to cut back on the compliments for one day, though? "But I still think you need some friends."
Hanbin laughed at Bobby's comment before wrapping his other arm around Bobby's front, hugging him close. "I don't need friends," Hanbin said, "I have you."
Bobby felt his heart flutter at the comment, and he hated himself for how weak it made him. "I'm the only friend you need?" He asked, teasing Hanbin. Without thinking about it, Bobby laid a hand on Hanbin's arm, sliding fingers under the short sleeves of Hanbin's t-shirt, squeezing his bicep. Before he'd recognized his feelings for Hanbin, Bobby had always found himself slightly uncomfortable and a little annoyed by Hanbin's over the top touching, but now it was Bobby that couldn't keep his hands off of Hanbin.
Hanbin smiled into Bobby's chest, pleased with the physical contact. It made him feel calm when he was nervous, and there was something special about Bobby giving into it, something that made Hanbin's heart beat just a little faster. While he considered all of his team to be his friends (brothers, really) he did feel a bit of a deeper connection to Bobby. "Well, you're not the only one," he started, "but the most important one?"
Bobby's heart was beating so fast he wondered if Hanbin could feel it, pressed to his chest. He leaned his head against Hanbin's, trying to hide a smile in Hanbin's hair. Gross, Jiwon, could you possibly be any more in love with him? He berated himself in his head, but it evaporated in the warmth that continued to spread through him at Hanbin's affectionate words.
Hanbin tightened his arms around Bobby, closing his eyes and pressing his face into Bobby's neck, happy when he felt Bobby's face pressing into his hair. They probably looked ridiculous right now to anyone else in the room, but he didn't really care. Hanbin loved Bobby's physical affection, he craved it and would always gladly welcome it no matter where Bobby chose to bestow it on him. There had been a time when Bobby would grudgingly let Hanbin cling to him, and Hanbin had always been able to feel the tense lines of Bobby's body then, clearly uncomfortable with Hanbin's closeness, but trying his best to accommodate him anyway. Bobby had always been good to him, and Hanbin appreciated him for it. But lately it seemed like Bobby had finally gotten used to the cuddling and touching, almost seemed to seek it out on his own these days.
They were called for their photo shoot soon after, and Bobby was beaming through the rest of the afternoon. It wasn't just him, though, he watched Hanbin too, the way Jinhwan did, and he picked up on everything Jinhwan had said. Hanbin always looked for him, and he always seemed to relax any time they made eye contact, or any time they were able to talk. It bolstered Bobby's belief that maybe, just maybe, he had a shot at this love thing with Hanbin. He just had to be patient.
~
It was nearing noon when Hanbin finally pulled himself out of bed, standing up straight and stretching his arms up over his head, groaning when he heard his spine cracking. He'd probably slept in a weird position, twisted and contorted as usual. Maybe he'd get Jinhwan to walk on his back later if he still felt stiff.
He walked out of his room and headed for the kitchen, surprised at how quiet the apartment was. He should have been up earlier, but he'd been so tired that he'd shut off his alarm, figuring that someone would wake him up so they could leave to train together. Apparently though his members thought he needed sleep more than practice and had left him on his own. He didn't mind, because he really had needed the sleep, plus he rarely got any time alone, so if he truly was by himself the bit of private time would be welcome.
But there was someone in the kitchen, busy at the stove. At first glance he'd assumed it was Yunhyeong, since he was the only one who ever really cooked. But with a second, more perceptive glance, he'd realized it was Bobby. "What are you doing?" Hanbin called out, surprised to see Bobby at the stove.
"Ah, you're awake finally!" Bobby turned around and called out in greeting, a happy smile on his face. "Everyone else is at the training centre, it's just us."
Hanbin shuffled over to Bobby, his mind still half asleep. "What are you doing though?" He stood next to Bobby, looking down at the stove top.
"Making you breakfast," Bobby admitted a little shyly, "thought you could use a nice meal since you've been working so hard lately."
Hanbin narrowed his eyes at Bobby. "What did you do?" He asked, not trusting Bobby's simple answer.
"What do you mean?" Bobby replied, turning to face Hanbin. "I didn't do anything."
"I didn't know you could cook." Hanbin said, looking at the pan on the stove. "What are you making me?"
"An omelet," Bobby replied, "Yunhyeong taught me how to make it, I already made one for myself earlier so don't worry, I know what I'm doing!"
Hanbin just stared at the contents of the frying pan for a bit, trying to decipher how he felt about Bobby cooking. This was an unprecedented moment, and he still wasn't certain if Bobby was trying to butter him up for some kind of bad news. He remained hovering over Bobby's shoulder while he cooked, and after a minute he'd wound his arms around Bobby and leaned his head on Bobby's shoulder.
Bobby's heart was racing at the contact and he willed himself to calm down. The last thing he wanted to do was get distracted by Hanbin's closeness and ruin his breakfast. But it was difficult to focus with Hanbin's arms around him, his fingers rubbing softly against his t-shirt. Bobby could feel the heat from Hanbin's breath on his neck and he couldn't help but close his eyes for a moment, allowing himself a few seconds of indulging in his own personal fantasy.
Hanbin rubbed his cheek against Bobby's shoulder, feeling content, even if he was still unsure about Bobby's intentions with breakfast. It was kind of weird, though, because lately it had seemed like Bobby was doing all kinds of nice things for him, small things that were easy to overlook. Like making sure Hanbin's favourite snacks were always well-stocked, hanging his favourite hoody and snapback at the door every morning so he didn't have to search the apartment looking for them, always saving Hanbin a seat next to him in the van and inviting him to sleep against his shoulder wherever they went. The attention made Hanbin happy, and thinking about it now made him smile and he tightened his arms around Bobby's waist.
