~ Four Years Later, November 15, 2011~
" Takiiie! Wait uuuup!" Yells a voice coming from the end of the hall. I turn around, slinging my book bag over my shoulder as I turn to see Hizoka running towards me.
" Hey!" I say, smiling cheerfully at him.
" Sooo! What did you tell her?" Asks Hizoka, his grin growing wider with excitement.
Hizoka knows I never really date anyone. Girls are always all over me, yet I can never seem to find even the most beautiful one of them attractive. The person I find the most beautiful in the world, I can't have. My heart feels so heavy when he's near me, at times I feel like I'm going to break, I'll shatter like glass.
Taki sensed me sulking a bit and asked, " You told her no. Didn't you?" He said frowning at me.
" Come on Taki you've got to like someone! Don't you?" He asks raising an eyebrow at me, which I oddly find sexy.
" No, not really. Maybe I'm just not that kind of guy. I guess the relationship thing just isn't my style." I reply, hiding a smirk that tugs at my lips.
" Not your thing? What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"
" Hizoka Kanno, watch your mouth! You know this isn't the place for you to use language like that!" Scolds Mrs. Cole, my English teacher.
" Right, sorry." He apologizes to her.
" Not really." He mumbles, low enough to where I can hear him.
" You really need to get to class, you know what will happen if your late again." I say laughing softly.
" Yeah, yeah. Your just dying to get rid of me aren't you? Fine, I'll go. I see how it is." He says, teasingly, waking his hands about.
" Oh, come on you know I love you. Like a brother." I add.
" Yeah, I know. Alright I'll see you later." He says waving goodbye as he turns to head of in the opposite direction.
" See ya!" I shout back, before turning and entering my class to take my seat.
* * *
Hizoka and I meet each other after school everyday at the bus circle near the white board, where buses that have arrived are posted.
Today felt different when I saw him. Hizoka looked like something was on his mind. He looked a bit sad, standing there his long hair blowing in the soft breeze as he stared down at the ground. His school uniform was strangely out of order. He looks up at me as I walk up to him. His eyes had an unusual look in them, I can't figure out what it is.
" Hizoka, is something wrong?" I ask worried.
" Huh? N-no, why do you ask?" He asks, looking away.
" Are you sure? You look like something's bothering you." I say, pressing slightly.
" Yeah, I'm fine." He says, looking at me and forcing a smile.
" Riiiight. Well, you ready to go?" I ask, not believing a word that came from his mouth.
" Yeah." He says, slinging his bag over his shoulder. " Come on." He tells me, walking towards the bus.
Hizoka was silent the whole way home. Usually Hizoka and I would be yelled at to be quite by either the other students on the bus or the bus driver himself. But today they all looked at us strangely. Even walking towards our houses Hizoka was silent.
" Hizoka, maybe you should come over some other day." I say stopping in front of my house.
" What? No no. I need to talk to you." He says, nearly begging.
" Are you sure?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
" Yes, please let me come over." He pleads, his eyes softening.
" Okay." I say nodding and motioning for him to follow me towards my house.
Hizoka follows me inside the house, up the staircase into my room. I toss my book bag on the ground making a loud thunk. I watch Hizoka for a moment, who is pacing back and forth across the room. After a few minutes I sit down on the bed, still watching him.
" Hizoka. Hizoka. Hizoka!" I say raising my voice, reaching for his hand.
" What's wrong. You never pace, so you can't tell me it's nothing." I say, giving him a warning look.
He gives me a worried look for a moment before asking "Taki? Do you seriously not like anyone?"
" Not really. Why?" I ask confused.
" If you liked someone you'd tell them, wouldn't you?" He asks, looking away from me.
" Hizoka what's going on, your acting strange. I don't like it. It's scares me a little." I tell him, my voice lowering.
" Huh? I- I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He says, gently touching my shoulder, sitting beside me. " I'm... I'm just worried."
" About?" I ask looking at him.
Hizoka stayed silent for a moment before answering. " Some kids at school were telling me that maybe the reason you never go out with any girls is because. Well they think that it's not that you don't want to go out with any of them. It's that you can't." He explains moving his hand from my shoulder to rest in his lap.
" What? What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" I shriek, jumping up off the bed. I walk over to the window and stare out at the fall leaves swaying gently to the ground.
" I think it means, they think your gay."
" I know what it means." I snap, more afraid than angry.
" They think that I am to, because I've gone out with only a few girls, but the relationship never ends well. The last girl I went out with, Sara, she told them that there was some kind of strange bond between us, a bond that she thinks is more than friends." He explains, his voice lowering.
" Trust me there's nothing between us, not like that I mean." I say, my voice cracking slightly. I wish there was, I'm disappointed that there's not.
"Taki i-if you loved someone and you knew it was wrong, but no matter what you did you couldn't stop loving them, no matter how hard you tried. What would you do? Would you tell them?" He asks, his voice shaking.
I turn slightly, glancing at Hizoka. Where did this come from? Why would he ask me a question like that? What the hells wrong with him!? What should I do? What should I tell him? Whatever I do I can't let him know, I don't want to hurt him. Not like that.
" Taki? Are you gonna say something?" He asks, a bit annoyed or maybe frantic.
" S- sorry. I guess if you love someone that much to where their the only one you can think about, or where no matter what you do you can't stop loving them. Then yes, you should confess your love to them." I murmur softly, turning back to the window.
I hear Hizoka moving in the room, probably pacing again. I stood there for a few minutes, until I felt Hizoka's hand on my shoulder. I look at him. He looks kinda sad, like he's lonely or lost.
" Hizoka?" I ask, my heart starting to pound wildly in my chest.
Why is my heart so loud? Why do I feel like I'm going to pass out? God I hope I don't pass out. Hizoka stands there for a moment just staring at me. It reminds me of how we used to be, before that night. The night he told me we could never be. The night he stole my heart and locked it away.
" Hizoka?" I ask again, becoming scared.
" Taki, is it true?" He asks gently touching my cheek with the tip of his fingers. His eyes look so odd. So sad. So scared.
My heart is beating so fast, I think it would explode if it could. I swallow hard, my mouth going dry. I feel like I've been caught by the cops stealing or with drugs.
" Is what true?" I ask, starting to sweat from my nerves.
" Is it true? What you told me?" He asks rubbing his thumb against my bottom lip.
God, what is he doing to me!
" H- Hizoka." I say, barely able to get his name out. My throat feels like it's closing off, traping all my words with it.
Hizoka, stands there for few minutes, rubbing his thumb gently across my lip. He watches me closely as he does so, like he's testing me.
Suddenly his face is close to mine, so close I can feel his breath on my mouth. Hizoka moves his thumb from my lip. He pulls my chin down so that his mouth is nearly touching mine. My heart's pounding so fast, I can't hear anything. I can't move, I'm frozen. Then his lips lightly brush against mine.
God he's kissing me. I should be happy but my stomach feels like it's sinking.
"No." I gasp breaking off the kiss and pushing him away.
He stares at me his eyes wide with shock.
"Oh. Oh God, what have I done." He exclaims backing away from me and covering his mouth with his hands.
"H-Hizoka. It's not. It's."
"I'm sorry, Taki. I shouldn't. I. Have to. Go." he stammers.
"Hizoka!" I cry, reaching out for him but he moves away from my grasp to quickly. And runs out of my room.
I should go after him. But I can't. I want to so badly but why can't I? Why? Why did things have to turn out like this?