**I'M SORRY YA'LL HAD TO WAIT FOR THIS UPDATE. I know it was killing ya'll, but no fear this will for sure cheer you guys all up - well some of you at least. Some of you will be mad with how it plays out but oh well. Now, excuse me while I go and cry over my physiology notes and lab report I have to complete.**
Evan's POV
Hours dragged into days. Days dragged into weeks. Weeks dragged into months. Three to be exact. Three months. It's been three months since I've seen Scar, since I've heard his deep, unique voice, since he's touched me. Everyday seemed to drag on. Sometimes - a lot of the time - I wouldn't even get out of bed. Right after everything had happened, I'd had my dad go over and pack all of my things up and move the back home from Scar's apartment. My mom was originally supposed to go and help, but she was too angry to when the time came. She said for his and her sake, she needed to stay home.
I stopped going to work. I hardly ever ate, no matter how much my parents begged. Everything had just lost it's appeal. Except for sleeping. Sleeping was the only time I could get away from my life and not feel any pain. Even then, though, I'd have dreams of Scar and I. Smiling, cuddled up on the couch, joking around while I cooked. The only time I really smiled was when I got to see my nephew. His little baby giggles and constant blabbering were the only thing that could pull me from the confines of my bed nowadays.
I stared out the window, watching as the sun rose in the sky. Shades of pink, yellow, and orange flooded my room. They were a painful reminder that I was going to be forced from my safety and made to actually participate in human interaction today. As I forced my legs over the side of my bed, I dragged my feet as I made my way to my shower. I began the mundane task of washing my hair, my mind totally blank. Just the way I liked it. Everyday, no matter what, my thoughts always derailed to Scar. As painful as it is to admit, I still love him with my whole heart. Every night before bed I pray to God that this is all one bad dream, that I'll wake up the next morning wrapped in Scar's arms and he'll mutter that he loves me before going down on me.
I felt the tears coming fast as I cursed myself. I knew better than to let myself do this - think about him. It made me sick to my stomach.
I turned the water off when it had finally run cold, though it did feel nice. Being June in the south meant the weather was fucking searing hot. I wrapped a towel around my body before beginning the process of combing out the last few weeks worth of knots in my hair when my mother rushed into the bathroom.
"Oh, good! You're already up!" She exclaimed with a bright smile. I wasn't sure what to attribute it to: me finally being out of bed and awake before three in the afternoon, or the fact that today was Troy and Aurora's wedding day. Probably a little bit of both, truthfully. I just pursed my lips and nodded before going back to the task at hand.
"I've laid your dress out on the bed. Don't get changed just yet, we're going to eat as a family first." She ordered.
I nodded so that she knew I heard her. Once she left, I changed into the same large t-shirt of Scar's that I'd successfully stolen and a pair of sweatpant material shorts and slowly made my way to the kitchen. I brought my nose to my shoulder and took a deep breath, something that had become a habit. This was how I knew that I was going crazy, slowly but surely. There was one day I'd let my mom coax me out of my room to let her paint my nails and do a deep treatment hair mask on me. What I didn't know, was that she'd done it purposely so that my dad could sneak in, steal the shirt, and finally wash it. I was devastated. She'd single handedly removed every last trace of Scar from the fabric of the piece of clothing.
Yet I could still smell his manly scent if I focused hard enough.
"Big sister!" Troy hollered before bolting towards me and wrapping his arms around my torso. I lightly hugged him back before digging my nails in as he picked me up and swung me around, catching me off guard.
"Hi." I whispered out, my voice scratchy and quiet from being dormant for so long now. Then, like always, the pity-filled smile made it's way to his face. I cleared my throat before I stepped out of his embrace and walking to the fridge. I could hear them all making hushed comments about my weight behind my back. I've only lost a couple pounds, nothing too serious I tried convincing myself.
I ignored their private whispering while peeling back the top of the yogurt cup and taking a small bite. When I swallowed, it felt like glue sliding down my throat. I forced the diary concoction down between sips of water until my stomach was cramping in protest. I needed to start eating again. Even now, I could feel myself getting light headed from lack of nutrition. I knew this, but sleeping all day was just so much easier.
Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I unpeeled a banana and finished the entire thing before I settled into a chair at the table alongside the rest of my family. I pushed the few piece of fruit I'd spooned out on my plate for show around as everyone delved into conversation. I jumped ever so slightly when I felt a hand settle on my shoulder. Looking up, I saw my dad's saddened eyes examining me before he pulled me into a quick side hug and kissed the top of my head. Instead of asking to be excused as I've been doing, I sat through the entire breakfast, only ever inserting my own smile here and there.