Bobby smiled when he felt Hanbin's arms tighten, dying to know what Hanbin was thinking about. He was also grateful to Jinhwan for suggesting that he take the others out for some vocal practice, leaving the two rappers with an excuse to hang out in the apartment by themselves. Of course Jinhwan had his ulterior motives for leaving them alone, and Bobby appreciated it. He was still nowhere near being ready to admit anything to Hanbin, but having time alone, just the two of them, was a blessing. He'd relish any opportunity to cuddle with Hanbin in privacy.
Hanbin turned his head to the other side, rubbing his other cheek, but with his nose pressed to Bobby's neck he noticed a very particular scent. "Hyung, are you wearing cologne?"
Bobby froze at the question, suddenly nervous (though he kept telling himself he shouldn't be). He could wear cologne if he wanted to. Couldn't he? "Yeah," he answered, "do you like it?"
Hanbin pressed his nose further into Bobby's neck, taking a deeper sniff. He didn't wear any himself, so he didn't really have much of a nose for these things. He thought it smelled really nice, though, and it suited Bobby. "It's terrible. You smell like Junhwe's rotten old socks."
Bobby knew it had been stupid to expect an honest answer out of Hanbin to this kind of question, but for some reason he hadn't expected an insult so early in Hanbin's day. He shook his head and sighed dramatically. "I'm slaving over the stove for you, and this is the thanks I get?"
Hanbin inhaled again, grinning into Bobby's neck. "Seriously hyung, when did you take up dumpster diving?"
"Around the same time I took up being nice to you." Bobby retorted, flipping the omelet over. He should probably resort back to insults for now, since Hanbin might get suspicious if he kept trying to be nice to him.
Hanbin grinned and kept his nose buried in Bobby's neck. The smell of his cologne was actually quite soothing. "You call this rancid concoction being nice? I call it child abuse."
Despite the continued insults, Bobby couldn't help but notice that Hanbin was not moving his face out of his neck, and he kept inhaling. Bobby remembered his conversation with Jinhwan about how much Hanbin had missed him while he was gone, and how Hanbin hadn't been able to verbally admit to missing him. "I've made breakfast for a child who is an asshole. Great."
"Well at least this child doesn't smell like assholes." Hanbin pressed his mouth into Bobby's neck, trying to stifle a laugh. Dissolving into giggles would negate all the headway he'd made in this battle.
Bobby smiled when he felt Hanbin's lips against his neck. He knew why Hanbin was doing it (to repress laughter) but he couldn't help but imagine it as a kiss. Pathetic, Jiwon!
"What cologne is it, hyung?" Hanbin asked once he'd gotten a hold of himself.
"Jo Malone. Why?"
Hanbin grinned into Bobby's neck. "I'm gonna send a written complaint to their head office."
Bobby couldn't help but laugh, especially because he knew Hanbin obviously thought the opposite. He'd just taken a deep breath again, nose pressed to Bobby's neck, and Bobby shivered when he felt Hanbin's breath expelling against the back of his neck. Fuck, it felt so nice to stand like this, comfortable and at ease, just the two of them. He was almost tempted to blurt his feelings out now, certain that Hanbin would agree and confess himself. Otherwise why would he be pressed into Bobby, continuously inhaling his cologne and smiling into his neck?
"Is my food ready yet?" Hanbin whined, peeling his face out of Bobby's neck and laying his chin on his shoulder.
Bobby missed the presence immediately, but it wasn't like Hanbin had moved away. He just wanted a view of the pan on the stove. "Pretty much," he relayed, poking the omelet, "why don't you go sit at the table?" Not that he wanted Hanbin to move away, but his whole reason for cooking had been to feed Hanbin. It would be a little hard to do that in their current positions.
"Okay," Hanbin replied, "I know you already ate, but you're gonna sit with me, right?"
Bobby's heart swelled with affection again at the request. "Of course I will." He answered, smiling down at the pan.
"Good!" Hanbin replied, hugging Bobby tightly one last time moving away to the table. It wasn't every day he got a home cooked breakfast (though he was still slightly concerned with the fact that it was Bobby who'd done the cooking) so Hanbin would gladly take the time necessary to properly appreciate the food (if it indeed turned out to be edible). As he sat down and watched Bobby finishing at the stove, he couldn't help but wonder why Bobby was doing this. He'd never made anyone a meal before. Not only that but wearing cologne? Was he going out somewhere after Hanbin finished eating?
Suddenly a wild thought entered Hanbin's brain. Did Bobby have a girlfriend? Was that what this was about? Was he trying to butter him up in order to drop the news on him? Hanbin swallowed nervously, not sure how he felt about the idea. Of course Bobby deserved a girlfriend, he was a great guy and Hanbin wanted him to be happy. But a girlfriend would only complicate matters. They barely had time for anything outside of training, so when would Bobby even seen her? Would it cut into his time with the members?
Would it cut into his time with Hanbin?
Bobby carefully plated Hanbin's breakfast omelet, feeling quite pleased with himself. It looked better than the one he'd made himself this morning under Yunhyeong's supervision. Hanbin would surely love it. He'd probably try to insult it and say it was garbage, but Bobby knew how to read him, so he'd know if Hanbin was lying. He poured Hanbin a glass of water as well and picked up the plate, bringing both over to him at the table. He laid the plate down in front of him, feeling slightly nervous. He was sure it was good, but then maybe Hanbin would like his omelet differently than Bobby liked them? What if it was too bland? What if there was too much flavour? Too much cheese? Bobby stood by Hanbin's side, waiting for a comment, mind playing over too many possibilities.
