Recap:
"Let her go."
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Chapter 42
The man didn't let go of me as muffled sobs escaped my mouth. I don't know how it happened but within a second I felt the man being pulled away from me. I opened my eyes to find Carson beating the shit out of the guy.
"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Her. Ever. Again." Carson pummeled him.
"So that you'll have fun with her? I can say that she's tight." The old man slurred and smiled a bloody grin.
This seemed to anger him more as he put more pressure on his punches, you can see the veins popping out of his neck. He continued to punch him until he was left unconcious.
"If you want to live then don't say those fucking things about her."
I can't stop the sobs that escaped me at the same time I can't believe that he's here to save me again.
The music came to an abrupt stop as the crowd huddled around us, people started whispering against each other, giving us peering looks.
"Oh my god. Cass, I'm so sorry for leaving you back there." Ally squeezed through the crowd and immediately appeared in front of me.
I can't speak. I was too shocked by everything. A river of tears flew out of my eyes as I watch Carson punch him with every strength he has. I don't know what snapped into him but he stopped and his head whipped towards our direction.
Everything slowed down the moment I saw those blue green eyes that I came to love, the one that I'm yearning to look at for weeks.
"So much of a friend huh?" Carson told her with a clipped tone which made her flinch.
His eyes averted to my gaze which immediately softened. He took his jacket off him and draped it around my shoulders, it smelled like home. He pulled my wrist in his hands and yanked me away from Ally, the crowd and the tension.
By the time our feet brought us outside, he already released his grip on me.
"Are you okay?" He suddenly asked me.
I looked up to meet his gaze, I can't help but notice the dark bags under his eyes but that doesn't change the fact that he managed to stay beautiful, gorgeous.
"I'm fine, thanks." I muttered in a soft voice.
What's more awkward than talking to your ex?
"Sure," he shifted awkwardly, "so uh.. Your cast is gone." He chuckled softly.
I looked down at my now fully recovered leg and smiled in agreement.
"Yeah, they were discarded a week ago."
"That's good," he cleared his throat.
I looked at him, like really looked at him and examined his features for the last time because I know that this would be my last chance to do it. And after tonight, I would make a promise to myself that I will move on.
"Why are you crying?" He suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts.
I choked a laugh and wiped my tears away.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"What are you talking about? Is this because of what happened back there?" He jerked his fingers backwards.
I rolled my eyes and started to walk away, walking past him until a hand landed on my shoulder.
"Is this because of what happened between us?" He sighed.
I shrugged his hands off my shoulders and turned around.
"Can you tell?" I glared at him.
"I-I've made up my mind now, can you please take me back?"
I looked at him shocked, like he's grown another head.
"And what do you want me to do with it? Follow what you're going to say just like our break up? Take you back? That's it? You didn't even give me the chance to let you see my side about our break up and now you're asking me to take you back?" I said angrily.
"Listen-"
"No. Don't you think that it's unfair?" I wiped my tears furiously.
"I know it was wrong to break up with you and I regret it, every single day. I just thought that it was the right thing to do at that. I know I hurt you but that's not my intentio-"
"But you already did." I cut him off my voice stern.
"That's not what I wanted. I was hoping that if we give ourselves some space maybe everything will turn out just the way we wanted to, maybe everything will be alright again, but no. It only made things worse for us." His blue green eyes pierced my gaze all through out, like he's giving me a message that he's sincere.
"You're right."
"I am?" He asked me dumbfounded.
"Yeah. Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I needed someone to be there for me? Where were you when I needed you to tell me that 'everything's going to be fine'?" My blood started to boil when I remember those cringe worthy days when I was crying and pleading him to tell me that it was a joke.
"I'm sorry. I'm the worst boyfriend in the history-"
"Correction. Ex. Ex-boyfriend. You broke up with me remember?" Even though those words came out unaffectionate, those words were like shards of glasses that stabbed my heart.
He sighed and walked closer to me, a pained look was etched on his face.
"I know that-"
I cut him off.
"Do you?" I cocked my eyebrow.
He pinched his nose bridge, eyes closed and took a deep breath before opening his eyes again.
"Will you listen to me first?"
I rolled my eyes and waited for him to continue.
