With a clink that only he heard over the sounds of jubilance behind him, Tobias drained the contents of his drink and placed his now-empty glass on the bar.
Surprisingly, the bottom cracked and a fissure appeared which subsequently spread to the other sides of the glass, marring its otherwise perfect and clear surface. Perhaps he'd slammed it a little harder than he'd meant to. With a slightly delayed reaction due to the buzz he was finally starting to feel, he frowned and inspected the glass out of curiosity more than actual concern for the broken item.
It certainly wasn't the only broken thing around here, but it was infinitely more replaceable.
Celebrations over the Seed's demise had been running since a few hours after the announcement came that the Amalgamation had been stopped. In less than two days, the disturbing race of rock-like abominations had made appearances all over the frontier and begun to assimilate each colony's inhabitants. It was astounding how high of a body-count they'd racked up in such a short amount of time; he understood now how even an advanced race such as the Architects almost fell victim to the pestilence as well.
It had been two days since the Tempest event, and word had rapidly spread that the hell was over just about as quickly as it had materialized. People were beginning to show their joy in the best way that humans knew how; by getting shit-faced drunk and trying to forget the whole ordeal.
Originally, he hadn't had any intention of partaking in the galactic-wide party. He'd sat out near the array for a good hour or so, only moving when a retrieval team had come to collect him, Skids, and KT's remains. As per standard protocol, they'd tried to move her parts to the cargo bay for salvage and scrapping. It was common for destroyed Titans to get broken down into individual components to make new ones, so they were reasonably startled when he'd held a gun on them and firmly told them that under no circumstances were they allowed to lay so much as a finger on her.
After alerting Gates, the acting commanding officer of the local Militia forces on Harmony, she was quick to side with Tobias and work out a compromise. They let him keep the data-core, or what was left of it anyway. He knew that this was what KT truly was anyway, not so much the chassis she was put in- but it still pained him to see that blue and white paint of that Vanguard corpse disappear from view as it was hauled off.
Now, the core sat on his bed in the quarters that had been assigned to him temporarily until he was allowed off-world. Briggs and Graves had contacted the higher-ups here to personally let them know, based on his actions over the last few days and weeks, Lieutenant Four was now Rear Admiral Four. As such, he was one of the highest ranking individuals in the Militia now, and the highest ranking officer on Harmony. As such, he'd been given some proper quarters to accommodate himself while he oversaw the reconstruction efforts on Harmony.
He didn't care about the promotion other than the quarters; all he wanted was privacy, and they provided exactly that. But everything else was white noise to him nowadays, unimportant and generally just static to his grieving mind.
He wasn't ashamed to say that he'd spent last night clutching the core as he fell asleep, tears silently streaming down his face as he tried to force himself to enter blissful oblivion. But there was no point; when he was awake, his sorrow kept him up for hours thinking about her, and when he did manage to get some sleep it was always punctuated by nightmares of the Amalgamates.
He wasn't going to go through that again, so he was here at a relatively intact bar where soldiers of IMC and Militia alike had flocked to for celebration. If he was going to get any sleep without the image of Kay or an Amalgamate staring back soullessly at him, he was going to need to be wasted.
As far as he knew, the bar hadn't been empty since the celebration started. It was certainly in much better condition than other establishments around town, only suffering broken windows and some superficial damage inside. Dust was scattered all over the floor, but nobody cared. The air was filled with the sounds of those happy to be alive, grateful to have survived the ordeal. Fortunately, though everyone now knew that 'Pilot Four' was the reason for their salvation, nobody knew what he looked like and so he was mercifully left alone to his own devices.
At least, he had been- but with the person stumbling over to the wobbly bar stool next to him, he suspected that his solitude was about to be cut short.
At first, he thought it was Gates- she'd tried to contact him several times yesterday, but he'd chosen to ignore her messages- but it wasn't the case. The man's salt-and-pepper hair was longer than regulation generally allowed, but not quite long enough to be a problem. Their face held a familiar bliss expression that Tobias had come to associate with inebriation, though their features twisted themselves into curiosity when they analyzed him a little closer. He sighed, preparing to leave once he was recognized-
"Wha' happened to your glass?"
At first, he didn't know what the man was talking about. Then he realized that they were referring to the broken glass on the counter in front of him. "Oh. Uh-"
"Can' have my frien' here without a drink! 'Issa celebration!"
