Hi there, dear readers! I did it again. :(
Even tho this chapter isn't about 2000 words long it's close enough.
So I am really sorry for that. :/
Anyways as always any kind of feedback is more than welcomed here.
Let me know what you think and enjoy this chapter! :)
******
"Don't you wanna levitate instead?" Ed chuckled as he saw that I sat down as far away from him as possible.
"No." I mumbled, looking down on my criss crossed legs.
"So, what do you want to talk about? Will you tell me or is it a secret?" Ed said with a huge girn, he seemed highly amused by this situation.
"No, it's not a secret..." I rolled my eyes and started to nitpick my old shoes.
I swear I'm here only a minute and I already want to punch him again!
"Will you tell me then?" He raised his ginger eyebrows with the same amused smirk as always.
I took a deep breath and found his eyes in the darkness around us.
"That's it! You and your stupid ability to make everything seem better and lighter, you're running through the world and spray all around yourself rainbow and smiles and happiness and people really believe in it! They're happier thanks to you! And then after you make another person or animal or fucking tree happy you just walk away with a smile on your damned face and guitar in your hand! You don't want and don't take anything back! And that's it! I'm not used to it and I've never been used to it, and you made me happier than never before! But then you just left and took with you all I could gave you as if it ain't meant shit! So now I'm sitting here and trying to apologize and explain to you why am I such a messed and overreacting weirdo when it's not me who should apologize...!" I said through my clenched teeth, holding back a wave of tears, but to be fair today I've not been crying yet, so it's a little victory.
After my speech there was just an endless silence between us, disturbed just by distand sounds from the highway.
Suddenly Ed cleaned his throat and criss crossed his legs before facing me, I couldn't see his face fully, just what blue neon lights from gas station we stopped at illuminated for me, which was just a contour of his face and shining eyes locked on me.
"First of all, you're not overreacting. It's just you, it's not overreacting when you're more sensitive than others and when you take things more personally.
And I just want you to know that I never ever thought that you'd be overreacting. You had all rights to act towards me the way you did, because of what did I do to you.. Last night you told me that I left you without any explanation, let me tell you now why did I do that.. That night Cherry came to your flat, and I swear I didn't had a clue she did it, she found our messages conversation and the morning after she visited you we had a fight because of me and you...us, she told me that I have to choose between you and her, and I made my choice... I believed that we can figure out how to make things good again with Cherry.. Even tho I knew it was hopeless it was still more than be alone... I made a bad choice and you completely didn't deserve it, and I won't be able to justify myself enough for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and even tho you won't allow me to be part of your life once again, I still have you locked in my mind and I won't never forget how you changed my life... I know it sounds like a fucking clichè but that's just how I feel it.." He chuckled at the end of his speech as if he wanted to make this situation less serious and I was grateful for that.
I can't describe how I felt during his speech and then when we were sitting there in silence.
How can you describe that warm yet cold feeling in your stomach, squeezing your guts so hard yet so softly.
But one thing I knew for sure: For the first time since I met Ed again after a year I didn't want to cry and that's a good thing, isn't it?
***
We found ourselves lying on that rooftop after a half an hour later, we placed ourselves the way I had my feet next to his head and he had his feet next to mine head too.
As if we were some weird puzzles, haha.
"Chloè?" Ed suddenly broke the silence between us with his soft quiet voice.
"Um?" I mumbled, not really able to come back from the dreamland of my mind.
"You remember when we met? The first night, right?" He asked and his voice was a bit higher than usual. I could feel when he jerked next to me.
"You mean that night you broke to my tiny flat and almost killed me by shock?" I laughed quietly, not leaving the sky with my eyes. The stars above us were something you couldn't look away from.
"Yeah, haha.. That night. Wanna know a secret?" His voice was now so high that I was sure he swallowed a whistle.
"Of course, tell me." I grinned cheerfully, I felt as if we were just kids talking about something special when really it ain't meant shit.