"I know that you're not ready to get back with me yet but I just want to let you know that I'll be waiting for you no matter how long. I won't stop trying and I would never give up. I can't explain how painful it was for me to live without you these past few weeks. I won't go another day without you Cass. I promised that if you give me another chance, I wouldn't let go of you no matter what happens. In fact I will hold your hands tighter. I know I made a stupid decision weeks ago, I shouldn't have let you go. I know I sound selfish but what can I do? This is me and you accepted me. I don't want any other man to have you because then, they'll be lucky bastards. I know I hurt you so much and I don't know if you can still forgive me, but I wish that you can. This is me putting my pride aside, begging you to take me back because I know that I made the biggest mistake of letting you go." He took my hand in his and kissed it as tears leaked out of his eyes.
I was already whimpering by now due to his speech. I opened my mouth to say something but he stopped me.
"I'm not yet finished. These past few weeks were the darkest weeks of my existence. I never knew that losing someone you love can kill you, not only physically but also mentally, especially emotionally. I-"
"Carson baby? Is that you?" I heard the familiar high-pitched voice from a far.
I narrowed my eyes at him and I felt the urge to cry. He's begging me to take him back when he's with Rose? Is this some kind of a joke?
"Is this some kind of sick joke that you're playing with me?"
"No I swear I didn't come with her. I don't have anything to do with her." He held both of my hands in his like he's pleading for me to believe him.
"You know what? It doesn't matter." I said softly, unclasping his hands off me.
He stared at me intently with a raw emotion swerving in his eyes.
"You're not mad?"
Mad? Please, I'm furious fuck it.
"Of course not. I don't have the right to be." I shrugged nonchalantly although saying it felt like swallowing rocks.
"But you have to believe me. You believe me right?" He sounded hopeful.
Do I?
I open my mouth but closed it immediately. I wanted to say that I believe them but I couldn't.
"Screw it. I don't like you anymore Carson." Rose purred and stumbled her way towards the party.
I heard him sigh in relief as he turned around to face me. I looked up embarrassed that I didn't believe him.
"Thank you for saving me." I blurted out.
His lips tugged upwards and for a moment back there he looked like the same Carson I had before.
"Always. didn't I say that I won't leave you?" he scratched the back of his neck.
I sighed and removed his jacket off me. I felt naked without it but then it's not mine to keep. We're not even friends. I handed it back to him as I felt the tears building up again.
"Keep it. You'll be cold. You need it more than I do." He pushed it back.
"No this isn't mine and I'm not even cold." I pushed it back holding back the shiver that threatens to escape. But too bad it already did.
He chuckled, "You're still the same, still stubborn."
I can't help it a single tear rolled down my cheeks.
"Seriously I don't- I don't need it. I have to go." I turned around and wiped the lone tear that fell.
"Wait-"
"Goodbye." I whispered.
I walked to the other side of the street and when I reach there I broke down. Sobs conquered me, all those feelings came back to me. Pain. Regret. Longing. And my feelings for him, feelings that I thought that was long forgotten.
My vision became blurry until I felt my legs wobbling with every step I make.
"Cass!"
I didn't stop, I kept on walking. A hand grabbed my wrist tightly, it didn't hurt. I felt numb to be honest.
"Cass, to look at me." I turned around to face him again.
The thing that scared me is that I saw tears shimmering in his eyes.
"I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly." he cradled my face in his palms.
I blinked at him fresh tears fell from my eyes.
"Tell me. Do you still feel the same way for me?" he asked fear was clearly readble in his eyes.
My mouth went dry instantly, I felt my heartbeat pick up and I felt my brain shutdown.
"I-"
I was interrupted by my phone ringing. The screen flashed Ally's name I looked up at him apologetically.
"I have to take this call."
He nodded hesitantly.
"Hello?" My voice hoarse.
"Where are you? Thank God you're okay. I've been searching for you for hours." Ally's high-pitched voice boomed through the phone.
I sighed deeply as my eyes fluttered close.
"I'm at the coffee shop across the house where the party is."
"Don't move, I'm coming." She hung up after that.
I used the back of my hand to wipe my tears away before turning around. I found Carson looking down at his feet with shiny tears cascading down his cheeks.
If you only knew how hard this is for me..
"Do you still love me? Because I do Cass. I didn't stop loving you."
I love you too.
Big fat tears fell from my eyes.
"Carson I-"
"Cass?" Ally's voice cut me off.
I swear I heard Carson groan in annoyance. I swiftly turned around and trudged towards her.