"Hyung?" Hanbin said, looking up at Bobby with a confused expression. Bobby had to be prepping him for some kind of news.
"Yeah?" Bobby answered, realizing that he probably looked super awkward, standing over Hanbin's shoulder.
"Can I have a fork?" Hanbin asked, grinning when Bobby laughed.
"Right, sorry." Bobby had forgotten all about utensils, so focused on whether or not Hanbin was going to like the food. He felt a little foolish, wishing he wasn't so nervous. He just wanted Hanbin to have a nice breakfast (because he deserved to be spoiled, given how hard he was working for them all).
Hanbin grinned when Bobby returned and offered the fork, then sat down in the chair next to him. He wondered whether he should eat first or ask about Bobby's weird behaviour. He decided to taste it first before making up his mind. He carved out a bite of the omelet, impressed with how it looked. "Yunhyeong would be proud of this," he said, looking at Bobby and winking, "it looks good! Let's see if it tastes good."
Bobby smiled at the compliment, grateful for it. Presentation was half the battle of cooking, so he'd heard Yunhyeong say a few times, so he'd won half the battle already. But now the important part came.
Hanbin chewed quietly, thoroughly impressed. He'd planned to insult Bobby's attempt at cooking regardless of how it tasted (especially if he was about to drop a bombshell on Hanbin about a girlfriend) but if he was being honest, the food was too good. He took another bite before looking at Bobby.
"Well?" Bobby asked, holding his breath in anticipation. He kept reminding himself that Hanbin was probably going to say it was shit, but for some reason he was still holding out hope that maybe he'd actually like it enough to give an honest opinion.
"It's really good," Hanbin answered, "I'm shocked, it's so good. Like, I wasn't expecting it to be this good." He took another bite, silencing himself before he said anything stupid.
Bobby smiled, feeling relieved. "You really think so?" He asked, pleased with himself. He'd have to thank Yunhyeong later.
Hanbin nodded. "Yeah, it's impressive." He swallowed his next bite and took a sip of his water, savouring the different flavours in the omelet. But the question remained—why was Bobby suddenly taking up an interest in cooking?
"Oh good!" Bobby exclaimed, feeling grateful that he'd managed to get through the recipe with such good results.
Hanbin couldn't keep his questions to himself anymore. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
It took Bobby a moment to even process that Hanbin had asked him a question, and when he registered what the question was his eyes went wide in shock. "No." He realized his surprised and nervous little no wasn't likely to mollify Hanbin's sudden curiosity, and he wished he could have answered better. He should have expected it, though. Of course Hanbin would get suspicious of his recent behaviour, and wasn't cooking the gateway to romance?
Hanbin narrowed his eyes, watching Bobby's face. He didn't entirely buy his answer. "Are you sure? I mean if you are, you can tell me. I'd be happy for you. I promise." He'd be happy! Kind of happy? Happy enough? Maybe a little jealous, if he was being honest. He wasn't used to sharing Bobby with anyone outside of their group. What if Bobby was planning to cook this meal for a girl, and he was just testing it on Hanbin?
"I promise, there's no girlfriend. I'm not dating anyone right now." Bobby realized his goof the moment he said that last sentence. He hoped Hanbin wouldn't pick up on it.
Hanbin frowned at Bobby, chewing another bite of his food and thinking about Bobby's choice of words. "Are you trying to date someone?"
Bobby couldn't help but laugh nervously. "Nope," he answered, wanting to turn his head away but knowing that would only raise Hanbin's suspicion levels higher, "not trying to date anyone right now."
"You don't have to lie to me, hyung," Hanbin pressed on, certain that Bobby wasn't being truthful, "I won't be mad. I know we have a dating ban and technically I should tell you off for trying to get a girlfriend, but I won't, I promise. I won't say a thing. Just be honest with me."
Bobby forced himself to keep looking at Hanbin, his stomach a jumble of nerves. Hanbin was pouting (though Bobby didn't think he realized it, because Hanbin never pouted for guilt, only for laughs) and that made him feel even worse. Technically speaking he wasn't entirely lying to Hanbin, because he kept asking about a girlfriend. "I am being honest with you," Bobby replied, reaching out to lay his hand over Hanbin's, "I don't have a girlfriend, and I'm not trying to get one."
Hanbin was silent for a moment before answering, not sure he bought that answer either. "If I hear about you flirting with a girl in a few weeks, I'm not gonna be happy." Hanbin said, trying to sound like he was joking. Why couldn't Bobby just be honest with him? Why else would he be cooking and wearing cologne and being so nice all the time?
Bobby smiled nervously back at Hanbin, trying his best not to look awkward. "You won't, I promise. I mean it, I'm not trying to get a girlfriend," he squeezed Hanbin's hand, "but if things are meant to be, then I guess you'll find out." Fuck, Jiwon! What was that even supposed to mean?! Why did you just say that?! He berated himself, wondering how he was possibly going to explain that line to Hanbin.
Luckily for Bobby, though, Hanbin was certain Bobby was still lying about the situation, so he wasn't keen on continuing to grill him, at least not right now. Hanbin wasn't used to Bobby not telling him things, so he just decided to drop the conversation for the time being. Maybe he'd talk to Jinhwan and see what he thought. "Alright, fine, I guess I'll take your word for it. I just thought it was weird, since you're suddenly interested in cooking."
