You aroused the sleeping monster.
It's scary.
This thought hit Lauren almost immediately.
It's terribly scary.
Lauren was scared out of her wits, almost to the point of petrified as she stood rooted beside the counter. What scared her wasn't even scary on the surface, in fact it was everything but. The source of her unsettledness was beautiful, doll-like even, a porcelain doll that would crack under scrutiny and break when handled too carelessly.
She was that beautiful to Lauren.
And that was scary, terribly so.
Logic screamed at her as the mysterious doll walked further and further away, killer heels that went click click click until the sound couldn't be heard anymore. She didn't, or couldn't heed that logical voice that cried itself hoarse. Crazily, Lauren wanted to hear the clicking sound of heels again, and more; She wanted to hear the voice that wore that pair of red heels and held that cup of coffee.
The feeling was so intense, it might have felt painful if Lauren wasn't so numbed to other sensations.
It was so scary but so goddamn exhilarating.
"Miss? What would you like?"
Lauren heard the barista asking her the question, but she couldn't be bothered anymore, she was way too entranced. Unknowingly her legs had taken her back to the door of the café and out on to the streets. She followed after the doll-like brunette, steps slightly uncertain and wary.
What the hell was going on, logic screamed.
Time seemed to have turned back, and it was high school all over again. Teenage hormones bubbling, totally nuts and screaming for release; Reasons were redundant, responsibilities can go fuck itself and loyalty was as foreign as life on Mars. What mattered was feelings, wasn't it.
And that scared Lauren, badly.
She didn't know such rash feelings could happen again. It was one of those insane moments where you are so enamored and so captivated that nothing else mattered. Who she was, what's her name, who she had, all of that were kicked out of the equation the moment those feelings took over. It was downright crazy and for most part of it, Lauren really didn't care.
But that tiny part of her that outgrew all the high school hormones and college parties rudely slapped her out of the entrancement. She made it as far as the next street and saw the woman turn the corner, before she woke up. Everything came rushing back to her. The Starbucks, the tricky decision between three different salads and the woman who brushed past her when she finally decided on the one she wanted.
It was her smell.
Lauren realized abruptly, she was first captured by a whiff of something nostalgic that she couldn't put a finger to, and her eyes followed what her nose smelled. Her gaze fell on the woman and everything went haywire. Everything was perfect about her, from the fingers lightly clutching the cup of coffee to her smooth neckline and even her long lashes felt perfect.
Her icy features were so intriguing, as well.
Lauren never knew she could recall someone with so much detail, even to the minute fold of the ears. Creepy, Lauren shuddered at the thought, but felt more enamored than the second before.
Lauren forgot about the coffee she wanted to get, even the salad she took much pain to choose was wiped out from her memory.
The first meeting was already pretty earth shattering. Scary.
***
Pre-mediated.
It was planned, on purpose, arranged, whatever. Lauren no longer cared what word aptly described what she was doing. It didn't matter anymore. For the first two days that she planted herself in that particular Starbucks she had questioned herself, questioned the identity of this particular act she was doing and questioned her mind.
Probably insane was the conclusion but really, sanity was no longer the priority.
Lauren wanted to see the woman so terribly, even if the feelings left her scared and guilty, she decided that she would probably go nuts if she didn't. Crazy and nuts on top of insane, it was like the monster within her had awakened.
She thought she had killed off that monster; she had been very well behaved for quite a number of years now, probably since year two or three in college. The monster died then, it didn't try to fight and to be honest Lauren had wondered why it didn't. The monster, that was raw desire and desperate want, probably got tired, Lauren had thought.
It's awake now, though, something in her whispered stealthily.
Lauren nearly nodded to herself, purely because it was so true. The wild days were all fueled by that monster, she swayed easily and loved so many; and now it was here to cause destruction again.
The doll appeared.
Lauren saw her and felt a huge disappointment. She had her face semi hidden behind those huge shades, and Lauren wanted to burn all the shades in the world. Fuck shades, they had no business covering up such a gorgeous face, Lauren cursed in her mind.
Logic yelled again, and it only repeated,
"mistake! mistake! mistake!" over and over again. It was annoying, so Lauren decided to squish that voice, at least for a bit. The voice died with a pathetic whimper.
Lauren's eyes trailed every step the unknown lady made, it was another pair of heels this time, a sexy glittery silver. Lauren was sure that not many could pull that off, but it didn't matter because the one before her could and it caught her attention. Her eyes travelled up from the heels to the legs and Lauren yearned to touch those exposed legs. The skirt was short, mischievously so; The blouse was tight, teasingly so. Lauren's head swirled when the lady walked by again.
It took every ounce of effort to not follow after her again; she didn't want to be a creepy stalker.