"Oh my god. You've been crying-" her gaze shifted to Carson, "you. You made her cry again didn't you?"
"Ally stop. You don't know what you're talking about." I held her arms and try to pull her away with me.
"No." She twisted her arms to free it from my grasp, "do you know how much she's hurting for the past few weeks? Do you even have an idea how hard this is for her?" She screamed.
"Stop!" I choked a sob.
"No, she's right. I didn't think whether the decision will hurt you or not-"
"Damn straight!" She interuppted him.
His face harded and I don't know how but his eyes darkened. His fist clenched, he looked scary.
"Will you shut the fuck up and let me finish! It's also your fault that she almost got raped back there. You shouldn't have left her, what kind of friend are you?" He glared at her.
Well this seemed to shut her up.
"Cass," his gaze softened the moment his eyes landed on my tear stained face, "i'm sorry, I really didn't mean to hurt you and when you weren't by my side, I just realized that I couldn't live without you. Please take me back?" He pleaded.
"You can't just come back and ask her back." Ally glared at him.
I expected him to snap at her but he didn't reply. He just looked at me with the same pleading look he gave me seconds ago.
"I-I,"
"The car's here. We should get going before it starts raining." Ally literally pulled my towards the car.
"But-" I looked back at Carson, who was crouching down. Face in his hands and shoulders sagged.
"No. Get in." She pushed me inside.
I can't help but look at the rearview mirror and look at him. He looked so helpless, he looked like a lost child. He looked like he's in so much pain, rejected and lonely. I want to get out of this vehicle and run to his arms, tell him that I still love him, that I want him back, that my feelings never changed. But it's too late.
Ally already pulled away, she tried to talk to me but I ignored her. The fact that she was the reason why I didn't have the chance to tell Carson my answer. She has the worst timing ever.
The car came into a smooth halt as she shut the engine off. We stayed silent, the tension inside is thick.
"Are you okay?" She broke the silence.
"Fine." I sniffled and jumped off her car.
She followed within seconds, she walked to my side and tapped my shoulders coyly. I looked at her and saw a sad look crossed her face.
"Sorry," she squeaked.
"What for?" Although I know what she's sorry for.
"Taking you away from him."
I sighed and walked silently to their door. I turned the door knob and once I got it I sat at the soft cushions. Salty tears ran down my cheeks when I felt the cushion dip beside me. Ally wrapped me in a hug and rubbed my back soothingly as to comfort me.
"I'm sorry. I know that you still love him. I shouldn't have pulled you away from him but you should know that I'm just trying to looking out for you." she whispered.
I looked up at her and found tears in her own eyes. I grimaced at the thought that everyone is crying because of me.
"It's okay. I know that you're just being a good friend." I shook my head slightly as I offered her a small smile.
She was about to say something when the doorbell rang.
"I'll get that." She got up and slowly walked towards the door.
The moment she opened the door both of us were gaping.
"Oh my god. I'm not believing my eyes," her mouth was ajar.
I wiped my tears quickly and looked at him.
'Oh my god.'
He's standing there at her front porch, drenched from the pouring rain.
"What are you doing! You'll catch a cold." I panicked at the sight infront of me.
Ally bumped her hip sidewards to hit me. She smiled widely and disappeared but before she left I heard her say 'go get your boy, he seemed sincere.'
"I-I'm not l-leaving until you talk to me." He shivered, running his arms up and down.
"Don't be crazy Carson. You'll get sick." I sounded worried but I don't care.
"N-no. I-I won't leave until y-you talk to me." He stuttered.
"Are you out of your mind? What if you'll get hypothermia because of what you're doing? What if I lost you because you'll die due to fever? I don't want that to happen so please." I went out and pulled him in with me but he standed firm on the ground.
"I told you that I won't give up. I know that I hurt you but I really didn't know what I was doing. I'm really sorry Cass." He cried.
"Carson-"
I was cut off when he fell on his knees and he begged. He was on his knees and he hugged be around my mid torso.
"Get up." I pulled him up and he was saying sorry over and over.
"Carson, look at me." He did, watery blue green eyes were infront of me, "i forgive you, how could I not when you're making me love you more."
"If you want me to leave then-" his eyes snapped back to me, "y-you what?"
"I said you're making me love you more." I smiled at him, feeling the hot salty tears growing again.
"D-did I just- what- how-"
I cut him off by smashing my lips on his.
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