Bobby shot him a confused look. "I can't cook unless it's for a girl?"
"No," Hanbin quickly replied, "I just didn't think you would? I mean you've never expressed an interest in cooking before, and now suddenly you have Yunhyeong teaching you how to cook? It just seemed weird." Hanbin shoved another mouthful of omelet in his mouth, nervous suddenly. Had he overreacted? Maybe Bobby's change had nothing to do with dating after all.
Bobby felt like screaming. It was right there, right in front of Hanbin, he'd practically said it himself! "Okay but I didn't ask Yunhyeong to teach me how to cook because of a girl," Bobby said, "I mean, you're the one I ended up cooking for." Oh God oh God this is it, if he doesn't figure it out now, he's officially an idiot! Bobby thought to himself, nervous eyes watching Hanbin.
Hanbin frowned around his food, swallowing before answering Bobby. "I guess you have a point," he said, though in reality he wanted to ask if he was just a guinea pig for Bobby's cooking attempts, "sorry I harassed you about it. You've just been acting different lately. But I should be happy! I mean you made me breakfast and it's really good, sorry I didn't just appreciate it." Hanbin was still unsure about the situation, but he was a little embarrassed about assuming Bobby was lying to him about a girl. He'd just have to cut out thinking about it until he could talk to Jinhwan.
Bobby frowned at the response, feeling frustrated. Maybe Jinhwan was wrong. If Hanbin was interested in him, wouldn't he have picked up on Bobby's attempted confession? "That's okay, don't apologize, I'm just happy you like your breakfast." He should really utilize the opportunity to admit his feelings for Hanbin (especially since they were alone) but his nerves got the better of him and he buried the confession.
Hanbin looked back at Bobby, smiling and squeezing his hand back. He'd drop it for now, even though it felt weird, feeling like something unresolved was hanging over them. "It's perfect, seriously it's so good! Feel free to make me breakfast every morning."
Bobby grinned at Hanbin's comment, his gaze on their intertwined hands before rising back up to meet Hanbin's eyes. "If you're nice to me, maybe I will."
Hanbin grinned back at him, carving another piece of the omelet with his fork. "I'm always nice to you." Hanbin answered, his voice suddenly soft.
Bobby smiled fondly at him, nodding in agreement. "That's true."
Hanbin grinned and shovelled food in his mouth again.
"Ninety percent of the time. Ten percent you're a grumpy jerk." Hanbin almost spit his food back out on his plate, laughing at Bobby. Bobby laughed too, happy despite the nearly awkward situation. Things always resolved themselves between he and Hanbin, though, and this time was no different. They'd be fine, and eventually Bobby would work up the courage to admit his feelings. Until then maybe he'd just keep cooking Hanbin breakfast.
~
"Hey hyung, you busy?" Hanbin asked, standing in Jinhwan's door. Jinhwan waved him inside, and Hanbin closed the door behind him. "Sorry to bother you, but I just really need to talk."
"That's okay." Jinhwan said, sitting up in his bed, curious about why Hanbin was here. Usually Hanbin went to Bobby when he needed to talk, so if he was coming to him now, Jinhwan could only assume that Hanbin wanted to talk about Bobby.
Hanbin sat down next to Jinhwan, as close as possible, shoulders and knees touching. "I know Bobby talks to you about things, and I understand if he's asked you not to tell me anything, but this is driving me crazy so I have to ask."
Jinhwan somehow managed to keep himself from grinning, trying to look serious for Hanbin's benefit. "What's the problem?" He asked, curious about what had Hanbin worked up.
"Is he dating someone?" Hanbin asked, catching Jinhwan off guard. "Does he have a girlfriend? He's been acting weird lately, have you noticed? Almost like he's trying to impress someone. Like he's been dressing nicer, he's been wearing some fancy cologne, and he's so nice all the time, he keeps complimenting me. He even made me breakfast, like he actually cooked, and it was good! It's weird, it feels like something is up."
Jinhwan wanted to laugh—Hanbin was amazingly every bit as observant as he was oblivious. "Has he been doing all that? I didn't notice."
"He is! I noticed him acting weird a few weeks ago, so I've been trying to pay attention to him lately. He's not acting like himself, I'm telling you something is definitely up." Hanbin kind of felt bad for whining to Jinhwan, but at the same time he couldn't help himself. He needed to talk to someone about this.
"I see," Jinhwan started, amused that Hanbin was so worked up, "have you asked him about it?"
"Of course I did," Hanbin said, "but he said he's not dating anyone. So I asked if he was trying to, and he just laughed at me and said I'd find out if it was meant to be. What is that even supposed to mean?"
Jinhwan bit the inside of his cheek, certain he was going to fail at trying not to laugh. "I don't know, Hanbin-ah. Sounds like he might just be messing with you." Jinhwan knew exactly what Bobby had meant by it, and he was impressed by his vague admission. Too bad Hanbin was too oblivious to pick up on it.
Hanbin frowned, leaning into Jinhwan. "So he's really not dating anyone?"
"Technically speaking, no, he's not dating someone right now. Not yet." Jinhwan knew he was pushing it with the comment, but he was pretty sure that if he didn't say anything to Hanbin, Bobby would take a few more months before working up the nerve to do it himself.
"What do you mean, technically speaking?" Hanbin rounded on him, eyes narrowed. "So there is someone he's interested in?"
Jinhwan nodded—he really hoped Bobby wouldn't be mad at him for this. "Ah, don't tell him I told you this, but he's been chasing after someone for a few months now. Taking a little too much time to admit his feelings, if you ask me."
