Chapter 8 ― Break down the walls
Belle, Phebs and I were sitting in our living room that night after the boys went leaving us alone so we could talk about all this proposal of going with them on tour. It was crazy, it was exciting, it was new, it was different but at the same time it was a bit intimidating. I, personally, wanted to go but at the same time wanted to stay in my bed as far away from Niall as I could. I adored all the lads, I really did, but my feelings for the blond were becoming stronger each day and at the same time more confusing. I knew I said I was done with guys, that I wanted just to live my life to the fullest, but as the song said: you can’t always get what you want. I didn’t want to have feelings for Niall, but I couldn’t help it because the more I knew him, the more I liked him.
But what I was feeling was the least of our problems.
Phebs looked really miserable sitting on the sofa hugging her legs and burying her face between her knees. Belle was at her right; I was at her left trying to give her support in the situation. Well, I wasn’t the only one falling for a member of the so famous boy band, my dear friend here liked Liam very much, but he had a girlfriend whom he really loved, and that was killing my friend. Phoebe was a sweet girl, someone who always put the others’ feelings before hers, a shy little thing who could hardly talk about what she was feeling or what she wanted. She was the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met and it destroyed my heart seeing her like that, so sad, so desperate for what she was experimenting. She was never going to tell Liam how she felt. Never! Even if he hadn’t had a girlfriend, she wouldn’t have told him either. She had gone in dates before because the blokes asked her out, never because of her initiative –as it had been my case once, for instance.
She could be friends with Liam, though. That would have been great for her, in fact she was quite happy till the lads dropped the bomb that their girlfriends, AKA Danielle and Eleanor, were coming to the tour as well for a couple of days. That was what was killing Phebs, knowing that she would have to see Liam and Danielle together all lovey-dovey was more than what she could handle.
I hugged her tightly as Belle petted her softly on the back. The blonde sobbed softly, shaking almost imperceptibly. “It’s gonna be okay, Phebs. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” I said calmly.
Belle had accepted immediately when I told her about the tour with the lads, her only condition was that she was going back home once Dan came back.
“I don’t want to hold you back here, girls,” she protested in a whisper.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” my other friend said. “If you don’t go, we don’t go either. We’re a pack, we can’t be separated.” She twisted her middle and index finger to show how united we were. Phebs chuckled softly and I smiled.
“But I wanna go, too. I just don’t wanna see him with Danielle,” she mumbled and I hugged even tighter.
“I understand, but maybe that would help you get over him,” I suggested not quite convinced myself. I was telling myself the same, that seeing Niall with other girls, girls way better than me, was going to help me bury my feelings away, but I knew that it was a hopeless thought. It wasn’t that easy to forget about someone, even if your feelings weren’t that deep.
“Maybe, but it’s going to hurt so much and I don’t think I can handle that.” I didn’t believe it either. She was fragile, she was delicate, she wasn’t used to be heartbroken. She lived from fantasies she read in her books, from those male characters that loved like nobody could in real life. She had high standards for men, and that was her shield but Liam had broken down all the walls that protected Phoebe and now she was in pain because he did it not because he wanted to be with her. It was an accident.
“But you’ll have us, Phebs,” I offered and Belle nodded in agreement. “Whatever you decide, we’re gonna be with you. If you wanna go, we’ll take you away every time Danielle is near. We’ll cheer you up every time you’re down. And if you rather stay, we’ll stay here and we’ll even read your books with you! All of them.”
Phebs laughed and looked up at me with her teary eyes and a weak smile. “Thanks, Alex, Belle,” she said and we both hugged her like our lives depended on it. “You’re the best, did you know?”
“Of course!” I replied backing away pretending to be serious, but laughing at the end anyway.
“Okay. Let’s go then!” She said sitting straight and brushing her tears away. “I’m not gonna miss an opportunity like this. I’ll be strong,” she promised and I smiled proudly. “Plus, you need to go, Alex.”
“What?” I asked frowning. “And why would that be?”
“‘Cos you need to stop denying your feelings for Niall and go out with him,” Belle replied offhandedly and my jaw hit the floor. I looked at my friend with my eyes wide open.
“What are you saying? That’s so not true!” I denied looking away.
“Sweetie, you don’t fool us. I’ve told you this before: we see that you fancy him and he fancies you. You both are stupid for trying to deny it.”
“First off: Niall doesn’t fancy me. Second off: nothing could happen between us ‘cos we are not compatible. Our lives, at least, are not. He is a popstar and I’m a normal girl–” my friends glanced at me sceptically and I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean, I have a normal life. I go to Uni, I’m not famous or anything. He has plenty of girls offering themselves to him, tons of girls better than me to pick from. Why would he fancy me? That’s idiotic.”
“I’ll assume, as you didn’t deny that you do fancy him, that we’re right. Now, about the whole other part, you’re just in denial but we get it, so don’t worry. But when you can’t fight it any longer, we’ll be here to talk about it,” Belle said calmly whilst Phebs was giggling. I felt my cheeks burning.
“Whatever. I don’t know how we ended up talking about this! Here the main topic is to support Phebs now that we’re going on tour with One Direction.” Oh, God. That still felt weird to say out loud. I couldn’t believe that I was actually friends with them, or that I was going to be witnessing the tour, seeing from backstage what a concert truly was. Please, someone pinch me! From a girl who almost didn’t know them, I moved on to a close friend of them. Talking about weird turns in life.