Turning to the solider who'd taken over as the temporary bartender, he waved him over. " Hey! 'Nother glass for my frien' here!" The slurring in his words was bad, but not quite to the point where his request fell on deaf ears. After a few seconds, a newly filled glass slid into position in front of Tobias.
He glanced at the man who cheerfully stared back at him. "... Thanks."
"Not a problem."
He raised an eyebrow at the sudden clarity in the new arrival's speech, much to the latter's enjoyment.
"What, you think an old guy like me hasn't learned how to hold his liquor? Please kid, I could probably drink this whole damn bar and walk away without so much as a buzz." He sighed, leaning back. "Both an advantage and a curse of becoming tolerant of this stuff."
"Why the act, then?" questioned Tobias.
"Because I'm not as much of a people-person as others like to make me out to be, and I've found that the best way to avoid attention is to be an annoying drunk. Everyone either tries to actively keep you away from 'em, or just straight up ignore you."
"If you're trying to avoid people, then why-"
"Why come over here?" he finished, chuckling lightly. "I know the look of someone who's been beaten down, even without the fact that their hands are twitching so much that they break their glass."
In confusion, Tobias looked at his right hand to see that the newcomer was right; it wouldn't stop shaking as stress caused him to lose acute control of some motor functions. Clenching his jaw, he set it back on the counter.
"I know why I get drink- or at least why I used to, now it's more of a habit than anything. I drink to forget, to help myself move on. And I know that's not something unique to me, so I'm guessing you have a reason somewhere along those lines?"
Tobias said nothing, unwilling to admit just how close to the mark the man was.
"Lost someone?"
"Why do you care?" he snapped back, hoping to intimidate the guy back into silence. Surprisingly, it seemed like he'd been expecting it.
"Because I've lost people too," he said as he shrugged. "You don't get to my state of alcohol tolerance without a lot of drinking, and a lot of forgetting."
"And who are you?" Tobias challenged, though he knew his argument was losing ground.
"Robert Barker, leader of the ACES," he introduced himself with a mock flourish. "Friends call me Taube, but you and I aren't quite there yet. Though I guess I did refer to you as one to the bartender-"
"What are you doing here?" asked Tobias, his curiosity now piqued.
"What am I doing on Harmony? I mean, the fleets were moved here to protect and oversee all evacuees. Of course, it was a bad stroke of luck that this also happened to be the array world- or maybe it was a good one, considering that we needed every bit of firepower here to survive. Oh well."
Barker faced him again. "As for why I'm in the bar, it's the same as everyone else- celebrating that I'm alive, remembering the ones that I've lost."
"I thought you said you drink to forget?" Tobias pointed out, confused at the seemingly instant change of premise.
"Not people," Barker retorted, "the pain. I drink to numb the pain and help myself move on piece by pice- but not people. Never people. I'm not usually one for meaningful advice, but I will tell you this, kid; it's a dishonor to anyone's memory to try and forget their death."
He grabbed his own glass, emptying the contents into a flask he brought with him for later, and then signaling the bartender for another drink. "They put their lives on the line, even gave them for the greater good. No sacrifice like that should ever be forgotten. And so long as you keep a piece of them alive in your memory ... then they're never really gone, are they?"
Tobias said nothing, too surprised by the man's sudden bout of philosophical thinking to speak. But as he sat there processing what Barker had said, he felt the weight of his words resonate with him like a truth that he'd known, but had been unwilling to accept.
KT was dead. But the last thing she'd want him to be doing was to stagnate and let her death hold him back. His grief wasn't going to return her to life, nothing would- but maybe he could honor her memory by cherishing the time that they'd had rather than focusing on the time that they'd lost.
Still, he didn't expect to suddenly be cured from his depression, so he accordingly held up his glass to toast Barker. The other man brought his own glass into contact enthusiastically.
"To the memory of our fallen!"
Tilting their heads back, they each drained their glass and set them back on the counter.
Reaching over, Barker gave him a solid pat on the back. "I hope something I said helps you, however little it may be. I'll see you around, Four."
He stood up and left the bar with his flask of stolen whisky, Tobias nodding respectfully at him as he left.
Funny. Faintly through the bleary buzz that the alcohol was giving him, he realized that he'd never told Barker his name.
...
Stepping back from her, he held his hand to his head as his physical senses returned to him in a rush of sensation.
Tilting her head, Kay watched him with concern. "Are you alright?"
He was nodding before she'd finished her query. "Yeah, I- I'm fine."
She noticed his stutter, but did not press the matter. "What did you see?"
He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Did you not see any of that?"