"What?" Hanbin asked, mouth wide in shock. "Who?" Was all he managed to ask, though what he really wanted to say was Why didn't he tell me?
"I don't think it's my place to tell you that," Jinhwan teased, "if he wanted you to know I'm sure he would have told you."
Hanbin's face dropped at Jinhwan's comment. Why hadn't Bobby told him? He knew that Bobby confided in Jinhwan a lot, but if he'd been chasing some girl for months, now, Hanbin figured that Bobby would have said something about it to him. Wouldn't he?
Jinhwan noticed the change in Hanbin's demeanour and realized he'd teased a bit too far. Hanbin wasn't used to Bobby keeping secrets from him, so of course he'd be upset to find such a big one. Jinhwan was going to have to fix this before Hanbin sulked around the apartment and started turning a cold shoulder to Bobby. "There's actually a very good reason why he hasn't said anything to you."
Hanbin looked up at Jinhwan upon hearing the comment. "What?" Hanbin started wondering what that very good reason could possibly be. Who was it? Obviously had to be someone they knew. One of the trainees? One of the dancers? Hayi?
Jinhwan stalled for a moment, because he was stuck for an answer. What could he say that wouldn't scare Hanbin away? "He didn't want to worry you." He said, though that didn't really portray what he meant.
"Worry me?" Hanbin repeated. "Who is it? It's someone people will recognize, right? Otherwise why would I worry?"
This was going wrong, but Jinhwan was stuck. "You could say that."
Now Hanbin was really bothered. "It's Hayi, isn't it?"
"Nope, definitely not Hayi. Definitely not Bobby's type." Jinhwan wondered if he ought to just tell Hanbin the truth. Trying to give him hints wasn't really getting them anywhere.
"Who else would worry me?" Hanbin frowned, trying to think of everyone at YG that Bobby could possibly be interested in. Maybe restricting his search to YG was the problem. "It's not someone from another agency, is it?"
Jinhwan made a decision to head this off before it got any worse. "No, it's not someone from another agency."
"So it is someone at YG? Is it a model? Actress?" Hanbin admittedly didn't know many YG employees outside of the music branch of the company. Maybe one of the models they'd worked with a few weeks ago?
"Nope," Jinhwan countered, taking a deep breath and hoping for the best, "it's you."
Hanbin was struck silent at Jinhwan's comment. He had to be joking. Jinhwan was obviously messing with him, maybe trying to teach him a lesson about minding his own business? Which normally Hanbin would do, except that it was Bobby. "Funny, hyung."
"I'm not joking," Jinhwan said, serious expression on his face, "you're the one Bobby's interested in. He's just afraid to tell you about it." Jinhwan watched Hanbin as he digested the news, recognizing that Jinhwan wasn't joking around.
Hanbin stared blank-faced at Jinhwan, shocked by the admission. He knew Jinhwan well, knew that he was a terrible liar. Jinhwan was serious right now, wearing a look that he reserved only for important conversations. This wasn't just a joke. "Me?" Hanbin asked, still too in shock to contemplate what it meant.
Jinhwan nodded. "You. Like I said, he was afraid of scaring you, so he was taking his time."
Hanbin nodded in acknowledgement. "Yeah, I'm scared." In truth Hanbin wasn't entirely sure what he felt—except shock and disbelief.
Jinhwan frowned and took Hanbin's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Don't be scared."
"Don't be scared? Are you serious?" Hanbin fixed Jinhwan with a look of disbelief. "This can't happen. Bobby can't like me, not that way."
"Why not?" Jinhwan bit his lip, worried by Hanbin's reaction. This was not what he'd been expecting.
"Why not?" Hanbin repeated, looking at Jinhwan like he was stupid. "Because he just can't. It's Bobby, and Bobby and me..." Hanbin trailed off, not even sure what he meant. Bobby was a guy, and Hanbin wasn't into guys. Not that he'd really been into any girls yet, but that was more a case of time, he thought. He was too busy to even think about girls. Too busy for romance.
"Can I ask you something?" Jinhwan waited until Hanbin seemed to calm down a little, nodding at Jinhwan in agreement. "How do you feel when you're around Bobby?"
Hanbin shrugged, not entirely sure what Jinhwan was getting at. "I don't know, comfortable? But he's my best friend, hyung, so of course I'd feel comfortable with him."
"Just comfortable?" Jinhwan asked, eyebrows raised. "You're different around Bobby."
"I don't know what you mean." Hanbin answered.
"Maybe you don't notice it, but I do. Any time you're in a bad mood, it disappears the second you notice Bobby." Jinhwan explained, holding tight to Hanbin's hand. "Do you know what your reaction is every single time Bobby walks into a room?"
Hanbin shook his head, confused by Jinhwan's words but following along patiently.
"You get this big smile on your face, and your eyes are glued to him until he looks at you."
Hanbin wasn't sure what to make of Jinhwan's observation. "Do I really?" He asked.
Jinhwan nodded. "If we're all in a room together, and you come in, who do you always go to first?"
Hanbin thought about the question, wondering just how much Jinhwan had been watching him. "Bobby."
"If you're out on your own, and you see something cool or hear a cool story, who do you always text about it?"
Hanbin could see where this was going. "Bobby."
Jinhwan squeezed Hanbin's hand, glad he'd calmed down enough to discuss this. "Who do you touch and cuddle with the most out of us all?"
Hanbin frowned. "Bobby."
"And whose bed do you wind up in the most outside of your own?" Jinhwan asked with a grin, hoping Hanbin wasn't going to take exception to the question.