So she let her little café doll walk away, the sunlight on that brown hair made the perfect picture. Lauren wanted to frame that scene up.
***
She never thought that she was being conspicuous, in fact, she never had the intention to be so. She had that little bit of sense left in her, which informed her that it was simply stalker behavior to let the café doll realize what she was there for. Lauren was there for her, stalker.
It had been going on for almost three weeks and Lauren wasn't sick of this yet. Her own behavior, the doll with impeccable fashion sense and also this... infatuation? She couldn't put a finger to what was growing in her and the label now would probably be infatuation.
She hoped it was just infatuation; infatuation shouldn't get her into as much trouble.
Then, said lady showed up again.
Lauren peeked from the top of her laptop screen; she was trying her best to be discreet. The doll looked pretty arrogant today, Lauren noted. Yet she didn't seem any different on the surface. The expression was mild as always, she was polite enough to the barista and her tone was calm. Still, Lauren thought there was this arrogant air to her. Or maybe it was a self-satisfied air, Lauren couldn't really grasp what it was but there was definitely something different, she could bet her apartment on it.
That made Lauren squirm slightly, she had an uneasy feeling.
Her gut feelings were usually correct and Lauren didn't want to ignore it . She willed herself to tear her eyes away from the lady for a while, although Lauren loved the way she looked while waiting for her coffee. Only when Lauren heard the sound of heels did she focus on the lady again, she could not bear not looking at her leave and when she was out of sight, Lauren sighed.
Looking back to her laptop screen, Lauren felt drained, not realizing she was that tensed until then. For a moment she zoned out, nothing made sense on the screen and her mind fluttered far away, and slightly to things she didn't want to ponder about.
Distantly she heard a familiar clicking of heels; Hallucination, she thought. But the sound was getting louder and closer, like an impending doom. The next moment, that nostalgic scent caught her nose again and Lauren nearly shot up from her seat upon lifting her head.
The lady was back, with a stunning smirk on her face.
***
The name was Camila.
Camila Cabello, a pretty normal female, if you discount the fact that she was gorgeous and she appealed to Lauren more than black did. That made everything abnormal.
Lauren's heart was pounding so hard she thought she would have a heart attack or her heart would jump out and land on Camila's palms. She might have shivered as Camila looked at her, the eyes unreadable but the lips curled so suggestively.
And suddenly, everyone else in the café whited out; it felt like just the two of them in that space. No one else was there, and it became such a private and intimate moment.
When Camila spoke, Lauren's world shook again, like when she first saw her.
"Seat taken?"
"No, feel free please."
Lauren thought she would have sounded terrified or maybe even stuttered, but she didn't. Her confidence was directly proportional to the amount of awe she felt and the intensity of her feelings. It was all good, Lauren even managed to bring out that eye-smile of hers.
"Camila."
The pretty café doll, newly named Camila, said simply but her eyes bore into Lauren like she was looking for a hundred thousand things. She looked so much prettier up close, Lauren couldn't control her thoughts but her actions were polished as she nodded and maintained a light smile.
"Hi, I'm Lauren"
Camila had that look which read, "Okay that's great, so?" accordingly to Lauren's deduction and Lauren just had to counter it with a look of her own. That slightly haughty look that contrasted with the normally bright and cheery her, the look that used to get girls into her bed nearly every night. She thought that look and charm had died along with the monster; apparently they woke up with it as well.
"I see that you're stalking me?" Camila drawled, not looking the least bit offended or wary, conversely she had an amused half-smile on. Lauren wasn't prepared for such a direct question, yet she didn't show any of those sentiments on her face. Habits die hard they said, and Lauren fell into that category.
"Guess I am," Lauren shrugged, before breaking into a dazzling smile, "I don't think you dislike it though."
Lauren thought she saw a muscle twitched on that beautiful face of Camila, and a rush of panic hit her. Maybe she really lost those charms or the ability to worm her way into people's heart, it's been years after all. Lauren was prepared for a slap, harsh words or maybe even the police, but then Camila laughed. A twinkling laugh, light on the ears like those christmas bells.
Lauren was charmed and everything started from then on.
***
Camila said that she loved Lauren's confidence, it was part of her charm and so was the flippant attitude Lauren had at times. Absolutely charming, were Camila's exact words. In response to that, Lauren stole a kiss from Camila and softly mumbled into the kiss that Camila's confidence was right up there with her and her beauty was other-worldly.
Lauren felt that Camila revived the best part in her, a part she thought was gone and which she missed occassionally. The wild and crazy, unrestrained and rash; basically the side that could easily get lost in love, happiness and desire. She considered that as her true identity and Camila came by and stirred all those sleeping cells awake.
It's almost romantic, Lauren thought.