She paused, trying to best formulate a proper description of her own experience. "It was odd- I felt like I was seeing you from different angles, each with their own thoughts and perspectives. But I couldn't see myself at all- it's very confusing for me."
Was she unable to properly compile the memory? He supposed that perhaps this condition of hers was far more damaging than he'd thought. "Well, to call it 'concerning' would be putting it lightly."
Kay remained silent, watching him and likely evaluating his micro expressions to judge how severe the news really was. At this point, he didn't really care. He just leaned against the side of the bay, wanting nothing more than a bit of stability- in perhaps more ways than one.
Of all the memories that came to mind, he was surprised to recall his first meeting with Barker back on Harmony. The man had known Tobias had still been reeling from KT's death, and came to subtly comfort him when he rejected everyone else. He'd somehow known that Four wasn't the kind to accept help willingly, so he'd hidden his intentions and given the newly-made Admiral some advice when it came to dealing with grief.
All these years later, that advice still stuck with him just as vividly as the pain upon losing KT did. To remember the fallen, and forget the pain.
The problem was that it seemed fate had no intention of letting him move on. He was overjoyed to bring Kay back from the void-scape, only to have their world fall apart weeks later when Spyglass attacked. They at least had each other until he thought he'd lost her for good when she left him on Luma. And then she returned, but as a fragmented shell of her former self twisted into a weapon to be used against him.
Now, he was hesitant to let himself hope again. To hope that everything would turn out okay this time when experience told him time and time again that it would never be the case.
If he couldn't hope for his own sake ... then maybe he could at least hold out hope for hers. One way or another, he wouldn't let her be stolen from him again.
He looked aimlessly at the floor, losing himself in thought as he turned the workings of his mind to assess their predicament. "We can't go to the rendezvous point."
She seemed surprised, or at least as surprised as one could be without an actual facial expression. "Why not? It shouldn't be too hard to narrow down the coordinates via the ship's nav system, assuming it's been there before-"
"Not yet. Their safety is my top priority, and-"
"And I'm a threat."
She said it as a statement rather than a question, not bothering to hide the disappointment in her voice. He sighed, and leveled his gaze with hers.
"No. This condition of yours is a threat. I trust you, Kay- but not each of your parts acting on their own. Artemis may not intend to be malicious, but 'she' is still a threat without the other personas working together as natural inhibitors. People have thoughts all the time that they'd never normally act upon- but with your mind the way it is, none of your fragments have the others to stop them from acting without thinking."
He gestured towards her with a general wave of his hand. "We've seen how hard it is for you to maintain control, though that's not really your fault. But until we have some assurance that you're safe for the others to be around, I don't want to take any risks."
Once he shared his reasoning and perspective with her, she couldn't help but agree and even support his argument. Kay nodded, and looked towards the nav console. "So, I'm assuming you have a plan?"
"You know me too well," he muttered as he turned to enter the cockpit, though his tone suggested that there was a smile on his features. "Fact of the matter is that we've got a plethora of problems we need to solve, and not enough time." He turned back to look at her as he sat in the pilot's seat. "What can you tell me about Spyglass's plans for Coalescence?"
She shook her head regretfully as she followed him and sat in the other chair. "Not much. He never shared a lot with me to begin with, seeing as he only considers himself wholly trustworthy. And anything that I might have thought was important was wiped when you brought me to the Embers fleet."
He looked at her questioningly, and she shrugged. "I was still Artemis, remember? The Embers were still 'the enemy'. Had to keep data out of their hands."
Tobias grunted frustratedly. "Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting that. Just another thing to add to the list."
"And what list would this be?"
He held up a fist and began to count with his fingers. "For starters, we need to learn more about the Coalescence- more specifically, how Spyglass intends to distribute the nanites. Carson didn't know, so that falls on us to find out. Secondly, we need to find a way to undo whatever he's done to you. I don't want to find out the consequences of long term 'AI schizophrenia' the hard way."
She nodded, accepting his logic so far. "And the third thing?"
He exhaled grimly, his cheeks puffing out a bit as he did so. "Not gonna lie to you, it's gonna be tough. But the good news is that if we pull it off, then we might have a better chance of solving our other two problems."
If she'd had eyebrows, she would have raised one quizzically. "You still haven't told me what it is ..."
"Well, Carson said that Spyglass was holding Al'cor for some reason or another, that she was probably important to whatever plan he's been cooking up these last few years. So unless I'm mistaken, I think that there's an old Architect friend of ours who needs rescuing."