“Yeah!” Belle agreed jumping on her feet. “We’re going on tour with the lads. We need so many things! We have to go shopping,” I groaned at her statement and she only frowned at me. “Yes, we do need new clothes, Alex. We are going on tour here in the UK; we are going to see so many different cities. We just can’t go like that! People probably will see us with them and we can’t look like this,” she pointed her so fashion outfit and I couldn’t see what was wrong with it.
“Can I buy some books?” Phebs asked a tad more excited, and only for that I thought about accepting going shopping with them.
“Of course!” Belle responded. “Maybe you can even recommend me one.”
Phebs’ eyes literally sparkled at that sentence and I knew that bearing with the whole shopping thing was going to be worthy if I could see my blonde friend that happy.
“Okay, but you won’t make me buy any dress, Belle. I’ll let the lads know about our decision,” I told them taking my mobile phone out of my pocket. I looked in my address book until I found the contact I was looking for.
to: The absolutely best husband ever! – Prepare yourselves cos we’re going with u!
I pressed send shaking my head at how Louis had saved his number in my phone. I tried to change it a few times just to find out that he changed it back. At the end I learned that it was useless so I left it like that.
A few seconds later my phone started to buzz accompanied by the song Plug in Baby by Muse. I really liked that band and the intro for that song was totally wicked. I was expecting to be Louis who was calling me, but I got surprised when I heard an Irish accent over the phone.
“You’re coming!” he said and I smiled involuntarily. I felt so cheesy, but just hearing his voice made me feel like a stupid teenager all over again. I stood up and went into the kitchen to have a bit of privacy.
“Yeah, we all are. You can’t take it back, now. You’ll have to deal with us for a month,” I told him and I heard him snorting. “But I wasn’t sure you wanted me there, though,” I teased him.
“Of course I want you here!” It was my turn to snort.
“Yeah, sure. You only want me to cook for you,” I replied trying to sound offended.
“No! It’s not only for your food!”
“Not only?” I teased him again. Oh, it was so funny. “Niall, you’re not making it better.” And I laughed and I heard him sighing.
“Alex…” before he could add something else, I heard a high and loud scream that I would have recognised everywhere, not only for his word selection. “Niall, what are you doing talking to my wife?” I laughed as I heard a struggle then Louis’ voice was loud and clear over the phone. “Wife, why are you talking to Niall? Are you cheating on me? HOW DARE YOU?! I thought we had something special!” He moaned and I laughed harder.
“I’m just talking, and how dare you talk about cheating when you’re the one who has a girlfriend!? I feel totally betrayed,” I played along. “You don’t have the right to complain, Lou, and if you don’t stop screaming I won’t make you more carrot juice in the morning!” I threatened and immediately I heard a loud pop as the phone hit the floor. I laughed and soon I was talking to Niall again.
“He left running. What did you tell him?” He asked and I told him about my threat. Niall laughed and I smiled. One of the things I liked the most about him was his laughter, so contagious, so cute.
Oh, God. I was made a cheesy teenager. Where did the strong and tough part of me go? I never liked cute lads, I never felt butterflies in my belly, I never smiled for no apparent reason. What was happening to me?
“I don’t understand why you’re married to him. He’s a lousy husband!” He said and I chuckled.
“Because he doesn’t wanna sign the papers for the divorce. I didn’t want this marriage since the beginning. I don’t know how I ended up in this,” I said playfully smiling and shaking my head as he was laughing. “I’ll find a way to make him, though. I can’t stay on this marriage anymore, it’s taking everything from me!”
“We can always force him to sign the papers,” he played along and I smiled. I loved when we joked like this so easily.
“Yeah. The married life is not my thing. I’m gonna be a nun, instead,” I proposed and Niall burst out laughing. “Oi! I’m serious here.”
“Sure, because you’re so catholic, Alex.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I still don’t understand how these women can marry the same guy without even meeting him before. Talking about weird relationships. The same man is married to billions of women but then the father at mass says that we have to remain faithful. No, church has issues picking its words,” I blurted and I hear Niall’s laughter again. “No, I’ll get twelve cats instead and I’ll name them after the Gold Saints of the Knights of Zodiac. You know, one per each house. And I’ll adopt one cat per month!” I shared my brilliant plan trying to remember the twelve names of the Gold Saints. I watched that anime a long time ago.
“Sometimes you’re too geeky for me,” Niall commented still laughing.
“Oi! Not my fault that you wasted your childhood watching other kinds of worthless TV shows,” I defended myself, Niall just laughed. “You’re mean.”
“I don’t believe you will end up alone with twelve cats, Alex,” he said more serious. “Even if you don’t want a relationship now, soon you’ll find someone…” he ended in a whisper.
Maybe I already found him. WHAT? What did I just think? No, no, no and more no. No. I haven’t found anyone; I’m just saying nonsense.
“I gotta go, Niall,” I said getting very uncomfortable all of sudden. “See ya tomorrow?”
“Yeah, we will go pick you up at night. We will be leaving the next day, so you have to have everything ready by then. See ya, Alex”
We hung up and I kept looking at my phone wondering what was going to change in this tour.