And Lauren felt that Camila was quite similar to her, not just the confidence. It was more about Camila's view on things or maybe her laidback and slightly lazy attitude. Lauren couldn't say exactly how it was similar, since she was zealous, loud and pretty much opposite to Camila on the surface. But it just was. Camila was similar to her, it was a feeling and other superficial characteristics were not part of the consideration.
They were similar and it thrilled Lauren.
It took Lauren nearly a week to finally figure out what that nostalgic smell on Camila was. It was that similarity. Lauren smelled something so like her past in Camila, mixing with a vanilla scent and hidden by the classy perfume. Perhaps it was instinct, or perhaps it was fate, whatever it was Lauren fell right for it.
She fell so hard, she lied without batting an eyelid.
Lauren was supposedly in a meeting, but in actuality she was in Camila's bed, stark naked with an equally naked Camila lightly sleeping beside her. The post-sex face was a total turn on but Camila grumbled, not about to let Lauren have another go.
"No, I'm tired," Camila put a finger on Lauren lips when she snuck up to her again, silencing and gently pushing her away as well, "Either go please yourself or let me sleep, first."
With that Camila fell back on her side of the bed and drifted off to dreamland. She didn't like to be woken up and Lauren wasn't so desperate, yet.
Lauren was strangely energized even after their frenzied rounds of sex. The kisses were furious and full of desire the moment they walked through the front door. Doors slammed, clothes peeled off and thrown carelessly, and hands roamed on each other's body unabashedly declaring their want. Camila was wild, exciting and a bit coy at times. She pushed and pulled Lauren so well, and her reactions to those touches set Lauren's heart on fire. Lauren was mesmerized, caught in the magic named Camila.
She could make out Camila's sleeping figure in the semi-darkness. Camila's chest moved to her breath lightly and her face was peaceful. But Lauren didn't want to be too sweet, so she stopped herself from tucking in those stray strands of hair or kissing Camila's forehead or even caressing her sleeping face. Intimate was fine but sweet would mean that she crossed another line. Although she had this strong feeling that it wouldn't be long before that line was crossed as well.
Then, her thoughts involuntarily floated to Lucy.
She told Lucy that it was a sudden meeting that the co-scriptwriter wanted, and not a tinge of lie was detected. Lucy had such absolute trust in Lauren, which seemed absurd considering Lauren's history. But Lauren proved herself faithful for many years, against all odds, and that probably served to further enhanced Lucy's trust.
But after their quick conversation, Lauren had skipped out of the apartment right into the night sky and eventually into Camila's bed.
Lucy didn't know a single shit, and Lauren wasn't prepared to let her into it.
***
Lauren can't remember how everything with Lucy became so bloody stable. She was never a fan of stability; stability was boring, uneventful, and too safe. Lucy was all of that, and Lauren didn't know how she actually got into it that deep with Lucy.
Lucy did music, and sometimes Lauren wondered why Lucy was so uneventful. It was weird considering how crazy most musicians seemed, and how messy their lives were made out to be. Lucy was the opposite of that in most sense; she was mostly calm and her thoughts well sorted out. She was a very stable person, the type that's perfect for marriage. Probably, only the slightly dark part of her personality fit the musician stereotype. And she was a little proud too, since she knew how good she was at what she does.
That supposedly proud air she had was what initially drew Lauren to her, and it was a trap.
Lauren got to know Lucy through some shitty cross college musical production in which she was the scriptwriter for. It was going to be a disaster, Lauren had groaned at the thought. Unfortunately, the girl that asked her to help out was too cute to resist, her body looked good and definitely better without all those clothes; the sex was fucking good but it left her mindfucked with the musical as well. The shitty musical wasn't coming together very well with the varying schedules and lack of coordination and teamwork.
Whoever thought up of cross-college shit should just fuck themselves, Lauren had shouted at one point in time to a poor guy who was merely the props assistant. She was pissed, her female lead for the musical missed the meeting twice and all she knew about her was the name- Lucy Vives. She wanted to kick this Lucy Vives's ass and it would be better if she were by the stairs.
But this Lucy Vives was attractive, with a glorious voice. And so, Lauren forgot about the kicking the moment she saw Lucy in person; that face was too pretty to be subjected to any sort of contact with the floor. To Lauren, the only form of contact it should have was sexual ones.
Lucy, however, was oblivious
that she attracted Lauren.
She was a fantastic singer, and although not so much of an actress, it was adequate. The most important thing was she looked so wonderful, kind of fairy-like. Maybe she looked too much like one and so she didn't have any worldly thoughts. It seemed so to Lauren as her advances were met with innocent replies and polite touches. Lauren hitting on Lucy was the biggest failure then and it remained so for years to come.