My mother ushered me up into my room before pushing me down into a chair and beginning to work my hair over as my sister appeared in front of me to do my makeup. I didn't fight back, instead just sat resolved to my fate as they groomed me.
About an hour later, I was finished and slipping into my bridesmaid dress. It was baggy around my thinned frame, just barely staying up due to my still ample chest. I could hear my mother's sharp intake of breath as Ellie slipped out of the room without even bothering to make up an excuse.
"I'll have to go get some safety pins to keep this up." My mother spoke, her voice wavering with emotion. I bit my lip as my eyes watered, unable to keep from feeling like a total fuck up for the way I was making my family feel. Maybe if I could've just been a little fucking stronger.
**
The wedding went on without a hitch and I'd managed to keep a somewhat pleasant face on for the majority of the night. Troy and Aurora had already had their first dance as a married couple. I smiled genuinely the entire time. I was so happy he'd found someone to love and cherish for the rest of his life. He deserved it.
I was sitting at the bride and groom's table, watching on as everyone danced with a partner to the sappy love song that was playing before sighing deeply. A disrupting ruckus to my right caused my head to jerk up in response and look for the cause of the noise. My heart stopped in my chest as I saw him shoving my father as he shoved back. He was dressed in a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt with his work boots, but he looked fucking incredible. A little out of place, yes, but incredible nonetheless. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips as our eyes met for the first time in what felt like an eternity. My heart began to pound in my chest, so hard I thought I was having a heart attack.
Scar finally managed to push my father out of his way before making a beeline for me. I stumbled out of my seat, my chair knocking back against the floor.
"I told you to leave!" My father tried to say quietly, though it ended up coming out much louder than he intended.
"And I fucking said no!" Scar yelled back. They were beginning to make a scene, everyone's eyes turning their way in curiosity.
"I swear to God, Sebastian, if you don't leave right now I will fucking make you regret it. This is my son's special day, don't you dare ruin it." He warned, a menacing undertone to his voice. I could see the vein in Scar's neck begin to protrude - which mean he was on the verge of losing his damn mind. I knew I had no choice but to intervene before things got ugly and he truly did ruin Troy and Aurora's big day.
"Scar, please." I begged, catching both men's attention. Scar was looking at me with so much intensity I had to look away. "It's fine dad. I'll talk to him." I reasoned, my dad's face turning sour within seconds.
"Angel, I really don't think-"
"I know" I started, cutting off his sentence, "But there's no use in causing even more of a scene." I explained before turning and making my way out the door Scar'd just come through, trusting him to follow behind me.
He didn't disappoint. The second we were out the doors, I could feel the pent up, tense energy thrumming between us. I stopped before leaning my back against the wall and staring at his shoes.
"Why are you here?" I rasped out. I couldn't look anywhere but at him. If I looked at him, I would break all over again.
"Look at you, baby. What have you done? Why aren't you taking care of yourself?" He whispered out, both of his big palms coming to rest on either side of my face and cupping my cheeks. If I was strong, I would've slapped his hands away and cussed him out, but I wasn't. I'm so, so weak.
I couldn't reply to question. My brain was a fucked up jumbled mass of questions that I needed answers too but couldn't find the voice to ask.
"I have so much to explain." He muttered after a few minutes of silence. My eyes finally snapped open to meet his. Sparks flew all over my body as I felt the numbness fade away for the first time since that day. I hadn't felt this alive in what seemed like forever..
"I don't want an explanation. I want you to leave." I demanded harshly. His face morphed into one of pain at my words. Good. Now you know how I've felt.
"I need to explain. You have to let me, Evangeline." He begged. My vision went blurry as big fat tears made an appearance. Just hearing his say my name was enough to have my resolve breaking.
"I c-can't do this. I can't go t-through this every time you decide I'm not good enough f-for you." I hiccuped out, covering my face with my hands as I sobbed into them. His familiar smell and warmth surrounded me as he pulled me into his embrace.
"You will always be good enough for me. Fuck, Evangeline, you've always been too good for me, baby. I don't deserve you at all, but If you'd just let me explain what's been going on I swear to God I'll make it up to you." He insisted. My cries became audible as I threw my arms around the tops of his shoulders and nuzzled my face into his neck. He welcomed my touch as he hugged my body to his own, clutching at me like his life depended on it.
"I have missed you so much." He choked out, voice just barely a whisper. There was so much pain laced in his tone that it had me questioning why he did what he did in the first place. "Let's go somewhere quiet so I can explain." I just nodded my head while my brain was shaking hers no. before letting him take my hand and lead me down the hall of the hotel's event area that my family rented out for the reception.
