"Running." I say as I pound my head against the desk. "Out." I lift my head up, whacking it back down. "Of." I groan, raising my head then dropping it once more. "Time."
"For?" Normani asks softly, her feet propped up on her desk which is right beside mine. She twirls her pencil around her fingers as she looks at me.
"Everything." I mutter, finally giving my brain a rest and setting my head down gently on the surface of the wooden table.
"And yet, you still finished your math sheet." Normani places her finger on my worksheet in front of me.
I scoff, rolling my eyes and wrapping my arms around myself. "No, I didn't. All I did was write my name on it."
"Exactly."
Normani laughs at her own joke which makes the shadow of a smile run across my face. But the darkness falls, blending the shadows in with reality.
Lauren hasn't been to school in a week and a half. So that means, we haven't talked in about ten days. I've been seriously worrying about her. She hasn't made any effort to contact me.
Dinah has been practically ripping her hair out. She is so scared and she's just been a huge mess. That is a sign in itself that Lauren clearly hasn't gotten better.
For me?
I'm not sure. I just feel detached from everything and really lost, but today, that's all changing. After school, I'm going over to Lauren's house and talking to her.
She can't ignore me forever.
And if she doesn't answer her door, I'll just sit out there until she does. I don't care anymore. I just want to know she is okay. Desperation is clawing at my lungs and I can't help it. I can't breathe without her.
'Mistake' has faded from her locker in the week and a half she hasn't been at school, but I can tell it's still bold in her heart. I want to be the one to rub the poison ink out from her bloodstream.
The bell rings and it makes my heart jump. I immediately follow up by stuffing all my supplies back into my backpack and wrap my arms around Normani's body and give her a messy kiss on the cheek.
"I have to go!" I yell, waving before running out of the classroom. As I'm running out of the front doors, I shoot Dinah a quick text saying that I can't walk home with her today.
She will understand.
I ignore the beads of rain sprinkling down when I get outside; all I do to prevent them is lazily zip up my jacket. Sprinting down the sidewalk, I step in a puddle. The water splashes around but I leave it in the past.
Cars zoom by, their bright lights shining through the raindrops. Miami residents clearly aren't prone to the rain, as many angry drivers honk their horns. Being from Seattle, I'm used to the rain.
My backpack undulates with me as I run, going up every time I take a leap forward. Normally, I'd ignore running or any type of physical activity but for Lauren, I'd do anything.
I pass by my house, ignoring the open window and bolting right past. Rounding the corner, I see Lauren's house. Her lawn is freshly mowed and the garden looks fairly nice, but one flower has died. It droops sadly to the side.
My eyes linger on the dead beauty. For some reason, it makes me stop in my tracks. The sight makes my heart grow with anticipation. It swirls around and beats against the walls of my hope.
I tear my eyes from the plant, bounding up to Lauren's doorstep and clenching my fingers into a fist. I let my knuckles linger above the wooden door.
Here goes nothing.
Rapping my knuckles against the hard wood, I hear the noice echo off the walls inside. My heart thumps in my chest, making my head slightly dizzy but I shake it off because Lauren is worth it.
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps running down the stairs can be faintly heard from outside. I begin to get excited.
"Lauren?" I call out, letting my voice fade out.
The footsteps stop.
"No..." I hear her whisper, her feet stumbling backwards against her hardwood floors. Now that I know she is home, it just makes my emotions go through the roof.
"Let me in," I knock again, trying to sound forceful but the attempt fails when I croak out pathetically, "please."
"Go home." Lauren's voice deadpans, running through my veins like poison. God, I love it.
"I missed you." I tell her, taking a step forward without thinking and I hit my forehead on the wooden door. I groan, rubbing the sore spot with my hand.
"Keep telling yourself that." Lauren laughs humorlessly and I can picture her rolling her eyes dismissively at me.
"I truly did." I assure her, keeping my voice upbeat to try and lure her out here to me. I just want to make sure she is real.
No response from the girl with green eyes.
"Are you alone?" I ask nervously, wringing my hands. If her parents are home, that might be kind of awkward. I don't want them worrying over Lauren, as well.
"Yeah." Lauren sighs and I hear her body plop down on something solid; like a stair on the staircase.
"Can I come in?" I inquire, crossing my fingers.
"No." Lauren snaps, her voice suddenly hard like stone.
"Please?" I whimper, resting my forehead against her front door. I relax my frame slightly, but not enough to be vulnerable.
"God, why can't you just go away?" Lauren growls. "Why can't you be like everyone else?"
Her words sting like a bee. I almost wince at the sound of them but I just bite my bottom lip instead.
"Because I'm not everyone else." I breathe, bringing my fingertips up to the door and letting them slide down lightly. "I'm somebody else."
"You sure are something else." Lauren scoffs, making me roll my eyes.