"Bobby's." Hanbin realized that Jinhwan had a point.
"You see? Whether you meant it to or not, Hanbin, your life revolves around Bobby, the same way his revolves around yours. You guys are ridiculously compatible, you're already closer than just friends. I know you've never thought about him as more than a friend, but I think you should." Jinhwan held his breath waiting for Hanbin's answer, nervous about potentially screwing everything up.
Hanbin was silent at Jinhwan's words, his thoughts on Bobby. While they did insult each other a lot, playfully competing, Hanbin had to admit that no one (save his sister) made him as happy as Bobby did. Any time he was feeling stressed out or angry, Bobby had a way of cutting through it and getting to him, calming him down or washing his problems away. Wasn't that what a relationship was supposed to be like? Someone who improved your mood just by walking into a room? And maybe he was a little attracted to him? The way Bobby hugged him always made his heart race, and Jinhwan was right—he had spent many a night cuddled up with Bobby in his bed, craving the comfort of a close body. Weren't those nights usually the best sleeps he had?
"Hanbin?" Jinhwan broke the silence, desperately wanting to know what was going through Hanbin's head. He didn't seem upset, at least. He seemed contemplative? Like he was giving thought to everything Jinhwan had said.
Hanbin focused on Jinhwan, taking a deep breath before speaking. "It doesn't bother you?" He asked, because that was something he suddenly had to worry about.
"What, you and Bobby?" Jinhwan asked, shaking his head. "Not one bit. I love you guys, and I want both of you to be happy. I just honestly think that no one will make you happier than each other."
"You think so?" Hanbin asked, because he still didn't know what to think. He'd never thought for a second that he was attracted to guys, but the more he thought about Bobby, the more he realized that maybe that was a lie. Maybe it was just harder to notice things when you didn't think about them.
Jinhwan nodded. "I know you guys, I know you both really well, probably better than anyone. And I've seen it for months, now, how close you two are. How perfect for each other you are. Bobby's been flirting with you for months, Hanbin, and you always react the same way."
Hanbin listened intently, suddenly desperate to hear everything Jinhwan had to say. "What way?"
Jinhwan smiled and squeezed his hand again. "You smile, and you look happy. You look at him like you're in love with him. I'd know, I watch a lot of romance movies." Jinhwan said with a grin, pleased when it made Hanbin laugh.
Hanbin couldn't help but grin at Jinhwan's comments. The more he thought about Bobby, though, about his smile and his warm eyes and his strong arms, Hanbin thought that maybe Jinhwan was right. Maybe there was something there, and Hanbin had just never thought about it before, hadn't known enough to recognize his feelings for what they were.
~
"Hey, can we talk?" Hanbin stood by the wall quietly, his eyes on Bobby. He wasn't really sure why he was feeling so nervous about this, but he was, his heart beating far too quickly.
Bobby fixed his gaze on Hanbin, curious about what he wanted to talk about. It could be anything, really, probably something work-related. "Of course," he replied, "I always have time for you." Ugh, Jiwon, stop being so fucking obvious!
Hanbin approached the couch where Bobby was stowing his laptop after finishing his weekly Skype call to his family. Hanbin wondered how he was possibly going to go through with this. He knew Jinhwan's opinion, and it all made sense, but part of him still didn't believe it all. He sat down near Bobby, not as close as he usually sat, but he felt like maybe it would be better if he had a bit of distance between them at first.
Bobby turned his focus back to Hanbin, curious when he sat down. Usually when Hanbin wanted to talk, he glued himself to Bobby's side, snuggling in under Bobby's arm (whether Bobby wanted him that close or not). But he was sitting further away now, and Bobby felt his heart leap into his throat. He hadn't failed to notice Hanbin talking to Jinhwan earlier—was this finally the conversation Bobby had been waiting for?
Hanbin focused his eyes on Bobby, super uncomfortable in the moment. How was he even supposed to start this? What if he was making a huge mistake, what if Jinhwan had misunderstood everything? What if they were both just playing a joke on him, mocking his ineptitude regarding relationships? Too many what ifs.
Bobby was dying to reach out and drag Hanbin closer, to pull him into his arms and just hug him. Hanbin had that lost puppy look on his face, and it melted Bobby's heart every time he looked at it.
"I've been talking to Jinhwan hyung," Hanbin began, heart pounding loudly in his chest, "about you." Terrible, Hanbin, dreadful start!
"What about me?" Bobby asked, breath caught in his throat, unable to breathe. Had Jinhwan said something to Hanbin?
Hanbin swallowed nervously around the lump in his throat, hating this part of the conversation. He was terrible at admitting things, feelings especially. What was he supposed to say? Jinhwan told me that you're in love with me, and I'm such a sucker that I believed him? That would probably be a good start, Hanbin thought sarcastically. "Um, well, you know how I kept asking you if you were dating someone?"
Bobby's eyes were transfixed on Hanbin, barely hearing his words. This was actually happening. Was it going to have a happy end, though? Or was Hanbin about to give him an answer he desperately didn't want; were things about to get awkward between them? "What about it?"
"Well, I asked him what he thought," Hanbin said nervously, both hands playing with the bottom of his shirt, tugging on the fabric and twirling it around his fingers, "he said that there was someone you were interested in." Hanbin was trying to get a read on Bobby, to figure out how this was going. But it was difficult, because looking at Bobby right now was extremely awkward for Hanbin, to the point that he'd unfocused his eyes and Bobby's face was kind of a blur.
