**TRIGGER WARNING, PROCEED WITH CAUTION**
She felt empty inside
She shouldn’t have, she didn’t even know the girl
She didn’t know the girl who choked on her tears as she wrote her goodbye note with shaky fingers
She didn’t know the girl who squeezed her eyes shut as she forced the pills down her throat
She didn’t know the girl whose eyes fluttered shut and whose lifeless body hit the floor, empty
She didn’t know her
She didn’t even try to know her
She should’ve been crying, she knew
She should’ve been mourning the loss of a beautiful girl that was loved
But all she felt was guilt
Would it have made a difference?
She wondered,
If I had complimented her hair, or said I liked her shoes?
Could I have stopped this?
She was beautiful, she realized, as she looked at her yearbook picture
She was beautiful, and loved, and it wasn’t fair
It wasn’t fair that she was gone when she should’ve been there,
It wasn’t fair that she didn’t have anyone to tell her that,
And it wasn’t fair!
Tears blurred her vision and she clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob
Because she knew-
She could’ve stopped her
All it would’ve taken was a smile and some kind words
An extended hand and a joke
The patting of an empty seat and the offering of an outing together
A friend
But she was gone
And she wasn’t ever coming back
Hey, guys... So I know that this is more dark than what I usually post, but I needed to get this out.
A girl I almost knew recently died. It hasn't been confirmed, but there's proof that it was suicide. This poem is literally my thoughts.
This is for you, Faith. I hope you're in a better place now. I won't lie, I didn't know you. I didn't know your last name, or your favorite color, hell, we haven't seen each other in so long I don't even remember your eye color.
But I loved you. I loved you in the way a girl loves another, in the way a human being loves another. I wish I said something to you. I wish I made you smile, even if just for a second.
I wish you were still here.
But you're not.
And so this is for you, Faith. May you rest in peace.
And to my wonderful readers:
I love you. I know I've said it before, but I love you. I don't just love you as a reader, I love you as a person too. Which is why I'm giving you the following number:
1-800-273-8255
It's the suicide prevention line number. If you need to, call it. You may think that you're alone, but you're not. You're never alone. In the immortal words of BTS, you never walk alone.
If you don't want to call it, that's fine. PM me instead. I mean it. I will be there for you, I'll be your friend and I'll always be there for you, whether you need me or not. You can tell me anything, reveal the ugliest parts of you, and I promise you I won't run.
I love you.
Know that no matter what, I will always love you.
And maybe, just maybe, I- or the helpline- can help you love yourself.