"I didn't come here for your sarcasm—"
"Then why did you come at all?" Lauren snarls, catching me off-guard. It makes me swallow my sentence. "You can't only have some of me, if you want to show up saying you 'miss' me."
"I want all of you." I say truthfully, ignoring how it sounds. "All of your tears and smiles. All of your words and silence. All of your thoughts and prayers. All of your anger and—" I stop myself just in time. "—just everything. You mean so much to me."
It takes a while for Lauren to respond. It's like she can't get over the idea of someone actually caring for her. Isn't that what family is for?
"Give up, Camila." Lauren snaps, the weakness in her voice making my heart break in half. "I'm never going to let you close to me—even if you mean the most to me."
My heart skips a beat.
"I mean the most to you?" I echo in awe, my eyes practically popping out of my head. My heart races like a horse in my ribcage. Thank God, it's in a cage.
"I said if." Lauren growls, but I can hear the uncertainty in her tone. "I'm not talking to anyone. Not even Dinah."
"You know, we are talking right now, right?" I purse my lips, even though she can't see me.
"Did I ask for sass?" Lauren scoffs but I can imagine her half-smile when she is slightly irritated and I can hear the soft compassion in her tone.
"Nope, but I deliver and that's exactly what I'm going to do." I giggle lightly, resting my fingertips along the doorknob. If only she would let me in.
"You're such a dork." Lauren tells me and I can practically hear the shy smile in her words. I wish I could see it.
"I know, you like it." I tease her playfully, smiling as I lean my forehead and nose against her door. This is the closest I'm going to get to the green eyed girl, right now.
Something changes. Maybe it's the wind or the hardening rain or just possibly the atmosphere but something definitely changes. I can feel it in the air and in my lung as I inhale.
"No, I don't." Lauren says coldly, her words hardening into stone. They hit me like they're flying at my body, leaving bruises along my skin.
"Lauren," I sigh, shutting my eyes slowly. Not the cold shoulder again, anything but that.
"Leave me alone." Lauren whispers and I can picture her burying her face in her hands.
"No, I'm not leaving this time." I defy her pleads, my voice strong. I hear her let out a shaky breath.
"Stop acting like you care." Lauren deadpans.
"When did you believe you were alone? Because I do care. I care about you." I promise her, clenching my hands into fists. I open my eyes, exhaling loudly.
"Well, stop!" Lauren shouts, the sound of her standing up fills the pause. "You mean nothing to me so just leave me alone!"
Her words are like a bullet through my heart. I mean nothing to her? My hands slowly unravel themselves, the fight leaving my veins.
"But—" I whimper, my voice trembling. Tears prick my eyes, making me blink rapidly to get rid of them.
"Go." Lauren growls, her footsteps stomping up the stairs. The noise disappears after a second or two. She's gone.
"No." I cry to myself, turning around and sliding down her door. I relax against it, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them. "I will wait for you."
The rain picks up, hammering down near the edges of my feet. I put my jacket's hood up, letting the cloth hang down over my eyes. I exhale slowly.
I begin to let my thoughts wander but it doesn't last for too long. Dinah's voice fills the air.
"Walz?" Dinah asks softly, approaching me. She wears a large light blue sweater, already soaked through because of the intensity of the rain. Her face has raindrops streaming down.
"Why do you call me that?" I murmur, lifting my chin ever so slightly to meet her eyes.
"Because you remind me of a koala, but why are you out here?" Dinah inquires, walking to me. She offers me her hand which I take and she pulls me up.
"Why are you walking by here so late?" I ignore her question.
"Because Mani was telling me about how much she hates the gnomes in her neighbor's front lawn." Dinah rolls her eyes but then realization strikes her features. "Oh my god, I'm her neighbor."
I laugh softly, but I have to force it out. My facial features feel numb.
Dinah gets over the fact that Normani was dissing her right in front of her face. "But, really, why are you here?"
"Lauren." I finally sigh, gesturing to the house. Dinah nods, seeming to understand. She must be going through the same thing.
"Baby," Dinah wraps her arms around my body, pulling me into her warmth. I let out a shaky cry, shutting my eyes tightly as I wish this is all just a dream.
"She said I mean nothing to her." I choke out, squeezing Dinah tightly. I allow a tear to slide down my cheek, joining the water in Dinah's sweater.
"It's alright. She is just going through something." Dinah assures me, rubbing circles in my back.
I pull away from the taller girl, keeping my chin down but I swear I can see Lauren's face in the window. When I turn my head to look, she disappears.
"Come over to my house." Dinah offers, clearly noting how much I'm dreading going home. Dad will be so angry with me and he will want to know why I've been crying.
"Alright. Let's go."
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A/N: hallo! Yay for camren interaction.. or you know, boo for it. I'm not sure. Anyway, if you enjoyed this chapter, please star it. Thank you so much and have a lovely day! I love you :)
~StrangeBlob