Bobby waited for Hanbin to go on, the silence killing him. He just wanted to blurt out his feelings, to get it out and over with. But he couldn't, because he still wasn't entirely convinced about what Hanbin's reaction to it all was. Like Jinhwan had said—Hanbin kept himself guarded, and even though Bobby saw more of Hanbin than the others, there was still a lot he didn't get to see.
Hanbin closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again to refocus on Bobby, searching for truth in his face. "You told me there wasn't, but that was a lie, wasn't it?"
Bobby nodded. "Mostly, though to be fair, you kept asking me if I had a girlfriend, or if I was trying to get one. And that much wasn't a lie. There is no girlfriend; there won't ever be a girlfriend." He watched Hanbin's face as he gave his half answer, unsure how to feel when Hanbin's eyes went wide and his mouth slack. But now that they were here, Bobby had to carry this thing himself. "It was you. You're the one I've been interested in."
Even though Hanbin had known the words were coming, that didn't make them any easier to hear. Jinhwan was right—Bobby was in love with him. Bobby. His Bobby.
His Bobby.
Hanbin smiled shyly, averting his gaze and looking at the floor, suddenly overcome with emotion. There were so many things that could go wrong if they did this, but there was so much to gain, as well. Hanbin couldn't think of another person he wanted to be close to, couldn't think of anyone better suited to be in a relationship with. It wasn't until he felt Bobby's hand on his leg that he looked back up, meeting Bobby's concerned look with a smile.
Bobby thought that Hanbin seemed to be responding to it well—he was all smiles, at least. Bobby had to keep himself from drawing Hanbin into a hug, wanting to kiss him so badly. He didn't want to rush Hanbin, but if he was being honest with himself, he was also feeling way more shy about this than he expected. If it were anyone else, it would be different. But it wasn't just anyone. It was Hanbin, and outside his family, there was no one Bobby cared about more. It was only natural for him to be wary, he thought, to want to protect the friendship. But if that friendship could turn into something more? "What are you thinking?"
Hanbin smiled and put his hand over the one Bobby had placed on his leg, his fingers rubbing lightly over the surprisingly soft skin, and that just made him let out a small laugh, his lips turning up into an amused grin. "Your hands never used to be this soft." He teased.
Bobby looked at him with an incredulous expression, shaking his head. "Is that all you have to say to me right now?"
Hanbin laughed again, gripping Bobby's hand and pulling it closer, flipping it over to run his fingers over the palm. "Are you moisturizing for me?"
Bobby didn't know what to say, wasn't sure how to react. He still wasn't entirely sure of Hanbin's reaction to his feelings. He seemed okay with them, but Bobby needed confirmation. "Hanbin," he started, tone a touch reproachful, "can we focus?"
Now that Hanbin had started laughing, he was having a hard time stopping. This whole situation was a little absurd, when you thought about it, and picturing Bobby employing some kind of night-time lotion routine was not helping matters any. He forced himself to get serious though when he felt Bobby tense next to him, when it almost seemed like he wanted to pull his hand away. He met Bobby's eyes, thinking back to his conversation with Jinhwan, bolstered by the fact that just being this close to Bobby, to seeing his eyes this close up, had Hanbin's nerves fluttering all over his body. He had it bad. "What are we focusing on?" He asked.
Bobby shook his head again, at a loss for Hanbin's weird attitude. "Us?" Bobby said, "the possibility of there being an us?"
Hanbin nodded, feeling like a bit of a jerk. Bobby was clearly nervous at the moment (Hanbin would have been too, if he hadn't been so busy laughing) but Hanbin wasn't sure what he could for him. "Well, there are worse people I could share my first love with." He couldn't resist making the joke.
"There are worse people?" Bobby repeated, in shock over how this was going. Why was Hanbin being so difficult?
"That came out really bad, didn't it?" Hanbin asked, grinning when he saw Bobby's expression.
Bobby nodded. "I'm beginning to think there aren't really worse people for me. You're it, you're the bottom of the barrel."
Hanbin grinned and moved closer to Bobby, still with a firm grip on his hand. "No excuses, you knew exactly what I was like, and you still fell for me."
Hanbin fixed him with a big puppy dog smile, and Bobby felt his irritation at Hanbin melt away. Hanbin made the best expressions, as far as Bobby was concerned, and knowing they were all being made for him just made them that much better. "I guess you have a point," he replied, "worst decision I ever made, though."
Hanbin laughed at Bobby's comment, cuddling closer and leaning his head on Bobby's shoulder. "It can't be the worst decision," Hanbin said, "I mean it was a pretty bad one, sure, but there must be something that was worse?"
Bobby grinned despite Hanbin's teasing, and while this was not at all the way Bobby had pictured this conversation going, maybe it was kind of perfect, in the end? It was undeniably them, and maybe that's what mattered most. "No, I'm pretty sure this is the worst." He shifted slightly, pulling his hand away from Hanbin's leg, instead reaching that arm around Hanbin's shoulders and drawing him more snugly against his chest.
Hanbin felt like his heart was going to burst out of his ribcage when Bobby pulled him closer, his arm a comfortable weight around Hanbin's shoulders. He looked up to meet Bobby's eyes, amazed at how right everything felt. "You're so lucky, hyung."
Bobby kept his arm curled tightly around Hanbin, pretty sure he knew where the comment was going, but deciding to play into it anyway. "What makes you say that?"
Hanbin grinned. "I am so out of your league."
Bobby silently stared him down, amused but annoyed at the same time. "Listen, I know you've never dated before, so let me give you some advice—"
"Are we dating?" Hanbin interrupted him. He wasn't sure why he kept pushing his luck with Bobby, but he couldn't help but continue to crack jokes.