Lauren was terribly frustrated; she couldn't tell if Lucy was that dense, playing coy or just wasn't interested in her. She decided to cross out the last option since her gut told her so, and finally arrived at the decision that Lucy was dense. She eventually sounded out the rest of the cast, and found out that Lucy was their top student, great vocals with a fantastic music background. But she was nicknamed The Diva, proud and untouchable. Lauren concluded that Lucy was dense and not untouchable, and so she intensified her advances.
"Luce," Lauren came up with the nickname, that was the first step, "I need to talk to you alone for a bit." The second step was the light brush across Lucy's back and the tugging of hands, Lucy suspected nothing and took well to the nickname.
Then the touches became more intimate, the distance between them closed and Lauren suggested solo dates without any of the production members. Lucy wasn't that dense after all and finally got what Lauren was trying to make. Though she didn't give Lauren the green light until much much later, after the whole production ended (surprisingly successful, it was) and everyone became best buddies with each other. The musical pulled them closer and Lauren hoped that for Lucy's case it was going to be closer to her bed.
It happened as Lauren wanted, after they sort of dated for a bit and Luch became obviously smitten with her. A weird feeling struck Lauren. It felt like she could just fuck Lucy every night without having to pursue different people ever so often. Lucy had a child like charm to her, almost innocent that Lauren couldn't really bear to play the fuck-and-dump card on her.
So Lauren played the (multiple)fucks-and-(maybe one day) dump card on her, it was a bit too tiresome for Lauren's liking but she didn't want it another way. Lucy was refreshing; Lauren had fooled around with almost half the production members and Lucy was so different from them. In fact, Lucy was on a completely different plane from her usual crowd. Lucy was the type she would usually steer clear of and the failure to do that resulted in Lauren's drastic change in lifestyle.
Lucy was intriguing to Lauren and that made her fall further into the trap.
Lucy looked innocent, and she was child-like at times but never really innocent. She could be a pervert if she wanted, picking out cute girls and equally cute body parts when she felt like it. Lucy looked like an untouchable diva, but she's really just stuck in her own world most of the time, and not that in tune with her surroundings. She could be if she wanted to, but mostly she didn't care. Lucy gave off those emo vibes most of the time as well, according to people, but she was actually dorky and funny most of the time to Lauren. Emo was just the tip of the superficial character Lucy portrayed. Beneath all that, she's everything people didn't expect her to be. Lucy was an entity that built on contradictory sentences and Lauren got caught in it all.
***
The bomb dropped when Lucy found Lauren making out with some girl at a quiet corner.
Lauren's head snapped back in surprise when she heard Lucy called out her name, that look on Lucy's face nearly made her feel guilty. Only nearly, and it was unfortunate.
Lauren didn't have the thought that she was in a relationship with Lucy, it didn't crossed her mind at all. And that was the point in which everything fell apart, and out of her control. She didn't foresee that Lucy would react so badly, at the back of her head she thought or maybe wished that Lucy would just be like the other musical girls that she fooled with. But in her heart, she knew Lucy wasn't. She didn't want to admit it, but she was caught in the act.
"Lauren..." Lucy's tone was so intimate that Lauren had to fight off the urge to look away.
Yet, her voice was weak as well and it trembled slightly, there were even tears building up and threatening to fall. Somehow the girl Lauren was making out with noticed the tension and bailed out with top speed; She was another one of those who just wanted to have fun.
Lucy was different; Lauren could see the eyes begging for explanation or something. Lauren didn't want to know what those something meant, she was already deep enough in the dangerous territories.
"What I saw... Wasn't it right?"
"Yes it is," Lauren blurted out, it was so natural to her and she didn't want things to drag on that way with Lucy any longer.
Lucy look as though she took a slap to the face, she stood speechless and the evident hurt spread and clouded her eyes. Lauren's eyes met Lucy's, she didn't want to look down and appear guilty, there wasn't anything to be guilty about. She was firm but suddenly she saw something in Lucy's eyes that she couldn't forget.
Hope, she saw this child-like hope.
"Please, Lauren..."
It was too much for Lauren, she couldn't handle Lucy. She could see it, that look was all about her. Lucy had hope and faith in her. So stupid, Lauren scoffed in her mind. But it had melted her even as she thought that way, it gave her that glimmer of chance to move away from the ridiculous hormonal driven lifestyle she had. Perhaps Lucy would be good for her, she was almost the perfect woman and a really good fuck.
It would be fine, right?
"I'm sorry Luce," that was the first time Lauren apologized to Lucy, "about everything I am sorry."
"It's alright Lauren," that fucking glimmer in Lucy's eyes, Lauren just couldn't leave Lucy, "let's be alright."
"Yeah, let's."
Lauren was captured in the trap and it started from her second year in college and lasted all the way for six years.
Then, she met Camila and things fell apart.