Scar on my Heart (Carmichael Series #3)✔️

Numb

**I felt bad leaving ya'll like that. But seriously, this is all you're getting until next Friday lol.**

Evan's POV

I had to force my body to bring air inside my lungs as I forced my legs to take a step, and then another, and then another. I'm sure I looked like a zombie slowly making my way through the halls of Scar's apartment, to the elevator, then outside, then to the curb where I just sat. I wasn't sure if I was still crying. Everything just felt numb. My brain, my body, my heart. My soul.

I stared at my phone in my hands, contemplating who to call. No, no calling. Walk. I shoved the device into my back pocket before pulling myself up off the curb and forced myself to start walking again. My mind was blank as my feet moved without purpose. Just wandering. I ended up in front of the same bar Scar and I met in. The same bar where my dad found out about us in. I tried to convince myself to turn around and just keep walking, but next thing I knew I was pushing the door open and meandering up to the bartender.

It was like my body was on autopilot. It hadn't even occurred to me that I'd only changed into a one of his shirts and his boxers, foregoing shoes completely before leaving his place for good. The loud white noise around me dulled to almost nothing as J approached me hesitantly from behind the other side of the counter.

"Evan...what happened? Where's Scar? My god, how did you get here?" He asked in horror as he stared at my feet. I followed his line of sight seeing how black my feet were from the journey here. I just shrugged my shoulders before tapping the bar top. He gave me a worried look before glancing behind me.

"Mama...what is going on?" Cujo's familiar voice floated around me. I just shrugged my shoulders once again before walking around him. They all watched me in apprehension as I reached over and stole a bottle of tequila from one of the shelves and began making my way towards the back exit. To the ally where everything started.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

I could vaguely feel the presence of someone following me, but I didn't pay any attention as I pushed the door open and slid down the brick wall. Cracking the bottle open, I put it to my lips and tipped my head back. I chugged the bottle's contents for a few seconds before pulling it away and gagging at the disgusting taste and unfamiliar sting. My stomach flooded with warmth as I dropped my head back against the building. The sky started to darken as I resituated the bottle against my lips once again.

I knew the second the poison started to work. It hit me like a wall. A blanket of warmth enveloped my body like a hug. I welcomed the sensation with open arms, needing to feel something. Anything.

A few minutes passed and I had already drained the bottle about a little over three fourths of the way. My head was getting too heavy to keep up. My eyelids feeling like they were made of the heaviest of metals, my body begging me to just let them droop and close. I felt the warmth of my tears sliding down my face before the wind picked up and chilled my skin where they'd tracked along.

"Where is she?" I heard someone yell from inside. A giggle bubbled from my chest that quickly turned into a sorrowful sob. The door to my left burst open, my body too heavy for me to react. I slumped my head to the side to try and see who the intruder of my alone time was.

"Oh god, Angel. Look at you." My dad rasped out, a hint of deep hurt lacing his tone as he neared my crumpled body.

"What did I do wrong, dad?" I slurred out slowly as the tears came faster now.

"You didn't do anything wrong sweetheart." He replied, a waver in his voice as he spoke.

"Why is it s-so hard to love me then? Why does G-God hate me?" I stumbled out as he swept me into his arms and cradled me against his chest. I pressed my nose into his shirt, inhaling his comforting scent as I shook in his arms. My cries were loud and filled with sadness as he carried me through the bar and to his car. Had I been sober, I would've been embarrassed by all the curious stares I was getting.