"I don't know, that's kinda what I'm trying to figure out." Bobby replied, torn between wanting to kiss Hanbin and wanting to punch him.
Hanbin grinned and ducked his head down to press into Bobby's shoulder. "You still sure you wanna do this with me?" Hanbin asked jokingly, wrapping his arms around Bobby's waist. "Please say yes," Hanbin added awkwardly, tilting his head to look back up at Bobby.
Bobby couldn't help but laugh at Hanbin's question, shaking his head. But the moment he turned his head and looked down, his eyes finding Hanbin's, he felt his pulse race again. God, he wanted this. "For some poorly thought out reason, yes." He answered teasingly.
Hanbin smiled at Bobby's response, averting his eyes again. "So," he started, hesitating for a moment before going on, "I guess this means I can call you my boyfriend?"
Bobby's breath caught in his throat at Hanbin's question. Oddly enough, through the whole agonizing course of the past few months, he'd never actually used the word "boyfriend" when he thought of the potential for a relationship. He had to admit that he liked the sound of it.
"I don't know who I'd actually say it to, though," Hanbin carried on, "I mean who can we actually tell?"
"Say it to me." Bobby answered.
Hanbin stared at Bobby in silence for a moment, feeling a little in awe of what was happening. This was his first relationship, after all, and he didn't want to miss an opportunity when it presented itself. "Kim Jiwon," he began, "will you be my boyfriend?"
Bobby couldn't help but laugh at the question. It was cute, awkward, and direct all at the same time—a perfect blend that made up exactly what he loved about Hanbin. He brought a hand to rest against Hanbin's cheek, thumb brushing softly over the skin. "Of course," he answered, "even though that was pretty much the most awkward experience I've ever had in terms of dating."
Hanbin frowned at the comment, though it was only for show. "Well this is my first relationship, so I can get away with being awkward, right?" His heart stayed racing at Bobby's continued contact, enjoying the feeling of Bobby's fingers on his face.
"I guess that's only fair," Bobby replied, feeling obscenely in love with Hanbin at the moment, "speaking of firsts, are you ready for your first kiss?" Bobby offered, badly wanting to push forward and claim Hanbin's lips, but he knew him well enough to know that Hanbin always needed his boundaries respected.
Hanbin nodded, wanting nothing more than just that.
Bobby leaned forward, fingers lightly tipping Hanbin's face up towards him. His stomach was a mess of nerves, his heart beating loud in his chest, and Bobby felt more nervous than he'd remembered feeling in a long time. It wasn't just because he was finally, after months of pining, getting to kiss Hanbin. It was also because this was Hanbin's first kiss, and Bobby wanted it to be a good one.
Hanbin felt tense with anticipation, eyes locked on Bobby as he drew close, nervous at the prospect of kissing him (because he'd never kissed anyone before) but excited for it. They were a hair's breadth apart, and Hanbin could feel Bobby's breath against his lips, warm and comforting.
"Close your eyes." Bobby whispered the command, so close to Hanbin he could barely handle it.
"Why?" Hanbin asked, voice almost a whine. "I want to look at you."
Bobby grinned and brushed his fingers over Hanbin's cheek. "Because it's awkward to keep your eyes open during a kiss." Bobby explained, amused (but not at all surprised) that Hanbin wanted to kiss with his eyes open.
"I'm an awkward guy," Hanbin replied, grinning when it made Bobby laugh, "you knew that before you fell for me."
Bobby couldn't possibly hope to dispute that. He shook his head quietly, fingers curling around Hanbin's neck. "Humour me and close your eyes." He brushed his nose against Hanbin's, breathing against his lips again, making himself wait until Hanbin complied with his request. The second Hanbin's eyelids fluttered closed, Bobby followed suit before bridging the miniscule gap between their mouths, pressing his lips softly against Hanbin's.
The kiss was everything Hanbin wanted it to be—soft, comforting, exciting, and easy. Kissing Bobby felt natural, like something he'd been doing for years, even though he'd never kissed anyone before. It solidified Hanbin's recently accepted feelings towards Bobby, made him feel certain that they were doing what was right for the both of them.
Bobby felt a spark of excitement jolt through his system the second his lips touched Hanbin's. It went the way he'd imaged it would (the way he'd hoped it would). "So how was it?" Bobby asked when they finally pulled apart, his face inches away from Hanbin.
Hanbin smiled at Bobby. "It could have been worse."
Bobby pulled back and shook his head, shooting Hanbin an annoyed look. "Are you kidding me? I am this close to punching you right now."
Hanbin grinned and followed Bobby when he tried to pull away. "You can't punch me."
"Why not? Give me one good reason." Bobby asked, trying to be annoyed but failing hard. He honestly found Hanbin's difficult attitude to be on the cute side. There was no way he was going to tell him that, though.
Hanbin smiled at Bobby, emboldened in the moment and pressing a kiss to Bobby's lips. "Because I'm your boyfriend."
Bobby's heart melted at Hanbin's answer, and he pulled him close again, his lips finding Hanbin's one more time and staying there for longer this time. He parted his lips a little, tongue poking at Hanbin's mouth, encouraging him to follow suit. He did, and soon Bobby's tongue was meeting Hanbin's, a happy battle between them. When they finally parted a little later, Bobby kept Hanbin pulled close, leaning his head down into Hanbin's hair, both arms wrapped around him.
Hanbin was happy to stay exactly there, wrapped up in Bobby, mind buzzing from the intimate high of his first kiss. They had nothing but time to share now, after all.