"I did know you before I broke into your flat that night." Ed said it so quietly I almost didn't hear him.
"What..?" I asked and felt taken aback by his sudden confession.
"Err.. Nevermind, let's talk about something else." He laughed nervously and jerked again as he covered his face with his arms, hiding it before me.
"No. Tell me." I insisted, but didn't rise up to face him, I didn't want to scare him and make him more embarrassed than he already felt.
"Noo.. You'll think I am a stalker." He yelped, not leaving his face with his arms.
"No, I won't I promise." I smiled, frankly I'd promise anything to anyone just to know what did he mean by his confession.
"Pinky promise?" He looked on me through the gap between his fingers, just like a little kid.
"Okay.." I rolled my eyes with a grin when I raised my little finger to do a pinky promise with him.
Ed stared at me in disbelief but then he did the same as I did and voila; pinky promise was done.
"Uh.. So.. Once, it was a week and few days before that night and I accidentally lost so instead of bullshiting around I decided to grab some coffee somewhere and I found the Café we went into the morning after we met.. So I ordered a coffee and sat down to of the tables there and after a couple of minutes you came in, I immediately found you interesting in that too big grey sweater, messy bun and a book in your hand with those big green eyes of yours filled with something..special.
With a light smile you ordered your coffee and went to sit down to the table far away from everyone but right next to window, you always made sure you sit next to window..ha.. As soon as you sat down you opened the book you had with yourself and it all started.. Your show.. I saw even from the distance how dreamy your eyes went and how you bit your thumbnail in focus and how everytime you laughed because something in your book made you laugh, you always got scared and took a quick look around yourself as if you were embarassed someone could hear you laugh.. You usually read about 20 or 40 pages during your coffee time.. After you drank your coffee you paid for it and left, with dreamy smile playing on your dreamy face.. And I found myself going into that Café day by day just for the chance to secretly watch you reading a book.. So I knew you some time before we met..." Ed finished and coughed quietly as he tried to clean his throat.
And I? I was stoned by constant shock, not because he knew me before he broke to my flat, it just happens.. But because of the fact he found me interesting and that he remember every little detail from that moment he first saw me, that was what shocked me.
How? I mean... I'm not ugly... But why? There's nothing interesting on me, I made sure to be as ordinary as I could, just to avoid anyone from noticing me, cause once someone notice you it always causes a billion problems... So I was ordinary and total mess.. The day he talked about was just few days after I moved to NYC and to be honest I was in a terrible shape, both, physically and mentally... And I did my best to keep it like that, be ordinary.. Invisible.. Cause it was all I could do to hide, I was back then so sure he'll find me.. So I was just a mess...But he still used to go to that Cafe and spent some time from his busy life just with watching me doing something so ordinary as reading a book. And he really enjoyed it as I see... What?!
"But I wasn't a stalker! I didn't know where you lived and that I broke into your flat! That's just a coincidence." Ed rushed with this explanation cause he obviously thought that the reason I was daydreaming was because I think he was a stalker.
"I didn't say a word." I said and couldn't help but laugh as I ran through my hair with my fingers, feeling an instant wet.
A dew.
"Yeah, that's why.." Ed mumbled and obviously was hardly embarrassed by his confession, cause he covered his face again.
"Do you wanna know about what I was daydreaming this time?" I asked quietly with a little grin.
"Please.." He begged me and his voice got a curious tone.
"You really found me interesting?" I mumbled as I covered my face with my arm. This time it was me who was embarrassed.
"You have no idea how interesting you really are.." He answered quietly with dreamy voice, as if he was lost a million miles away in his mind.
That took my breath away, but before I could say a word we heard some noise down there.
"Hey you two! Was this time enough or you need next minute for your making out? Cause we should go!" I heard Tim's cheerful voice and laughter of others.
Me and Ed couldn't help but laugh too, it was such a relief.
When we hit the road again I had a dreamy smile on my face...