I wanted to hate myself for being so weak willed and giving into him the second he came back, but I couldn't. The way I see it, it takes more strength to love than to hate and if he has a good enough explanation, then I don't see why I should continue to torture myself for another day. My life was nothing without him. I felt like nothing without him.
Some would pity me for depending on a man for my happiness, but, well...they can suck it.
He led me to the elevators before we silently rode it to the ninth floor. The hotel room was nice and spacious with that crisp, modern feel to it. My eyes wandered to the large king size bed in the middle of everything. My blood heated up as I thought about all the possibilities it held. Scar chuckled having predicted where my thoughts had traveled before sitting me on the edge of the bed and kneeling between my parted legs.
"Fuck, this is a complicated story baby, so please just stick with me okay?" He asked to which I nodded as I absentmindedly played with a loose string hanging off his t-shirt.
"After Tanner killed my father and you ended up in the hospital, I got a call from a restricted number. Because a lot of clients call my personal phone, I had no choice but to answer it. It ended up being some guy that worked with my father. He threatened me - said that they were going to do fucking awful things to you because of what happened to my dad unless I agreed to come work for them. I couldn't let that happen, baby. I would fucking die if anything ever caused you harm because of me. They only gave me a certain amount of time, and that's why I had to push you away." I opened my mouth to protest what he'd said, but he just gave me a sharp, knowing look that shut me up.
"I knew if I told you what was going on, you would insist on helping and just end up getting yourself caught in the crossfire. I had to tell your dad everything that was going on because I needed someone to be watching over you 24/7. I couldn't take the risk of them finding out my plan and coming for you sooner than they'd said. The way that everything happened wasn't ideal, but I saw the opportunity and took it." He paused to clear his throat before wiping down his face with one big hand and continuing.
"Tanner and I contacted his brother and got into touch with the local police and the FBI. I guess my dad's group has been on their radar for a while. Not only smuggling drugs, but also sex trafficking and various other criminal activities. With their help, we were supposed to track down all of their warehouses and arrest all of my father's men, but...I got a little out of control. The second we came face to face with them, I lost it. Only a few of them made it out..." He trailed off, looking somewhat guilty. I cupped his face with my hands as tears clouded my vision.
"I got shot in the chest during the raid, that's why it took me so long to come back to you. Had I not been recovering, this reunion would've happened a month ago." He grimaced. I felt my blood boil at his confession.
"You WHAT!" I screamed in fury. "Did my fucking father know about this?" I asked, steam practically coming out of my ears. By the look in his eyes, the answer was yes. I shot up from where I was sitting on the bed and began pacing the room. "I cannot fucking believe he would keep this from me! I deserved to fucking know what was going on! I could've been there for you! I could've helped you recover!" I ranted. I had no doubt my cheeks were flushed from the overwhelming betrayal and anger I was feeling towards my father. How could he keep this from me?
"Baby, calm down. I asked him not to tell you. I needed to heal so that I could come back to you in one piece. I needed to so that I could hold you just like this and tell you that I will never stop loving you until the day I die." He stated with confidence. My body melted in his hold as I pulled him down for a heated kiss by the back of his neck. He gripped me by the back of my thighs before hoisting me up and crawling onto the bed. He unzipped my dress before ripping it off of me and sitting back on his haunches to examine my body.
"Fuck, what have you been doing to yourself Evangeline?" He asked as a pained look took over his face.
"The only thing that took away the numbness was sleeping. I hardly did anything else." I confessed, my tone heavy-laden with shame. He ran his hands over my bony hips before squeezing his eyes shut.
"After I make love to you until your vocabulary consists of nothing but moans and my name, we're going to the diner and I'm buying you a cheeseburger." He asserted to which I laughed. I helped him strip out of his clothes before he finished undressing me. I couldn't help the lump that formed in my throat as I ghosted my fingertips over his fresh Scar from what I knew to be his bullet wound.
Neither of us spoke for a few minutes until Scar distracted me with another loving kiss.
"I guess we're going to pray that you have good pullout game." I said, seeing as neither one of us had a condom and I was not going to wait to have him inside of me for even another second. He just chuckled at my words before pressing all the way into me as I threw my head back and moaned. I lifted my hips up to meet his own while tightening my legs around his hips.
"Fuck, I'm home." Scar murmured against my lips before pulling back out and picking up a perfect, steady pace.
"I love you." I husked out into his ear as he bit the sensitive flesh at the junction where my shoulder and neck met.
"Not as much as I love you."